The sabotaging partner

Dear OP - the more excuses you make, the longer, further, tougher, and more discouraging it to work towards your goal. That is all.

Okay maybe I should have elaborated. When I tell him "no thank you" (bc I am totally not an idiot I knew this) He guilts me with BS. Lots and Lots of BS. I try to explain to him that food is like drugs to me. I have to stay away from it and get to a "clean" spot before I can reintroduce stuff. But when I suggest other things he makes me feel like I am just ruining his day. He says things like well you deserve a break or we don't get out much we deserve this! It makes me feel like I am wrong for trying to get healthy. So no he doesn't force feed me at gun point but he does bring it in front of me and pressures me into eating with him. I hope everyone understands that I know I can make my own choices and I do take responsibility for my choices. but If you have never struggled with addiction then it is hard to pass judgement.

Wow.

Did your husband tie you to a chair and force that food in your mouth? No? Then do NOT blame him for your lack of discipline. That's wrong and uber childish.

There is no such thing as sabotage. You either make the right choices or you don't. I really don't think your husband, or anyone for that matter, sits around planning how to derail a person's new healthy life.

You can do it. I totally understand where you are coming from. My hubby likes to make unhealthy food on the nights he cooks, after a long day at work it is hard for me to say I will make something else. Sometimes people DO plan to derail you for their own selfish reasons. Maybe he thinks if you lose weight you will find someone "better" or maybe for another reason....Maybe he is just being selfish himself when getting told no....eiether way..keep doing you because he will not make the changes for you, and he isnt living in your skin...he will either get over it or he wont. Where you go from there is up to you.

I don't have much to say... It's a matter of self control and it's all on you and on no one else.
The world doesn't stop turning because you are trying to lose weight. People will eat more and eat things you don't want to eat and you have to deal with it.

Simple, moderation, say no or eat something else.
Unless someone ties you down and forces food down your throat then it's your job to remember how much you want to lose the weight and the choices you have to make to get the results you want.

I like to eat out and tend to overeat without even realizing it, so I try to plan what I'm going to eat before we go out and see how much food I can "afford" to eat or I decide whether I'll only eat half and save the rest for tomorrow. I also order water (even though I love sweet tea). Thus far, I've successfully navigated a Puerto Rican wedding, several restaurants, and a very indulgent party without going over my calories OR being miserable OR limiting my boyfriend from the places he wants to eat. And, of course, I exercise a little bit more when I expect that my deficit will be challenged. Hang in there. You're not the only one!

When you and your husband have quality time together, does it always involve food? This is the rut that my husband and I got into. Whenever we'd go out... it would be to eat. Want to do something together when the kids are in bed? Pick up some junk food, beers, and a movie. Everything involved food. I couldn't eat out anymore because I was breastfeeding my son and he has multiple food allergies, and at one point my husband said, "We never spend time together anymore because you can't eat anything." I pointed out the absurdity of that statement (and the truth) and we changed our game plan.

So maybe your husband feels the same. Maybe he feels like the only things you can do together involve food and now that you're getting healthy, you're more interested in your new "hobby" (I know it's not a hobby) than him. He probably doesn't even realize it.

My advice: come up with things to do that don't involve food! My husband and I love to go for walks or long drives with no destination. Go to a movie with no popcorn (sneak in some healthy snacks if you can't watch a movie without food). Do some home improvement projects. That way your husband doesn't feel like your new lifestyle is shutting him out.

I had a heart to heart with my hubby. I told him how important getting healthy is to me. I told him that it's hard when he offers me stuff I know I shouldn't be eating. I also told him to get used to me saying no a lot. I told him that sometimes I will enjoy a treat with him but just not as often. He told me that it is more of a habit based on the way we used to and since he isn't following the same "diet" as me he just had to get used to the changes. He wasn't trying to sabotage me like I thought. He is getting better and actually eats better just by seeing what I am doing. It was hard in the beginning and even gets hard now and I'm only 8 months in.

You can still eat the foods you mentioned. You just have to learn self control and find your voice. We have gone to eat at places that he chose and there was nothing healthy on the menu (not even a salad).....instead of eating something I knew I would regret, I had them make me a salad from all the hamburger toppings they had (lettuce, tomato, avocado and mushrooms. If you keep reminding yourself why you are doing this it will get easier.

The point was I am on a 30 day challenge to not eat out. He knew this and it caused a big fight Saturday bc he thought I should just make exception for him. He did not understand that I made this commitment and wanted to stick with it. At the same time I did not want to make him feel less important than a challenge. So I caved. How do I get him to not guilt me about things? That was my point! I know I am an adult and make my own choice but it is hard when someone is making you feel bad about what you are trying to accomplish. It is not like I am blaming him for the food I ate but I am blaming him for the guilt! He should have more compassion towards my goals. Just because I am trying to eat better doesn't mean he is less to me. How can I get him to realize my goals are important?

People don't exude guilt, they feel guilt. So it's still on you. He cannot "make" you feel guilt unless you allow him that power over you. I'm not trying to be harsh, but realistic. And yes, I do understand that it is MUUUUCH harder to live it than it is to peek in from the outside and tell you this.

Does your partner sound manipulative...absolutely. However, remember you get to control how you act and react to every single thing that passes your way. It's the only thing we truly have control over. Use it. And, you know, maybe seek some counseling for your relationship. It sounds like a neutral third person might really help the communication issue.

edited for spelling