So depressed :(

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  • tfleischer
    tfleischer Posts: 199 Member
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    Sometimes men (and even women) will practice sabotage on a spouse who is losing weight, especially if that person has issues with weight as well. There may be insecurity that once you lose the weight, you will not love him and leave him for someone else.
    He should be supportive of you. Find out why he isn't.
  • tfleischer
    tfleischer Posts: 199 Member
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    Oh... and by the way. 40+ lbs. is a LOT OF F'ING WEIGHT!
    Way to go girl! You are doing great work!
    Tim
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    If he's otherwise a good idea tell him to never ever comment on your weight again, and never bring it up either.
  • bumblebreezy91
    bumblebreezy91 Posts: 520 Member
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    Men, especially the men we live with, may have a harder time recognizing weight loss. Anyone you see the most is going to notice changes later than people you haven't seen in awhile. That said, he should be understanding that it upsets you to get negative or zero feedback from him. My boyfriend is constantly telling me that he notices small differences as I lose more weight. Tell your husband you expect better support from him. If the roles were reversed, you'd be cheering him on. He needs to hear it. You should be hearing the best compliments and encouragement from him and not coworkers, acquaintances, and others.
  • bumblebreezy91
    bumblebreezy91 Posts: 520 Member
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    Sometimes men (and even women) will practice sabotage on a spouse who is losing weight, especially if that person has issues with weight as well. There may be insecurity that once you lose the weight, you will not love him and leave him for someone else.
    He should be supportive of you. Find out why he isn't.

    ^this.
  • skinnydreams29
    skinnydreams29 Posts: 14
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    I'm sorry! But you know what, this journey let it be about you. Be selfish and enjoy your hard work and know that it was for you, your health and for him. I'm sure he does notice, he just doesn't want to toot your horn too much... sometimes spouses can get jealous or insecure when changes are made for the better. He will come around kudos to you
  • hikezilla
    hikezilla Posts: 174 Member
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    I would navigate my foot up his *kitten*.

    Hells yeah! Follow it up with a solid nut punch.

    I'm a guy, here's why he is being a jerk....he is JEALOUS of your success. You just keep doing what you're doing and put your betrothed on MUTE for awhile...he'll snap out of it eventually.
  • jeffd247
    jeffd247 Posts: 319 Member
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    Have you told your husband that his comments hurt you? I mean he sees you every day so the change in his eyes is quite possibly less dramatic than others have pointed out to you.

    Is he being supportive? No. But we are guys and we can be dumb@sses. What would happen if you told him how you were feeling?
  • Livin4me1969
    Livin4me1969 Posts: 745 Member
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    I would navigate my foot up his *kitten*.


    This :drinker:
  • LittleSister
    LittleSister Posts: 207 Member
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    I think some spouses(a lot of them men) get insecure when we lose weight, and they don't have the skills to properly express themselves. So they act like idiots. I bet if you confronted him, he'd back down.
    My husband just doesn't say anything, which is also quite annoying. :smile:

    I betcha this is the case. Men seem to be more insecure about these things, for some reason.

    Also, when he upsets you, he's regaining a sense of control. Plus, he's keeping your ego contained. I'm not saying he's a jerk - I'm sure that in many respects he's a lovely man or you wouldn't have married him. I just know there are a lot of otherwise decent guys who have some primal thing going on where they don't want their wives being too full of themselves because they might somehow decide they don't need their husbands anymore. They're not even aware that they feel this way - if you confront them, they would deny it. (I actually learned this during marriage counseling - it's not atypical behaviour for a lot of men.)

    You'll have to disassociate this somehow - you're going to have to not rely on him to make you feel good about yourself. It won't be easy, but you'll have to do it to protect yourself. And if the day comes that he decides to acknowlege that you're smokin' hot, you get to be the one to decide to accept his advances, or be all "Hey, a little too little and a little too late, pal."
  • sullus
    sullus Posts: 2,839 Member
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    I have been trying so hard to get healthier and look better . Everyone who sees me keeps giving me a pat on the back and saying how good I look, well everyone but the person that means most in my life . He comments things like `` I don`t know why everyone is saying you lost so much, I don`t see much of a difference`` WTF is wrong with my husband, is he trying to tell me something?\ He makes me feel like SH** and am crying my balls out. Then when he gets the silent treatment he asks `` Whats wrong with me?``Am I supposed to smile at all his remarks and pretend they are some sort of compliment or do I GO GET MY HEAD EXAMINED ? I just feel like crawling under a rock and die right now maybe then he can show me he cares.

    I vote "Go get your head examined"
  • amyisme
    amyisme Posts: 20
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    Sit down and have a calm conversation with him. Tell him how it makes you feel when he says those things to you. Maybe he is threatened by you losing the weight? Give it a little time, and if the calm conversation doesn't do the trick then smack him upside the back of his head.
  • Artaxia
    Artaxia Posts: 185
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    My boyfriend doesn't see that I've lost 9/10 pounds. However, I can see it in my face and in my clothing. Men don't notice things much, at least not your average man. I'm sorry he makes you feel bad. Don't listen to him. Encourage yourself, you don't need his opinion.
  • SlimJanette
    SlimJanette Posts: 597 Member
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    Don't let him define who you are. You are doing this for you, because you are the most important person. Does he not want you to lose weight? Does he have low self esteem? He also sees you everyday so he doesn't notice as much. Don't let him make you fall off the wagon, because that would just be an excuse. Good luck!
  • TX_Rhon
    TX_Rhon Posts: 1,549 Member
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    don't feel bad... My husband says the same things to me.. but he also tells me that I can't wear shirts that I have cuz they din't fit when they really do but they rise up when I'm holding my kids or bent over to pick something up... don't stress over something he says.. I sure don't when my husband says something smart @$$y.. you have lost 46lbs be happy for your self... don't stop now keep your head up.. BTW congrats on the weight lose

    If that is the answer, why even be married? I don't get how why one of you ladies would take that from the man that is supposed to love you more than anyone else...barring any kids.

    I say DO WORRY about it by promptly kicking him straight in the nads.

    Agreed! You shouldn't have to put up with him telling you crappy things.........ignore it? :huh: That was not good advice!

    Congrats on the weight loss!!
  • madaleingericke
    madaleingericke Posts: 49 Member
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    Maybe he should get his eyes tested?
    How can he not see 46 lbs are gone? (That's about the same as six or seven "normal sized" birth babies...)
  • gabbygirl78
    gabbygirl78 Posts: 936 Member
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    i got the same treatment when I lost 85 lbs from my husband... still calling me a nasty fat *kitten* and everything. He needs a good baseball bat to the nads and then you need to leave his *kitten*... I waited till I got so depressed and ended up gaining all the wait back before I left. He is a stupid *kitten* that don't deserve you!:explode:
  • Adc7225
    Adc7225 Posts: 1,318 Member
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    Don't be sad!!!

    The reality is that while we may want to look better for our significant other the change is scary for them, your husband may have some fear of you out growing him in a sense and his comments are his way of trying the find a way to balance his own feelings.

    I started my process because my ex started going to the gym and I noticed the change in him -- but I never said anything (not sure why, but I noticed and so did others) during this time he stopped going and I continued, 60 lbs lost and well at some point he became my ex :ohwell:

    Keep your chin up! realize how much healthier you are and that you did this for yourself and hopefully in time your husband will adjust and realize that you are not going anywhere. We do not always get the support that we think we should from those we think should give it.
  • mamma_nee
    mamma_nee Posts: 809 Member
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    Okay - 2 glasses of wine and I am feeling better :)
    Thank you all for the support !!
  • Jacson53
    Jacson53 Posts: 62 Member
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    ... You cannot get your self-esteem from others.

    Agreed.
    You are losing weight for your own well-being. Keep focused on the Prize.

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