Negative Nancies

I did obssess about it to start with, because I wanted to be sucessful, but now I am 4 stones lighter and loving my life and the ones that are still around don't now say anything.

This is a mile away from sat in crying and myself whining. And now I don't obssess because I know what works and what I I will gain if I have a blow out.

Don't be discouraged by any of them if losing weight is important to you. I am sorry to say but some of your friend/colleagues will show their true colours and you may face a future without some of them through no fault of your own.

Best of luck.

I'd just stay friends with them if they bring anything else to your life, but steer AWAY from the diet and weight loss topics.

This is basically what I do.

I was always the fattest friend. Now the second fattest friend is super threatened and upset by my weight loss because she has gone in the opposite direction at the same time. Being around her makes me nervous now because she constantly calls the rest of us "skinny minis" and other annoying terms, and makes self-degrading comments that upset me...I have told her not to talk about herself like that, but she still does it and I really worry about her. However, her attempts at weight loss are things like Body by Vi which has (for HER not speaking of others) always ended badly with gaining more in the long run.

My best friend has lost weight and become healthier, although she was not obese like me to start with, she unexpectedly found out she had diabetes. So in some ways her diet plans are way different than mine, because I do not have diabetes (and have never been considered pre-diabetic despite my high weight). However she takes it to a whole other level and gets very conspiracy theorist about food. Almost every time we hang out she has a new obsession with some food or vitamin being either a miracle or pure evil. I try to just say "wow" and then move on to one of 100 other topics we can share happily.

As for buying your friends weights and offering so much assistance...I would stop that. It's nice and all, but maybe that is not what they need or want. I think that would kind of put me in a grumpy mood toward them and cause me to expect them to follow through...but I think everyone has to change their diet and exercise habits at their own pace.

Good luck!!

I was always the fattest friend. Now the second fattest friend is super threatened and upset by my weight loss because she has gone in the opposite direction at the same time.

I have this problem, but believe we won't be friends much longer because she can't handle being the fat friend now.

I was always the fattest friend. Now the second fattest friend is super threatened and upset by my weight loss because she has gone in the opposite direction at the same time.

I have this problem, but believe we won't be friends much longer because she can't handle being the fat friend now.

I know exactly what you mean. I suspect my friend cancels plans with the rest of us for this very reason.

Over the summer I made the major mistake of offering her some of my capris and jeans that were too big. I told her "I think we're about the same size but kind of different builds so I don't know if any of them might work for you" and she took it as a personal offense. I never even said the pants were too big, either. I just said they fit me weird. I learned my lesson never to do that again :-(

It will be easiest to deal with your friends by remembering these 2 facts. Group A is is perceived as negative by their actions when in fact they are simply amazed by your dedication. Group B all wish they had your dedication without actually having to work for it.

You are doing this for you! None of your friends actually want to see you fail. How many of those friends have watched you try to lose weight/get healthy before? And how many of those friends have given you compliments. If the answer is none then are they really friends?

Some of my least supportive friends ended up being the proudest of me when I reached a goal.

I was always the fattest friend. Now the second fattest friend is super threatened and upset by my weight loss because she has gone in the opposite direction at the same time.

I have this problem, but believe we won't be friends much longer because she can't handle being the fat friend now.

I know exactly what you mean. I suspect my friend cancels plans with the rest of us for this very reason.

Over the summer I made the major mistake of offering her some of my capris and jeans that were too big. I told her "I think we're about the same size but kind of different builds so I don't know if any of them might work for you" and she took it as a personal offense. I never even said the pants were too big, either. I just said they fit me weird. I learned my lesson never to do that again :-(

You look amazing!!!

OP, I know how you feel. But most people think i'm stupid for wanting to lose weight just because I am not seriously overweight. My overwieght friends get annoyed with me because I am careful about what I eat and I can practically feel them rolling their eyes. And on top of that, if one of them fixes somethng terrible for me, heaven forbid I ask what's in it. "What's it matter??? Just eat it??" One of my friends did that to me this morning. I asked what ONE question about what she made (i found the recipe and I was trying to determine how many calories I consumed according to how many she made) and she wouldn't tell me! literally withheld information for me. I'm like really? just because you are wreckless doesn't mean I want to be. It's not like I wasn't going to eat them anyway (I did) I just wanted to know how much damage I was actually doing. I hate it when people aren't supportive.

Just stay strong. If they are bringing more negativity than anything else, either have a talk with them, or lessen your time spent eating with them.

Group A is is perceived as negative by their actions when in fact they are simply amazed by your dedication.

Group B all wish they had your dedication without actually having to work for it.

Agree.

So just limit the fitness/health talk with group A and when group B starts complaining about their issues, encourage them to join you.

This, and when they start making excuses as to why they can't, tell them "Then I don't want to hear about it. Do something about it if it bothers you so much. I'll be here to help when you decide it's time."

Just stay strong. If they are bringing more negativity than anything else, either have a talk with them, or lessen your time spent eating with them.

Funny how you mention that. It made me realize that every time I go out with them we are going out to eat. I'll start thinking of more productive things to do with them instead and maybe the "diet" topic won't come up as often. Why didn't I think of that?

That seems like the most logical thing to do. I would just stop eating with them!! I know how difficult that can be though, since going out to eat is such a social event. But go out for drinks or a concert or movies or something instead :P

Sounds like you need to go on a " friend diet", shed the pounds and the saboteurs.

Just like people who come out of jail or drug rehab, they need to distance themselves from the old crowd, who will give them more than enough reasons to relapse.

Gazillions of people on this planet, why hang out with those who don't care for you?

Maybe it's you.

I have made huge lifestyle changes. I obsess over food - what I can, can't, should, shouldn't eat, when to work out, how much to work out, etc.

And none of my friends know. Oh sure they see me almost 100 lbs later and say things like "holy ****, dude". They don't ask for tips or anything because let's face it - everyone already knows the right answer. When they ask how I did it, I answer; "Eh, I just try to eat a little better and work out" But I don't really talk about it with them. I don't harp on them or their weight. If I ever bought one of them a workout video, I do believe I would be told to go **** myself. When we go to a restaurant, I don't lament the menu or the restaurant - I just scan the menu, find something that's well enough in plan, and order it. WITHOUT explaining why I'm ordering it. No fanfare. No "siiiiigh, I WANT the fried chicken, but I'm getting a salad".

Before you go dump all your friends, you should try talking less.

Maybe consider the possibility that, because it's so new and exciting for you, you might actually talk about your eating habits and workouts too much. Like a new relationship, sort of. You ever roll your eyes at a girlfriend who can't stop talking about how great her new flame is? In the beginning, I found myself turning into a real bore droning on and on about calorie counting and exercise, so I made a concerted effort to talk about other things instead. And if they bring it up, deflect! Become the master of changing the topic.

You are the problem. You sound so awful, I would never be friends with you. Not even if you had an in-ground pool.

I'd just stay friends with them if they bring anything else to your life, but steer AWAY from the diet and weight loss topics.

^ This

I have had similar issues as you. For some reason it is perfectly fine to make comments about someone losing weight. They ask for the details, but the moment you answer, they get emotional and defensive.

But it was my mistake. I should have known better. Talking about diets is boring... only those taking the same path as you may be interested. But I forgot myself and answered their questions honestly. Again, my mistake.

Now I just smile and say "Thank you", and change the topic.

There have been a few times when out with aquaintances/coworkers and been "pressured" about my eating choices when we are at restaurant. I will ignore and change the subject if i can. Usually ask something about them so they can talk about themselves . But if they persist, I will answer "I am limited by health reasons and don't really want to talk about it". It is a true statement, and I don't have to hear them whinge about how hard it is to diet.



LOL -- but it do like MFP cause i can post my "brag" flag above!