What would push you to divorce?

And husband at the tender age of 40 something deciding he would rather party and visit strip clubs with his single friend. Someone who tries to emotionally abuse you. This is what pushed me to divorce.

- abuse in any form towards me, our potential children or animals
- alcoholism, drug abuse or gambling addiction that was seriously deteriorating our family (and I'm talking about after getting help and the relapses keep happening)


i think thats about it

I would agree with this. I think many things can be worked out, but this is not tolerable.

Disavowing being a 49er fan. For reals.

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You sound like my in-laws. Apparently if I ever say the words War Eagle or Go Vols around them, I'm toast

do every kid of late life divorced parent a huge favour and don't stay together for the children.
It doesn't work. Its equally as hard at 12 as it is at 2, they know whats going on and it sets a horrible precedent for them
he sounds like a douche, he made promises I assume , ones he's not keeping.
If you have every looked at divorce papers some of the reasons for filling are
fraud - he is a fat liar
irreconcilable differences
alienation of affection is one I think

questions
are you miserable?
have you tried everything?
do YOU want to move on and be happy?

1.Infidelity
2. Financial infidelity
3. Nagging
4. Chemical dependency
5. "Letting her/himself go."
6. Mental illness. (It may not be your fault but its your problem. Get help.)
7. Violence
8. Being a fan of Ted Nugent
9. Wearing camo
10. Shooting flaming arrows at guitars.

Multiple times being cheated on (Secretly.. 6 of the 8 women [that I know of] didn't come out until after we were divorced), false excuses about the weird and random behavior ('I'm a sex addict', 'I'm addicted to alcohol', 'I have a shopping fetish', etc. None of which were true mind you), being terrible with money & always having to bail him out of his overdraft fees/payday loans/school loans/overdue bills, being overly manipulative (ie: start an argument about something and by the end of the argument, me feeling like it was my fault for starting it).

Yep, I'd say my first husband was an absolutely horrible pick on my part.

What about selfishness, addiction to videos games and lack of emotion or communication? One who will have his mother watch his one year old daughter so he can play his video game first thing when he gets home till he falls asleep.. doesn't pick up after himself. Takes his wife for granted working a full time job, coming home to be mommy and house wife at the same time? One who can't buy a simple card for his wife on her birth day when the month before his wife bought him a 800$ tool he isn't using because of a video game. One who snaps at his wife for tryin to go to bed for work in the am, asking to get off the game. So his wife sleeps in another room. One who say he knows he has things to work on but does nothing? One who is 30 years old and has do much potential but choses to throw it away? Or a spouse that has had good conversations with you on positive Change who doesn't even bother to nag anymore?

I'm just curious... would this be a cause or am I the selfish one?

That sounds just like my ex, but we didn't have kids and we never married....thank god. I can only assume that's what my life would have been if we stayed together.

Honestly, I see no reason to speculate on something like this. You either have reasons or you don't, why create them? I love my husband and there really isn't anything that he could do because he never would do anything that would warrant divorce. He is such a wonderful person that whatever it was, we could work it out. I'd be more likely to think I could be the one to cause a problem before I would think he would. We are both human and we both have our issues, but nothing that we can't work out. That's why I married him.

But, I would never stay with someone that beats women and children and rapes or abuses children or anyone. I wouldn't stay with someone that is a sociopath or a sadist. Just speaking from the experience of my childhood. I would report them to the police and I would not stay, and I would testify for any of the victims that needed me to. I wish everyone could do that. And I have done that: reported to the police and testified.

What about selfishness, addiction to videos games and lack of emotion or communication? One who will have his mother watch his one year old daughter so he can play his video game first thing when he gets home till he falls asleep.. doesn't pick up after himself. Takes his wife for granted working a full time job, coming home to be mommy and house wife at the same time? One who can't buy a simple card for his wife on her birth day when the month before his wife bought him a 800$ tool he isn't using because of a video game. One who snaps at his wife for tryin to go to bed for work in the am, asking to get off the game. So his wife sleeps in another room. One who say he knows he has things to work on but does nothing? One who is 30 years old and has do much potential but choses to throw it away? Or a spouse that has had good conversations with you on positive Change who doesn't even bother to nag anymore?

I'm just curious... would this be a cause or am I the selfish one?

in light of all the snarky and funny comments i dont think you really need to know what would push someone to divorce. quite sure you already know the answer

Being married would tip me over the edge.

Yes! I'm going with this!

If I found out he was a murderer, had hurt our child, or found out he was destroying us financially.

She didn't make me a sandwich when I asked for one.

^ this. I'm not sure I could recover from this level of emotional abuse

I guess I won't know until I get there. I do know that marriage isn't all roses and butterflies all of the time. I think people in general should try a few things like getting to know their spouse before getting married and trying to work things out instead of just throwing in the towel when everything isn't perfect.
Not saying some people don't have legitimate reasons for divorce. I just think most people don't put much effort into saving one.

Gotta agree. It is fun to think it is all black and white, but when something comes up with a spouse or SO you've shared a great deal of time with, the are too many variables that make it gray. At least for me.

You really get to know someone and look at the depth understanding and forgiveness when life throws you certain curves. If you don't watch out, you learn more than you ever wanted to know about yourself too.

But most people don't want to go there.