Flatmate problems - HELP?

I would make plans to move. It's unlikely that your flatmate is going to change this behaviour for your sake. If you didn't make ground rules before you all moved in, IMO it's too late now. And although I totally get why it makes you uncomfortable, it would be hard to say why one flatmate gets to have a male friend sleep over and the other doesn't.

Your feeling are reasonable but asking her to change for you is not. It doesn't sound like you are losing a friendship over this so I would move and not have the drama.

I would make plans to move. It's unlikely that your flatmate is going to change this behaviour for your sake. If you didn't make ground rules before you all moved in, IMO it's too late now. And although I totally get why it makes you uncomfortable, it would be hard to say why one flatmate gets to have a male friend sleep over and the other doesn't.

Your feeling are reasonable but asking her to change for you is not. It doesn't sound like you are losing a friendship over this so I would move and not have the drama.

I agree. Both parties have valid stances, so the only reasonable course of action is to move out.

Sadly the tenancy agreement has no breaker clause, so I'm stuck until June. Completely understand where you're coming from, though - I don't want to impose some draconic rules but if she'd just be a bit more considerate...even if the guys were our own age? Or if they weren't strangers?

I do care about her - I don't really thing having frequent one night stands with random older guys is good for her - but all my (or our, when you include the other flatmate) advice just seems to go ignored. She appears to pay attention and agree, but then does something completely opposite.

This would not make anything more safe for you.

I had this exact situation (about 25 years ago). In the end, I decided that she wasn't going to change and that I had no right to ask her to change. I decided that *I* was uncomfortable with a string of random strangers sleeping one wall away (with all my valuables and belongings placed throughout the house). So I moved. I took the third roommate with me, and we made great roommates. Best of luck with whatever you decide.

Sadly the tenancy agreement has no breaker clause, so I'm stuck until June. Completely understand where you're coming from, though - I don't want to impose some draconic rules but if she'd just be a bit more considerate...even if the guys were our own age? Or if they weren't strangers?

I do care about her as we've become quite close quite quickly by living together. I don't really thing having frequent one night stands with random older guys is good for her - but all my (or our, when you include the other flatmate) advice just seems to go ignored. She appears to pay attention and agree, but then does something completely opposite.

Honestly, I can't see her changing. Although I can see why you feel uncomfortable with men in their 30's and 40's in your home, I don't think that's a restriction you can impose. If you don't feel safe get a lock for your bedroom if you don't have one already.

Bringing strangers home and having them spend the night? I think you need to clarify that position with your roommates. A lot of people I know would feel uncomfortable in that situation. You are each responsible for the behavior of your guests and how can she ensure that when she doesn't know these men.

However, be sure not to judge her choices. You are not comfortable with strangers staying over night. If anybody wants to have a guest stay , you need to clear it with your roommates. And this would be the same if your sister was sleeping over, etc.

Get a really ****ing big stereo.

Put the bass speaker right against the wall to her room.

Play music really, really loud whenever they start doing it.

I don't think you should downgrade your worries or think it is just you and apologise for how you feel because how you feel is right.

What she is doing is unacceptable and a risk to you all, particularly to you when the third flat mate is not there. Her stranger could easily turn attentions to you.

I was in this situation as a student and it was scary . Luckily a number of us were sharing and we were able to vent how we all felt. However, initially before we had time to work out what to do, we just left the flat while she had these strangers who felt really threatening.

Talk to the third flatmate , find out how she feels about it. Find out where you stand from citizen's advice. Are you a studet and does uni have a letting agency or somewhere to get advice ?

I think you should be honest with your flatmate - tell her how you feel! But accept the fact it is a problem for you, not for her - you obviously disapprove of her lifestyle choices (sleeping with older men on short acquaintance), and whilst it is perfectly reasonable for you not to live that way yourself, it is not at ALL your right to judge her for that - as long as everyone involved are consenting adults, there is really no problem with that.

Things you can legitimately raise with her and ask her to refrain from:

1) Bringing people home without giving you advanced warning (although be aware this rule, if accepted, will then also apply to you, up to and including having your mum round for tea - make sure this is important enough to you that you are willing to accept the inconvenience).
2) Making excessive noise at unsociable hours (as above, this will also apply to you). Bear in mind this is a noise issue, not a sex issue - there is nothing inherently dirty or offensive about sex noises. Would you mind as much if she was playing the trumpet at the same volume at the same hours? If so, complain away, in the same style.

Things you cannot reasonably ask her to stop doing:

1) Having casual sex with men you don't know/approve of
2) Preferring older men to boys her own age
3) Having a sex life that you feel implies 'loose morals' or 'irresponsibility'; her sex life is her own affair, not yours.

You are in a stronger position if your other housemate also has a problem with it - you can all get together for a house dinner and then broach it with her collectively - if she is a nice person, I'm sure she'll take on board what you say. And as a last resort, even if your tenancy doesn't have a break clause, you could look into the possibility of you finding someone else to take over your portion of the rent so you can move somewhere more suited to your mores.

(also: re her lifestyle choices, that really is her business. However, I do think she'd be happier trying to find a longer-term partner as she has complained previously about being in horrible situations with guys who mess her around, being a 'booty call', wanting a boyfriend, etc...however, she doesn't seem to take any of our advice to heart. Nonetheless, this is her issue to work out and I'm just glad that the older-strangers-in-the-house business has been sorted, at least for now. Thank you for your responses!)

We've all had friends who make a serious of dubious choices while openly stating that they want a situation that is not in line with their choices. That's something that you need to tune out.

I'm glad you have the situation resolved. I was thinking - my husband wouldn't like it if I had a friend stay overnight unannounced, even if he knew the person. There are some common courtesies here.

I'm assuming the app was Tinder?

BRB downloading Tinder.

Something strangely erotic about woman in her late teens using Tinder to sleep with a guy in his mid 40's. Hot.