How do you make people understand?

ThriceBlessed
ThriceBlessed Posts: 499 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Just wondering what you do/say to make people understand what you are trying to do and what it takes to achieve it.

I had a discussion with my husband back in October about how this Holiday season I was going to be sticking to plan as much as possible. That I wouldn't be going to Wednesday night potlucks at our church, that I wouldn't be wanting to go out to eat, or go to Christmas parties. HOw I would be trying to only make exceptions for the actual Holidays, not all the days surrounding each Holiday.

He seemed to understand at first... but now it seems he forgot. He is suddenly in this "we don't spend enough time together" mode. He wants to take me out on dates, which always seem to include food. He booked a three day get-a-way for us December 16-18... where our only choice will be to eat at the Hotel restaurant or nearby establishments. I can accept the trip and just deal with it the best I can, though it is frustrating because I have some "end of the year" goals that it will make harder to reach. But last night he told me he wants to go out with me tonight. To go listen to some classical guitarist at a concert and dessert event.. Really? DESSERT?

I am trying to not be mean. I do want to spend time with him... but this is getting ridiculous. We just got past Thanksgiving. I am trying to make him understand that with so many special occasions that I can't avoid this time of year, I don't need him adding extra ones. I was hoping to drop a few extra pounds between Thanksgiving and our trip, to help make up for the unavoidable gain that will follow the trip, and then lose a few more between the trip and Christmas... but how am I supposed to do that if he keeps this up?

To top it off, between now and the trip is my birthday, my son's birthday (both the same day actually, but my son will have a party on another day as well), and my nephew's birthday. I still have most of my Christmas shopping to do, and could actually use this evening more productively either shopping or putting up our tree. But no... I get to go to an event where the only food option is DESSERT!

I don't really know what to say to him. I don't want to be a scrooge and take the fun out of Christmas. I don't want to make it sound like I don't enjoy dates. I am just trying to reach a goal right now. I want to get this weight off. I wouldn't mind going to the movies, or for a walk, or sending the kids to a babysitter while we stayed home, ate healthy food, and spent some time dancing.

I know I'll go tonight, but I am trying to figure out how to make him understand that for the rest of the season, I don't want more challenges than we already have planned. I want him to understand that if I could just get his cooperation for a time, I would reach my goal weight and have more "wiggle room" for events like this once I'm on maintenance.

grrrr... I know his heart is in the right place but he is making things so much harder for me!
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Replies

  • Phoenix_Warrior
    Phoenix_Warrior Posts: 1,633 Member
    Why does dieting have to be that miserable? Surely you could squeeze a dessert in without derailing your entire diet? Sure, if you have an issue with portion control I could maybe see your point but I'm not quite understanding why you cant have fun and indulge?
  • _jayciemarie_
    _jayciemarie_ Posts: 574 Member
    I know how you feel. I started in August. At that time my boyfriend was on board. He was strict with calories. He logged everything. He exercised. Then October came and he just quit. He lost 20lbs as did I. Then he stopped working out and started eating anything and everything. He would suggest going out to eat. When I wanted to work out he would suggest we do something else. It was so much fun and sustainable when he was on board. It was an every day struggle when he gave up. I mean, how is it fair to have dinnerwith someone and see them pig out and after dinner they eat cookies/candy/etc. It is hard to deal with. Now that we aaren't together I'm getting back on track. The only thing I can suggest is don't give in to peer pressure. Do what is best for you. Hopefully he will finally get the picture that you are serious. Use this site and the people on it for support on days you aren't gettinf it from him. We will always be on your side!
  • kristen49233
    kristen49233 Posts: 385 Member
    I have to agree with Phoenix...this is supposed to be a way of life. Denying yourself is not good either...and for me personally when I would deny myself something I usually ended up caving / binging later.

    Plan for your outtings...eat lighter during the remainder of the day or workout to gain some extra calorie allowance.

    Your husband may end up resenting the fact that not only are you trying to make changes to your lifestyle, but you're also essentially changing his too.

    BTW...Congrats on losing 47 pounds so far!! For me...I'm happy with just maintaining thru Christmas! That sure beats the usual holiday gain!!
  • samanthahix12
    samanthahix12 Posts: 179
    I understand completely but like Kristen said, this is life! You can't go through it saying no, no, no.

    Just make room for these events and plan ahead. You'll make it! Even if your goal takes a little longer, you'll get there.
  • ThriceBlessed
    ThriceBlessed Posts: 499 Member
    Why does dieting have to be that miserable? Surely you could squeeze a dessert in without derailing your entire diet? Sure, if you have an issue with portion control I could maybe see your point but I'm not quite understanding why you cant have fun and indulge?

    Its not "a dessert", its one even after another after another after another. That is my point. Thanksgiving results in a two pound gain, I get it off, then hubby immediately wants to take me out for dinner. That doesn't result in a gain, but prevents a loss... I work that out and then hubby doesn't understand why I don't go to a woman's event at my church where there is a ton of dessert food, the very next day, he wants to take me out to a dessert event... two days after that he will most likely be trying to talk me into eating some of my son's and my birthday cake, two days later he will try to talk me into going to wednesday night potluck with him, a couple of days after that he will want to go out to dinner again... it is never ending. And while an occasional date or dinner out doesn't hurt, doing so every week, in addition to all the holiday stuff... is resulting in a NET LOSS of zero for November and December.
  • mundaetraversa
    mundaetraversa Posts: 21
    Is portion-control or self-control challenging for you? That can make the holidays especially hard, especially with all the events you're talking about. The reality is that most date options do include food when the weather is cooler, which is tough. Can you eat dinner at home prior to your date and then share a dessert? Think of it as an opportunity to grow and develop new skills. And hey, if your partner is fighting to spend more time with you and take you out more often - celebrate that! You must be a kind and fun person, and he recognizes that. You could also try planning a date or two for him that don't include food. Maybe go ice skating, cold-weather hiking, or to an art class. Good luck sister. I know it's hard to help others see how hard this can be.
  • ThriceBlessed
    ThriceBlessed Posts: 499 Member
    I have to agree with Phoenix...this is supposed to be a way of life. Denying yourself is not good either...and for me personally when I would deny myself something I usually ended up caving / binging later.

    Plan for your outtings...eat lighter during the remainder of the day or workout to gain some extra calorie allowance.

    Your husband may end up resenting the fact that not only are you trying to make changes to your lifestyle, but you're also essentially changing his too.

    BTW...Congrats on losing 47 pounds so far!! For me...I'm happy with just maintaining thru Christmas! That sure beats the usual holiday gain!!

    I can't plan enough for outings when they occur three or four times a week. And when I am only told about many of them one day in advance.

    I understand it is a lifestyle change, and I do make exceptions at times, but there are limits to how many exceptions/indulgences one can have. If every other day is an exception/indulgence than I am really not staying on plan at all.

    Most frustrating thing is that before I started this, he was content to just never go out. Now that I don't want its vital to him that we go out all the time.
  • ThriceBlessed
    ThriceBlessed Posts: 499 Member
    I understand completely but like Kristen said, this is life! You can't go through it saying no, no, no.

    Just make room for these events and plan ahead. You'll make it! Even if your goal takes a little longer, you'll get there.

    Planning ahead for three or four times a week eating at places that don't serve anything that fits on my plan?
  • Phoenix_Warrior
    Phoenix_Warrior Posts: 1,633 Member
    I understand completely but like Kristen said, this is life! You can't go through it saying no, no, no.

    Just make room for these events and plan ahead. You'll make it! Even if your goal takes a little longer, you'll get there.

    Planning ahead for three or four times a week eating at places that don't serve anything that fits on my plan?

    What kind of plan? Perhaps it's too strict? I eat mcdonalds, pizza, ice cream..
  • ThriceBlessed
    ThriceBlessed Posts: 499 Member
    Is portion-control or self-control challenging for you? That can make the holidays especially hard, especially with all the events you're talking about. The reality is that most date options do include food when the weather is cooler, which is tough. Can you eat dinner at home prior to your date and then share a dessert? Think of it as an opportunity to grow and develop new skills. And hey, if your partner is fighting to spend more time with you and take you out more often - celebrate that! You must be a kind and fun person, and he recognizes that. You could also try planning a date or two for him that don't include food. Maybe go ice skating, cold-weather hiking, or to an art class. Good luck sister. I know it's hard to help others see how hard this can be.

    Yeah, I get the whole portion control thing. I do practice it... but some foods are still awfully high in calories, and having a small portion of those means I can't eat enough to not feel hungry. To make it worse, my blood sugar will be effected and it will take several days for it to level off and stop sending me into shaking fits where I must eat immediately.

    I do think that perhaps tonight I'll eat dinner at home first and just order coffee or tea while out. I just wish my husband would cooperate a little. Especially when I am fine with the "bigger" events like the trip, but specifically say to him that because of that event, it is even more important for me to be on track all the surrounding days. Then he immediately plans something else for the surrounding days.
  • ShannonKelliG
    ShannonKelliG Posts: 70 Member
    I understand completely but like Kristen said, this is life! You can't go through it saying no, no, no.

    Just make room for these events and plan ahead. You'll make it! Even if your goal takes a little longer, you'll get there.

    Planning ahead for three or four times a week eating at places that don't serve anything that fits on my plan?

    What kind of plan do you have that you can't find anything to eat? Even McDonalds have salads. I think it sounds fantastic that your husband wants to take you out so much! Eat smaller portions, make smart choices, drink water instead of pop, instead of ordering dessert drink a coffee or tea, and maybe, just maybe, let loose a little and enjoy this time of year with your husband.
  • nomeejerome
    nomeejerome Posts: 2,616 Member
    Why make things so complicated for yourself? Enjoy the time with your husband, family and friends at life events. Cherish the moments.
  • elyelyse
    elyelyse Posts: 1,454 Member
    I understand your frustration, but think of the other side of this...you are asking him to completely change his lifestyle, one you've probably both been living for years. You can go out to dinner...select low calorie dishes, don't eat the whole thing and make the night be about the company, not the food. At events where lots of food is served; go for the social and community aspects and learn to control yourself, maybe not always sucessfully, but this is life. You can ask for his help and support of course, but asking him to change the lifestyle he's used to is a big deal for him, and may be a challenge if his goals differ from yours.

    If you want to have that quality time with him, but his idea of a date or quality time has always been to take you out to eat, maybe you need to come up with alternative ways to spend that time? What do you like to do together...movies, going for walks, playing board games at a cafe, hitting the batting cages...I don't know what you enjoy, but there's lots to do besides going out to dinner. If you have an alternative plan when he suggests dinner, that will come across a lot better than just "don't you understand I can't keep doing all this stuff that revolves around food?" Provide an alternative.
  • ThriceBlessed
    ThriceBlessed Posts: 499 Member
    I understand completely but like Kristen said, this is life! You can't go through it saying no, no, no.

    Just make room for these events and plan ahead. You'll make it! Even if your goal takes a little longer, you'll get there.

    Planning ahead for three or four times a week eating at places that don't serve anything that fits on my plan?

    What kind of plan? Perhaps it's too strict? I eat mcdonalds, pizza, ice cream..


    I am almost 45 years old and have 100 pounds to take off. Mc Donalds is just disgusting to me anyway, ice cream I can eat almost daily if I measure it and plan, pizza is something I eat on occasion, but something in it triggers my migraines so I don't eat it often.

    Anyway, at my age, eating 1600 calories a day and exercising 90 minutes a day, trying to get a minimum of 100 grams of protein every day results in a loss of 1-2 pounds a week, which is what I am aiming for. And if I am told in advance of special events I can plan for them by reducing my calories on surrounding days to 1200-1300 so that I still average out about the same 1600 a day for the week.

    My point isn't that one date or special occasion is a problem, its that my husband wants to turn it into a several-times-a-week thing, which basically means I am not "on plan" at all if I do what he wants.
  • ThriceBlessed
    ThriceBlessed Posts: 499 Member
    I understand your frustration, but think of the other side of this...you are asking him to completely change his lifestyle, one you've probably both been living for years. You can go out to dinner...select low calorie dishes, don't eat the whole thing and make the night be about the company, not the food. At events where lots of food is served; go for the social and community aspects and learn to control yourself, maybe not always sucessfully, but this is life. You can ask for his help and support of course, but asking him to change the lifestyle he's used to is a big deal for him, and may be a challenge if his goals differ from yours.

    If you want to have that quality time with him, but his idea of a date or quality time has always been to take you out to eat, maybe you need to come up with alternative ways to spend that time? What do you like to do together...movies, going for walks, playing board games at a cafe, hitting the batting cages...I don't know what you enjoy, but there's lots to do besides going out to dinner. If you have an alternative plan when he suggests dinner, that will come across a lot better than just "don't you understand I can't keep doing all this stuff that revolves around food?" Provide an alternative.

    I have suggested alternatives, and I haven't asked him to change a thing. Up until about 2 months ago he was content to never go out. He is changing things... and at the worst possible time for me.
  • PennyM140
    PennyM140 Posts: 423 Member
    I wish my husband would plan a three day trip for me. Or a date. Or anything for that matter.
    I'm sorry, but I can't give any sympathy. You should be trying to incorporate you goals into your life, not making your life and everyone in it revolve around your goals.
  • Mokey41
    Mokey41 Posts: 5,769 Member
    You don't have to plan ahead, you don't have to hide at home, you don't have to make this miserable for yourself and everyone else. Thanksgiving resulted in a 2 lb gain because you ate too much. That was your issue, not the holiday, not the people you were with or the food that was there.

    This isn't a time where you hide at home and live on lettuce leaves to lose the weight then suddenly you'll reappear in the world slimmer and ready to tuck into the buffet again. If you want to be a thinner person then this is how you will have to live the rest of your life. If you keep going the way you are that might be possible because you may end up alone and you can do whatever you want then.

    Teach yourself portion control. Make better food choices. Fill up with veggies and leave the fats and starches. If you're at a potluck check the table first and make your decisions. You know you'll be able to eat the dish you brought because you made sure it was something you could eat that was low calorie, right? Most restaurants will oblige with a double serving of veggies instead of potatoes or rice.
  • ThriceBlessed
    ThriceBlessed Posts: 499 Member
    I understand completely but like Kristen said, this is life! You can't go through it saying no, no, no.

    Just make room for these events and plan ahead. You'll make it! Even if your goal takes a little longer, you'll get there.

    Planning ahead for three or four times a week eating at places that don't serve anything that fits on my plan?

    What kind of plan do you have that you can't find anything to eat? Even McDonalds have salads. I think it sounds fantastic that your husband wants to take you out so much! Eat smaller portions, make smart choices, drink water instead of pop, instead of ordering dessert drink a coffee or tea, and maybe, just maybe, let loose a little and enjoy this time of year with your husband.

    Ironically, although I don't like eating there, McDonalds is an easier place to find a healthy option than many other restaurants. Because they do have a pretty good salad option. A lot of places on serve high carb/high fat options.

    I find it funny everyone assumes I am on a super restrictive plan, actually, my plan allows for some wiggle room... but eating at places where you unsure of the calorie content of the food, and where healthy choices are few and far between makes things much more difficult. Might it still be possible to lose weight? maybe.

    But if I was building a house and someone was constantly hiding my tools I'd find it frustrating... if I also had to cut all my own lumber first it might still be possible, but everyone would understand my frustration... Well, cooking for myself at home is my best tool in this project... and having unbreaded/unfried options is like my lumber supply. But somehow I am unreasonable to get frustrated when my tools are taken away and my lumber is burned.
  • MagicalLeopleurodon
    MagicalLeopleurodon Posts: 623 Member
    Men can be a little "duh" sometimes (discovered i have a gluten intolerance-hubby wants to go to olive garden).

    Explain again to him why youre doing this. Find some other activities yall can do together (hubby and i go hunting).

    Also, goals are great, but dont make yourself miserable. Youll never maintain it if you get the urge to scream every time you see a pastry (laugh all you want, ive been there.One more chicken breast and i was going to cry).
  • DrMAvDPhD
    DrMAvDPhD Posts: 2,097 Member
    Step 1: Realize this is a personal choice for you. This means you don't NEED other people to understand. You don't NEED people to support your choice. You don't need to ruin everyone else's holiday cheer to accomplish it.

    Step 2: Realize that you can still participate in group situations that revolve around food and still stick to your plan. There are a few options here. You can go and NOT partake in the food (this might get some comments just say you aren't hungry). You can go and eat within your calorie allowance. You can go and eat above your allowance and make up for it by eating less that day/some other time that week/adding a few extra cardio sessions in.
  • elyelyse
    elyelyse Posts: 1,454 Member
    I have suggested alternatives, and I haven't asked him to change a thing. Up until about 2 months ago he was content to never go out. He is changing things... and at the worst possible time for me.

    I wonder if your recent weight loss, and the confidence that usually comes along with that, is something he's finding more attractive and so he wants to take you out more...

    If you are experiencing that new found confidence, maybe you can use that to your advantage...maybe your "alternative plan" needs to involve staying in...if ya know what I'm sayin' :wink: there are a few things guys like more than food :laugh:
  • jillll1
    jillll1 Posts: 13 Member
    It is nice that your husband wants to spend time with you. Why don't you beat him to the punch and plan the dates yourself & pick places you've researched for good menu options.
    It sounds like your husband loves you a lot and enjoys your company. Sit down with him...hold his hand and tell him you are trying to lose weight because you are fighting for your life. Tell him you want to enjoy him and your kids for many years to come. Tell him it's very hard for you to control what you eat when your blood sugar levels take control of your appetite. If he subsequently ignores your desire then you just gotta know that you are alone in your quest. Think of each situation as a little angel on one shoulder and a little devil on the other...you get to smile internally each time you pick the angel.
    If you have to go somewhere like a potluck and you know there won't be any good choices...pack your own little potluck meal to take with you.
    No one can force feed you. Stick to your calorie allocation and you will come home feeling triumphant. Good Holidays to you :O)
  • fatbitt
    fatbitt Posts: 24
    Go out for sushi! I know that's only one idea, but it's actually a meal that I didn't have to change my coices at all and it's already low in calories. That is if you like sushi!

    I know this is probably preaching to the choir, but think of it like this, many woman would be exstatic for their man to take them on dates and trips and want to spend lots of time with them! You do have certain goals you wanna meet and we all understand that, but december is a tough month regardless for calories. But guess what? then it's January and there aren't any holidays or as many special events! I know I'm keeping that in mind this month!

    Maybe make a proposition that if you do all the things with him this month, then starting january he has to agree to be more on your side about not going out as much so you can get back on track! i know for me a mental break from keepng so strict is necessary, maybe this Holiday season could be a littel strees relief within reason of course!
  • csmullins78
    csmullins78 Posts: 61 Member
    I think it's wonderful that your husband wants to take you out on dates and vacations. Sounds like you've got a man who really enjoys your company.

    I've lost 50 pounds (actually 100 if you go from my highest) and I still have 50 pounds to lose, so we may have similar caloric and dietary needs. I know this is going to sound harsh, but it's all about willpower. I lost weight over the Thanksgiving holiday while having a wonderful dinner and 4 days of wine-induced bliss. When my boyfriend wants to take me out, I say, "yes, please" and then order something healthy from the menu, sometimes asking for substitutions, and then I only eat half. When he ate pumpkin pie over the holiday, I had a bite of his instead of an entire slice (that's a great way to handle dessert situations IMO). We share meals a lot of times when we go out (example: went to DC over the holiday. We stopped at a cafe for lunch. We got bottled water, 2 apples, a veggie and chicken sausage pizza, and a cup of hot apple cider (with alcohol). I had an apple, a slice of the pizza (about the size of the palm of my hand) and half of the apple cider. I was perfectly satisfied yet we enjoyed a nice lunch out).

    Ultimately, pot lucks and dinners and holiday parties are NOT about the food! They're about the people who want to spend time with you! Enjoy these times!
  • shaynepoole
    shaynepoole Posts: 493 Member
    I know this may sound odd, but why do you need to have the deserts/food etc? Enjoy the music, the atmosphere and the company.

    It looks like one of your concerns was the effect on blood sugars suggesting you are pre diabetic or diabetic. That is a perfectly fine excuse when confronted with loads of desserts, cakes and parties and I used it even before I started working seriously on my health / weight loss (In an office with 50 people it seems like there is always a birthday or occasion to celebrate)

    I still go out to eat and can eat foods that will not derail my weight loss at most restaurants. You can ask for your food to be prepared as you want it. Parties and get-togethers, I have coffee or a diet coke and most people that I know generally will have a veggie plate etc. On the getaway you can still eat right as in restaurants.

    A lot of this relies on your willpower and motivation and how much you are willing to stand up for yourself. I have learned to be a lot stronger this time around because I needed to seriously make changes for my health. People offer me food all of the time and they know I am working on losing weight. When I politely decline, most remark on my willpower to not be derailed. I have never had any negative remarks and as I mentioned I still go out, etc but on my own terms.

    Remember that you really can't control other peoples words and actions. You can only control how you react to them and how you feel about them.

    I would talk to your husband and suggest that these outings make you unhappy and suggest alternatives, and if this is stuff he really wants to do - work out compromises. And again, just because it is there, doesn't mean you have to eat it
  • ThriceBlessed
    ThriceBlessed Posts: 499 Member
    You don't have to plan ahead, you don't have to hide at home, you don't have to make this miserable for yourself and everyone else. Thanksgiving resulted in a 2 lb gain because you ate too much. That was your issue, not the holiday, not the people you were with or the food that was there.

    This isn't a time where you hide at home and live on lettuce leaves to lose the weight then suddenly you'll reappear in the world slimmer and ready to tuck into the buffet again. If you want to be a thinner person then this is how you will have to live the rest of your life. If you keep going the way you are that might be possible because you may end up alone and you can do whatever you want then.

    Teach yourself portion control. Make better food choices. Fill up with veggies and leave the fats and starches. If you're at a potluck check the table first and make your decisions. You know you'll be able to eat the dish you brought because you made sure it was something you could eat that was low calorie, right? Most restaurants will oblige with a double serving of veggies instead of potatoes or rice.

    Actually, Thanksgiving resulted in a two pound gain more because of water weight than anything else... that's how my body responds to extra carbs. Yes, I did eat more than normal... just like most people do on that day... but that was planned exception and I didn't worry about it because my plan was to be extra careful in the weeks following. That's just it. We all make compromises. We say to ourselves, "Well, I can eat this piece of pumpkin pie, which will put me 300 calories over what I planned, but that's okay because I can cut back a little on these other meals (or 100 calories less the next three days) and still reach my goals." I decide on how to deal with the occasional indulgence and then my husband promptly interferes with that plan.

    At any rate... I don't hide at home... but I do think I need to plan ahead a little. When I'm out I can't even log as I go because I'm not near computer. Plus my husband is picking the restaurants. I do have a social life, and I go to plenty of events where I simply eat a small amount of what is offered or just drink tea and enjoy the company, but I like to have say in which events... and how often.

    I certainly don't live on lettuce leaves... a glance at my diary would reveal that I eat a balanced diet with room for "treats" now and then.

    Everyone is assuming I am trying to follow a plan that would NEVER allow exceptions... I am following a plan that allows for some exceptions, but I can't make them every stinking day and still make steady progress.
  • ARDuBaie
    ARDuBaie Posts: 378 Member
    I know how you feel. I just dumped a 'friend' who was a major problem when it came to food. (I didn't dump her because of that. I dumped her because she was cheating on her husband, who is also my friend. Made things awkward.) At any rate, since the 'breakup', I have been able to get back on track. I don't think that she was intentionally sabotaguing my dieting efforts. She admitted that she is a food addict even though she had bariatric surgery. Surgery doesn't cure problems in the mind.

    If you spouse is thin, he probably doesn't have issues about eating out so often or eating food that is not good for you. This makes it hard for thin spouse to understand why the other must curtail the partying and pay more attention to what they eat.

    I see that some people state that you should be able to indulge, but still maintain your diet. If you are anything like me, that is not possible. Once I start eating certain foods, I can't stop until I am overloaded and well over calories. Perhaps you could attend the potluck and take something that you can eat and still be on your lifestyle change. Drink water during the meal to get full faster. Maybe take a salad just for you in a tupperware bowl to eat along with your special potluck meal.

    Find out what restaurants are close to the hotel where you will be staying and get menus ahead of time so you can pre-plan your meals. I have a folder full of menus for this purpose. You can get them off-line or swing by the day before and beg them for a copy.

    Your husband doesn't seem to understand how difficult this is for you. Perhaps you need to sit down again with him and explain how your weight is affecting your health, including how much more energy you would have to do things with him if you could lose the weight. You might want to throw in that sex will be better for both of you. Give him a reason to help you, which basically means making him a winner as well.

    Does your spouse have weight issues? If so, maybe get a membership for the both of you for the gym and work out together. Find other things to do together, like hiking or boating, that will mean you are spending time with him, but that time does not center around food.

    Some spouses get afraid that they will lose their loved one to another if they get in shape. Is your spouse insecure? Reassure him that you want to spend the rest of your life with him, but you need to get healthy in order to really enjoy that time and not be riddled with diseases that could be prevented if you lose weight.

    Good luck!
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,149 Member
    1. Have you told your husband what you've said here?

    2. Why not go and enjoy the atmosphere? You don't have to eat.
  • ThriceBlessed
    ThriceBlessed Posts: 499 Member
    I know this may sound odd, but why do you need to have the deserts/food etc? Enjoy the music, the atmosphere and the company....
    ....I would talk to your husband and suggest that these outings make you unhappy and suggest alternatives, and if this is stuff he really wants to do - work out compromises. And again, just because it is there, doesn't mean you have to eat it

    As I said, for this event I probably will just have tea or coffee.

    I have talked to my husband. I have suggested alternatives. I have compromised. I have gone to restaurants and studied the menu looking for grilled chicken or fish, and found none, and settled for eating just a tiny bit of some ridiculously high calorie entre... and gone to bed hungry as a result. I have done plenty of compromising... I am asking for a little bit of compromise from him on occasion, but obviously its not going to happen so yeah... I'll have to keep doing everything I can even if everything he does makes it harder.
  • tonixc
    tonixc Posts: 9 Member
    Its hard. A lot of people don't understand. Everyone calls me the "food police" and its hurtful. I think you need to tell him to plan somethings that don't revolve around FOOD! I had to have the same conversations with my bf, friends and family. We always bonded over food. So when I changed my lifestyle it was like something was missing. But I found that if you just find other things to do it helps. And also memorize the better choices on the menus because at some point in time you are going to have to go to places with food. I was so afaid for a long time that I would go out to eat. But I quickly learned to look for low-cal or weight watchers items(they are portion controlled) and to cut of things like juice or soda when I eat out. You have to figure out a plan that works for you so avoid overeating and lack of self control(my problem is that I wont eat bad food unless its in front of me...I don't go out and get bad things but its hard to say no when someone else brings it). Also I found that when you pick "other things" to do, don't make them fitness things because it annoys people lol Good Luck!!

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