How do you make people understand?
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I have suggested alternatives, and I haven't asked him to change a thing. Up until about 2 months ago he was content to never go out. He is changing things... and at the worst possible time for me.
I wonder if your recent weight loss, and the confidence that usually comes along with that, is something he's finding more attractive and so he wants to take you out more...
If you are experiencing that new found confidence, maybe you can use that to your advantage...maybe your "alternative plan" needs to involve staying in...if ya know what I'm sayin'
there are a few things guys like more than food :laugh: 0 -
It is nice that your husband wants to spend time with you. Why don't you beat him to the punch and plan the dates yourself & pick places you've researched for good menu options.
It sounds like your husband loves you a lot and enjoys your company. Sit down with him...hold his hand and tell him you are trying to lose weight because you are fighting for your life. Tell him you want to enjoy him and your kids for many years to come. Tell him it's very hard for you to control what you eat when your blood sugar levels take control of your appetite. If he subsequently ignores your desire then you just gotta know that you are alone in your quest. Think of each situation as a little angel on one shoulder and a little devil on the other...you get to smile internally each time you pick the angel.
If you have to go somewhere like a potluck and you know there won't be any good choices...pack your own little potluck meal to take with you.
No one can force feed you. Stick to your calorie allocation and you will come home feeling triumphant. Good Holidays to you :O)0 -
Go out for sushi! I know that's only one idea, but it's actually a meal that I didn't have to change my coices at all and it's already low in calories. That is if you like sushi!
I know this is probably preaching to the choir, but think of it like this, many woman would be exstatic for their man to take them on dates and trips and want to spend lots of time with them! You do have certain goals you wanna meet and we all understand that, but december is a tough month regardless for calories. But guess what? then it's January and there aren't any holidays or as many special events! I know I'm keeping that in mind this month!
Maybe make a proposition that if you do all the things with him this month, then starting january he has to agree to be more on your side about not going out as much so you can get back on track! i know for me a mental break from keepng so strict is necessary, maybe this Holiday season could be a littel strees relief within reason of course!0 -
I think it's wonderful that your husband wants to take you out on dates and vacations. Sounds like you've got a man who really enjoys your company.
I've lost 50 pounds (actually 100 if you go from my highest) and I still have 50 pounds to lose, so we may have similar caloric and dietary needs. I know this is going to sound harsh, but it's all about willpower. I lost weight over the Thanksgiving holiday while having a wonderful dinner and 4 days of wine-induced bliss. When my boyfriend wants to take me out, I say, "yes, please" and then order something healthy from the menu, sometimes asking for substitutions, and then I only eat half. When he ate pumpkin pie over the holiday, I had a bite of his instead of an entire slice (that's a great way to handle dessert situations IMO). We share meals a lot of times when we go out (example: went to DC over the holiday. We stopped at a cafe for lunch. We got bottled water, 2 apples, a veggie and chicken sausage pizza, and a cup of hot apple cider (with alcohol). I had an apple, a slice of the pizza (about the size of the palm of my hand) and half of the apple cider. I was perfectly satisfied yet we enjoyed a nice lunch out).
Ultimately, pot lucks and dinners and holiday parties are NOT about the food! They're about the people who want to spend time with you! Enjoy these times!0 -
I know this may sound odd, but why do you need to have the deserts/food etc? Enjoy the music, the atmosphere and the company.
It looks like one of your concerns was the effect on blood sugars suggesting you are pre diabetic or diabetic. That is a perfectly fine excuse when confronted with loads of desserts, cakes and parties and I used it even before I started working seriously on my health / weight loss (In an office with 50 people it seems like there is always a birthday or occasion to celebrate)
I still go out to eat and can eat foods that will not derail my weight loss at most restaurants. You can ask for your food to be prepared as you want it. Parties and get-togethers, I have coffee or a diet coke and most people that I know generally will have a veggie plate etc. On the getaway you can still eat right as in restaurants.
A lot of this relies on your willpower and motivation and how much you are willing to stand up for yourself. I have learned to be a lot stronger this time around because I needed to seriously make changes for my health. People offer me food all of the time and they know I am working on losing weight. When I politely decline, most remark on my willpower to not be derailed. I have never had any negative remarks and as I mentioned I still go out, etc but on my own terms.
Remember that you really can't control other peoples words and actions. You can only control how you react to them and how you feel about them.
I would talk to your husband and suggest that these outings make you unhappy and suggest alternatives, and if this is stuff he really wants to do - work out compromises. And again, just because it is there, doesn't mean you have to eat it0 -
You don't have to plan ahead, you don't have to hide at home, you don't have to make this miserable for yourself and everyone else. Thanksgiving resulted in a 2 lb gain because you ate too much. That was your issue, not the holiday, not the people you were with or the food that was there.
This isn't a time where you hide at home and live on lettuce leaves to lose the weight then suddenly you'll reappear in the world slimmer and ready to tuck into the buffet again. If you want to be a thinner person then this is how you will have to live the rest of your life. If you keep going the way you are that might be possible because you may end up alone and you can do whatever you want then.
Teach yourself portion control. Make better food choices. Fill up with veggies and leave the fats and starches. If you're at a potluck check the table first and make your decisions. You know you'll be able to eat the dish you brought because you made sure it was something you could eat that was low calorie, right? Most restaurants will oblige with a double serving of veggies instead of potatoes or rice.
Actually, Thanksgiving resulted in a two pound gain more because of water weight than anything else... that's how my body responds to extra carbs. Yes, I did eat more than normal... just like most people do on that day... but that was planned exception and I didn't worry about it because my plan was to be extra careful in the weeks following. That's just it. We all make compromises. We say to ourselves, "Well, I can eat this piece of pumpkin pie, which will put me 300 calories over what I planned, but that's okay because I can cut back a little on these other meals (or 100 calories less the next three days) and still reach my goals." I decide on how to deal with the occasional indulgence and then my husband promptly interferes with that plan.
At any rate... I don't hide at home... but I do think I need to plan ahead a little. When I'm out I can't even log as I go because I'm not near computer. Plus my husband is picking the restaurants. I do have a social life, and I go to plenty of events where I simply eat a small amount of what is offered or just drink tea and enjoy the company, but I like to have say in which events... and how often.
I certainly don't live on lettuce leaves... a glance at my diary would reveal that I eat a balanced diet with room for "treats" now and then.
Everyone is assuming I am trying to follow a plan that would NEVER allow exceptions... I am following a plan that allows for some exceptions, but I can't make them every stinking day and still make steady progress.0 -
I know how you feel. I just dumped a 'friend' who was a major problem when it came to food. (I didn't dump her because of that. I dumped her because she was cheating on her husband, who is also my friend. Made things awkward.) At any rate, since the 'breakup', I have been able to get back on track. I don't think that she was intentionally sabotaguing my dieting efforts. She admitted that she is a food addict even though she had bariatric surgery. Surgery doesn't cure problems in the mind.
If you spouse is thin, he probably doesn't have issues about eating out so often or eating food that is not good for you. This makes it hard for thin spouse to understand why the other must curtail the partying and pay more attention to what they eat.
I see that some people state that you should be able to indulge, but still maintain your diet. If you are anything like me, that is not possible. Once I start eating certain foods, I can't stop until I am overloaded and well over calories. Perhaps you could attend the potluck and take something that you can eat and still be on your lifestyle change. Drink water during the meal to get full faster. Maybe take a salad just for you in a tupperware bowl to eat along with your special potluck meal.
Find out what restaurants are close to the hotel where you will be staying and get menus ahead of time so you can pre-plan your meals. I have a folder full of menus for this purpose. You can get them off-line or swing by the day before and beg them for a copy.
Your husband doesn't seem to understand how difficult this is for you. Perhaps you need to sit down again with him and explain how your weight is affecting your health, including how much more energy you would have to do things with him if you could lose the weight. You might want to throw in that sex will be better for both of you. Give him a reason to help you, which basically means making him a winner as well.
Does your spouse have weight issues? If so, maybe get a membership for the both of you for the gym and work out together. Find other things to do together, like hiking or boating, that will mean you are spending time with him, but that time does not center around food.
Some spouses get afraid that they will lose their loved one to another if they get in shape. Is your spouse insecure? Reassure him that you want to spend the rest of your life with him, but you need to get healthy in order to really enjoy that time and not be riddled with diseases that could be prevented if you lose weight.
Good luck!0 -
1. Have you told your husband what you've said here?
2. Why not go and enjoy the atmosphere? You don't have to eat.0 -
I know this may sound odd, but why do you need to have the deserts/food etc? Enjoy the music, the atmosphere and the company....
....I would talk to your husband and suggest that these outings make you unhappy and suggest alternatives, and if this is stuff he really wants to do - work out compromises. And again, just because it is there, doesn't mean you have to eat it
As I said, for this event I probably will just have tea or coffee.
I have talked to my husband. I have suggested alternatives. I have compromised. I have gone to restaurants and studied the menu looking for grilled chicken or fish, and found none, and settled for eating just a tiny bit of some ridiculously high calorie entre... and gone to bed hungry as a result. I have done plenty of compromising... I am asking for a little bit of compromise from him on occasion, but obviously its not going to happen so yeah... I'll have to keep doing everything I can even if everything he does makes it harder.0 -
Its hard. A lot of people don't understand. Everyone calls me the "food police" and its hurtful. I think you need to tell him to plan somethings that don't revolve around FOOD! I had to have the same conversations with my bf, friends and family. We always bonded over food. So when I changed my lifestyle it was like something was missing. But I found that if you just find other things to do it helps. And also memorize the better choices on the menus because at some point in time you are going to have to go to places with food. I was so afaid for a long time that I would go out to eat. But I quickly learned to look for low-cal or weight watchers items(they are portion controlled) and to cut of things like juice or soda when I eat out. You have to figure out a plan that works for you so avoid overeating and lack of self control(my problem is that I wont eat bad food unless its in front of me...I don't go out and get bad things but its hard to say no when someone else brings it). Also I found that when you pick "other things" to do, don't make them fitness things because it annoys people lol Good Luck!!0
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1- You can not make people understand. They choose to either accept it or not accept it. You choose to let it bother you or not.
2- Desserts and Friends are FUN! Enjoy both and make a little extra room in your diet. If your dieting habits are making you/others around you miserable, and/or keeping you from enjoying time with friends and family- then you might be doing it wrong.
(eat a protein bar before the event, eat light nibbles, and have a healthy snack when you get home.---- eat light the day before and thee day after big events--- go for an extra run/bike/gym time or two)0 -
pray0
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I understand how you feel. My step dad told me one day that he would like to get his legs into shape for deer hunting season in November. That he would like to go to the track a few days a week and "start to eat more healthier". So we started to walk for about a month before it started to get really cold in end of Oct He can eat pasta all day long, he can eat a bowl of ice cream daily or about 10 cookies a day. He was doing good until about a week before he went away, he started to eat ice cream again daily and since hes come back he still is and also eating cookies again. Now as for me Im sticking to my calorie goal for the day, some days I go over and some days I dont but I took it upon my self to get up and work out to a video on you tube. I realized I didnt need others to get me motivated. Yes its nice to have others motivate you and eat healthy with you but remember you can live the life you want even at partys and yes I did indulge on Thanksgiving but you know what the next day I made sure to get up and get moving and to get back on track. Just take it one day at a time0
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Maybe when you both go out on a date, you could pick the restaurant? Most restaurants (the chains, anyway) have their menus and nutrition info online so you can pre-plan what you eat and log it before you even go so you know exactly what to get to fit it into your day.
Honestly even when I wasn't attempting to lose weight I would go online and decide what I wanted to eat in advance if I knew I was going out to eat in a couple days because I have an anxiety disorder and feel the need to prepare and plan for everything (It's neurotic, I know) which has helped me since starting weight loss XD
I know it takes time though for people who aren't used to doing that, but I'm also so glad that the information is easily accessible which means it is so much easier than it used to be for people to eat out when they are on special food plans (whatever it might be).
As for other events, like the dessert things, I'd taste them but not eat entire portions, and then just enter 300-400 quick cals and call it a day. Eat lots of filling foods BEFORE you go so you aren't even tempted to do more than taste.
And also appreciate the time spent with loved ones and try not to stress too much over the food! I'm sure they are all mostly just wanting your company, not for you to overeat.0 -
THIS. Sounds like your approach to it is more misery than an actual lifestyle change. What are you going to do next year? Skip all the parties again because of lack of portion control?Why does dieting have to be that miserable? Surely you could squeeze a dessert in without derailing your entire diet? Sure, if you have an issue with portion control I could maybe see your point but I'm not quite understanding why you cant have fun and indulge?
Your "diet" shouldn't affect others around you including family. It's your uptaking not theirs.
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Why not just go to the event and not have the dessert? You can still have time together, without eating all the time.0
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Compromise. That is what relationships are about anyway.
It is important to your husband so just try to make healthy choices, and be aware of portion sizes.
You could just taste (a bite) a dessert. Eat a healthy meal before you go.
It is a difficult time of the year for many of us. Try to remember it is only a few weeks and the new year you can continue with your healthier habits. For many of us, this will be our "new" way of living our lives and eating!
Best of luck! You can do this!0 -
I usually try to stay positive on these forums but it sounds like you've made up your mind to be miserable, bitter, and a little bit angry. I don't know why you posted if that is the case.0
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I wish my husband would plan a three day trip for me. Or a date. Or anything for that matter.
I'm sorry, but I can't give any sympathy. You should be trying to incorporate you goals into your life, not making your life and everyone in it revolve around your goals.
I agree with most here.
Anyway, at my age, eating 1600 calories a day and exercising 90 minutes a day, trying to get a minimum of 100 grams of protein every day results in a loss of 1-2 pounds a week, which is what I am aiming for. And if I am told in advance of special events I can plan for them by reducing my calories on surrounding days to 1200-1300 so that I still average out about the same 1600 a day for the week.
When I have evening plans, instead of planning my week around it, I plan only my day. Don't drink my calories and really filling but low cal breakfast/lunch. At that point I almost have all of my calories for my night out, and that many cals at once is very filling. I do plan my week around my weekends, I tend to eat slightly lower cal m-f so I have extras for spontaneous events on the weekends. I think you should be thrilled your hubby wants to spend so much time with you. Plus like many have said, this is a life change and you do not want to lose out on the special times with those you love. If you can not make it work now, I think it would be just as hard when you are maintaining. If this is approached as a diet and you deny yourself, you are setting yourself up for failure. That is why people yo-yo diet....lose now, have fun put it all back on +.....when you can make small changes for life, lose it slow and never put it back on while enjoying all of life.0 -
I have talked to my husband. I have suggested alternatives. I have compromised. I have gone to restaurants and studied the menu looking for grilled chicken or fish, and found none, and settled for eating just a tiny bit of some ridiculously high calorie entre... and gone to bed hungry as a result. I have done plenty of compromising... I am asking for a little bit of compromise from him on occasion, but obviously its not going to happen so yeah... I'll have to keep doing everything I can even if everything he does makes it harder.
Just as a reminder, you can ask for food not on the menu at restaurants or ask them to prepare grilled chicken or fish. You can have them leave off heavy sauce, not cook with butter, steamed vegetables instead of potatoes or pasta. I've never come across a place that had a problem with this. If they do, find a new place that works for both of you0
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