How do you make people understand?
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You have my sympathy. It seems like you are doing your best. I have two suggestions - (I'm not sure if someone already suggested these as I did not read every post here) - for the potlucks, bring something you can eat and eat that while merely "tasting" or pretending to eat other stuff. Also if you know what hotel you will be at, call them ahead of time and make sure there is a fridge in your room so you can bring your own food.0
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Just wondering what you do/say to make people understand what you are trying to do and what it takes to achieve it.
I had a discussion with my husband back in October about how this Holiday season I was going to be sticking to plan as much as possible. That I wouldn't be going to Wednesday night potlucks at our church, that I wouldn't be wanting to go out to eat, or go to Christmas parties. HOw I would be trying to only make exceptions for the actual Holidays, not all the days surrounding each Holiday.
He seemed to understand at first... but now it seems he forgot. He is suddenly in this "we don't spend enough time together" mode. He wants to take me out on dates, which always seem to include food. He booked a three day get-a-way for us December 16-18... where our only choice will be to eat at the Hotel restaurant or nearby establishments. I can accept the trip and just deal with it the best I can, though it is frustrating because I have some "end of the year" goals that it will make harder to reach. But last night he told me he wants to go out with me tonight. To go listen to some classical guitarist at a concert and dessert event.. Really? DESSERT?
I am trying to not be mean. I do want to spend time with him... but this is getting ridiculous. We just got past Thanksgiving. I am trying to make him understand that with so many special occasions that I can't avoid this time of year, I don't need him adding extra ones. I was hoping to drop a few extra pounds between Thanksgiving and our trip, to help make up for the unavoidable gain that will follow the trip, and then lose a few more between the trip and Christmas... but how am I supposed to do that if he keeps this up?
To top it off, between now and the trip is my birthday, my son's birthday (both the same day actually, but my son will have a party on another day as well), and my nephew's birthday. I still have most of my Christmas shopping to do, and could actually use this evening more productively either shopping or putting up our tree. But no... I get to go to an event where the only food option is DESSERT!
I don't really know what to say to him. I don't want to be a scrooge and take the fun out of Christmas. I don't want to make it sound like I don't enjoy dates. I am just trying to reach a goal right now. I want to get this weight off. I wouldn't mind going to the movies, or for a walk, or sending the kids to a babysitter while we stayed home, ate healthy food, and spent some time dancing.
I know I'll go tonight, but I am trying to figure out how to make him understand that for the rest of the season, I don't want more challenges than we already have planned. I want him to understand that if I could just get his cooperation for a time, I would reach my goal weight and have more "wiggle room" for events like this once I'm on maintenance.
grrrr... I know his heart is in the right place but he is making things so much harder for me!
I say this as someone who's lost the weight and is now successfully maintaining-if you don't learn how to deal with these situations now, you will fail at long term success. Get togethers, parties, holidays, date nights, eating out etc are all a part of life. If you think avoiding these situations are the only way you'll be able to handle them, then you're setting yourself up for failure.
The best way to deal with these types of events is to first throw away the mindset that they're 'bad'. I know you didn't come out and say that exactly, but your post implies that. Dessert is not bad. Going on date nights with your husband, that revolve around food, are not bad, nor are they automatically detrimental to your weight loss efforts. My biggest piece of advice is to PRE-LOG, as accurately as you can, and then you go into these things with a plan of action. That way there's no surprises and no guilt afterwards. Pre-log, go, enjoy the food and fellowship, and move on. Simple as that
Contrary to the belief that keeps popping up on these forums, you can successfully lose weight while still enjoying holiday festivities and such. I'm proof of that (I started losing weight just a few weeks before Thanksgiving last year). Yes, you have to make smart choices and put in a bit of effort (checking restaurant sites for nutritional info ahead of time etc), but there's no reason why you can't enjoy these times out and still lose weight. Calories in, calories out 0 -
Imo no one can truly understand the journey you have decided to take on unless they have been there and done it themselves. However you should not deny yourself nights out and stuff. We have 365 days in a year and 7 in a week one day or night of enjoying yourself will not hurt your goals at all. Live life do not be dictated by it.
As I've stated over and over and over again. I am not denying myself nights out. I just don't want them occurring three times a week. :ohwell:
Also, I am living life more now than before. Not too long ago I was walking with a cane and unable to enjoy outings at all due to my physical pain and difficulty moving :frown: . Now I am walking, hiking, jogging, weightlifting, do bootcamps, etc. :happy: I'd love
to go on a hiking/fishing/camping "outing" with my husband. Or have both of us learn how to play some sport together or something.
I have no interest in the things he wants to do... classical guitar... orchestra... (:yawn: I feel like I need a cookie to stay awake!)
Think it would be awesome to go ride dirt bikes together though, or go to country music concert.
I am sure he liked all of those things before. The things that you want to do now are new things added to the relationship, it will take time. I am sure he is excited by your new energy level and all the great (in his mind) things you two can now do together. Plan a cool event that you would love to do, he should say ok since you do the stuff he likes, just for now don't replace his stuff with what you want just try ... his pick then your pick. He really probably is just so happy with the results you have so far and wants to enjoy his time with you. Plus sorry but if it interests your husband, you should at least have a small interest in it, the same goes for him with your interests. You can not make him feel like you are doing him a favor by spending time with him.0 -
The one point I'd like everyone to get is that I am not saying I NEVER can make exceptions or go out, I am saying it can't happen all-the-time-several-times-a-week.
Also, please do NOT think I am miserable in my new lifestyle. I have overcome disability. Illness, I am finally living. I don't want to lose that.
I spent a long time confined to my house most of the time. Walking with a cane. In pain when I tried to do ANYTHING. All of that was due to unhealthy habits.
I have regained my health. I have regained my life. I just want to KEEP it, and get even healthier.
I was honestly looking for suggestions on how to get my husband to be a little more understanding of this... instead MOST of the people on this thread jumped all over me telling me what I am doing "wrong". A few of you understood, and tried to suggest some helpful hints. I am thankful to those of you who did so.
Yes... I do sometimes have difficulty controlling myself with certain foods or in certain situations... not as much trouble as before... but still some trouble. I recognize that, and am trying to learn to deal with it. But I wouldn't dream of telling an alcoholic, "Look, you are the one with the problem, not your spouse. If he/she wants to take you to a bar, just GO along! You should be able to indulge once in awhile... just don't overdo it! Have a couple of shots, just stop after that!" Nor would I tell them to just go to the bar and order a soda. I would respect that if they feel a bar is not a safe place for them, it probably isn't a safe place for them.
I feel that a lifestyle of unplanned, food centered events several times a week is unsafe for me.
But for now, I need to go workout and get ready for work. Thanks to those who tried to be supportive rather than judgmental.0 -
maybe surprise him by planning a date night or outing that you can fully enjoy as well.0
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My ex enjoyed sabotaging me when I was trying to lose weight. He seemed to feel that if I lost weight that I would become more attractive and find someone else.
Your EX, hey? :laugh: So it DID happen! Hehehe. Don't worry. It happened to me too. When your confidence begins to come out of hiding, and you finally begin to believe in your own value, you get a better sense of the things you deserve...
As for the OP - I feel you. This used to be a tough spot for me. But portion control can be learned! You don't have to say no to events and parties forever, and you also don't have to pick and choose which you go to. You can have it all! (With a little work on behaviour.) Sounds like you've got a really great group of friends and family members who love you very much and want to spend lots of time with you. Lucky you! That's what life is about.
I used to be the one agonizing over events and dinners, but eventually there came a point where I didn't want my issues with food to bleed into my personal relationships and lifestyle in a negative way so I worked positively to combat it. If I see something on the horizon that I want to fully indulge in, I will eat clean, low cal meals for the rest of that day, make sure to get in a work out, and track everything to the best of my ability. If I want to have just a little something, I don't beat myself up about it!
For instance, yesterday a few of the ladies I work for wanted to take me out for a Christmas pizza and pedicure party. I was stoked! I ate a big salad beforehand, skipped the pizza, THOROUGHLY enjoyed my pedicure, and had a single glass of champagne and a cookie for dessert. When the booze and treat trays were passed around again I politely declined. I logged everything when I got home and only ended up being over about 150 cals for my day, which I will compensate for tonight (or tomorrow, or by working out, or whatever...) This is the kind of life I want to lead - not being afraid of spontaneous OR planned events (because yay! fun!), exercising appropriate control, and enjoying the love and gifts and wonderful people all around me while still maintaining my health and confidence.
If I am leading a lifestyle that is making me healthy but not happy, I'm doing it wrong. If I am leading a lifestyle that is making me happy but not healthy, I'm doing it wrong. Now, I am leading a lifestyle that lets me have both, and I finally feel like I'm doing it right. :flowerforyou:0 -
Why does dieting have to be that miserable? Surely you could squeeze a dessert in without derailing your entire diet? Sure, if you have an issue with portion control I could maybe see your point but I'm not quite understanding why you cant have fun and indulge?
Its not "a dessert", its one even after another after another after another. That is my point. Thanksgiving results in a two pound gain, I get it off, then hubby immediately wants to take me out for dinner. That doesn't result in a gain, but prevents a loss... I work that out and then hubby doesn't understand why I don't go to a woman's event at my church where there is a ton of dessert food, the very next day, he wants to take me out to a dessert event... two days after that he will most likely be trying to talk me into eating some of my son's and my birthday cake, two days later he will try to talk me into going to wednesday night potluck with him, a couple of days after that he will want to go out to dinner again... it is never ending. And while an occasional date or dinner out doesn't hurt, doing so every week, in addition to all the holiday stuff... is resulting in a NET LOSS of zero for November and December.
That's part of the problem right there-why does Thanksgiving have to be a 2lb gain? Why does going out to eat mean no loss for the week? Food is food, regardless of where you eat it. Most restaurants have all their nutritional info online and it takes about 2 minute to find it and pre-log what you're going to have. Potlucks are a bit trickier, but you can make smart choices (one serving of an egg dish and fruit, as opposed to one of everything on the buffet line etc). I lost over 50lbs while eating fast food 3-5 times a week. We're very social on the weekends and many times I don't eat at home at all during them. The holidays are FULL of events, get togethers and potlucks. It doesn't matter-calories in, calories out. I lost the weight during the holidays and I'm now maintaining through them (well, I actually hit a new all time low this morning, but I'm trying to maintain
). Figuring out now how to make it work will go a long way to helping you be a part of that very, very small percentage of people who succeed at this. 0 -
I understand completely but like Kristen said, this is life! You can't go through it saying no, no, no.
Just make room for these events and plan ahead. You'll make it! Even if your goal takes a little longer, you'll get there.
Planning ahead for three or four times a week eating at places that don't serve anything that fits on my plan?
What kind of plan do you have that you can't find anything to eat? Even McDonalds have salads. I think it sounds fantastic that your husband wants to take you out so much! Eat smaller portions, make smart choices, drink water instead of pop, instead of ordering dessert drink a coffee or tea, and maybe, just maybe, let loose a little and enjoy this time of year with your husband.
Ironically, although I don't like eating there, McDonalds is an easier place to find a healthy option than many other restaurants. Because they do have a pretty good salad option. A lot of places on serve high carb/high fat options.
I find it funny everyone assumes I am on a super restrictive plan, actually, my plan allows for some wiggle room... but eating at places where you unsure of the calorie content of the food, and where healthy choices are few and far between makes things much more difficult. Might it still be possible to lose weight? maybe.
But if I was building a house and someone was constantly hiding my tools I'd find it frustrating... if I also had to cut all my own lumber first it might still be possible, but everyone would understand my frustration... Well, cooking for myself at home is my best tool in this project... and having unbreaded/unfried options is like my lumber supply. But somehow I am unreasonable to get frustrated when my tools are taken away and my lumber is burned.
I guess I just view my "tools" differently. My "tools" are the knowledge that I have about portion sizes, calorie counts, and making smarter decisions. Nobody can take that from me. I can't say I know what restaurants you're going to or what their menus are, but I have never been to a restaurant that couldn't accommodate my diet (I also have Celiac disease on top of trying to lose weight). I would just get a plain chicken breast or salmon with a side of veggies and a side salad or sweet potato. It's low cal, filling, and something I'm sure every restaurant will have.0 -
Why does dieting have to be that miserable? Surely you could squeeze a dessert in without derailing your entire diet? Sure, if you have an issue with portion control I could maybe see your point but I'm not quite understanding why you cant have fun and indulge?
Its not "a dessert", its one even after another after another after another. That is my point. Thanksgiving results in a two pound gain, I get it off, then hubby immediately wants to take me out for dinner. That doesn't result in a gain, but prevents a loss... I work that out and then hubby doesn't understand why I don't go to a woman's event at my church where there is a ton of dessert food, the very next day, he wants to take me out to a dessert event... two days after that he will most likely be trying to talk me into eating some of my son's and my birthday cake, two days later he will try to talk me into going to wednesday night potluck with him, a couple of days after that he will want to go out to dinner again... it is never ending. And while an occasional date or dinner out doesn't hurt, doing so every week, in addition to all the holiday stuff... is resulting in a NET LOSS of zero for November and December.
That's part of the problem right there-why does Thanksgiving have to be a 2lb gain? Why does going out to eat mean no loss for the week? Food is food, regardless of where you eat it. Most restaurants have all their nutritional info online and it takes about 2 minute to find it and pre-log what you're going to have. I lost over 50lbs while eating fast food 3-5 times a week. We're very social on the weekends and many times I don't eat at home at all during them. The holidays are FULL of events, get togethers and potlucks. It doesn't matter-calories in, calories out. I lost the weight during the holidays and I'm now maintaining through them (well, I actually hit a new all time low this morning, but I'm trying to maintain ). Figuring out now how to make it work will go a long way to helping you be a part of that very, very small percentage of people who succeed at this.
How can I look it up ahead of time if I am given no warning? How can I pre-log when he announces we are going out after I've spent my day thinking I was having grilled chicken and vegetables for dinner?0 -
I wish people would stop cramming their ideas down people's throats. She said she isn't denying herself repeatedly, and surprisingly enough, some people DON'T want to eat McDonald's and pizza.
As someone else that is trying to lose a large amount of weight, I do understand where you are coming from. People don't get that sometimes we DO need to be restrictive because if not it leads to binging.
I had my routines that I liked to follow and even one day off of that routine or a surprise dinner would throw me out of that routine. What is working for me now is telling myself it is okay if I go over a little sometimes. For some reason, the more I tell myself I can indulge, the less I want to. I think it just takes the pressure off of me. Learning to say no is really hard for me, but it felt pretty damn good refusing to drink last night while my friend got completely trashed next to me. Just be polite, but persistent. Just like you said, I keep in mind all the progress I have made and that keeps me from wanting to indulge. I am sorry he doesn't seem to get it right now, and hopefully he will come around. I am sure this is a big change for him too, probably hard for him to understand. Good luck lady!0 -
Yep. Been there. My hubs got a little bummed that I wouldn't be his drinking buddy anymore because booze has too many calories.
I agree with others that you shouldn't have to deprive yourself the entire holiday season. Part of making this a lifestyle change is knowing that your new lifestyle entails eating healthy MOST of the time and enjoying treats OCCASIONALLY.
Here's what I do. I love ALL desserts, but I love SOME more than others. I make a conscious decision to only eat the desserts that I feel are "worth it." Worth the calories. I won't eat a shortbread cookie because, while they're yummy, they're not delicious and not worth it to me.
Prepare yourself for said events, save up some calories, exercise some more.0 -
I wish people would stop cramming their ideas down people's throats. She said she isn't denying herself repeatedly, and surprisingly enough, some people DON'T want to eat McDonald's and pizza.
As someone else that is trying to lose a large amount of weight, I do understand where you are coming from. People don't get that sometimes we DO need to be restrictive because if not it leads to binging.
I had my routines that I liked to follow and even one day off of that routine or a surprise dinner would throw me out of that routine. What is working for me now is telling myself it is okay if I go over a little sometimes. For some reason, the more I tell myself I can indulge, the less I want to. I think it just takes the pressure off of me. Learning to say no is really hard for me, but it felt pretty damn good refusing to drink last night while my friend got completely trashed next to me. Just be polite, but persistent. Just like you said, I keep in mind all the progress I have made and that keeps me from wanting to indulge. I am sorry he doesn't seem to get it right now, and hopefully he will come around. I am sure this is a big change for him too, probably hard for him to understand. Good luck lady!
:flowerforyou:0 -
I spent a long time confined to my house most of the time. Walking with a cane. In pain when I tried to do ANYTHING. All of that was due to unhealthy habits.
I have regained my health. I have regained my life. I just want to KEEP it, and get even healthier.
That is SO excellent, and good for you! It sounds like you're not afraid of making changes, so I'm sure you'll find a way to balance your newly inspired lifestyle, and the social quality of your relationships.
As for your hubby, What if you planned a romantic night IN with him where you cooked a delicious meal that fits into your plan? Then, over bit of dessert, address your concerns and feelings with him in a loving, but assertive way. That way he can see that you're still interested in spending romantic time with him, and that the food that makes you comfortable and allows you to achieve your goals can still be scrumptious and indulgent!0 -
Getting the weight off is a hurry is great, but so is learning how to live! I have struggled with weight my whole life and have finally learned how to turn it into a way of life that I can enjoy. I'm close to goal (5 more lbs) and have been on this journey to lose the weight for 15 months. It will probably take another 2 months to lose this last weight because I REFUSE to stop living! It's all about making good choices in my eating. It has to be sustainable or the weight will come right back. I know - been there, done that. Relax and enjoy yourself. Just don't enjoy life with foods that don't help your goal. I would LOVE to go to the dessert concert! It sounds like fun. You don't have to eat. Drinking water, tea, or coffee can also be satisfying, filling, and low cal.0
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maybe surprise him by planning a date night or outing that you can fully enjoy as well.
That is what I would also suggest.
Maybe also agree to each of you choosing a date night each fortnight and on his you know that its going to be a restaurant and plan it as your cheat night. Start looking into doing stuff thats a bit different and burn those calories together.
You can also go to these events and not eat and still enjoy yourself - I have a very restricted medical diet due to coeliacs and a whole bunch of intolerances/ allergies and just go for the social aspect.0 -
Why does dieting have to be that miserable? Surely you could squeeze a dessert in without derailing your entire diet? Sure, if you have an issue with portion control I could maybe see your point but I'm not quite understanding why you cant have fun and indulge?
Its not "a dessert", its one even after another after another after another. That is my point. Thanksgiving results in a two pound gain, I get it off, then hubby immediately wants to take me out for dinner. That doesn't result in a gain, but prevents a loss... I work that out and then hubby doesn't understand why I don't go to a woman's event at my church where there is a ton of dessert food, the very next day, he wants to take me out to a dessert event... two days after that he will most likely be trying to talk me into eating some of my son's and my birthday cake, two days later he will try to talk me into going to wednesday night potluck with him, a couple of days after that he will want to go out to dinner again... it is never ending. And while an occasional date or dinner out doesn't hurt, doing so every week, in addition to all the holiday stuff... is resulting in a NET LOSS of zero for November and December.
That's part of the problem right there-why does Thanksgiving have to be a 2lb gain? Why does going out to eat mean no loss for the week? Food is food, regardless of where you eat it. Most restaurants have all their nutritional info online and it takes about 2 minute to find it and pre-log what you're going to have. I lost over 50lbs while eating fast food 3-5 times a week. We're very social on the weekends and many times I don't eat at home at all during them. The holidays are FULL of events, get togethers and potlucks. It doesn't matter-calories in, calories out. I lost the weight during the holidays and I'm now maintaining through them (well, I actually hit a new all time low this morning, but I'm trying to maintain ). Figuring out now how to make it work will go a long way to helping you be a part of that very, very small percentage of people who succeed at this.
How can I look it up ahead of time if I am given no warning? How can I pre-log when he announces we are going out after I've spent my day thinking I was having grilled chicken and vegetables for dinner?
I am constantly traveling for my job...I eat out quite often. There's not a restaunt I go to that I can't find something on the menu that fits my daily caloric allowance....and sometimes that's eating out 3 meals/day. Sure...sometimes it's a bit of a challenge if the restaurant isn't in the MFP database, but I try to choose something in the database that comes close to what I am eating.
If you were planning on grilled chicken and veggies for dinner, than ask the restaurant if you can have that--even if it's not on the menu. Several have offered their suggestions in this thread, but you only seem to listen to those that are joining in your pity party. I don't mean to come off as sounding mean...but you need to figure out how to incorporate this into you and your husband's lifestyle.0 -
Why does dieting have to be that miserable? Surely you could squeeze a dessert in without derailing your entire diet? Sure, if you have an issue with portion control I could maybe see your point but I'm not quite understanding why you cant have fun and indulge?
Its not "a dessert", its one even after another after another after another. That is my point. Thanksgiving results in a two pound gain, I get it off, then hubby immediately wants to take me out for dinner. That doesn't result in a gain, but prevents a loss... I work that out and then hubby doesn't understand why I don't go to a woman's event at my church where there is a ton of dessert food, the very next day, he wants to take me out to a dessert event... two days after that he will most likely be trying to talk me into eating some of my son's and my birthday cake, two days later he will try to talk me into going to wednesday night potluck with him, a couple of days after that he will want to go out to dinner again... it is never ending. And while an occasional date or dinner out doesn't hurt, doing so every week, in addition to all the holiday stuff... is resulting in a NET LOSS of zero for November and December.
That's part of the problem right there-why does Thanksgiving have to be a 2lb gain? Why does going out to eat mean no loss for the week? Food is food, regardless of where you eat it. Most restaurants have all their nutritional info online and it takes about 2 minute to find it and pre-log what you're going to have. I lost over 50lbs while eating fast food 3-5 times a week. We're very social on the weekends and many times I don't eat at home at all during them. The holidays are FULL of events, get togethers and potlucks. It doesn't matter-calories in, calories out. I lost the weight during the holidays and I'm now maintaining through them (well, I actually hit a new all time low this morning, but I'm trying to maintain ). Figuring out now how to make it work will go a long way to helping you be a part of that very, very small percentage of people who succeed at this.
How can I look it up ahead of time if I am given no warning? How can I pre-log when he announces we are going out after I've spent my day thinking I was having grilled chicken and vegetables for dinner?
By ordering grilled chicken and vegetables at the restuarant.
It's been mentioned several times in this thread but you have yet to acknowledge that many here are giving you the tools that you state are being taken away from you by your husband's surprise date nights. Don't be afraid to order off menu when at a restaurant. You really CAN stay on plan regardless of where you are eating.0 -
I don't mean to sound simplistic, but can't you just not eat the desserts when you go to these functions? It sounds like you feel like it's inevitable that you're going to eat all the sweets if they're in front of you, but maybe this is a good chance to develop more willpower than you had previously? As other people mentioned, maybe if you eat healthy at home before you go, it'll make it a bit easier to resist and you can just focus on the social interaction part of it and skip the sweets. And when it comes to eating out at restaurants, maybe just pick the healthier options and avoid the restaurants where there aren't good choices? That might be a good compromise.0
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Hi Blessed! If I may suggest a great book which is helping me with this issue (I'm seeing the author for counseling a couple of times/month), read chapter 7 and chapter 10 of "Win the Weight War" by Jill B. Cody, M.A., L.C.P.C. Chapter 7 is "Strategy Six: Defeating Sabotages and Temptations" which you need to get the issue with your husband into perspective. She includes many of the strategies here, but she also addresses the anger and resentment you are likely feeling toward your husband for making your journey more difficult. One item Jill says is "I truly believe in the concept of 'Five steps forward toward your goal - one step back to enjoy the side trips.'" I love this. I've only met with her one time, but am powering through the quick book as a quick read. To start, you have to frame everything in the positive. You have a husband who loves you and wants to be with you (especially in public!) How great is that?! You may feel as though you're not in control because you're on a plan that you can't manage with going out. Time to change your plan. Consider getting some outside help like I'm doing. You need another outlet if your husband isn't being a good one for you. Don't blame him if he doesn't have your resolve. Being able to figure out HOW to successfully ENJOY these dates is going to be something you'll have to address sooner rather than later. Would you rather stay at the house and lose 40 pounds only to gain it back over the holidays next year because you haven't practiced this challenge?
Anyway, chapter 10 is "Strategy Nine: Successful Restaurant Strategies" Be positive first and foremost! You don't have to do the work of cooking, nor do you have to be tempted while you cook or clean up! Sample a little bit of everything - be a gourmet! Try to figure out what all the ingredients are in every dish...that will cause you to eat much more slowly and appreciate the foods. If your initial reaction to your taste is "not the best" then don't waste any more calories with another bite. Make it a game and see how much food you can leave on your plate (Did you go to Catholic school like I did where they shook the milk cartons to make sure you didn't hide your peas in it in order to throw them away?) Don't eat while you're talking to people or during a show (if at a dinner theater) because you won't be mindful and appreciative of what you are eating. Focus on your husband or the event, because that's what you're there for, right? When I recently went to a wedding, I asked my sister to make up a plate for me so I wouldn't be tempted by all the offerings. She did great! Also, when you get a menu, don't look at it. Just ask the waiter if they have grilled fish or chicken and steamed veggies (or salad with dressing on the side). Temptation is the enemy, so don't let it accompany you to the party!
I won't wish you luck, because this isn't about luck. It's about staying positive and gaining the confidence to know that you can do it! Have a wonderful holiday!:happy:0 -
Your diet doesn't have to suck the life out of having fun.
Seriously I think you have the wrong attitude about what you are trying to do.
Step 1 get some self control. If you can't go out to have a nice dinner and not just pig out, then you have some serious stuff to work out.
Step 2 So, your never going to go to a birthday party, have desert, or go on trips again? This diet lifestyle just seems like a recipe for disaster.
Step 3 I feel bad for your husband. For his sake give up on this diet. Make sustainable lifestyle changes instead that everyone can live with.
If you want to know. I don't diet. I gave up on wanting to lose weight. I just train to be awesome now... Trust me its way better and we have cookies.. real ones, not those cauliflower kind.
Step 1. I have gained a lot of self control. That doesn't mean I WANT temptation in my face three times a week.
Step 2. I don't have a problem with a party, a trip, a dinner out. I plan for those. I don't plan for it three times a week.
Step 3. I have made sustainable lifestyle changes. You don't live here with me so you don't know. Cooking at home most of the time is better for our health and our budget. I am not following a fad diet. I am eating healthy, real food. I enjoy an evening out as much as anyone, but its hard to do that three times a week and still lose weight.
Additional note. My poor health sucked the life out of having fun far more than eating healthy does. Constant pain was no fun. Heart rate fluctuations was no fun. Blood sugar problems was no fun. Using a cane and getting out of breath walking was no fun. Eating a grilled chicken breast, doing 30 burpees, and still having energy for an 8 mile hike is now my definition of fun.0 -
I only started watching calories and working out three weeks ago, so I'm a complete newbie when it comes to advice, but my fiancee is doing the same thing! Always wanting attention (where he hardly demanded it before), trying to get me to watch tv shows instead of working out. Suggesting meals that will throw my eating plan WAY off. I just make dinner for him and add extra veggies or a salad for me. Or, he eats what I eat. If he is still hungry, he knows how to make his own snacks
I think my fiancee's reactions come from a couple of things. 1) Working out makes you look great. I don't mean just physically, but the endorphins gives you a GLOW that just makes you look fantastic and energized. That's pretty sexy! 2) He's afraid I'll lose weight and not want him anymore, so he's pouring on the charm and attentiveness.
My response is generally two-fold: 1) I'm doing this because I want to be healthier. There's no hidden "find a new mate" agenda. Just me being in shape and feeling wonderful when I hit 50! 2) With regard to the tv show trick my guy is using: "I would love to watch that show with you. Is it on demand so we can watch it after my workout? If not, can we put off dinner after the show so I can workout?" I finally just started working out early in the morning and find that works really well because the energy is redirected into a full day's activities instead of just going to sleep! It also gives us time in the evening that he seems to need.
Eating out has always been a challenge for me since I have some dietary issues I have to keep aware of. I have low blood sugar and I cannot digest red meat, so I'm already a PITA at a restaurant. But, since I've started working out and eating three moderate meals with three snacks per day, my blood sugar has stayed perfect. Sustaining my eating habits is not difficult because I use MFP to log all my meals I will have during the day in the morning, then I just eat what I've logged.
If I'm going somewhere to eat, I just plan on having a salad. If I am going to a potluck at church, I take my own salad and a regular dish to share. If there's something there to eat, I have it and don't stress about it.
Enjoy your time with your husband, but if he suggests a dessert event, counter with suggesting a wine-tasting event instead or a tour of the local history museum. The time together is the important part and sticking to your guns will allow you to prevail and reach your goals. You're not doing this for him; you're doing it for you! Hang in there!
Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter0 -
Just wondering what you do/say to make people understand what you are trying to do and what it takes to achieve it.
I had a discussion with my husband back in October about how this Holiday season I was going to be sticking to plan as much as possible. That I wouldn't be going to Wednesday night potlucks at our church, that I wouldn't be wanting to go out to eat, or go to Christmas parties. HOw I would be trying to only make exceptions for the actual Holidays, not all the days surrounding each Holiday.
He seemed to understand at first... but now it seems he forgot. He is suddenly in this "we don't spend enough time together" mode. He wants to take me out on dates, which always seem to include food. He booked a three day get-a-way for us December 16-18... where our only choice will be to eat at the Hotel restaurant or nearby establishments. I can accept the trip and just deal with it the best I can, though it is frustrating because I have some "end of the year" goals that it will make harder to reach. But last night he told me he wants to go out with me tonight. To go listen to some classical guitarist at a concert and dessert event.. Really? DESSERT?
I am trying to not be mean. I do want to spend time with him... but this is getting ridiculous. We just got past Thanksgiving. I am trying to make him understand that with so many special occasions that I can't avoid this time of year, I don't need him adding extra ones. I was hoping to drop a few extra pounds between Thanksgiving and our trip, to help make up for the unavoidable gain that will follow the trip, and then lose a few more between the trip and Christmas... but how am I supposed to do that if he keeps this up?
To top it off, between now and the trip is my birthday, my son's birthday (both the same day actually, but my son will have a party on another day as well), and my nephew's birthday. I still have most of my Christmas shopping to do, and could actually use this evening more productively either shopping or putting up our tree. But no... I get to go to an event where the only food option is DESSERT!
I don't really know what to say to him. I don't want to be a scrooge and take the fun out of Christmas. I don't want to make it sound like I don't enjoy dates. I am just trying to reach a goal right now. I want to get this weight off. I wouldn't mind going to the movies, or for a walk, or sending the kids to a babysitter while we stayed home, ate healthy food, and spent some time dancing.
I know I'll go tonight, but I am trying to figure out how to make him understand that for the rest of the season, I don't want more challenges than we already have planned. I want him to understand that if I could just get his cooperation for a time, I would reach my goal weight and have more "wiggle room" for events like this once I'm on maintenance.
grrrr... I know his heart is in the right place but he is making things so much harder for me!
This isn't that difficult, actually. You're just too close to the situation to see. What I'd do is enjoy the extra time my husband wants to spend with me. Split a dessert at the guitar and dessert event (and only take a couple bites). As far as parties and dining out and your hotel trip, if you don't already know how to make good choices from a menu, now's the time to educate yourself. You can't hide in your house forever, OP.0 -
Well thanks everyone for your suggestions. My last reply made me realize that I've gained so many positive things on this journey. I am not sure what I'll do with this problem with my husband, but I know I won't let it get me off track. I'm enjoying my new life too much for that.0
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Why does dieting have to be that miserable? Surely you could squeeze a dessert in without derailing your entire diet? Sure, if you have an issue with portion control I could maybe see your point but I'm not quite understanding why you cant have fun and indulge?
Its not "a dessert", its one even after another after another after another. That is my point. Thanksgiving results in a two pound gain, I get it off, then hubby immediately wants to take me out for dinner. That doesn't result in a gain, but prevents a loss... I work that out and then hubby doesn't understand why I don't go to a woman's event at my church where there is a ton of dessert food, the very next day, he wants to take me out to a dessert event... two days after that he will most likely be trying to talk me into eating some of my son's and my birthday cake, two days later he will try to talk me into going to wednesday night potluck with him, a couple of days after that he will want to go out to dinner again... it is never ending. And while an occasional date or dinner out doesn't hurt, doing so every week, in addition to all the holiday stuff... is resulting in a NET LOSS of zero for November and December.
That's part of the problem right there-why does Thanksgiving have to be a 2lb gain? Why does going out to eat mean no loss for the week? Food is food, regardless of where you eat it. Most restaurants have all their nutritional info online and it takes about 2 minute to find it and pre-log what you're going to have. I lost over 50lbs while eating fast food 3-5 times a week. We're very social on the weekends and many times I don't eat at home at all during them. The holidays are FULL of events, get togethers and potlucks. It doesn't matter-calories in, calories out. I lost the weight during the holidays and I'm now maintaining through them (well, I actually hit a new all time low this morning, but I'm trying to maintain ). Figuring out now how to make it work will go a long way to helping you be a part of that very, very small percentage of people who succeed at this.
How can I look it up ahead of time if I am given no warning? How can I pre-log when he announces we are going out after I've spent my day thinking I was having grilled chicken and vegetables for dinner?
Here's the honest truth: Based on what your'e saying, your husband likes you just the way you are. Or he wants you to stay overweight because maybe it makes him feel better about himself. What do YOU want? If you're unhappy overweight, then you just need to tell him that and that he's not being supportive. If he loves you, he will back the eff off.0 -
My suggestion is don't! People who don't understand or can't relate will never be able to put themselves in your shoes. My husband is a culprit of this as well. He's HORRIBLE at supporting me with my efforts, but has good intentions. I came to the conclusion that if you want it, you have to do it for you! Don't try to force people to understand, they won't/can't- especially if weight has been an issue for you for a long time.0
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This isn't that difficult, actually. You're just too close to the situation to see. What I'd do is enjoy the extra time my husband wants to spend with me. Split a dessert at the guitar and dessert event (and only take a couple bites). As far as parties and dining out and your hotel trip, if you don't already know how to make good choices from a menu, now's the time to educate yourself. You can't hide in your house forever, OP.
ANd another one assumes that choosing not to eat out is equal to hiding in the house!!! Am I the only one that sees so many other options to life outside of restaurants?
I already said I'd enjoy the music and have some tea or coffee at the concert... it is the overall issue of these CONSTANT food centered events that is getting to me.
I am more active and less confined to my house than I was before changing my habits. I don't get a thrill out of eating out. I get a thrill out of hiking, camping, fishing, boating etc. Those things do NOT equal hiding in the house!0 -
My suggestion is don't! People who don't understand or can't relate will never be able to put themselves in your shoes. My husband is a culprit of this as well. He's HORRIBLE at supporting me with my efforts, but has good intentions. I came to the conclusion that if you want it, you have to do it for you! Don't try to force people to understand, they won't/can't- especially if weight has been an issue for you for a long time.
My conclusion too, especially after reading so many of the responses on this thread. Even many who HAVE been there, don't make an effort to understand what I'm saying.
:flowerforyou:0 -
Imo no one can truly understand the journey you have decided to take on unless they have been there and done it themselves. However you should not deny yourself nights out and stuff. We have 365 days in a year and 7 in a week one day or night of enjoying yourself will not hurt your goals at all. Live life do not be dictated by it.
As I've stated over and over and over again. I am not denying myself nights out. I just don't want them occurring three times a week. :ohwell:
Also, I am living life more now than before. Not too long ago I was walking with a cane and unable to enjoy outings at all due to my physical pain and difficulty moving :frown: . Now I am walking, hiking, jogging, weightlifting, do bootcamps, etc. :happy: I'd love to go on a hiking/fishing/camping "outing" with my husband. Or have both of us learn how to play some sport together or something.
I have no interest in the things he wants to do... classical guitar... orchestra... (:yawn: I feel like I need a cookie to stay awake!)
Think it would be awesome to go ride dirt bikes together though, or go to country music concert.
Yea lol one thing I've noticed most is now I have different interests compared to my partner and it's becoming an issue at times.0 -
My poor health sucked the life out of having fun far more than eating healthy does. Constant pain was no fun. Heart rate fluctuations was no fun. Blood sugar problems was no fun. Using a cane and getting out of breath walking was no fun. Eating a grilled chicken breast, doing 30 burpees, and still having energy for an 8 mile hike is now my definition of fun.
Far from hiding in the house, I am finally living. So please everyone, stop telling me I can't "hide in the house" forever. Or that I "have to allow myself to have fun", or that healthy living doesn't have to be "hiding in the house". Get one thing straight, I "hide in the house" a lot less now than I ever used to.0 -
I start texting my friends things such as " what do you want me to bring you from Burger King, you fat ****?" They get the message and eventually stop bugging me about my diet. Of course, they share my obnoxious sense of humor. I would not recommend this for everyone. :laugh:0
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