How do you make people understand?

What restaurants are you going to that don't have vegetables and protein? You just need to get more verbal about what you'd like at those places. I'm vegan and have found most all restaurants to be very accomodating.

Just because you go to a dessert event doesn't mean you have to over indulge. Allow yourself one thing and just enjoy the rest of the event.

You're making this much harder than it has to be.

In other words, "just do what HE wants, and jump through hoops to achieve your weight loss goals in spite of all the obstacles he tries to put in your path". Does that about sum it up? :huh:

This is what i said earlier:
It is nice that your husband wants to spend time with you. Why don't you beat him to the punch and plan the dates yourself & pick places you've researched for good menu options.
It sounds like your husband loves you a lot and enjoys your company. Sit down with him...hold his hand and tell him you are trying to lose weight because you are fighting for your life. Tell him you want to enjoy him and your kids for many years to come. Tell him it's very hard for you to control what you eat when your blood sugar levels take control of your appetite. If he subsequently ignores your desire then you just gotta know that you are alone in your quest. Think of each situation as a little angel on one shoulder and a little devil on the other...you get to smile internally each time you pick the angel.
If you have to go somewhere like a potluck and you know there won't be any good choices...pack your own little potluck meal to take with you.
No one can force feed you. Stick to your calorie allocation and you will come home feeling triumphant. Good Holidays to you :O)

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I'll add this: YOU are trying to change the dynamics of your relationship with husband and food. You used to have fun doing all the things your husband is still wanting to have fun doing. You have stopped the train wreck in it's tracks and you are reversing the engines and making your health and mental well being better. You have talked with your husband and HE still wants the lifestyle he had before WITH you. You cannot change his mind. If he truly cares about you and wants to see you enjoying yourself then it will not be fun for him to sit across the restaurant table of his choice watching you order nothing or something unappetizing. He will change the restaurant choices if this is true.
I used to talk with my husband about trying to change my eating habits. He would listen and nod and 2 hours later come home from getting gas and throw a super sized nutty buddy in my lap upon returning. I finally had to get out of the chair and take the nutty buddy and put it down the disposal in front of him. After doing this in numerous ways he finally stopped trying to change my thought pattern on food. He's slim and can eat whatever/however much he wants. He loves me like crazy and just can't relate to me needing to eat less than he does. 32 years married and just 1-2 pounds a year (10-20 calories too much daily) adds up. I still go out all the time with him but I have stopped eating like him. I control what and how much I put in my mouth and I can do it anywhere now. Even Olive Garden has a delicious lobster canelloni for under 600 calories. You are in charge and you can do it :0)

What restaurants are you going to that don't have vegetables and protein? You just need to get more verbal about what you'd like at those places. I'm vegan and have found most all restaurants to be very accomodating.

Just because you go to a dessert event doesn't mean you have to over indulge. Allow yourself one thing and just enjoy the rest of the event.

You're making this much harder than it has to be.

In other words, "just do what HE wants, and jump through hoops to achieve your weight loss goals in spite of all the obstacles he tries to put in your path". Does that about sum it up? :huh:

Yep, looks like that is what 75% of the responses say. I am stunned!!

What restaurants are you going to that don't have vegetables and protein? You just need to get more verbal about what you'd like at those places. I'm vegan and have found most all restaurants to be very accomodating.

Just because you go to a dessert event doesn't mean you have to over indulge. Allow yourself one thing and just enjoy the rest of the event.

You're making this much harder than it has to be.

In other words, "just do what HE wants, and jump through hoops to achieve your weight loss goals in spite of all the obstacles he tries to put in your path". Does that about sum it up? :huh:

Yep, looks like that is what 75% of the responses say. I am stunned!!

I bet if it was a husband asking for advice about his wife's behavior sabotaging his goals, the advice would be very different. :huh:

ThriceBlessed, I feel your frustration, both with your husband and with some of the less than supportive responses you have received on this thread. I have no words of wisdom, as I deal with a very similar issue with my family. Every holiday/event/win/loss or day that ends in Y is centered around food. I have struggled with weight all my life, and I finally feel like I am getting some control, but it takes a lot of energy, thought and planning for me to keep it going, and I struggle with the temptations daily. The last minute going out to dinner, church group pitch-in, etc. I know my weaknesses, I know how I react, and it is sometimes best for me to just say no, and avoid the situation. I know how you feel. If I gave in to every request, I would be back to eating out 5 days a week and most likely gaining weight. And yes, like many have said, you can make good choices eating out, but it gets very difficult to do on a daily basis. Even if I do make a better choice, there is the basket of chips at the Mexican restaurant, the rolls on the table, the appetizers that others order, I can't ask for them to be removed from the table, others are enjoying them, and I am weak. So what to do? I pick and choose my treats and my battles. I can't skip Christmas dinner with my family, but I can show up late for the church social and miss the main food event. I can't skip the kiddo birthday parties, but I can go to the other room when the cake is being served. I joined a maintain don't gain group at my gym for November and December, as these are very tough months. Yes, I will be slower to my goal, but I am just trying to not go backwards for now, and hit it hard again in January. Anyway, best of luck to you, and know that there is some understanding out here on the forums!

I was honestly looking for suggestions on how to get my husband to be a little more understanding of this... instead MOST of the people on this thread jumped all over me telling me what I am doing "wrong". A few of you understood, and tried to suggest some helpful hints....

Yes... I do sometimes have difficulty controlling myself with certain foods or in certain situations... not as much trouble as before... but still some trouble. I recognize that, and am trying to learn to deal with it. But I wouldn't dream of telling an alcoholic, "Look, you are the one with the problem, not your spouse. If he/she wants to take you to a bar, just GO along! You should be able to indulge once in awhile... just don't overdo it! Have a couple of shots, just stop after that!" Nor would I tell them to just go to the bar and order a soda. I would respect that if they feel a bar is not a safe place for them, it probably isn't a safe place for them.

But for now, I need to go workout and get ready for work. Thanks to those who tried to be supportive rather than judgmental.

As someone who spent 2 years in AA, I don't think you realize that this is NOT the same as alcoholism. You HAVE to eat to live; you do not HAVE to drink alcohol to live.

BUT, if you want some AA wisdom, here it is, tailored to YOUR needs:

1. You don't have to eat what's being offered just because you want to. Plain and simple.
2. You can't change others; You can ONLY change you.

YOU control you, and STOP letting others have control over your "recovery." If you feel that it's so important that you can't go to these places, TELL him and stand firm with it, but plan for him to have an equal and opposite reaction, if it doesn't suit him.

Everyone who posted WAS trying to help. The fact that you don't see that shows a lack of "Openmindedness. Willingness. Humilty." Stop being a victim. Realize that you are strong and continue on your path. You have already made great strides. Don't let obstacles stand in your way. Keep going!!!

Just my two cents....

Let me start off by saying that I have not read any of the other relies so if I repeat something that was said I apologize.
When I started this lifestyle I dropped 66 lbs. So, let’s begin with the items you can control….he is not one of those.

1. This is a lifestyle change not a diet. Once you get to understand that things will get so much easier for you. I know I use to laugh at people who said that but know I get it. I exercise to eat!

2. There isn’t a restaurant in the world I cannot eat at. Just because they put large portions on the plat does not mean I have to eat it all. Additionally, last time I looked myfitnesspal’s food database has restaurant food in it. 

3. Holidays are a great time to use maintenance mode while continuing to exercise. This, for me, relieves a bit of worrying about over eating and allows me to eat a little extra.

4. Remember your calories do not expire at midnight. Learn to modify as needed and move on. If your goal is to lose weight by the holidays then look at that whole time frame and figure out what your calories can be. For example at 1800 calories a day over a 10 day period I can eat 18000 calories total and not gain a pound. So myfitnesspal tells me each day not to eat more than 1800 calories but on Monday I eat 2100 calories and on Tuesday I eat 1500 calories for my two days I’m still eating my 3600 calories. Work your calories around the schedule of these events.

5. Learn to exercise to eat….You’ll learn how much exercise
Based on your comments I’m not sure what it is your husband is doing wrong? Is he forcing you to eat food? There is nothing he needs to know it’s all in your reaction to the actions that happen around you when it applies to eating.

As a matter of fact my original plan was to go into maintenance mode after thanksgiving however, after we had out office potluck I decided now was the time…because there was some great food to be eaten. I’m going to stay in this mode until the last week of the year as this is the week our company goes on shutdown for two week. That will leave me ample opportunity to do additional exercising. I eat a bowl of sherbet/ice cream at the end of most nights!!

If your husband would like I’d be happy to join him on the get a ways, parties, dates, etc!

Best of luck to you!

PS....I take my wife to places I know is hard for me to eat at...Olive Garden is a good example....the only thing I eat there is the lasagna. This leaves me additional calories to eat the bread! "Modify and Move On" is what I always say!

OP, I definitely understand your frustration. It can be hard to deal with temptations around the holidays and it seems like your husband may not understand why it is so difficult. I'm sure he loves you a great deal and is trying to be romantic, which is so wonderful! Have you mentioned to him that there are certain goals you still want to accomplish between now and the trip?

Stay strong and hang in there! It looks like you're doing quite well and you have your head on your shoulders.

Thriceblessed,

Hi,

Wow, I completely understand your predicament. I fret over going to parties and dinners because of the risk of losing control. However, it sounds to me like you know how to manage your "lifestyle" under conditions you've defined as doable; it is the fact that your husband's lifestyle varies radically from yours.

Have you had a hear to heart talk with him to discuss your concerns? Maybe work out a deal that is acceptable to both of you - something like we can eat out every week on this day and with the money we save on not eating out, we can use on our trip for more lavish places (perhaps with better healthy choices).

Good luck Thriceblessed. I think you can work this out - in the mean time, before going out, drink a lot of water, eat high fiber/fulfilling foods and when at the party/restaurant/event eat small portions very slowly.

James
See my weightloss journey at Fitterzone.com

I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned it, but you know, there is a middle ground here. Just set your calories to maintain for the next month and call it good. It'll give you enough calories to enjoy yourself without feeling like you are going totally off track. You can keep logging.

There, problem solved.

You're welcome :flowerforyou: