Touchy subject. Pornography. Need advice.

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  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    I feel the only solution to this is to break up.


    A relationship with a girl who doesn't look at porn and doesn't let her man look at porn isn't going to be a success.

    Are you serious? I don't look at porn and neither does my husband (he doesn't believe in objectifying people) and we've been very happily married for 18 years. That's not what I call an unsuccessful relationship.

    but does your husband not look at porn because YOU "don't let him" or does he not because he's not interested.

    BIG HUGE DIFFERENCE

    High-Five-Fist-Bump-GIF.gif
  • babyj0
    babyj0 Posts: 531 Member
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    It doesn't matter where you get your appetite as long as you go home for dinner.

    Good one!

    Most guys will watch porn with or without a girlfriend. You can talk to him about it, and let him know how you feel. But can't promise it won't happen again..
  • The_Enginerd
    The_Enginerd Posts: 3,982 Member
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    I feel the only solution to this is to break up.


    A relationship with a girl who doesn't look at porn and doesn't let her man look at porn isn't going to be a success.

    Are you serious? I don't look at porn and neither does my husband (he doesn't believe in objectifying people) and we've been very happily married for 18 years. That's not what I call an unsuccessful relationship.
    Props to the dude. I can't keep a lie going that long.
  • kellenas
    kellenas Posts: 154
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    Perhaps some men don't look at it because they know it's hurtful to their SO. This happens as well. It doesn't mean that "they're not allowed to," it just means that their SO's feelings are more important than getting their visual fix.
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
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    . It's the age of the internet, and I think finding a guy who doesn't look at it is going to be a hard task.

    This is incorrect. I know dozens (literally, dozens) of men who find it distasteful and don't watch porn. Not saying NONE of them have experimented or tried it once or twice, as I'm sure a fair number have, but as a whole they avoid it. It's a little silly to assume EVERYBODY watches it.

    I think it's just as silly to think that all these men aren't telling you what you want to hear. This is not a subject most men are going to have frank discussions about with women they actually know
  • ZombieGeezUs
    ZombieGeezUs Posts: 476
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    It may come as a shock to some people, but there are many others out there who do not like porn and do not use it. There are also people who, for the sake of their SOs, keep a simple promise. This isn't about porn or not enough sex, it's about two incompatible views and a broken promise. And apparently also an ex from a year ago. Perhaps it's time to find someone who shares your views, instead of half-heartedly sort of putting up with them.

    Really? So you have never promised yourself something, then broke it? The ex this is bad and yeah, if she doesn't like him viewing porn, then maybe she should find someone else. Good luck finding a guy that fits all of your criteria and also doesn't view porn.

    All my criteria?? I mentioned not liking porn, keeps promises and maybe indirectly I mentioned doesn't mess around with his exes. That bar isn't set very high off the ground. Lol

    It's interesting to me that people are telling her to get comfortable with it, accept it without question and even join in when she doesnt want to, but are totally shocked that she would dare ask him to be comfortable without it.

    Like I said, incompatible. If it's a deal breaker, break the deal because he has already proven he's unlikely to stop, especially with so many people cheering him on.

    Because her request is ridiculous. And I mean your criteria as far as dating is concerned. If that is it then....well you shoot kind of low. But yes, it is a deal breaker. She should move on or suck it up. If she is still getting it, what was it, three times a day? Then I really am not seeing a problem.
  • mcjenniferatwork
    mcjenniferatwork Posts: 6
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    All men and some women enjoy watching and looking at pornographic images. this does not mean they are unfaithful. Have you ever watched a pornographic movie or show with your BF? this can be very stimulating for both of you and at times this can lead to discussions about each others sexual preferences. I agree that having images of his ex is wrong but have you ever stepped out of your normal routine to spice it up for him? I have been with the same man for 22 yrs and yes he has watched porn without me being around and yes it can be bothersome but it is natural and with today's technology it is right at your fingertips, it is the same as finding a playboy 10-15 years ago ...this is just my opinion but I see no harm
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
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    I'm just curious, where is the line drawn between your partner wanting to try new things they've seen in porn and projecting "porn standards" onto you? what are these aforementioned "porn standards"? this is a genuine question.
  • brower47
    brower47 Posts: 16,356 Member
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    when-someone-uses-the-you-look-familiar-line-on-me_zps08a77ba7.jpg

    But seriously, unless he has an psychological issue with porn, you should back off. Trying to change someone will only lead to bad feelings, butt hurt and ended relationships.

    Also, porn can be fun. Either learn to embrace it or him, your choice because he's already made his.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    Have him read this article, so he can realize that what he is doing is harmful to your relationship.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2153248/Men-look-porn-damage-partners-self-confidence--habit-break-happy-relationships.html

    Good luck. :flowerforyou:

    I call total bs. It's not a guy or girl looking at porn that corrodes the relationship. It's the other person letting their insecurities get in the way, not communicating or/and not realizing that relationships aren't a "It's all me" deal. It's called compromise and acceptance.

    Ugh.

    In most cases, I agree with you. But (in my IRL experience) it can honestly sometimes corrode the viewer's perception of sex and intimacy in general.

    :flowerforyou:

    But, that's impossible to make a judgement on for OP since this iz da interwebz.

    I don't see how, unless the person watching doesn't realize the difference between fantasy and real life. And there a bunch of different types of porn. Some are actually quite intimate versus the hardcore scenes that most tend to think of. So I'm not sure what you mean unless you are talking about someone not knowing the difference between fantasy and real life.

    For me personally I don't know how that'd happen- I can clearly tell the difference between Fake vs Real.

    For my ex, I don't know really. He was obsessive about it and started to base his expectations on it. I think he also started to project certain body expectations from the porn he'd watch onto me. I for sure think it's rare for that to happen to people who watch porn, but it's definitely a real possibility.

    Course he had some other issues up in the ol' noggin that probably didn't help, either.

    Some people have a fetish for public sex/intimacy (getting off in front of others) or/and video-taping themselves. It doesn't mean their relationship is less meaningful. That's just what they like.

    I totally agree. Like I said, it's not *always* a problem and *usually* it's not. But, my ex admitted to me that it skewed his perception. That's not to say a skewed perception is the rule, but it's a possibility. That's all I'm saying. :flowerforyou:

    Yeah it can happen. Look how people go about their diets/food choices! hahaha. But that boils down to the person/individual. Some people (whether porn, gaming, food, etc) have issues becoming obsessed or rigid about some things. Doesn't make the actual thing bad/evil or that other people that do so that way.

    And I don't think it gives anyone the right to try to control someone else (in regards to you can't do this, you can't do that) or to shame them for their preferences/likes.

    ( And that isn't being said to you, just in general) :flowerforyou:
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    you'll get the misogynistic attitude that this is some how your fault or you are not acting as an appropriate receptacle for your boyfriend's seminal emissions. First, that's bull sh-t and please don't take any of that to heart. I assume he has a brain and some amount of empathy and is a fully grown responsible adult for his own actions?

    If you have a problem with it and he has agreed to not do something that makes you feel uncomfortable, and he is not abiding by his promises then you bring it up. The next step is up to you it may be very difficult to establish trust as it appears from what have said he's broken that trust.

    Counseling may be your only option besides ending the relationship. Best of luck.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    Perhaps some men don't look at it because they know it's hurtful to their SO. This happens as well. It doesn't mean that "they're not allowed to," it just means that their SO's feelings are more important than getting their visual fix.

    The only reason it is hurtful is because one lets it be hurtful...and that's usually in play with insecurity issues.
  • JenniTheVeggie
    JenniTheVeggie Posts: 2,474 Member
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    guys like porn. end thread

    Some chicks like it too.
  • JustYandy
    JustYandy Posts: 221 Member
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    Make a game what ever they do you do with him:happy: watch it together then maybe it won't bother you as much?make you're own porn...try asking questions instead of demanding him to stop and be a little open minded.Ask him why he watches it and not in a offended way.Maybe you need to communicate what you both really enjoy sexually..
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    . It's the age of the internet, and I think finding a guy who doesn't look at it is going to be a hard task.

    This is incorrect. I know dozens (literally, dozens) of men who find it distasteful and don't watch porn. Not saying NONE of them have experimented or tried it once or twice, as I'm sure a fair number have, but as a whole they avoid it. It's a little silly to assume EVERYBODY watches it.

    I think it's just as silly to think that all these men aren't telling you what you want to hear. This is not a subject most men are going to have frank discussions about with women they actually know

    Or women they want to be with or/and have sex with. :laugh:
  • ZombieGeezUs
    ZombieGeezUs Posts: 476
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    . It's the age of the internet, and I think finding a guy who doesn't look at it is going to be a hard task.

    This is incorrect. I know dozens (literally, dozens) of men who find it distasteful and don't watch porn. Not saying NONE of them have experimented or tried it once or twice, as I'm sure a fair number have, but as a whole they avoid it. It's a little silly to assume EVERYBODY watches it.

    Yeeeah....they are lying to you
  • sypop
    sypop Posts: 102 Member
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    i don't understand...why is porn so evil....

    its a person...watching other people...doing things on tv...

    replace porn with love...

    what if your boyfriend told you that you were never allowed to watch anything to do with love on TV....because it made you want love and it made you look for love, and he was afraid it would make you look for love outside of your relationship?

    does that sound silly to you? does to me...

    or you are never allowed to watch a taco bell commercial again because you may want their tacos more than his homemade tacos...

    get my point?

    it's porn...he hasn't touched anyone, in all likelihood if he was touching himself while watching, he was thinking about HIMSELF and how it made HIM feel and OMG...it may...it MAY have even made him more aroused for you...

    so what's the big deal with porn?

    DAMMIT !!! now I want Taco Bell

    Do not look at porn after Doritos spicy locos tacos.....learned that one the hard way.

    lol thank you for that warning i will be sure to keep that in mind next time i am eating spicy doritos AND feeling frisky :wink:
  • kyleekay10
    kyleekay10 Posts: 1,812 Member
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    I'm just curious, where is the line drawn between your partner wanting to try new things they've seen in porn and projecting "porn standards" onto you? what are these aforementioned "porn standards"? this is a genuine question.

    It changes into projecting when the person viewing porn literally expects their partner to morph into what they're watching, and isn't willing to accept anything less.
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
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    So what if he watches porn? Doesn't hurt you, doesn't replace you, so what? No problem. I'd be offended and insulted if I were him and you tried to make him "promise" not to look at porn. Porn is, in my opinion, boring and uninteresting, but no harm to you.
  • PennyM140
    PennyM140 Posts: 423 Member
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    OP, My advice to you is to look at some porn yourself. See if it changes anything about you. See if it makes you want the people in the pictures and videos more than your boyfriend. See if it turns you into a raving mad horny freaky kinky lunatic that is no longer human.
    My guess is, it will make you horny. :ohwell:

    But my point is, it's just a form of entertainment. Like a movie or a book. Unless it interferes with daily tasks or his intimacy with you, give the poor guy a break.

    IMO telling guys (who like porn) to never look at porn again would be like telling me to never eat chocolate again. Not gonna happen! Nor should it be required to make a SO happy.
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