Girlfriend's Words Hurt

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Replies

  • wertgirlfor
    wertgirlfor Posts: 161 Member
    From your profile picture, I think you look great already, and don't see this "big" butt you're talking about. Also, 5 pounds or any amount really, won't change your shape. I got a big butt, and despite losing 15 pounds, I still got a big butt. Your shape does not really change, like how hourglass girls are hourglass girls no matter what they weigh.

    However, you should tell your girlfriend that those kind of comments hurt your feelings, and if that doesn't work, ask her why she keeps saying things if she knows they hurt you. Another solution could realize that she probably doesn't see a "big butt" as a bad thing. My boyfriend used to make fun of my butt all the time, and at first it would hurt me. Honestly, though, over time I just stop caring because to him, saying I had a big *kitten* or whatever was a compliment. He'd make fun of me just to bug me, but he actually enjoys my butt a lot lol. Maybe it's just her way of teasing you just because she knows it bugs you, but if it continues to bother/hurt you, she really should stop.
  • blackcloud13
    blackcloud13 Posts: 654 Member
    This is not exactly going to help you - but looking at your pics, I can't imagine that anyone could say anything to put you down!!
    Just ignore ignore and ignore - you look awesome!

    Keep to what you know you need to do, and you'll be fine
  • littleburgy
    littleburgy Posts: 570 Member
    I have gone through the process of losing weight, and losing weight, and losing weight, and the butt was still there. The only thing that's made my butt tolerable is toning. It will never disappear. Sometimes you just have to learn to love what you got.

    sir-mix-a-lot.jpg
  • CharisSunny
    CharisSunny Posts: 276 Member
    Honey let her know.

    Then let yourself know that your lovely booty is a figure enhancer MANY women would LOVE to have.

    I have a LOVELY pear shape and Im learning to embrace it. You may lose a bit but you will have an underlying figure, love you baby and let her know its her job to do the same...or keep it moving.
  • whitebalance
    whitebalance Posts: 1,654 Member
    OP says she's already had "the talk" with girlfriend, multiple times. Girlfriend knows what she's doing is hurtful. Ain't nobody got time for that.
  • twinketta
    twinketta Posts: 2,130 Member
    OP, can I tell you a little story, it haunts me even now.

    My best friend of 15 years ( she has emigrated now, sadly, and we have lost touch)

    We were so close as friends, she was always really slim and she had very small breasts, she always joked about them. I didn`t realise that she was so self conscious and I used to joke also. There was no malice intended on my part. I was overweight and we used to laugh that I tried to tuck my muffin top into my jeans.

    We went on holiday and we were both sunbathing on the beach topless, she said something to me and I looked over and said...

    "Sorry was not sure if you were lying on your back or your front, if they were shoulder blades or boobs"

    Later that day she totally broke down in tears and sobbed her little heart out. I really did not know she was so self conscious about her boobs.

    What I am trying to get over is, if you do not tell her exactly how her comments make you feel, then she really will not know xx
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
    From looking at your profile picture, there is nothing wrong with the size of your butt. If she knows you hate it, and continues to draw attention to something that hurts you, she is being a butt herself (sorry, but it's true.) Eat more, lift those weights and when you get what you've worked for, you can show it off to the world!
  • twinketta
    twinketta Posts: 2,130 Member
    She knows it bothers me, because ive told her before its a touchy subject and I've been teased before. I don't want to break up, I really love her and she's the only person I've ever dated, we've been together for two years. I know she loves me, but then she says things like that and it's just so awful.

    I don't know what to do.

    I'm 110 pounds, but my butt is just huge

    Also, I do not imagine for 1 minute that your butt is huge.

    If she really makes you feel so sad, just tell her, if she really loves you then she would not make you feel bad...there are plenty of nice people in the world...give her a chance, it sounds like she is insecure also?
  • alexandriax03
    alexandriax03 Posts: 289 Member
    There's nothing wrong with a big butt. Honestly, people like big butts. I'm pretty sure your girlfriend was probably joking when she said that. If she doesn't like your big butt… she's crazy. No one I know likes a flat butt. When I was skinny, my butt was HUGE. Now, my butt is still huge… it just has a different shape. EVERYONE comments on how large my butt is and refers to me as "big booty judy." I don't let it affect me because I'm happy I have a big butt. I'd rather have some "cushion" back there than no booty :)
  • Fithealthyforlife
    Fithealthyforlife Posts: 866 Member
    I bet she'll never bring it up again. If she does, just tell her the truth...it's muscle, and you like it, but it's ok if she doesn't.
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
    JBU? Done already.
    Talk to her? Nope, already mentioned.
    Sir mix-a-lot reference? Too late.

    Sorry, OP...I got nothing.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    Eh, I doubt it's that big tbh, given your hips aren't especially wide.

    Anyway, tell her. That's all you can do.
  • hannahpistolas
    hannahpistolas Posts: 290 Member
    Embrace that booty.

    Also, find new friends.
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
    Has a pic been posted of the booty in question?

    You know, for science and stuff?
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
    post it :)
    I don't understand girls and their butt insecurity, most men love em!

    I don't think male appreciation of her butt is one of the OP's concerns. Just a hunch.

    You mean not all women base all of their choices and aspirations based on what men find attractive? Next you're gonna tell me some of them don't even like men in that way.


    OP, talk to her. She might not know how you feel so let her clarify what she meant. Also, if you need more positive reassurance from her, wouldn't hurt to let her know that too. Don't be passive aggressive, just be up front and avoid the resentment and hurt feelings.
  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
    Learn to love yourself and you'll be more or less immune to anything anyone says to you.
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
    Learn to love yourself and you'll be more or less immune to anything anyone says to you.

    This would resolve 80%+ of the problems posted here.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    Learn to love yourself and you'll be more or less immune to anything anyone says to you.

    This would resolve 80%+ of the problems posted here.

    Yup.
  • tjthegreatone
    tjthegreatone Posts: 324
    If you are either of the two women in your profile picture, there's no way you have a 'large' butt. You are already very slim.
    Your friend is being nasty/insensitive. I am told that sometimes it is driven by envy/feelings of insecurity. You could either let her know for the last time that you won't tolerate any more negative comments on your body, or you could just move on and gradually phase her out of your circle of friends.
    One thing I learned the hard way is life is difficult enough and you'll have to deal with enough negativity from numerous other sources. Do not tolerate it in friends/family/close ones.
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
    Learn to love yourself and you'll be more or less immune to anything anyone says to you.

    This would resolve 80%+ of the problems posted here.

    Yup.

    destroy the economy tho eh.
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
    Learn to love yourself and you'll be more or less immune to anything anyone says to you.

    This would resolve 80%+ of the problems posted here.

    Yup.

    destroy the economy tho eh.

    I'd like to think it would transform the economy. :drinker:
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    This is why I have only dated 2 women in my entire life and the rest have been men. It would always get to the point where there was too much estrogen flowing, and emotions started running way too high.
  • longtimeterp
    longtimeterp Posts: 614 Member
    why on earth would anyone want to lose a booty...i've suffered from noassatall my whole life and would love to have a booty!
  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
    Learn to love yourself and you'll be more or less immune to anything anyone says to you.

    This would resolve 80%+ of the problems posted here.

    Yup.

    destroy the economy tho eh.

    I'd like to think it would transform the economy. :drinker:

    me_for_president_225_button.jpg?height=225&width=225
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    why on earth would anyone want to lose a booty...i've suffered from noassatall my whole life and would love to have a booty!

    ^This.
  • skinnybythanksgiving
    skinnybythanksgiving Posts: 159 Member
    "How can I make her understand how awful she makes me feel? I just feel so awful and low, like I want to give up."

    She understands already. You have already let her know it makes you feel terrible and sad and less than and all that.

    I believe you feel awful because you know she knows how she is making you feel, and keeps right on doing it. It isn't going to change, so you would want to:

    A. Accept the verbal abuse and the resulting damage to your self-esteem or
    B. Set a boundary with her saying no more. Tell her if she does it again, your relationship is over. That way she knows you are serious. Write her a letter so she knows you are serious and can't blow you off with another joke.

    You know, you deserve better than that, right? :flowerforyou:

    There is a good book by Patricia Evans called Verbal Abuse. Check it out!
  • DonnaAidana
    DonnaAidana Posts: 20
    If you are either of the two women in your profile picture, there's no way you have a 'large' butt. You are already very slim.
    Your friend is being nasty/insensitive. I am told that sometimes it is driven by envy/feelings of insecurity. You could either let her know for the last time that you won't tolerate any more negative comments on your body, or you could just move on and gradually phase her out of your circle of friends.
    One thing I learned the hard way is life is difficult enough and you'll have to deal with enough negativity from numerous other sources. Do not tolerate it in friends/family/close ones.

    Thats me and my girlfriend actually. It would be hard to phase her out, as I love her very much and (as an aside) she pays half the rent. But at the same time the way I feel when she cracks jokes or draws focus to my butt is just terrible! She knows I hate it and that its been a source of teasing for me since middle school.

    I just don't know how to cope with it anymore, especially with people telling me I can't do anything about it!
  • DonnaAidana
    DonnaAidana Posts: 20
    "How can I make her understand how awful she makes me feel? I just feel so awful and low, like I want to give up."

    She understands already. You have already let her know it makes you feel terrible and sad and less than and all that.

    I believe you feel awful because you know she knows how she is making you feel, and keeps right on doing it. It isn't going to change, so you would want to:

    A. Accept the verbal abuse and the resulting damage to your self-esteem or
    B. Set a boundary with her saying no more. Tell her if she does it again, your relationship is over. That way she knows you are serious. Write her a letter so she knows you are serious and can't blow you off with another joke.

    You know, you deserve better than that, right? :flowerforyou:

    There is a good book by Patricia Evans called Verbal Abuse. Check it out!

    I will check out this book! Thank you
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    Is that your girlfriend in your profile picture? You are both beautiful, but you are actually a little slimmer than she is.
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
    Listen, she's just trying to manipulate you and lower your self esteem so you stay with her. It's called "negging" (FROM NEGATIVE to be clear). The less you think of yourself, the more you depend on her for approval, and the more she can control you. Think about it.

    That might make sense. That's why she doesn't want me to lose weight and encourages me to eat more/cardio less?

    I mean, that's possible. I was looking at the psychiatric side. Perhaps it's possible that she truly wants you to be undesirable to others, as well, instead of just thinking that you're undesirable. There is also a fetish called "feederism" where the "feeder" (in this case, your GF) gets arousal from causing you to over eat and gain wait. Trust me, just don't google it. You don't want to read that stuff.

    Edited to add:
    http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/channel/taboo/videos/feederism/

    I'm not saying that this is certainly in your future. But it's absolutely very, very likely.

    Taking my hat out of the just break up ring and throwing it into the 'OP's girlfriend is a feeder' ring. It seems legit.

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