Supporting MFP friends on very low calorie diets

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  • gk03ub
    gk03ub Posts: 99 Member
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    I just remove that person from my friends list. I love supporting my MFP friends but I absolutely can NOT support such unsafe eating habits. Rather than preach, I just let them be. It is very well-known that such a low calorie consumption is horrible for the body and metabolism and they can access this kind of information anywhere. I am not the food police and it isn't up to me to tell people what to do. I just can't support them, so I remove them.
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,785 Member
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    I had a goal set at 800 calories a day and when I exercise I netted about 300. I for one do NOT eat back my exercise calories.....unless I'm hungry. The difference in me and some of those other people is they have an eating disorder and I do not (even though some said differently). I would never support someone who is 100 lbs and want to be 80 lbs. That is an eating disorder and I can not support that. My goal was to get the weight off fast because I was over 400lbs and I figured being that obese was worse on me than eating 800 calories a day. I am now at a better place in my weight and have increased my calories, and I plan on increasing them even more. I'm just doing it slowly, so I don't gain. I am not one of those people who can't wait to exercise so they can have more to eat. I figure with that kind of attitude I will be overweight again in no time because I'm looking at eating more and more instead of knowing when I've had enough.

    That is a great attitude and one I did not think about. When one has a lot of weight to lose, losing the weight by either a controlled low calorie diet and/or weight loss surgery is much more important to stabilize/reduce immediate health issues than the amount of calories they ingest. And kudos to you for upping your calorie intake when you got closer to your weight goal.

    I am not sure if this is the case with my MFP friends, but had someone said that to me either publicly or privately, I would been supportive. The few low calorie MFP friends I have seem to tend to have the following profile: 1) young woman (18 to say 25) and 2) from the profile pics or weight tracker are not overweight it all and some cases at a very healthy weight.

    Anyway, congratulations are in order for losing 214 pounds. You have my complete respect and admiration and I am sure your are very proud of your accomplishments! Well done!

    Thank you and I am. And to all my haters from before when they were so apt to judge me no matter what, well they can kiss my much smaller booty. :tongue: :bigsmile:
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,785 Member
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    I am not one of those people who can't wait to exercise so they can have more to eat. I figure with that kind of attitude I will be overweight again in no time because I'm looking at eating more and more instead of knowing when I've had enough.

    I'm one of those people, and I've never been obese. I just love to exercise and love to eat. Of course I exercise very vigorously, so not eating my calories back would not be healthy for my settings.

    I have nothing against you, I'm just not you. I love Zumba and don't mind doing the elliptical, but to say I love exercise and look forward to it just so I can eat more is not something I will ever say. And as you said you've never been obese so you can not know my mindset. I honestly need to get out of the mindset that food is my feel good and most days I have, some days are harder than others, but I'm working on it.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    the usually remove themselves or just stop logging...ive never seen a VLCD last very long
  • pauljsaunders
    pauljsaunders Posts: 79
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    Support is about being there for an individual at times of need by them, ideally you should be non judgemental if possible, and welcome the fact that they have trust in you and will take on board what advise you offer, your a safety net at the best... You should feel comfortable with what you both have to share between you....
  • golfmonk
    golfmonk Posts: 119 Member
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    Support is about being there for an individual at times of need by them, ideally you should be non judgemental if possible, and welcome the fact that they have trust in you and will take on board what advise you offer, your a safety net at the best... You should feel comfortable with what you both have to share between you....

    Thank you for the reply and I totally agree!

    In an ideal world, this is what we as human beings should strive for and I was hoping that perhaps most of this would be present in my MFP friends list. But, we don't live in an ideal world and I am finding it hard to really give meaningful advice especially when a low calorie friend complains they are a) not losing weight, b) gaining weight or c) their body composition is turning for the worst (i.e. becoming skinny fat) and they ignore my concerns.

    This is partly my fault. I did not screen my friends very well and just *assumed* they had the same goals as I when I joined MFP. And I know now that I was wrong and should have done a better job from the beginning. But, I was a newbie and I had no clue what I was doing...and sometimes still don't have a clue today. But I try my best to be informed...
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
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    This is partly my fault. I did not screen my friends very well and just *assumed* they had the same goals as I when I joined MFP.

    This reinforces the advice I give people who are looking for "friends for support" in general requests for friends. I believe it is *much* better (for everyone involved) to seek out individuals with whom you believe you have something in common, or even just individuals whose posts you enjoy reading. This criteria seems to work a lot better than just accepting whoever responds regardless of reason/background.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    Support is about being there for an individual at times of need by them, ideally you should be non judgemental if possible, and welcome the fact that they have trust in you and will take on board what advise you offer, your a safety net at the best... You should feel comfortable with what you both have to share between you....

    tumblr_md16qtpHIj1rds0r4o1_500.gif
  • maybeazure
    maybeazure Posts: 301 Member
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    I think there is a big difference between *eating* well under 1200 calories and *netting* well under 1200 calories. I really question the accuracy of the MFP estimates of exercise calories, so I'm not going to eat them all back, but I do like to log them because they motivate me.

    I don't pay a lot of attention to how many calories my friends eat or don't eat. I figure they are adults and in charge of their own weight loss. Also I know that it is really easy not to log everything accurately, and they may be eating far more than they log. That is particularly true if they are trying to eat too little. It's easy to lie to yourself that the 8 ounces of chicken "looks like" about three.

    I think if you are really concerned about someone you might check with them. Also maybe pay attention to how much they are losing. If they are losing a lot of weight and aren't that big to begin with, maybe you might express your concern. But if they aren't losing that much weight, then they probably are eating way more than they say they are. If they ask for advice, you might give it to them, but otherwise I'd stay out of it.
  • k8eekins
    k8eekins Posts: 2,264 Member
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    golfmonk Joined Oct 2013 Posts: 77December 7, 2013 7:18 pm I have this dilemma and I am curious on how the general MFP population would deal with this issue (of course, this is assuming that one would be using their MFP friends list for motitivation and support).

    I have noticed this trend that a decent amount of my MFP friends are eating nowhere the amount of calories they should be like logging an insane amount of exercise calories and netting something like 400 calories for the day. There was even one friend that had a daily calorie goal of 600 calories. I mean, is this *even* possible to do when setting up a MFP account? I always assumed that there was a 1200 daily calorie cap on MFP but I guess not since I peaked at her diary and saw this with my very own eyes.

    I suppose the purpose of MFP friends list is to be able to support and motivate one another, but I have a problem of supporting people that are either a) not exercising and logging under 1000 calories or b) eating over 1200 calories, but netting well under 1000. I just can't bring myself to support such behavior and was wondering what other people have done (or would do) under these circumstances. Do you ignore it? Remove them from your friends list? Preach to them that what they are doing is not a viable long term solution?

    Anyways, I will look forward to any comments that will come my way (good or bad) and good luck to all on their weight loss journey and may you get to your desired goal!

    P.S. I am not referring to anyone that is occasionally doing this (like if they are sick and/or not hungry that day). I am talking about friends that are doing this consistently everyday.

    I do empathise that in less than 40 days of MFP membership and to be dominated by a segment of our MFP community, with a combination of weight loss/weight gain needs but are eating too few calories is daunting and overwhelming. Personally, they motivate me to effectively apply myself to disallow my self-neglect and that enough is enough; Eat up and move!

    Agree with the posters who'd recommended you opt to "Remove Friend" for I'm one who'd personally benefitted via the support of a select few to up my calories because of their rolling concerns for one and all via what they'd highlighted throughout the forum. It was how they'd approached it. Their tones stuck, as imprints. I in turn embrace and welcome the low calorie consuming members. I believe that it's better accommodated (and/or tolerated) by some depending on the purpose of their support. Once it veers towards a needling distraction for you ~ cut if off.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
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    I'd probably never even notice. I only have like 3-4 friends with open diaries that I actually look at once in awhile.
  • golfmonk
    golfmonk Posts: 119 Member
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    Support is about being there for an individual at times of need by them, ideally you should be non judgemental if possible, and welcome the fact that they have trust in you and will take on board what advise you offer, your a safety net at the best... You should feel comfortable with what you both have to share between you....

    tumblr_md16qtpHIj1rds0r4o1_500.gif

    Well, I know that I would get a gif reply sooner or later! Ha! Thanks for the reply!
  • cevalid
    cevalid Posts: 59
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    I know that the MFP exercise log and my fitbit give me way too many extra calories a day so I often net under goal. I entered my age, weight and gender into the elliptical the other day and it gave me an estimated 303 calorie burn after 30 mins. MFP wanted to give me over 480. As much as I would have loved the 480, I figured it was prob unrealistic.

    A lot of my friends also net under their goal, but that will be because they will have something like 20 min cardio as 370 cals burned. Most also have as much weight to lose as I do and diaries filled with pretty hearty foods (not made up of celery sticks and carrot- more curries and pasta).

    That's why I go more off calories eaten than net calories.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    Support is about being there for an individual at times of need by them, ideally you should be non judgemental if possible, and welcome the fact that they have trust in you and will take on board what advise you offer, your a safety net at the best... You should feel comfortable with what you both have to share between you....

    tumblr_md16qtpHIj1rds0r4o1_500.gif

    Well, I know that I would get a gif reply sooner or later! Ha! Thanks for the reply!

    Your welcome and can I just say, I read back where your account is only 40 days old. Honestly if it were me I would make a list of the friends I like and start over with a new account and friend those friends. Then that will lead to new friends through them and those would likely have healthier philosopy on weight loss that is more palatable to you. After reading all your replies I would invite you to friend me when you've done that. You might have wandered into a bad thread or two in your first couple of days and it just snowballed but no reason why you can't turn that snowball effect to your advantage especially being that your account is so new. Little would be lost at this point if you restarted with a fresh and more to your liking FL. Good luck! :flowerforyou:
  • rtrcarrie
    rtrcarrie Posts: 50 Member
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    I used to continually try to talk to people who did this but came to the point that after a few times and still seeing this type of behavior I started deleting people. I did tell them why and wished them the best because I do hope they all move into a better place personally, I just could not make it my job to council them any longer. I am not a professional and feel that that is what these people need to help them. I let everyone on my list know, and tell those who request my friendship, that I can not and will not support people who hide their diary or eat like that.
  • golfmonk
    golfmonk Posts: 119 Member
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    Your welcome and can I just say, I read back where your account is only 40 days old. Honestly if it were me I would make a list of the friends I like and start over with a new account and friend those friends. Then that will lead to new friends through them and those would likely have healthier philosopy on weight loss that is more palatable to you. After reading all your replies I would invite you to friend me when you've done that. You might have wandered into a bad thread or two in your first couple of days and it just snowballed but no reason why you can't turn that snowball effect to your advantage especially being that your account is so new. Little would be lost at this point if you restarted with a fresh and more to your liking FL. Good luck! :flowerforyou:

    For mychocolatediet:

    Thank you for the sound advice! In the end, I think this is the solution I will be implementing.

    There is a good core group of MFP friends I want to keep, discard all the others because I am finding them too draining and add in new friends that think on the same page as I do with regards to weight loss. When that time comes, I would love to have you as a MFP friend and I will drop you a note when I get to that point (hopefully soon).

    For everyone else:

    Thank you very much for taking the time to read and/or post to this topic. I will continue to monitor this thread and I hope that the information on here will have benefited others like it has benefited me. And if anyone wants to friend me, please drop me a note and I will get back to you when I have cleaned up my current account.
  • LINIA
    LINIA Posts: 1,065 Member
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    The only request i make from my friends here is that they have open diaries. If a person stops interacting, then i delete them, otherwise...we are all adults and i really believe most of us forget or underestimate ( eyeball instead of weigh) our actual food intake.

    So if any of us are deleting friends based on a low calorie food diet, imho, that is deserting a friend in need.

    I am 5'1" and weigh 120 and am learning lots here on MFP!
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,785 Member
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    the usually remove themselves or just stop logging...ive never seen a VLCD last very long

    Mine lasted well over a year. I was and still am determined. Failure is not an option for me and I am stronger than anyone ever gave me credit for. I've only raised my calories because I am now at a healthier weight and can take my time getting the other 60 lbs off. Never discount a person because of a low calorie diet until you know their reasons. You do have to be determined for it to work in your favor. I was and still am :)
  • aprilwine11
    aprilwine11 Posts: 13 Member
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    Support is about being there for an individual at times of need by them, ideally you should be non judgemental if possible, and welcome the fact that they have trust in you and will take on board what advise you offer, your a safety net at the best... You should feel comfortable with what you both have to share between you....

    Wonderful attitude :)
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
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    You can't fix everyone, and you are not obligated to try. I don't praise people who have eating disorders for eating under their goal, but I don't ignore them or unfriend them. I probably won't nag them about it either, because I can't fix everyone.

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