Dating while being fat
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oh my!!! i never got asked out.. im so jealous of the whole us dating thing.. i mean its so skipped over over here..
you make out then your dating and thats that.. wheres the romance gone over here? xxx
OK, this is a tough one for me, cause I got the body, being in shape doesn't help me attract a date! sucks, but true .I NEVER EVER get asked out EVER! So don't be so hard on yourself. I figure there's someone out there for me, that can put up with me. The fact that I have 6 kids, makes most men go running..why wouldn't it?! lol...keep your held up high and you'll stumble accross that guy when you least expect it. I know it sucks big time, i'm tired of taking my kids as my dates to dinner and to movies, a little male companionship would be nice, but they all think you wanna marry them! PUH LEEEEAZZE! been there, done that, just a date, that's it...my mom tells me that men are like parking spots, all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped! lol0 -
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:laugh:
my mom tells me that men are like parking spots, all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped! lol0 -
Brilliant thread I blame everything on me being overweight ,a few people I know who have lost lots of weight still say they have the same mindset even though they are slimmer now .
I assumed once they had lost the weight everything would fall into place if you know what I mean .0 -
Brilliant thread I blame everything on me being overweight ,a few people I know who have lost lots of weight still say they have the same mindset even though they are slimmer now .
I assumed once they had lost the weight everything would fall into place if you know what I mean .
Absolutely! So many people spend so much of their life obsessing about their weight (guilty at times, I'll admit) that they forget to actually have a life. I remember watching Kirstie Alley on Oprah and she was on the other end of the stick - thinking she didn't want to try to lose weight because she felt like she should find a man who accepted her for who she was and she talked about waking up one morning and thinking 'but since when is being fat who I am?'. To be honest (and a little brutal) if the best thing about an individual is that they are skinny then I don't think relationships are going to come easy to them at all.0 -
When I meet my wife I was 262lbs. We dated for about 6 months and decided it was time for the next level so we got engaged. We then started working out trying to get in shape for the upcoming wedding. On our wedding day I weighed 204lbs. I had lost 58lbs for the wedding in about 6 months. Then my wife got pregnant, and I gained the weight with her, only I put more on then she did. I went all the way back to 262lbs before I said enough. I am currently 232.5lbs, doing it a little slower and healtier this time.
My point to this story is: My wife fell in love with me when I was that heavy. I think when you find the right person your appearance really doesn't matter.
You will find the one, just keep doing what your doing and it will happen.0 -
I just wanted to add a skinny chicks perspective.
The BEST and longest lasting relationship I have ever seen in 49 yrs of living is my friend and her spouse.
As young girls entering the dating world, I was 110 pounds and she was 210 pounds. I with the blond flowing hair and big blue eyes, she with the unruly curls and thick glasses.
I had zip, zero, nada in the confidence area.
She excuded confidence!
She ALWAYS got better quality dates than I. How many nights I called her crying because some idiot had tried to put the moves on me and when I said no he dumped me. Once, she had to pick me up in the middle of the night because he kicked me out of his car when I asked him to take me home!!!
I remember when she met her hubs. We had a party for her kids at the bowling alley. Her friend from work told her about her brother, also recently divorced and with 3 kids of his own. T invited him and his children to the party. I was nervous for her, because I was always very protective.....had a lot of fights in middle school if someone called her fat................grrrrrrrrrrr
Anyway........he arrived and I swear to you this is the smiley I would use from when he first set eyes upon her
They have never been apart since that day! That was ........oh, 20 some odd years ago?! He adores her, she adores him.
He is respectful and kind and helps around the house. OH and did I mention he is handsome??? :glasses:
I feel it is all about how we feel about ourselves. If we treat ourselves with respect and dignity, love the person we are at THIS moment, others will do the same.
Great job thus far on your journey! You can do this!!:flowerforyou:0 -
I have dated several men over the years that have not complained about my being a curvey girl... they actually liked it. But it seems that many people in this world are so fixated on someone's appearance that they dont look any further than skin deep. So I am 34 and as single as ever. When my friends try to "fix me up" with someone, usually the response I get is "she has a pretty face, BUT she's overweight" which automatically makes me "not their type". I wish those people could experience for a short while what it would be like for them if the shoe was on the other foot for a change. I would love to find that special someone to spend my life with, but I guess I'm gonna have to lose a bit of weight so that someone will bother to take the time to look more than skin deep.0
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:flowerforyou: It's our confidence level I totally agree with the above poster, if we feel beautiful, we exude it, if we feel fat and frumpy, we'll exude that. Learning to love ourselves FIRST before even beginning to bring in a partner is most important.\WOW
You almost sound as though you feel like you don't DESERVE to have a meaningful relationship because you're overweight.
Can I speak frankly?
Get a grip! You deserve, and can have a meaningful relationship as a fat chick! Stop taking the blame for every relationship that goes south! Even the most beautiful Skinny girls have failed relationships. (Halle Berry)
Come on girlfriend. Stay in the game!
We'll always have ourselves, but others come and go in our lives. If we learn to be true to ourselves and really really learn to love who we are, inside and out, only then can we make long lasting positive changes! That's why I pulled myself outta the game for awhile because I wasn't feeling that about me, so on my own, I've made far more positive strides than I feel I would have in a relationship for the time being.
But I'm working on getting back in the game, putting myself first and keep in mind we're all a work in progress! If we dislike ourselves how can we possibly expect another to like us or let alone have respect for who we are.
It is entirely possible, he really isn't ready to be in a relationship, perhaps he was being truthful, if he wasn't being truthful he's not worth your time, right?
Becca
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Thank you to everyone that has commented. I was down on myself recently because dating is so frustrating. I find it's harder now that I'm 32, have a son, and full time job. When I was in high school/college, you met new people all the time. I've done the online thing....bummer. I've checked out people in the grocery....bummer. I just remind myself every now and then that it's not time for me to be with someone. Right now I wouldn't really have the time anyways.
There are some people here that their beauty really shows through their posts.
Congrats on everyone's weight loss.....0 -
This is a great thread!!! You deserve a pat on the back just for starting it and being honest with yourself, because that's the first step!
I was chubby when I was younger (ok and in the not so distant past as well....), I can remember one kid telling me that 'slimfast should be my best friend.' Ugh. Kids can be so cruel! I am your classic 'yo-yo-er' Meaning, I have been super skinny and I have been chunky.
Anyway, at 30 years old I have JUST started to realize that no matter what I weigh, I have dating problems. When I was skinnier, I probably blew off some really nice guys......when I was (am) chunky, I'm sure it kept some nice guys from giving me a second glance. What remained a constant was my bad self-image.
I realized that while our society stresses the importance of relationships, you DON'T NEED A BOYFRIEND TO MAKE YOU HAPPY!! It literally just occurred to me about 6 months ago that I'd prefer my dog's and my own company over most guys I've dated in the past. I love working out FOR ME. I like feeling healthy.
Don't get me wrong, I still hope to one day find a 'partner' in life but right now I am enjoying all the wonderful things life has to offer, and taking time to visit friends, and family.
Anyway - again I say that while I don't even know you - how proud I am that you started this thread - and you may not even realize what a great first step that was towards becoming healthy.....on the inside!
I leave you with words from the great Elle Woods (from Legally Blonde)....Just remember that: "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't. "0 -
My weight loss started when I found out my husband was cheating on me.
So did my dating life...
Needless to say, I'm still single and I'm still working on ME.
Quite honestly, you have to LOVE yourself first before anyone else can. Cliche, I know. But so very true. When I was still a much bigger girl (280 lbs and still super effing awesome!) I dated A LOT, a few stuck around for more than a few weeks, but nothing bloomed into a relationship. I also had A LOT of casual sex, (note: I'm definitely not bragging!! I've realized that was due to my insecurities and the need to feel "sexy")
Failed attempts at relationships + casual sex + plus fat chick with emotional issues = Not a good combo.
The truth is, it wasn't my weight that was the problem. It was MY issue with my weight. It was ME. (It's still me!:o)
I've since taken a break from dating. I'm working really hard to become the person (physically) that I want to become, and when your emotions are involved with another person, I find it's hard to do that.
So maybe take a break from find a man, and work on YOU. Not saying your imperfect at all, but clearly YOU have a issue with your weight that you need to deal with? (That sounds harsh, like I'm calling names, but I'm not. I'm speaking on an emotional level.)
On a funny note: I read a comment the other day, "Men are like blenders. We all feel like we NEED one, but once we get it, we forget what exactly we needed it for" It made me giggle.
Wow...this sounds like what I am going through. I am glad to be here though and have the support that I need to lose some weight. Hopefully I can now have more confidence...
I am concerned that I will have issues with dating after losing weight. I think I will be worried that someone that I meet when I am skinner will see older pictures of me and be afraid that I will go back to that. =/0 -
So here is a guys perspective that might be slightly different than what you are hearing here.
I was in great shape in college (think national champion sports team shape) and was often exposed to many women of all shapes and persuasions. I have to say that some of the sexiest women I ever met during that time were heavy...not fat...heavy.
This is just my opinion, but what I think made them awesome was that they had lost some weight, they felt confident, and the inner cool chick came out to play. Trust me, guys noticed. Maybe the plan for you is to focus on the weight till you start to look in the mirror and think, "Hey, I am starting to look good". When that voice comes out, that might be the time to start dating. I think that voice will appear long before you have 6 pac abs, but that may be the kick you need to go out on the date and ooze cool chick, rather than self-conscious chick.
This may not be a popular opinion, but it just just another tool for the tool box. Unfortunately, guys do sense when a woman who is overweight knows it...I was just trying to come up with a plan that helps you avoid worrying about it when you are on a date.
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I've only read the first post, but I assume he saw you before that date.
In that case, why would the weight suddenly be the issue? Guys can be odd. I tried online dating a couple years ago and I had one correspondence go this way:
We e-mailed a couple times and then he asked to meet for coffee the following weekend. He even named a specific place. I wrote back and said I was free either day and would be happy to meet when it was convenient for him.
Never heard from him again.0 -
I'll never forget something my mother said to me years and years ago. "Boys don't like fat girls." It broke my heart to hear her say that to me. She was never one to say mean things to me, but oh, how that killed me.0
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I guess I don't have a lot of advice on this topic. I have not had a date in a few years. Just don't feel confident enough to approach and ladies in my current state I guess. I did have a blind date set up a couple weeks ago, but she canceled. Yowch!0
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I guess I don't have a lot of advice on this topic. I have not had a date in a few years. Just don't feel confident enough to approach and ladies in my current state I guess. I did have a blind date set up a couple weeks ago, but she canceled. Yowch!
I've started being more confident lately, even tried going up to guys and chatting them up. So far it's gone well, even if there weren't any results like a date or anything, the guys have been nice and polite. You should try just talking to a girl...I'd love it if more guys came up and talked to me!
And I'd much prefer to date a "bigger" guy...I'd be able to relate to them much more. I can't relate to what it's like to be skinny...plus, I'd feel like I'd "break" a skinny guy. :laugh:0 -
Very cool. There is this girl at work I like a lot and I did make it a point to just go up and talk to her. Our jobs don't overlap at all so its hard to come up with a reason to talk to her, but I usually just walk right into her office and start talking. LOL, probably not the most effective strategy but she has always been very nice to me and seems like she doesn't mind talking to me. It just feels a tiny bit awkward since I usually run out of conversation pretty quickly. Maybe someday I will get the courage to just ask her out, but for now I guess it's cool.0
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I'll never forget something my mother said to me years and years ago. "Boys don't like fat girls." It broke my heart to hear her say that to me. She was never one to say mean things to me, but oh, how that killed me.
Some don't. And some don't like skinny girls and some do.
That was a horrible thing for your mother to say to you. :-(
One of my best friends since middle school is morbidly obese and is engaged to one of the nicest guys I ever met. And she deserves it!0 -
Great thread!! I also admire the OP for raising this whole issue because self image is one the biggest things I struggle with.. I'm 27, and my longest relationship has been all of 3 and a half months. I've had a decent amount of interactions with guys over the years, but that was the most serious..Over the years my confidence has basically become non-existent..People tell me all the time how funny, pretty, smart, interesting, etc I am, but I think to myself... If I'm so wonderful why am I single? It doesn't help in these times of Facebook and such, when all you see is your high school and college friends getting engaged/married/having kids. I know at this point in my life I don't want to be married, but I do get lonely and would like to have someone to spend time with.
I guess my other big thing is that I'm pretty shy with the whole going up to people and talking idea. Like you, twinsfan, I run out of convo ideas quickly, and get nervous and stumble over myself. I've done the online thing with no great success, and I don't get to go out much because I work night shift, which includes working every other weekend. At this point I'm getting so sick of being miserable about being single, that I'm trying to really focus on myself-- that includes losing weight and applying to grad school. Sorry for the rant, but reading through the posts made it come out!
As far as giving any advice.. (which I should listen to myself in saying this) Try to think of all the positives in your life, whether it's your kids, job, places you've seen, weight loss, whatever! And also realize that not everything is sunshine and daises just because you're with someone..0 -
Great thread!! I also admire the OP for raising this whole issue because self image is one the biggest things I struggle with.. I'm 27, and my longest relationship has been all of 3 and a half months. I've had a decent amount of interactions with guys over the years, but that was the most serious..Over the years my confidence has basically become non-existent..People tell me all the time how funny, pretty, smart, interesting, etc I am, but I think to myself... If I'm so wonderful why am I single? It doesn't help in these times of Facebook and such, when all you see is your high school and college friends getting engaged/married/having kids. I know at this point in my life I don't want to be married, but I do get lonely and would like to have someone to spend time with.
I guess my other big thing is that I'm pretty shy with the whole going up to people and talking idea. Like you, twinsfan, I run out of convo ideas quickly, and get nervous and stumble over myself. I've done the online thing with no great success, and I don't get to go out much because I work night shift, which includes working every other weekend. At this point I'm getting so sick of being miserable about being single, that I'm trying to really focus on myself-- that includes losing weight and applying to grad school. Sorry for the rant, but reading through the posts made it come out!
As far as giving any advice.. (which I should listen to myself in saying this) Try to think of all the positives in your life, whether it's your kids, job, places you've seen, weight loss, whatever! And also realize that not everything is sunshine and daises just because you're with someone..
Wow, every word of that was as if I could have writtn it myself...from the lack of long relationships to working the night shift and weekends!0 -
thanks toots.. nice to know you're not the only one feeling a certain way!0
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