Obese friend's Christmas gift.....stumped

I thought about this alot this morning. I figured out that I am judgmental. I judge most, those who I spend more time with. The answers of why and how to change are going to have to work on, as I've not thought enough on them.

I am listening to the TV, and the shows & commercials are on fat. We have become an anti-fat culture. TV tells us that fat is bad. Mrs. Obama has a war on childhood obesity. Fat means lazy, out of control, emotional issues, higher medical costs, earlier death. No wonder I perceive normal weight as better. But, quests for perfection makes me super mad. I came from the world of figure skating and grew up/left a "religion" social psychologists say is a cult. I know how hard it is to be judged, and expected to be perfect. Now, as you all pointed out, I am doing that to a friend.

I feel both pity and empathy for my friend. Pity is a terrible thing, I've come to conclude. It allows me to elavate myself. I usually just listen alot to my friends. I don't say much on the real issues. I try to talk small talk. But, all the time I am thinking, "Gee, I wish they could change. I wish I could help her change". When she does take a step in the right direction, I realize now that I've said the wrong thing. "Gee, glad you joined a gym. How do you like it?" It's kind of like when I was young and had eating issues, and people said, "Gee, glad you ate a meal." That's the wrong message because it assumes that she wasn't ok before the gym and going to the gym is going to make her better. I see now that that is how all of society is, changing people to the world's ideal. The whole health issues she's been dealing with these past four months has forced both of us to confront her weight issue. I am more "on my toes" that I say encouraging things. I was so mad at her previous doctor who dissed heart issues in favor of antibiotics. I was basically yelling at her that several months of antibiotics are not good for her and to see another doctor. The new doctor is getting down to business. But, "normal: weight people also have health issues. I just started taking simvistatin (which I want to get changed next visit), and wouldn't want anyone to pity me. I am no better. Back to pity. I volunteer as much as I can for groups that try to save children/people from high control situations (think cult and domestic abuse). I usually feel sad (i.e. pity) the people I am working with. I thought it was becuase I had a big heart and my background. But, now I see a sinister side. Perhaps I volunteer to try to help them get out and upwards. But, in helping them get upwards, I am admitting that they are down (and I am up). These people have to walk the same road out that I did. And, I can't deny them that walk because they will grow from it. When I realize that, I can only empahize (not pity) them.

Given my friend's new situation, I was at a loss of what to get her. I feel that this is a special Christmas becuase of what she's been through. So, I wanted the gift to be super nice. So, I googled. The "advice" I first read was not that great. Someone wanted the link, so here it is. http://www.celebrations360.com/index.php/gifts-for-a-fat-girl-6247/ There are others, that all seem to base the gift on either losing weight or loving the weight. That's the world that we live in. I usually know what to get people who are close to me, but this year & for this person I was really at a loss.

Now, why am I critical of people closest to me? Well, I think that's human nature. My sister will tell me stuff that no one else will. But, I thank all of you for telling me something. Again, I listen. But, now, how to change and the long road ahead. Well, now I know what my New Year's Resolution will be! I will not judge people closest, not judge hastily, and not to post any of my personal dilemas becuase that is a break in trust.

By the way, "Eating for Gold" is my motto I say to myself whenever I sit down for a meal. I now view food as fuel, and enjoy eating good foods that nourish me. I think alot of us have that in common, whether we are coming from the skinny or fat side of life.