How do you say goodbye?

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Pangea250
Pangea250 Posts: 965 Member
in Motivation and Support
How do you say goodbye to your Dad, the man who has been there your entire life? Well, I'll tell you, cause I just did it. You go to him, to the shell of a body that was once so strong and capable of ANYTHING. You go to the man who taught you how to make a fire in the fireplace, to the man who probably got whiplash when he taught you how to drive a stick shift, to the man who told you that marriage isn't give & take 50/50, because if each partner gives gives 100 then no one has to take. And you rub his hands & his head & his face, and you tell him that if he needs to go, then it's okay to go. That my brother & I will be there to take care of my mother, and my kids. And you tell him that he's the greatest man I've ever known, & that you'll miss him & love him forever. But we'll be okay, & we'll get through. That he doesn't have to hold on any more.

And you put moisturizer on his lips & tell him that it's okay that's he's not eating or drinking any more. That you'll make sure he's warm & has his socks on. That he doesn't have to try to be there for us. That you're there for him, & that's all that matters.

And then you'll climb into the bed with him & hold him. You'll feel him respond & try to hold you too. And you'll see him cry, even though there are no tears. He's dehydrated, but you know what crying looks like. And you tell him that it's okay, because all you want is for him to be at peace.

That's what you do.
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Replies

  • gngracie
    gngracie Posts: 40 Member
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    My heart is breaking for you and your family. Wishing your dad, you, and all of your loved ones peace.
  • janinab75
    janinab75 Posts: 147 Member
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    I am so sorry! This is the hardest thing any person ever has to do. Your strength and courage through all of this has been amazing. You and your family are in my thoughts. I wish you all peace and gentleness as your father transitions and most of all I wish him a peaceful journey. Hugs to you!
  • TXEXrunner
    TXEXrunner Posts: 178 Member
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    Prayers for peace for your father and family go out to you. Thank you for sharing.
  • acogg
    acogg Posts: 1,870 Member
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    My sympathies and support for the journey you and your family are going through. It is a very difficult time. Yes, thank you for sharing. It was beautifully written and so genuine. Wishing you blessings and strength during this time.
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,785 Member
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    :( I'm so sorry. But you know in writing this there is healing for you, and me, to be honest. Because I'm going to have to do this soon. Is it sad that I pray God will take my dad before he has to go thru the pain and agony of this cancer that's going to eat away at him? I pray nightly that God will spare him this pain, this horrible death. I don't want it for him.

    Thank you my friend for putting this on here.

    I needed your words

    I'm so sorry, so very sorry :cry:
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    I know this is going to sound odd, but what you wrote is beautiful. I'm just astounded by the dignity and respect you are giving to your father as he prepares to cross into the next. This is lovely, the honor you are showing this great man your love emanates. He knows and can feel the love. I pray that you have some comfort and just can feel how much respect and well thoughts many of us have for you honoring your father like this and giving him comfort and ease as he transitions.
  • jjinteso
    jjinteso Posts: 2,060 Member
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    I am so sorry to read that! That was a BEAUTIFUL tribute to your father. My prayers and thoughts are with you as usual!!!
  • robbienjill
    robbienjill Posts: 456 Member
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    This made me tear up....peace and special prayers for your father and you. Daddy's r a true special gift from God!

    Jill
  • momwhosbusy
    momwhosbusy Posts: 154 Member
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    Thank you for posting this. I will have to say good bye to my Dad sooner than I would like, and its appearing that it will be even sooner than anyone anticipated. What you wrote is beautiful and we're trying hard to show him each and every day that we'll all be there to help take care of mom and my little brothers after he's gone. Cancer sucks. He's only 60. I'm not ready to say good bye, but I don't want him to live in pain either. Thank you again, for posting this.
  • celtbell3
    celtbell3 Posts: 738 Member
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    I said goodbye to my dad 27 years ago. It is never easy and I am so sorry you're saying goodbye. Nothing anyone can say will make you feel better. Hugs.
  • jitsuda
    jitsuda Posts: 230 Member
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    Thank you for posting this. We had a little argument earlier today and I was mad. I think I will forgive him and start talking to my Dad again. I am sorry for your loss.
  • SisterhoodoftheShrinkingPants
    SisterhoodoftheShrinkingPants Posts: 474 Member
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    Awww sweetie :( Prayers
  • mahanaibu
    mahanaibu Posts: 505 Member
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    This is so beautifully said and so heartfelt, I'm in tears. Having let go of my father nearly five years ago...which just seems impossible to me now....I know that the pain does not really leave us, but neither does the love and the joy of having had all those wonderful years.
  • acogg
    acogg Posts: 1,870 Member
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    Someday, this day will come to all of us. I hope to have someone as kind and loving as the OP to help me through.
  • taramaraa
    taramaraa Posts: 21
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    Pangea, that is just so beautiful. I'm so sorry for your loss, it's such a devastating time.

    What you wrote really touched my heart, it is so heartfelt and genuine. It is raw and vulnerable and it's just beautiful. Remember his soul once occupied that strong, can-do-anything body, but it's gone somewhere much, much greater than you could ever imagine.

    Rest in peace to your papa xo
  • jaz050465
    jaz050465 Posts: 3,508 Member
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    That is beautiful. My dad died like this earlier this year so I know how awful it is. I just try to think about the man he was and put behind me the body he was at the end. Please think carefully about if you want to see him after he has passed away. I wasn't intending to, but I did, and I then regretted it.
    Thinking of you. Xxx
  • Pangea250
    Pangea250 Posts: 965 Member
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    Thank you everyone. It was an emotional evening for me last night, not the first, certainly not the last. I appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers. I know I'm not alone in this.
  • rosettafaery
    rosettafaery Posts: 102 Member
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    I can't begin to imagine what you are going through. I've lost my Grandparents, but to lose a parent must be awful. I send my thoughts to you and your family.
  • RyanJK85
    RyanJK85 Posts: 580 Member
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    Sorry for your loss...I just had to lay my father to rest this past May at a young age at 50. I struggled with it and still do most days...But hard part is, eventually we have to move on in a sense and realize everything happens for a reason. Remember the great memories you had together. It gets better, just takes time. Just try your best to keep focused on the so many other great things life has to offer and the friends and family you can share them with. Need to chat or anything, feel free to message me. I was at the lowest of lows with the passing of my dad for sometime, I fought it and am out of it for the most part.
  • LionessWhispers
    LionessWhispers Posts: 69 Member
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    In tears right now.. I'm holding you, your father, and your family in my thoughts and prayers. A father is a precious gift and I'm glad you have so many wonderful memories to treasure. I wish you all peace on this journey<3

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