Suffering from eating disorder. Need help.

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  • SweetPandora
    SweetPandora Posts: 660 Member
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    Natalie as others have said you are half way there by acknowledging what you are doing is wrong. Bravo!

    I suggest that you speak to a professional, whether it is a therapist or a nutrionalist.

    As long as you believe some foods are bad you are going to struggle with this disease. We need food to survive, if we label foods or deprive ourselves of foods that allows us to view food in a negative manner. If you like pizza you can learn how to eat it and enjoy it and work it into your healthy lifestyle.

    My Godmother died at the age of 52, she was bulimic and weighed 57 lbs when she passed. It was so sad to watch her fade away.

    You are young, bright and beautiful. Coming here and admitting you know you have a problem was your first step. Please take the next step.

    We are here for you.

    *hugs*
    Karen
  • ItsNatastic
    ItsNatastic Posts: 66 Member
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    I suffered from Bulimia from ages 12-16 and then again from 18-20 until I became pregnant with my daughter. It did always seem like the easy way out but of course, that isnt the case. The enamel on my teeth is worn down, I always had EXTREME heartburn, I lost a lot of hair and could never grow fingernails etc. I applaud you for coming forward like this. MFP offers an extremely supportive network, but I do agree with the previous posters that you DO need to seek professional help in addition to the help you receive here. When I was a teenager I worked closely with a dietitian who understood my concern about weight gain and helped me to develop a gradual program to get me eating and keeping things in my body. You'd be surprised how supportive people can be (I always expected that I would get in trouble or looked down upon, especially by dietitians). You've done a VERY brave thing here, I am proud of you. I dont know if I could have reached out the way you have. We're all here to support you getting back on track to a healthy lifestyle. If you ever need an ear, i'm here :)
  • lurker
    lurker Posts: 8 Member
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    Over the summer I successfully lost 35 pound to reach my current weight of 150 (I am 5' 7" and muscular - so this is a great weight for me) but the last week has been hell.

    Readjusting to regular eating after my diet phase has been more mentally challenging that I imagined. So I have been overeating and purging. To the point where I say "well, I'm going to purge so I might as well have some more ice cream or chips or whatever"

    My family doesn't have a clue, but it seems so obvious to me. I'm sure they would be shocked. And its just in the evenings. I keep trying to convince myself that I don't really have a problem because it was just a few times . . . but I don't know how to reach out without setting off all kinds of alarm bells . . . I mean I even created an alter ego on MFP so my regular 'friends' wouldn't know . . .

    I guess I just need some prayer, because I'm not ready to bring it into the open yet. . . . still thinking I can fix it myself. . .

    Sounds like the definition of the definition of the problem, doesn't it?
  • NatalieBrooke88
    NatalieBrooke88 Posts: 240 Member
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    Wow Lurker,
    Sounds like we are in the same position. Between February and May of last year, I lost 35ish pounds. Now I weight 133 (and I want to be 120-125). I am extremely muscular, and I would like to get my bf% down from 18 to 14 or 15. Coming back to "regular" eating has been hard. I only purge as night, as well. For example, last night I ate a lean cuisine and felt guilty.. so I threw it up. My cravings were all over the place so then I ate a smart ones desert and threw it up... and so on. It is SO hard, and I know how you feel. Perhaps we can support each other. I feel like ALL I think about is my weight- it consumes me. There has to be more to life!
  • alska
    alska Posts: 299 Member
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    i know someone online suffering from this. she tries to stop and get better but can't :( she's been suffering for years. she has lost all her teeth from it .. i hope you seek help ... before it's too late.
  • lurker
    lurker Posts: 8 Member
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    Well Nat, I didn't do any better tonight. I can even tell you exactly when I knew I was going to do it - that first oreo . . . then I ate whatever other junk I wanted cuz I knew I was going to 'toss' it all anyway.

    I know I need another method of controlling my eating habits, and I know that binging and purging is wrong, but I have trouble with willpower when my husband leaves me to do EVERYTHING else around the house (picking up after dinner, dishes, clothes, dirty diapers he has changed, kids toys, vacuuming, animals, litter boxes) and plays stupid video games. I get so frustrated! That's when I eat - even though I KNOW that the only one I am hurting is me and that the food doesn't really make me feel any better.

    I'm just not sure who I could really trust to give me advice or encouragement without ratting me out - I mean I don't want anybody to make me stop until I'm ready.

    So far, this is the only place I feel "safe".
  • NatalieBrooke88
    NatalieBrooke88 Posts: 240 Member
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    Lurker,
    Perhaps couples counesling would help. It seems that you have A LOT of stress on you due to your relationship, and you are handling it in a way that terribly hurts you. Have you thought about talking to your husband? Does he support you with your diet?

    Natalie
  • lurker
    lurker Posts: 8 Member
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    Well, I spilled my guts today. (verbally, not literally)

    I told him that I was overeating when i was angry/frustrated. He thought it was because of bad numbers on the scale. I tried to explain to him that it was frustration from walking thru the house and getting angry about every sock/diaper (whatever item) that he walked by and left me to pick up.

    he said he would try harder. Which is nice, but he has said that before. Hopefully he will try harder this time if he knows it is hurting me (or causing me to hurt myself) by not helping more.

    So, now its out in the open.

    Here we go.

    How are you Nat??

    Oh - by the way - he is very supportive of the diet - especially when i was eating completely differently from the rest of the family.
  • elainegsd
    elainegsd Posts: 459 Member
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    You all are so kind. The truth is- I did seek out counseling this summer. I ended up quitting after three or four sessions because the psychologist creeped me out, and I felt bad going since I don't purge after all meals, but rather I will only throw up if I feel as if it is "bad". It's like I have complete control, but I don't have any at all. I find that most of the time it is premeditated and its used as a negotiaion technique- "I can have this and then throw most of it up".. I must admit, I feel very bad labeling myself with an eating disorder when I am not nearly as bad off as most others struggling with this. Nonetheless, thank you so much for your encouraging comments and finding that number. I might have to try that out..

    Natalie,
    You can't compare things like this from one person to the next. You deserve help. If the psychologist creeped you out, find one that doesn't!

    The stomach acid from purging will damage your teeth, just as purging will damage your head. We are all here for you. Please change your path, OK?
  • The_Wallflower
    The_Wallflower Posts: 111 Member
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    Natalie,

    I have suffered from both anorexia and bulemia for almost 10 years. I go through these phases where I do it for months, and then just get to damn hungry and I quit. When I quit, I gain back large amounts of weight fast...

    When I was 17 I lost nearly 100lbs from these diseases. It also caused me to lose my gallbladder, part of my esophagus, and now I not only gained about 200 back in a couple months after I quit, but I also suffer from constant heart burn...

    It is a matter you need to get help with now! It's also something you will battle your entire life so we are here for your support any time you need it...
  • meggo1
    meggo1 Posts: 14
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    I know exactly what you mean about striving for perfection. I in in college too, but unfortunately becasuse of my eating disorder I decided it would be best for me to stay home and attend a school near home. It was a hard decision to make because I was involved in cross country and track and my college, and had to tell my teammates and coach I have an eating disorder and I need help. They were all great about it and understood.
    But if I didn't come out and say it I would be miserable, keeping secrets, and hating myself for it. I am still struggling with my eating habits, but am realizing why it all started. I think that is a huge part of solving the problem. Knowing why something started could help you stop it. Or it could go away other ways it;s all still pretty confusing to me too.
    I wanted so badly to be the perfect role model/ runner for other girls to look up to, but I was doing to much and my body and mind just broke down and said enough. I know where you coming from, but it isn't fun trying to look and act perfect in the end it actually exhausting. So my advice would be to find your passions in life and follow them. I am still trying to do that and remember to stay true to yourself.
  • donnam40
    donnam40 Posts: 246 Member
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    Hi,

    My 16 year old daughter has confessed her bulimia to me recently. Last year she was anorexic, weighing only 44kg at 168cm tall. She now looks 'normal' in her weight but is battling bulimia.

    I have found a dietitian and pschologist who both specialise in ED. We are slowly making our way through this journey.

    My adivce is to tell someone you trust and let them help you to find the support services you need.

    The interesting thing here is that I was bulimic myself for a number of years. Somehow, I managed to overcome it, BUT I must say to you it is a bit like being an alcoholic - there is always a chance of relapse.

    Please seek help to understand why you are doing this. It has nothing to do with food. It is about control and self loathing.

    I wish you luck and you are in my prayers.

    Donna
  • bmuelling07
    bmuelling07 Posts: 23
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    I began purging at the age of 15.. I used it as a means for weight loss until age 18 when I started college. I then became addicted to the release it gave me. When i was flushing food down the toilet it felt like I was also flushing away all of my negative thoughts and feelings and stresses. When you purge; it gives you a high... and THAT is what becomes so addictive.. and dangerous. I have been actively working on reducing my purging incidences. You may need to speak with a therapist to fully recover.. I know that since I have begun to see a therapist regularly that I am much more self aware and can control my emotions so that I do not eat impulsively and then make up for it by purging. Best of luck to you!
  • NatalieBrooke88
    NatalieBrooke88 Posts: 240 Member
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    I began purging at the age of 15.. I used it as a means for weight loss until age 18 when I started college. I then became addicted to the release it gave me. When i was flushing food down the toilet it felt like I was also flushing away all of my negative thoughts and feelings and stresses. When you purge; it gives you a high... and THAT is what becomes so addictive.. and dangerous. I have been actively working on reducing my purging incidences. You may need to speak with a therapist to fully recover.. I know that since I have begun to see a therapist regularly that I am much more self aware and can control my emotions so that I do not eat impulsively and then make up for it by purging. Best of luck to you!

    That is so true.. it is like you are flushing away everything negative.

    I feel like I have no control. I was having some serious cravings an hour ago, so I drove around multiple fastfood drive thrus and stared at the menus. I knew I didn't need any of it, but I couldn't get myself to drive home. I finally went into a convenient store and bought some Ben and Jerry's Half Baked. Of course I couldn't just indulge in a fourth or half of the pint, but rather ate the whole thing (I know, disgusting)..I ended up purging and now I feel better. Food and weight is constantly in my thought cycle and consumes my life. It is so helpful to hear all of your stories and know there are others that understand the exact feelings that come with this battle. I am going to seek counseling asap.. however, I graduate in December from Georgia Tech so there is not much point in getting involved with a school counselor. I am still on my parent's insurance, and I am not about to tell this to my parents (my mom is a huge contribution to the problem).
  • elainegsd
    elainegsd Posts: 459 Member
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    I am going to seek counseling asap.. however, I graduate in December from Georgia Tech so there is not much point in getting involved with a school counselor. I am still on my parent's insurance, and I am not about to tell this to my parents (my mom is a huge contribution to the problem).

    Natalie,
    Congrats on being so close to graduation. Two thoughts on why getting involved with a school counselor is a good thing... First, the final months of any degree program are highly stressful with lots of work and a ton of uncertainty about what post-school life will be like. Stress can make eating disorders worse as we try to control the unknown. Second, choosing a counselor is like interviewing someone for a job. You talk to a few people sometimes before you find a fit. Why not try a school counselor and see if you can figure out what kind of counselor is a good fit for you. Oh, and a third reason. Graduations typically are an event celebrated by the family. If your mom is a contributing factor, and she is going to be involved in the celebration, why not line up the support now?
  • hingebre
    hingebre Posts: 35
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    Hey all. I just found this thread and was wondering how everyone was doing. If I can do anything to help or you ever need someone to just listen please let me know. I may not have all the answers but I really do love listening.
  • Scorpiomom222
    Scorpiomom222 Posts: 1,462 Member
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    www.milestonesprogram.org
  • lurker
    lurker Posts: 8 Member
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    I was doing really well for 4-5 days but when I got to work yesterday morning after almost no sleep the night before I didn't have enough willpower or clarity to avoid the cookies somebody brought in. So I caved . . hard. I had 2 or 3 cookies (they were pretty big) and then donated them to the porcelain gods.

    Same thing last night. I just had a few bites of something I shouldn't have, which turned into a few more bites, and pretty soon I had gone 'beyond the limit' so I ate some snacks I'd been craving and donated again.

    Today is a new day. I encourage myself to have an 'eating plan' for the day before the day gets away from me. It is early yet and I haven't completely blown it so far, so if I can get a plan together I should do okay.

    What happened to all that strength and willpower I used to have??
  • Lisa_reds
    Lisa_reds Posts: 19 Member
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    I feel like I have so many things I want to share with you my head might explode! :)

    I have SO SO SO Been there!!!!!! I was bulemic in college (and I feel like I was anorexic in high school). I would binge and purge whenever no one was around. It wasn't with every meal (like you) but when my family would go to bed I would sneak and eat a chunk of food and then feel sick to my stomach - then I would throw it up. I didnt think it was a big deal.... until it started basically running my life. I would think about what I was eating, calories, working out, where the nearest place to puke is, whatever. I wasn't enjoying my life because I was too focused on that.

    The truth is, bulemia will NOT really help you loose weight like you may think.

    I was in college at the time and I felt like I knew more then the counselors. I went to a few sessions, I didn't like it - I knew what they would ask and what they wanted to hear. So I tried a new counselor. Then one day I was so upset about nothing - just crying and my dad actually made me go to a third counselor. She hit home. I have no idea why - maybe it was time I was willing to listen. She was able to talk to me until I got my appt with a phychologist. So regardless of if you are graduating or not, I 100% recommend going to see a counselor for the time being AND make an appt with a psychologist (it takes months for a new appt).

    Trust me - TRUST ME - TRUST ME! You will be so much happier if you do! It will be a hard road, but you will be happier!

    One thing that actually helped me was this book called Feeling Good by David D Burns. Look, I know you have no time at all with graduating but maybe your library has it - it focuses on those negative feelings (that you flush away each time). If it helps you - great, if it doesn't - you are no worse off.

    Good luck my friend and if you EVER EVER want to talk, write me!!!

    Love Lisa

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