I Hate Myself

Please seek professional help. You are on your way to an eating disorder. I've been to a therapist for a few other issues and while it is scary at first, it also feels really good to not hate yourself.

Here is some material to read about food addiction. Sometimes, it's NOT about your willpower.
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Food Addiction Signs and Treatments - WebMD

www.webmd.com/mental-health/mental-health-food-addiction - Similar to Food Addiction Signs and Treatments - WebMD

Learn from WebMD about what food addiction is, the signs of being a food addict, and how to overcome the addiction.

www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/

Help for recovery from the despair and shame of food obsession. This self-help program views food addiction as a biochemical disease.

www.foodaddicts.org/

Food Addicts In Recovery Anonymous is based on the Twelve-Step program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Compulsive overeating - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compulsive_overeating - Similar to Compulsive overeating - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Compulsive overeating, also sometimes called food addiction, is characterized by the compulsive eating of food. Professionals address this with either a ...
7 ways to beat your food addiction | Fox News

www.foxnews.com/health/.../6-ways-to-beat-your-food-addiction/ - Similar to 7 ways to beat your food addiction | Fox News

Oct 26, 2012 ... Well, I'm here to tell you that food addiction is real; it affects more people than you know, and manufacturers actually design food products so ...
Do I Have A Food Addiction? | Psychology Today

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/shrink/.../do-i-have-food-addictio... - Similar to Do I Have A Food Addiction? | Psychology Today

Jul 11, 2012 ... 6 signs of food addiction and 8 steps to overcoming By Sherry Pagoto, Ph.D. ...

pop quiz - DrPeeke.com – Official Website of Pamela Peeke, MD

www.drpeeke.com/popquiz.htm

Curious if you are under the spell of False Fix foods? Let's take a moment to evaluate. The Yale Food Addiction Scale was developed by Yale research scientist ...
Food Addiction: The Body Knows: Revised & Expanded Edition: ...

www.amazon.com/Food-Addiction-Revised.../dp/155874276X - Similar to Food Addiction: The Body Knows: Revised & Expanded Edition: ...

Food Addiction: The Body Knows: Revised & Expanded Edition [Kay Sheppard] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. > Are you a food addict?
ACORN Food Dependency Recovery Services: Information on the ...

foodaddiction.com/

Group of abstinent and recovering food addicts committed to helping other food addicts. Description and schedules for the fee based retreats, primary intensives, ...
[PDF]
Yale Food Addiction Scale - Rudd Center for Food ...

www.yaleruddcenter.org/.../addiction/FoodAddictionScale09.pdf - Similar to Yale Food Addiction Scale - Rudd Center for Food ...

Yale Food Addiction Scale. Gearhardt, Corbin, Brownell, 2009. Contact: ashley. gearhardt@yale.edu. This survey asks about your eating habits in the past year.

Im sorry. Its because I hate myself too and historically, people havent been very supportive in other threads. :sad: My apologies.

:flowerforyou:

To be honest, my first reaction to your post was, "This isn't your first MFP Rodeo, is it?" :laugh: I saw your post as trying to help OP and warn that sometimes things get ugly so this thread may backfire and not to personalize and further beat herself up if it does.

Yes, that was my original intent and thank you for seeing it that way. But the way a couple of others explained it, I can see how it was taken a different way also.

Thanks for the responses everyone. It really means a lot to me. Maybe seeing a professional is what I need, although that terrifies me. It's nice to know others understand what I'm feeling though, especially since I don't really have anybody close I feel like I can talk to in my "real life" (don't know how else to describe that). I'm planning my meals for tomorrow right now. I appreciate all of you so much. It just seems scary that this will never be over. Because like some of you said, I'll always have to eat. And so I'll always have to be conscious of my lifestyle habits, even once I do achieve my goals. It's amazing to have the support on here. I don't know where I'd be without it.

I've been counting my calories/making sure I eat healthy for the last year. And, honestly, it does get tiring, it does get a little overwhelming when I go out to eat and my roommates can all eat what they want and I'm over here eating a salad with a diet soda. But, in the long run, you'll be better off than them! You're starting out getting healthy habits EARLY in life, while they aren't even considering it. Plus....grilled chicken and a yummy salad is almost more delicious than a fried anything, and I always FEEL better after a salad than after a Big Mac

If you need to vent, feel free to message me! We're all here for you!!

For what it is worth...which might not be much...

If I was your age and size...I wouldn't worry so much about diet or how much that scale says. I would hope that I would worry more about how to "live".

I would call 2 or 3 friends...see if they wanted to split a pizza. I would laugh...tell funny jokes or stories...listen to music...maybe even flirt with the cute guy at the next table.

Then...

Tomorrow I would get up...go buy the cutest workout outfit that I could find and...start walking...running...join a gym...ask some close friends to come work out with me...and I would laugh some more.

I wish that I had done these things when I was your age and your size.

Remember one thing...those people around you can't give you support if you haven't told them that you need it. Don't be afraid to ask your family and friends to help you through this...until you learn to "live". They might not always tell you what you want to hear...but maybe they will tell you what you need to hear.

A friend once told me..."I won't always give you what you want but I will give you what you need." Sometimes what I need is painful.

I wish you luck...I wish you success...most of all I wish you the life that you deserve and that you learn to "live".

Jeanne855:
While the intent may be good, there is no "food addiction" included in diagnostic criteria. Yes, there are other diagnosis that capture issues with food, but "food addiction" is not a specific diagnosis. There have been studies done, but there was not enough evidence to warrant "food addiction" to be included in the updated DSM. Again, the intent may be good, but the OP would be better served by seeking a trusted adult and/or a professional.

here is some additional reading for you (and anybody else interested) about the changes to the DSM-V. Please note the use of Binge Eating Disorder and not “food addiction.”


Feeding and Eating Disorders
The chapter on Feeding and Eating Disorders in the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) includes several changes to better represent the symptoms and behaviors of patients dealing with these conditions across the lifespan. Among the most substantial changes are recognition of binge eating disorder, revisions to the diagnostic criteria for anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa, and inclusion of pica, rumination and avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder. DSM-IV listed the latter three among Disorders Usually First Diagnosed in Infancy, Childhood, or Adolescence, a chapter that will not exist in DSM-5. In recent years, clinicians and researchers have realized that a significant number of individuals with eating disorders did not fit into the DSM-IV categories of anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. By default, many received a diagnosis of “eating disorder not otherwise specified.” Studies have suggested that a significant portion of individuals in that “not otherwise specified” category may actually have
binge eating disorder.

Binge Eating Disorder
Binge eating disorder was approved for inclusion in DSM-5 as its own category of eating disorder. In DSM-IV, binge-eating disorder was not recognized as a disorder but rather described in Appendix B: Criteria Sets and Axes Provided for Further Study and was diagnosable using only the catch-all category of “eating disorder not otherwise specified.” Binge eating disorder is defined as recurring episodes of eating significantly more food in a short period of time than most people would eat under similar circumstances, with episodes marked by feelings of lack of control. Someone with binge eating disorder may eat too quickly, even when he or she is not hungry. The person may have feelings of guilt, embarrassment, or disgust and may binge eat alone to hide the behavior. This disorder is associated with marked distress and occurs, on average, at least
once a week over three months. This change is intended to increase awareness of the substantial differences between binge eating disorder and the common phenomenon of overeating. While overeating is a challenge for many Americans, recurrent binge eating is much less common, far more severe, and is associated with significant
physical and psychological problems.

http://www.dsm5.org/Documents/Eating Disorders Fact Sheet.pdf

Feeding and Eating Disorders
In DSM-5, the feeding and eating disorders include several disorders included in DSM-IV as feeding and eating disorders of infancy or early childhood in the chapter “Disorders Usually First Diagnosed in Infancy, Childhood, or Adolescence.” In addition, brief descriptions and preliminary diagnostic criteria are provided for several conditions under other specified feeding and eating disorder; insufficient information about these conditions is currently available to document their clinical characteristics and validity
or to provide definitive diagnostic criteria.

Binge-Eating Disorder
Extensive research followed the promulgation of preliminary criteria for binge eating disorder in Appendix B of DSM-IV, and findings supported the clinical utility and validity of binge-eating disorder. The only significant difference from the preliminary DSM-IV criteria is that the minimum average frequency of binge eating required for diagnosis has been changed from at least twice weekly for 6 months to at
least once weekly over the last 3 months, which is identical to the DSM-5 frequency criterion for bulimia nervosa.

http://www.dsm5.org/Documents/changes from dsm-iv-tr to dsm-5.pdf



OP:
I really hope you are able to seek some help and feel better. :flowerforyou:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/ShannonMpls/view/the-dreaded-gym-mirror-604154 Here's a great blog to read, just now finished... she shared quite a lot of what you've just shared. The difference is, she's come out the other side and loves herself now!

I'm sure people post this sort of thing all the time. And I'm not even sure what I'm looking for or what sorts of responses I'm expecting to get, if any. But I'm at an all-time low, and I need to vent and complain, so if you're even just reading this, thanks.

I hate myself. I look in the mirror, and see my belly fat hanging over my waistband, with my gigantic elephant thighs and flabby butt, and just feel like I'm the ugliest, most disgusting glob of human being ever. Like if someone would cut me open all that would come out is oozing fat, because most of the time, that's all I see.

But then it's more than that. My appearance reminds me of my lack of self-control. Because really, I must be five years old or something because who can't find it in them to say no to the fifth cookie or the tenth spoonful of sugar? I already feel full and I still eat another helping at every meal. I don't even know why. It's instant gratification, I guess. I want something tasty, and I see it, and I eat it. And then I feel guilty. It's this endless cycle that I can't seem to put a stop to because I have no self-discipline. I just can't say "no." The only way to lose weight that has ever worked is for me to be so restrictive that I can't eat anything. I go for hours without eating and then binge on 1200 calories worth of stuff and that's my day. That's how I've lost 16 pounds this past year. And now, I've just lost it. In terms of habits, I'm right where I was a year ago. I eat anything and everything in sight, and at the end of the day I just feel miserable and sick and worthless. But I don't know how to stop. I live in a house with three other people, so I can't get rid of the bad food around me.

And yet, I know it's my fault. I should have the motivation. I should have the self-control. And I don't know why I don't, or how I'm supposed to get it. I'm sitting here dying to go and binge but instead I'm trying to write this post. Every night I resolve that tomorrow will be better. And then it isn't. At the rate I'm going, I'm just going to gain back everything I've lost and then some. I'm so frustrated and sometimes all I want to do is cry. And then I feel stupid, because really, there are so many worse problems in the world and my life could be so much worse and yet I hate myself so much that it seems like everything else in my life is equally awful. There are more important things in life than being skinny. But I can't seem to remember that every time I step on the scale or look in the mirror. And yet, when I'm around food, the ONLY thought that goes through my head is "EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT." I am a failure.

too long; didn't read

Don't put food on a pedestal, and learn how to control your life

Wouldn't take the advice of someone who also has "forever eating" on their profile.

Personally,I've been where you are & the best thing I've found to stop destructive habits is to see all the overthinking leading up to overeating/self hate as background noise.Honestly,Don't pay attention to it and it won't affect you.

Just a comment, you don't know why they have "forever eating" on their profile, they may be coming from a completely different background than you. Not everyone here is struggling with losing weight necessarily. Would you take advice from someone who has "forever trying to lose weight" or "forever trying to diet" on their profile? I try not to judge immediately based off of a couple words on a profile.

OP: Please seek help, from a trusted adult or professional who can help you through your destructive mindset. Getting past these barriers will hep you tremendously with your habits and how you feel about yourself.

Let me begin by saying you are NOT failure!! All you need is a little help, motivation, and a strong shoulder(s) to be there when you need it. One thing I have learned over the last few months is that we don;t have to starve ourselves, or change our eatting habits completely in order to be healthy or lose weight. By learning to eat in moderation, and believe me it will take time, you can still lose weight. Just by adding those few extra vegetables into each meal, helps make the difference. Never cut carbs out of a diet, because once you start eatting them again your body goes crazy and starts to store all that fat in fear that it will be "starved" again. Getting yourself into a good routine as far as exercising will help make a huge difference. Working out in the morniing is best I believe because then you feel refreshed, more energized, and your body is still burning off all those calories.


Know that no matter what, you are beautiful and you are NOT a failure.