Should I quit - husband's afraid I'll look like a dude

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  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
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    Except you missed the part about how I'm usually cool with his old school values. Lets be clear, I'm not having a problem with my role in my marriage. I'm looking for a way to convince my man to like my more muscular body. I'm not mad at him for being the guy he is - I've been married to one man for decades and we don't have any outside kids, he provides for me and our children and doesn't run around on me.

    Not according to your title and original OP. Sounded like doing quitsies was an option. Frankly if my husband gave a shat that I was starting to look like a so calledv"dude" I would send him packing back to his mama. I can't convince him to like a different body type but I can convince him that it's my body and if he knows what's good for him, it's to leave me to my own devices. It's not like you're out selling your body for crack lol. Like someone else said, do your thing, he doesn't need to know all the details.
  • emtbythesea
    emtbythesea Posts: 32 Member
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    I mean quit lifting weights, not quit my marriage. With the aggressive attitude you suggest, no man would want to be with me and it would have nothing to do with looks. I'm a housemom and I would never tell my husband "if you know what's good for you, you will..." Sorry, but your advice is not productive, it's provocative and that's not what I'm trying to do. If I stop lifting its so we can avoid having conflict. What you describe would do the opposite.
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
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    I mean quit lifting weights, not quit my marriage. With the aggressive attitude you suggest, no man would want to be with me and it would have nothing to do with looks. I'm a housemom and I would never tell my husband "if you know what's good for you, you will..." Sorry, but your advice is not productive, it's provocative and that's not what I'm trying to do. If I stop lifting its so we can avoid having conflict. What you describe would do the opposite.

    I was talking about the weights :huh: Also I didn't realize you take things so literal. Oh well.

    Good luck on your fitness goals and hope all works out for you. :flowerforyou:
  • skinnybythanksgiving
    skinnybythanksgiving Posts: 159 Member
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    Advice? Well, yes, you want to come up with an alternate workout so all that muscle doesn't turn into fat, also adjust your calories down because those gym workouts burn a huge number of calories.

    Myself, I wouldn't stop doing something innocent like working out because someone I love was actually projecting an imaginary me into an imaginary future. Seems like you are truly happy about working out to me. There is nothing wrong with working out and improving yourself. You know what is best for your marriage.
  • wilsoje74
    wilsoje74 Posts: 1,720 Member
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    Actually he's really confident. We have no trust issues at all. He's not jealous of my trainer or suspicious of my gym activities. He really simply just thinks my physique is too crazy for his taste. I don't look like I did when he married me (a realllly long time ago) and he still looks the same.

    Can you post a pic of this "crazy" physique?
  • thelowcarblady
    thelowcarblady Posts: 137 Member
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    He's afraid I'm going to get bulky like a dude. I'm NOT a fan of blowing off my spouse and doing whatever I like - I'd be mad if he did that to me. What I don't understand is wanting to stop something that isn't even happening yet. And what if I WANTED to be big and huge? Guess what, I do! I used to weigh 98 lbs and looked like death. Now I weigh 115 and actually have some tits and *kitten*. He doesn't even notice it. I get joy and confidence from lifting, but when I get home I feel embarrassed. He likes to refer to people who go to the gym as "meatheads" and makes jokes when I come home pumped about my workout. It's really weird too because he's a professional athlete...who is lucky and never has to set foot in a real gym. Advice before I quit?

    :noway:

    You should go tell him to go dust off his vagina, and get in the gym like you and stop worrying about something that he doesn't even know about! ...HAS HE EVEN SEEN WOMEN LIFTERS?! haha :laugh: ..i'm guessing not since he doesn't go to the gym

    Is he afraid that you'll be able to kick his *kitten* at this? ...cause that's what it sounds like lol :bigsmile:
  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
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    Unless you're injecting male hormones or steroids or produce an abnormal amount of male hormones - you are not going to look like a dude.
  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,472 Member
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    its up to you, not him/.
  • LiftAllThePizzas
    LiftAllThePizzas Posts: 17,857 Member
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    Find a better husband.
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    You are right. I'm continuing to talk to him about my training goals even though I know he doesn't care. I gotta at least put the effort in to try to understand his concerns

    He doesn't care and he makes jokes when you come home excited about your workouts....I'm really sorry, he sounds horrible.

    You've got to make an effort to understand his concerns?.....while he's not making any effort about what is important to you?
  • SilviCor
    SilviCor Posts: 110 Member
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    A professional athlete who doesn't work out in the gym? Does he do other types of workouts?

    And "doesn't want you to look like a man"? Perhpas he is homophobic?
  • starlaca
    starlaca Posts: 779 Member
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    I'm looking for a way to convince my man to like my more muscular body.

    You can't convince someone to like something they don't. Some people just have certain preferences.
  • dixie600
    dixie600 Posts: 2
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    No matter what you look like, be yourself and your husband should love YOU.
  • hclark77
    hclark77 Posts: 8
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    As my Grandmother would tell me..... Keep On Keeping on......
  • amandastephens9003
    amandastephens9003 Posts: 33 Member
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    http://i108.photobucket.com/albums/n23/Mia82_2006/5963a85f-8f48-4fbb-af82-d65dcb9cb86a_zpsb53bef40.jpg
  • jobegone
    jobegone Posts: 91
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    You have every right to want that. Just as he has every right to his own sense of aesthetics - and there are a LOT of males who don't find bulked or extremely lean women particularly attractive.

    He can like what he likes. . .when asked. . .
    Yeah, that's a healthy approach...

    :smokin:
    ...and stop mocking her for working out. That's not cool. Continually picking at her is not a healthy way to discuss his preferences. It's belitting and manipulation.
    WTF are you talking about? I didn't mock or "pick" at anybody.

    Think this was directed at the OP's husband rather than you.

    I found this really sad, I understand how he might want to keep you at 98lb if thats how you were when you met etc but you are doing something you love, which makes you happy and gives you many health benefits so why does he have to be so unsupportive. My own other half laughs at me sometimes when I get excited about lifting and doesnt really understand what its about (he isnt a gym fan!) but I showed him some women who lift heavy and he kinda got a look on his face that was like 'oh, thats not too bad !!'
    I guess you will have to sit and have a hear to heart with your OH. It might be due to a number of reasons, his insecurity of you getting stronger and more independent being one. if its purely attraction based I dont know how you would get around it but I wouldnt give up your health to please him.

    Hope you get things sorted x
  • emjaycazz
    emjaycazz Posts: 330 Member
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    I can understand the desire to avoid conflict, but isn’t a marriage supposed to be about accepting and being respectful of your spouse’s interests (within reason, of course)? It seems like you won’t be able to change his mind, but stopping doing something that you enjoy so much just sounds like a breeding ground for further resentment.
  • LaurenEllexx
    LaurenEllexx Posts: 64 Member
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    Sounds like he's pretty insecure about his own strength and/or physique.
    ^ This! I say you should talk to him! He should support your interests

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