my skinny husband just doesnt get it

Your husband doesn't understand because it's probably something he's never had to worry about, like mine. As far as the clean eater, not all of them are this way, but many think it's their way or it doesn't work. You don't have to "clean eat" to lose weight OR to be healthy. All things in moderation. The fact that he's saying TDEE doesn't work is a bit ridiculous though. IF going by the online calculator, yes you might have to adjust it a LITTLE bit as it's a general calculation, but you can find out your own TDEE very easily, and there's no way that THAT is incorrect because it's based on YOU personally. I have lost 30 pounds, and haven't ate clean for probably even a day of it. Feel free to FR me or look at my diary.

Just take advice in, figure out if it helps you or not, and then either use or discard it

I can relate to this problem. My boyfriend and his family are alwasy offering me food- saying "its healthy I made it at home". The intention is to be helpful, but they just dont understand my journey. Honestly they dont have to- I have learned to have thick skin and believe in my cause. Everyone even if they are trying to be supportive or if they are just uninformed, everyone has an opinion. From the sound of it it seems like you are looking for your husband to be supportive in a diffrent way than he knows how. He is obviously interested in what you are doing and most likely was trying to be helpful. In his mind he prob. thinks he is giving you information you need to be successful.

After a while on the boards here on MFP you will notice many people have differing opinions on what works. I can not tell you what will work for you neither can they. They can give you suggestions and help guide you through your path.

As for you and your husband. Try and tell him things you actually need from him to feel supported. Lilke tell him that you need him not to bring salty/sweet snacks into the house in order for you to be successful. Tell him you need to do active things on the weekends instead of dinner and a movie. Tell him you need him to watch the kids while you go to the gym 4 days a week. You get the point. Outline what will help you to be successful.

Good luck on your journey!

My husband is also naturally thin, has been his whole life, but he does understand the science of weight loss being calories in vs. calories out. He has a harder time relating to the emotional aspects of being overweight and losing weight, but because of my struggles he has a much better understanding. I have been on MFP for about 16 months now and lost about 56.4 lbs. During that time he has learned a lot right along with me and, I have to say, has been my biggest cheerleader.

All that being said, most men are "fixers". They see a problem we are dealing with and they are generally wired to help us work through it. It sounds like your hubby is really trying, in his way, to be helpful and supportive. My husband also "helped" by collecting advice and information which he passed on to me from time to time. Some was helpful and some was not. Maybe if you explain to him that you've got this and need to start slow, using methods you can incorporate into your life easily, he will back off a bit.

BTW...I am not a "clean" eater as most people would define it. I generally eat what I want but stay within my calories and macros. I do not eat french fries and fried chicken daily, by any means, but if I have the calories left over for a piece of chocolate I will eat it without guilt. This has worked for me and made me feel comfortable and not deprived. This is the only way I will sustain this lifestyle. Good luck on your journey!!!

I think you need to learn to tune stuff like that out. No matter what you are doing, you will always encounter people who have a 'different' or 'better' way of going about it. They may in fact have a better way that has been successful for THEM. And that's great. for THEM.

The key to losing weight is simple. Eat at a deficit. If you would like to keep the weight off permanently, it needs to become a lifestyle. Meaning you must make healthy eating choices and get regular exercise. For life. I personally know that depriving myself of foods that I enjoy, is a recipe for failure for me. So, I enjoy some not so healthy things once in a while.

The fact that you have made the choice to live a healthier life is all you need to focus on. You made a promise to yourself, now keep it. Let the naysayers have their fun. Smile, tell them "that's great", and go on about your business.

Another word of advise . . . . don't share the details of what you are doing with everyone. Including your husband. Clearly he has a compelling urge to blab your business to others. What is up with that? Sorry, thin or not, 1-2 bags of chips a day is just not a good choice. There are plenty of naturally thin people with health issues related to their diets.

Good luck to you!

You are not doing it wrong, your husband is! :flowerforyou:

I know the feeling.. I've been into health and exercise for a year or so now and my slim boyfriend doesn't seem to understand it, he doesn't take much interest in it and doesn't eat awful at all but doesn't exercise either. It can be frustrating when he can eat so much food when mine is limited but in the long run he will get it when I start looking damn sexier!

Say, "Thanks for the tips!" then go on doing what you are doing. Losing weight is just like everything else- everyone thinks their way is the best way. You have to figure out what works for you and do that.