Jealous of spouses extra available calories

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  • AmyP619
    AmyP619 Posts: 1,137 Member
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    This one is tough because it is how it is. Females generally get less calories than males. We must learn to deal with it. Maybe you can do something active with her, like going for a walk, so that she can earn extra calories to be able to snack. It really is all up to her, though, to learn to plan out her day ahead of time so that she can snack with you at night, or have room for a snack in case she gets hungry at night.

    The first thing I do in the morning when I log into MFP is log my ENTIRE day. That way, I can make changes throughout the day if need be, and I'm able to budget my calories how I need them for the day. If I know I'm going out to dinner in the evening, I eat lighter throughout the day and save more calories for dinner. If she uses MFP, she may find it helpful to plan ahead, then she won't be scrambling for calories later at night when she gets hungry. It sucks, but it is what it is. Females tend to eat less than males. Either she moves more and burns more calories or she learns to budget her calories appropriately so that she can eat when you do. Good luck
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,139 Member
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    how about you just share your calories with her?
  • hstoblish
    hstoblish Posts: 234 Member
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    This is just a fact of life. I gained my extra weight when I started eating portion sizes closer to my husband's back when we moved in together. I literally eat half of what he does just for maintenance, somewhere between 1/3 and 1/2 for weight loss depending on the meal. He's been losing some weight since I started counting calories, so we're trying to balance having tempting things around the house for him to eat, while still helping me to get healthy.

    It's tough sometimes and I used to get jealous about how much he could eat. Then I grew up and realized that different people have different caloric requirements. Now, if I want to match him wing for wing or nacho for nacho, we go for a hike and I carry my daughter to increase my calorie burn.

    It sucks. But it's the way it goes. She's going to have to buck up and get over it.
  • rides4sanity
    rides4sanity Posts: 1,269 Member
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    Talk to her about it. Tell her that you are worried you are not supportive of her if you have an evening snack and see if she has any ideas... Hopefully, she will come up with the solution on her own... PREPARATION. If it an issue for her, she can cut 100 out of each meal and have some left over, or exercise. I sometimes like to have a beer with my husband (marathoon running, 6% BF, cookie eating,....Oh, sorry off topic) in the evening, but it is up to me to have the calories left to do that. If I don't, does it bother me? Sometimes it does, but my choices are mine. If I didn't earn, it or prepare for I usually don't have it...
  • Beeeers
    Beeeers Posts: 1
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    I would eat your extra calories in bigger portion sizes, or snack when she's not there. I know how it feels to be with someone who is snaking when you can't partake, you get crazy cravings and end up cheating. Don't make her watch you eat that extra meal.
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,139 Member
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    This one is tough because it is how it is. Females generally get less calories than males. We must learn to deal with it. Maybe you can do something active with her, like going for a walk, so that she can earn extra calories to be able to snack. It really is all up to her, though, to learn to plan out her day ahead of time so that she can snack with you at night, or have room for a snack in case she gets hungry at night.

    The first thing I do in the morning when I log into MFP is log my ENTIRE day. That way, I can make changes throughout the day if need be, and I'm able to budget my calories how I need them for the day. If I know I'm going out to dinner in the evening, I eat lighter throughout the day and save more calories for dinner. If she uses MFP, she may find it helpful to plan ahead, then she won't be scrambling for calories later at night when she gets hungry. It sucks, but it is what it is. Females tend to eat less than males. Either she moves more and burns more calories or she learns to budget her calories appropriately so that she can eat when you do. Good luck

    so you pre log and then re-log AFTER pre-loggin? I think that is against the rules...
  • AmyP619
    AmyP619 Posts: 1,137 Member
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    This one is tough because it is how it is. Females generally get less calories than males. We must learn to deal with it. Maybe you can do something active with her, like going for a walk, so that she can earn extra calories to be able to snack. It really is all up to her, though, to learn to plan out her day ahead of time so that she can snack with you at night, or have room for a snack in case she gets hungry at night.

    The first thing I do in the morning when I log into MFP is log my ENTIRE day. That way, I can make changes throughout the day if need be, and I'm able to budget my calories how I need them for the day. If I know I'm going out to dinner in the evening, I eat lighter throughout the day and save more calories for dinner. If she uses MFP, she may find it helpful to plan ahead, then she won't be scrambling for calories later at night when she gets hungry. It sucks, but it is what it is. Females tend to eat less than males. Either she moves more and burns more calories or she learns to budget her calories appropriately so that she can eat when you do. Good luck

    so you pre log and then re-log AFTER pre-loggin? I think that is against the rules...

    Works for me :P Rules schmools.
  • DancingOnCloud9
    DancingOnCloud9 Posts: 26 Member
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    My husband and I are in a similar boat, he gets almost 1,000 calories more then I do a day. It does kind of suck, but we both still support each other. It would not be acceptable to me for him to not eat enough because he feels bad, he works out also and he needs to support his body with what it needs. In the same token, he doesn't sit on the couch next to me munching cookies and greasy food either. I know, in the evening I want a snack, so I plan for it. I make it a part of my calorie budget, that way I can enjoy something with him. If something happens and I can't work out enough to get my snack, I allow myself to "indulge" on raw veggies or plain air-pop popcorn. Two things I don't feel as guilty about if they push me 100 over my goal. You should make sure your eating enough throughout the day, having too many calories to still eat before bed may not be helpful to your goals too. Hope this helps. :)
  • jennegan1
    jennegan1 Posts: 677 Member
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    Im jealous of how my brother can eat.....not. You know why cuz he works his a** off to stay fit. Goes to the gym 6 days a week does cardio and strength training so when I see him eating more then I do. Do I get mad no not really cuz I know hes been working his a** off for the past 8 years
  • UndoneTwo
    UndoneTwo Posts: 41
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    I understand where she is coming from. Jealous is a bit strong, but it does seem a bit unfair to me sometimes to watch how much more my husband can eat. I totally get why he can, but there is still that teeny little pouty twinge in the back of my mind sometimes. I'd never be MAD about it, but I know the feeling. I tend to pile my plate with more veggies and his with more entree/bread/sauce/whatever... That way I feel like I can eat as much, but I'm still getting a lower calorie meal than he is. It may be better to balance out the calories during meal times rather than one of you snacking and one of you not. If she feels hungry, suggest that she allow herself snacks too! Spreading your calories out through the day helps you not feel deprived. It's an adjustment, and I'm sure that you two will work something out... Good for you for being understanding of her feelings and willing to work with her. Getting healthy as a team will make for more lasting results. And doing it as a team means being honest with each other about your struggles. (Even if the good folk of MFP think she is being unreasonable or irrational...) Kudos for your team work and I wish you both the best...
  • christinemadden0223
    christinemadden0223 Posts: 175 Member
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    I agree with her. I date someone who doesn't count calories (although if he keeps eating the way he does now and skipping workouts he may have to start!!)
    It seems unfair, but it's life.
    I cook enough for 6, put enough for one on my plate, enough for one in tupperware for tomorrow's lunch and then he devours the rest... and then eats oatmeal cream pies.

    Personally, I like to eat large quantities of food so where he will eat 4 servings of dinner (for example spaghetti) with garlic bread, I will eat one serving, a small piece of garlic bread a green salad with apple cider vinegar and steamed broccoli.
    He will eat 2-3 of my homemade cupcakes for dessert- I eat one and add a bunch of strawberries with a dallop of cool whip on the side.

    It's all about perception- He eats more calories than I do but there are days when I eat more "food" than he does.
  • AmyP619
    AmyP619 Posts: 1,137 Member
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    only in America would a late night snack piss of a spouse…wow #firstworldproblems...

    Couldn't agree with this more lol oye
  • kgeyser
    kgeyser Posts: 22,505 Member
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    I would go over her diet and fitness routine and see if there are any places where she could make some tweaks so that she could have a snack with you. I try to fit in some extra exercise or choose a lower calorie snack so I have calories left over in the evening for snacking, and my husband and I will have some ice cream. Ok, so he's eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's and I'm having a 1/2 cup serving of plain vanilla, but we both have ice cream and we're eating it together.
  • thesimsisters
    thesimsisters Posts: 73 Member
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    I totally understand this from both sides. As the spouse who's not back at goal while my husband eats at maintenance level it can at certain points be frustrating on a night when I'm still hungry. I know what you mean by "jealous", but for me it was more of a feeling of unfairness of how many more calories he can have as a man, at his weight etc., insert reason .... I know it's not really unfair, but whew at certain times on this long weight loss journey it has felt like it. I think this is more a problem at the start than later on as your body adjusts to your allotted calories.

    My husband I think is similar to you where he does not want to be sitting there snacking in the evening in front of me. That is more him than it is me. I'm fine with it now. We worked this out by having him increase his calories during the day so that he did not have large numbers left in the evening. I then adjust my calories (either by exercising more or just meal choices) to always leave room for a few snacks at night. So we both are happy, snacking together ;)
  • DeadliftAddict
    DeadliftAddict Posts: 746 Member
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    I eat over 1000/day more than my wife. I eat more breakfast. I eat more lunch. I eat more dinner. I eat more snacks. So it goes. You have your goals and she has hers. She's a big girl and should be able to deal with a larger man eating more food.

    Two thumbs up on this. Being supportive is great, but it goes both ways. She should be supportive of you as well. Not eating your calories for this is going to hurt you in the end.
  • micahsmom91011
    micahsmom91011 Posts: 26 Member
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    My hubby doesn't have to watch a morsel of food that he eats and only works out because he wants to be fit for work (he's law enforcement). He eats brownies and there is constantly snack food in the house. This used to drive me crazy, but I came to realize there is always going to be times where someone is eating something more than me, or "better" than me and I'm going to have to learn to deal. My husband has very good since I started trying to lose again by plopping our son in his stroller and telling him mommy was going to take him for a walk. (my son is 2 and looooooves going on walks/runs) With MFP you get to eat back your exercise calories so that push to get me out the door gives me my popcorn at night for snack. If your wife really wants to snack at night tell her to go walk/run/bike, exercise in some way to reach enough calories for whatever snack she might want. Yes I still stare at my husband in longing sometimes as he downs his huge portions, carbs, and sweets, but I know in the long run what I'm doing will be worth it.
  • ZForce915
    ZForce915 Posts: 23
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    only in America would a late night snack piss of a spouse…wow #firstworldproblems...

    Couldn't agree with this more lol oye

    That guy was the only one using the word pissed. I said frustrated.
  • Monica_has_a_goal
    Monica_has_a_goal Posts: 694 Member
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    Addressing my comment to the POSTER:

    I would suggest that she do what I do...

    It's easy to want that last snack but you have to budget for it.

    If she wants those 2 cups of popcorn or fruit... tell her to budget it in the morning so she won't eat those calories and she'll feel

    better!

    She didn't cheat and yet is still satisfied with her late night snack.

    She will thank you and won't feel jealous that you have the snack and she's out of calories to use.

    Much success to both you and wifey... :)
  • barwwd
    barwwd Posts: 63 Member
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    This may have already been said, but my husband and I plan what our treat will be for the day so we can both budget. I find it really helps me plan my eating so I don't have to watch him eat something I want. It is great you have each other to work together because having that support really makes a big difference! You're a great person to forgo that last snack for her feelings!
  • thesimsisters
    thesimsisters Posts: 73 Member
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    I am jealous of everyone's extra calories. I want them all.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

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