My fiancé just doesn't get it :/

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  • Rage_Phish
    Rage_Phish Posts: 1,508 Member
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    I have been working out, I don't plan on only losing weight by my diet, I am just trying to get back on real with my workout. But what's frustrating me is that he is trying to tell me that I HAVE to work out or I WONT lose weight, and that's not right. I have no intentions of not working out, I know that it helps. But he just doesn't understand everything and it's frustrating. I know he's trying, but he thinks that just because he doesn't understand it that it's wrong. I'm just venting for my own sanity and looking for anyone else who is or has been going through this.
    It's not that I want two different things, I simply want one thing. I want to be able to talk to him about all of this without him telling me it's wrong just because he doesn't understand it.

    so you are exercising and losing weight, and he is telling you that you must exercise to lose weight?

    Whats the problem then? Just say, i know, i am and its working
  • elainecroft
    elainecroft Posts: 595 Member
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    Agree with above poster - sometimes you just have to pick your battles. You won't agree about everything, and you can't always 'convince' him to agree with you. At the end of the day - if he thinks one solution is best, and you think another is best, it really isn't the end of the world if you can agree to disagree. Think positive - it sounds like he's being supportive of your goals and that is awesome!
  • sloth3toes
    sloth3toes Posts: 2,212 Member
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    Wait until you've been married 20 years or so. Then, he just won't give a crap what you do.
  • ErinMLB
    ErinMLB Posts: 100 Member
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    It sounds like your fiance is a problem solver like my hubby, so when I just want to talk to him and not get feed back I just tell him that. And if I want advise I tell him that. So if you just want someone to talk to, just tell him that is what you want. It doesn't need to be so complicated, or dramatic. simply... listen I just need to vent , or talk , I don't want your help or advise right now.
  • nm212
    nm212 Posts: 570 Member
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    I have been working out, I don't plan on only losing weight by my diet, I am just trying to get back on real with my workout. But what's frustrating me is that he is trying to tell me that I HAVE to work out or I WONT lose weight, and that's not right. I have no intentions of not working out, I know that it helps. But he just doesn't understand everything and it's frustrating. I know he's trying, but he thinks that just because he doesn't understand it that it's wrong. I'm just venting for my own sanity and looking for anyone else who is or has been going through this.
    It's not that I want two different things, I simply want one thing. I want to be able to talk to him about all of this without him telling me it's wrong just because he doesn't understand it.

    It sounds like the real issue is your communication with your fiance. It sounds like he is not being supportive but maybe you need to explain to him what YOU need to feel supported by him. If he still doesn't treat you better or understand, then he should keep his comments to himself. If he doesn't , then I would reconsider why you are in the relationship in the first place. You deserve better.
  • jkowula
    jkowula Posts: 447
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    Wait until you've been married 20 years or so. Then, he just won't give a crap what you do.

    OK, that just made me laugh out loud! Brilliant!!!
  • Pete0725
    Pete0725 Posts: 36 Member
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    frustrating me is that he is trying to tell me that I HAVE to work out or I WONT lose weight

    Is he forcing you to workout, or just stating his beliefs? Some folks on here already gave you great advice, for you two to educate yourselves about weight loss together.
  • BigFootedMonster
    BigFootedMonster Posts: 3
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    Also, why does it really matter? Let your fiancé think what he wants. It is really not worth fighting over. Losing weight and getting healthy is for your health. It doesn't really matter what he thinks.

    Exactly. You two will never agree on everything. That's just life. But you are each entitled to your opinions. Just ask him to be supportive. Sometimes men think that if you discuss something with them, you are asking them for suggestions on how to fix it, when really you just want someone to listen to you.
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,268 Member
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    Wait until you've been married 20 years or so. Then, he just won't give a crap what you do.

    heck really...mine doesn't care now...:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
    He is too busy playing his online game....:grumble:
  • lizj0nes21
    lizj0nes21 Posts: 115
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    1. Stop talking to him about it.

    2. Get out there and make some friends. Why don't you have any friends???

    Because any friends I had stopped really being friends when I got pregnant with my son years ago. I have one girl that I've been friends with since 4th grade. I've matured and have different priorities with vein a mother and her priorities are partying and expensive shopping, which is fine for a 20 year old but it just results in us having an on and off friendship because she doesn't come around much.
  • Commander_Keen
    Commander_Keen Posts: 1,181 Member
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    I have been working out, But what's frustrating me is that he is trying to tell me that I HAVE to work out or I WONT lose weight,

    So wait. You plan on working out, he tells you to work out and your frustrated because.. you don't want to be reminded to work out. .. Personally, I think your ignore button is broken.
    Personally, if you want your marrage to survive, you need to get that ignore button fix.
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,268 Member
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    I have been working out, I don't plan on only losing weight by my diet, I am just trying to get back on real with my workout. But what's frustrating me is that he is trying to tell me that I HAVE to work out or I WONT lose weight, and that's not right. I have no intentions of not working out, I know that it helps. But he just doesn't understand everything and it's frustrating. I know he's trying, but he thinks that just because he doesn't understand it that it's wrong. I'm just venting for my own sanity and looking for anyone else who is or has been going through this.
    It's not that I want two different things, I simply want one thing. I want to be able to talk to him about all of this without him telling me it's wrong just because he doesn't understand it.

    It sounds like the real issue is your communication with your fiance. It sounds like he is not being supportive but maybe you need to explain to him what YOU need to feel supported by him. If he still doesn't treat you better or understand, then he should keep his comments to himself. If he doesn't , then I would reconsider why you are in the relationship in the first place. You deserve better.

    wow that didn't take long...

    "the just break up advice"
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    1. Stop talking to him about it.

    2. Get out there and make some friends. Why don't you have any friends???

    Because any friends I had stopped really being friends when I got pregnant with my son years ago. I have one girl that I've been friends with since 4th grade. I've matured and have different priorities with vein a mother and her priorities are partying and expensive shopping, which is fine for a 20 year old but it just results in us having an on and off friendship because she doesn't come around much.
    I suggest meetup.com and looking for a mom's group or something. You need female friends in your life.
  • Marcia315
    Marcia315 Posts: 460 Member
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    I'm more concerned that you don't have any friends or any family you get along with than whether or not you should work out......
  • parkscs
    parkscs Posts: 1,639 Member
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    People believe all sorts of whacky stuff when it comes to health and nutrition. If you've tried explaining a caloric deficit to him and he still doesn't get it, I'd probably stop discussing this subject with him and keep on doing your thing. There simply is no requirement that you exercise whatsoever to lose fat. That certainly doesn't mean exercising is a bad idea, but in no way, shape or form is it required for weight loss.
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
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    Wait until you've been married 20 years or so. Then, he just won't give a crap what you do.

    heck really...mine doesn't care now...:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
    He is too busy playing his online game....:grumble:

    OMG mine too, don't get me started. :angry: :grumble:
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    Sorry that you guys got into such a huge blowup about it. To lose weight, all you need is a calorie deficit, so you were correct. But unless you exercise, you likely wont see a very big visual improvement that would help you be happier with your appearance.
  • elmr34
    elmr34 Posts: 32 Member
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    As a person with a significant other I have to tell you this:

    You won't agree on everything. You don't have to. What you do have to do is be nice to each other when you disagree. He thinks one thing, you think another. There is no need to determine who is right and who is wrong. Let it go. He only wants what is best for you.
  • BigFootedMonster
    BigFootedMonster Posts: 3
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    Because any friends I had stopped really being friends when I got pregnant with my son years ago. I have one girl that I've been friends with since 4th grade. I've matured and have different priorities with vein a mother and her priorities are partying and expensive shopping, which is fine for a 20 year old but it just results in us having an on and off friendship because she doesn't come around much.

    See if there's a Mommy & Me group around. You will meet a lot of women who have toddlers and that is a good way to meet people who are at the same life situation you are. It's also a fun way to introduce your child to potential playmates.
  • nm212
    nm212 Posts: 570 Member
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    Or find someone else to talk to for support. Don't rely on him if he doesn't get it. I had a similar , but different, situation with my ex-fiance. Yes, I said EX.

    If you can stop talking to him about it and seeking his approval/support, then you might be okay in this relationship. Try to find other outlets and friends to talk to about it. People on MFP can help too. Alot of people have this issue so you are not alone. :) Add me if you want.

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