My fiancé just doesn't get it :/

As a person with a significant other I have to tell you this:

You won't agree on everything. You don't have to. What you do have to do is be nice to each other when you disagree. He thinks one thing, you think another. There is no need to determine who is right and who is wrong. Let it go. He only wants what is best for you.

This too. My husband thinks women should do high reps, low weight, that dietary fat should be avoided at all costs and licorice is better than chocolate because it's fat free.

clearly your husband is an idiot.

The biggest key to successful weightloss is a deficit through diet.

FIFY! :flowerforyou:

It sounds like you're fighting about something a bit trivial. He thinks you need to exercise to lose weight; you don't. My first response would probably be "Okay, honey. Good thing I'm working out, then!" and go along my way.

I do know that I'm stubborn enough to lose weight without exercising at all just to prove my point, but the fact is, exercise makes you healthy and it can help you lose weight faster (in many instances).

When faced with this type of conflict, I really just try to decide if it's a battle I want to fight. Otherwise, I do my best to support his opinion without giving my own up.

Maybe finding an article that supports both points of view is in order. A little research should help you find something that has good data on both sides of the debate.

Good luck.

ETA: If you didn't initially gain your weight in three days, you won't gain it back in three days.

It sounds like your fiance is a problem solver like my hubby, so when I just want to talk to him and not get feed back I just tell him that. And if I want advise I tell him that. So if you just want someone to talk to, just tell him that is what you want. It doesn't need to be so complicated, or dramatic. simply... listen I just need to vent , or talk , I don't want your help or advise right now.

^This is a very underrated skill for us guys to have. It took me a long time to realize the woman in my life isn't looking for advise or for me to fix anything. She's completely capable of doing it herself. She only wants to express her thoughts to someone verbally. Since you don't have any close friends right now that's him for better or worse.

I'm not saying he's like this, but some people are uncomfortable when their spouse decides to make a big change like this. My girlfriend certainly was when I made the decision to lose weight, and I've seen this theme repeated on these boards. They can start to wonder why you want to do it, and if it has anything to do with being unhappy in your relationship. The reality is that 99.9% of the time it has nothing to do with your spouse and everything to do with trying to make yourself a better person.

Since you guys are fighting about it, coming on here and venting with you FL or on the message board might be a better option for you right now. Most people on here are very supportive (just ignore the little fights commenters get into with each other).

I have been working out, But what's frustrating me is that he is trying to tell me that I HAVE to work out or I WONT lose weight,

So wait. You plan on working out, he tells you to work out and your frustrated because.. you don't want to be reminded to work out. .. Personally, I think your ignore button is broken.
Personally, if you want your marrage to survive, you need to get that ignore button fix.

I had started out exercising but since my birthday (this past Tuesday) I fell off the exercise wagon and I'm really tryin to get back on. But his problem is that I haven't worked out in 3 days so he thinks I'm screwing everything up and giving up on getting into shape even though I'm still stayig within my calories and eating better. I plan on getting back into exercising because I don't want to be flabby in my stomach when I lose the weight. But the argument was over the fact that I hadn't worked out in 3 days so he thinks I'm ruining all of my progress and that I'm giving up, which I'm not by any means.

Hmm, then you may need to specify to him what you mean by "support" when you want him to support you. Do you want him to push you to exercise? Do you want him to question that cookie you're eating in the evening? Do you want him to not mention anything unless it's to congratulate you when you have lost weight? Men aren't mind readers, and being supportive means different things to different people. I know this doesn't exactly help his lack of understanding when it comes to weight loss, but it might help limit his comments on exercise.

Do what works for you and what YOU need to do for yourself. Don't concern yourself with the other stuff. I can't believe this "blew up into a huge argument". There are way more important things in life to argue about. Pick your battles.

This

Many people here would agree that losing weight is "mostly" about diet. Calories in vs. calories out. Yes you will lose "weight" by eating fewer calories alone. BUT some of the weight you lose will be muscle mass.

There is a popular saying here ........dieting (alone) is looking better in clothes, and dieting + working out is looking better naked. If there is any possible way you can add strength training do it! I hate strength training. BUT I hate being smaller, yet looking like the Pillsbury Dough (Girl) even more.

I agree with the above. Both of your arguments are valid....it all depends on your final goals as to who is right.

Also you seem to think you know all about how it is done on MFP and you joined last month? :huh: I have been here 1.5 years and I STILL don't know a fraction of it.

I think he really is just concerned about you and wants you to not just be skinny but healthy. You can lose weight eating at a deficit no matter what it is. You can eat healthy or you can eat junk food but exercise in any form will do more than just help you lose weight. You can be skinny and really unhealthy.

I think you just need to have a calm conversation with him. Tell him thank you for trying to be supportive and I understand what you are saying but for now I need to focus on one thing at a time because I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. When YOU feel more ready to continue on with exercise you will but for now focusing on your eating is my first goal. I think he will understand that.

Good luck.

All if this blew up into a huge argument last night and I got really frustrated and discouraged with everything I'm doing because he's the only person I have in my life (I don't have friend and my family and I don't get along enough for me to talk to them about this. For example, my mother is 200+ pounds and not much taller than me and since I'm already so much smaller than her she thinks I have no right to be unhappy with my body and to be trying to lose weight).

Family can be tough to get along with, but it's time to initiate and build some friendships. Few things are more valuable and contribute more to your well-being and overall happiness.

Congrats on your successes otherwise.

...really dedicated to getting into shape...keeps trying to convince me that I HAVE to exercise...I'm doing Jillian Michaels 30 day shred...my fiancé trying to drill it into my head that I absolutely have to work out...

You're fighting about working out and how you don't have to work out but you're already working out?

I had started out exercising but since my birthday (this past Tuesday) I fell off the exercise wagon and I'm really tryin to get back on. But his problem is that I haven't worked out in 3 days so he thinks I'm screwing everything up and giving up on getting into shape even though I'm still stayig within my calories and eating better. I plan on getting back into exercising because I don't want to be flabby in my stomach when I lose the weight. But the argument was over the fact that I hadn't worked out in 3 days so he thinks I'm ruining all of my progress and that I'm giving up, which I'm not by any means.

I think his concern is valid. You said that he is upset that you haven't worked out in 3 days and thinks you will screw things up. I think what he is trying to convey is that he is concerned that you fitness level will decline the the more time to don't workout. That is completely different than him believing that you need to workout to lose weight. He is right that the more time you don't workout, your fitness level is decline and it will take a few extra days to regain that. Give up on trying to convince him that you don't really need to workout to lose weight. He isn't going to validate what you are saying and you are just going to end up resenting him for it. Don't talk to him about it. Like others have said, go out and make some friends. I know it isn't easy, but someone suggested Meetup.com. It is a great website. You are too young to isolate yourself that way.

1. Stop talking to him about it.

2. Get out there and make some friends. Why don't you have any friends???

1. Bad idea. Communication is key in relationships.

2. Not everyone needs friends.

OP - it is healthier to exercise, sounds like you get that, but you are right that you can lose weight by caloric deficit alone. Perhaps he just needs you to acknowledge it in a different way? Something along the lines of "Yes, you are right, I will be much healthier if I exercise a reasonable amount. I am, however, still losing weight, and for me, I need baby steps of lifestyle changes. So why don't I keep doing this piece and do my 30DS for now and next month, we can look at adding in one more thing?"

It sounds like he does just want you to be overall healthier and not just skinny. So be happy with the fact that he is concerned!

5'3 and 136 you sound healthy. What you probably want to do is build muscle and lose body fat. Not something you are going to do with eating at a defecit alone. It's hard for me to come here and tell you want to do, as I am also 5'3" and sitting at a chunky 150 lbs currently. However .... I have dieted down to 135 in the past with loads of cardio and severe calorie restriction. I was still unhappy with my body, as I was just a smaller version of my former flabby self.

Take a look at what weight lifting can do for women. This is my new goal, and I hope I have success with it. The thing is...you need to eat to fuel your body, and although the scale might go up, the inches will go down.

Sorry..but I have to agree with your boyfriend for the kind of results that you are looking for. You are already at a healthy weight.

^^^Agreed! You will be amazed at what heavy lifting can do for a woman's body! I know I have been. I've always done machine's, but since I started doing heavy lifting, I must say that I'm starting to really look ahhhmazing!!! Nothing beats a squat booty, and some sexy, toned, curvy arms on a woman. As far as the BF goes. I would just tell him to chill, and that you DO plan on exercising. No, you don't have to do it to lose weight, but it will be much more beneficial in the end. Not only for appearance, but also for your health. If you can just squeeze 3 days in a week, for 30min's-1hour, that is really all it takes. Later on, if you can do more, then do it. Don't stress about the small things. Atleast you don't have your husband pointing and laughing everytime you weigh your food. SMH!

The additional thought occurs to me that he maybe is encouraging you to get back into your exercise regime the only way he knows how. He sounds like a coach of a sports team revving the guys up for the regional game. He sees you (admittedly) slacking off and knows it will be harder to get back at it the longer you go. Maybe he's going about it awkwardly, but maybe it's just the best way he understands to motivate you to get back into the routine.

Good luck and get back to your workout!! :flowerforyou:

For real, can't you just ask him to google BMR and TDEE? If he doesn't want to or still denies bodies burn calories unless they are exercising, can't you just be like "Eric, I know you are trying to be helpful but telling me I need to workout or I will fail isn't helping me achieve my goals."?

I agree if he offers up lame advice you should just stop talking about it with him, but if he's bugging you to work out and you don't find that very motivation, THAT is what you should talk to him about.