My fiancé just doesn't get it :/

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  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,943 Member
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    I have been working out, I don't plan on only losing weight by my diet, I am just trying to get back on real with my workout. But what's frustrating me is that he is trying to tell me that I HAVE to work out or I WONT lose weight, and that's not right. I have no intentions of not working out, I know that it helps. But he just doesn't understand everythinug and it's frustrating. I know he's trying, but he thinks that just because he doesn't understand it that it's wrong. I'm just venting for my own sanity and looking for anyone else who is or has been going through this.
    It's not that I want two different things, I simply want one thing. I want to be able to talk to him about all of this without him telling me it's wrong just because he doesn't understand it.

    so you are exercising and losing weight, and he is telling you that you must exercise to lose weight?

    Whats the problem then? Just say, i know, i am and its working

    I had started out exercising but since my birthday (this past Tuesday) I fell off the exercise wagon and I'm really tryin to get back on. But his problem is that I haven't worked out in 3 days so he thinks I'm screwing everything up and giving up on getting into shape even though I'm still stayig within my calories and eating better. I plan on getting back into exercising because I don't want to be flabby in my stomach when I lose the weight. But the argument was over the fact that I hadn't worked out in 3 days so he thinks I'm ruining all of my progress and that I'm giving up, which I'm not by any means.
    This is a boundary problem. You are allowing him tor, for lack of a better word, moderate your weight loss activities. He can have his opinion about weight loss, but he has no right telling you that you're not complying with his standards regarding weight loss. I'd tell him to knock it off and mind his own business.
  • hubn8147
    hubn8147 Posts: 110 Member
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    I can definately see your point, I have lost weight and not exercised at all before - yes it can be done. It also seems like you do understand that in order to be toned and look great you need to work out, but that isn't the issue.

    It does seem like you are having some issues with your relationship. I have only been married for 3 years, but you do need to choose your battles. It is not worth arguing over how YOU lose weight. It also sounds like he will be unconvinced of your side of the argument - and it will ALWAYS be like that. If he is that determined, he will NEVER give up his side of the argument. Hence why you should stop talking to him about that particular subject.

    Take my husband for example. He thinks that our dog digs more holes in the backyard when it's cloudy out than when it's sunny. WTF? Doesn't make a damn bit of sense, but I've let it go. If that's what he wants to think, then that's his issue.
  • Colombianchick29
    Colombianchick29 Posts: 298 Member
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    yes. i learned to stop telling people what you are doing, so they cant judge you...especially if they arnt on teh same journey as you! Tahts why there is MFP!!!
  • Colombianchick29
    Colombianchick29 Posts: 298 Member
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    I can definately see your point, I have lost weight and not exercised at all before - yes it can be done. It also seems like you do understand that in order to be toned and look great you need to work out, but that isn't the issue.

    It does seem like you are having some issues with your relationship. I have only been married for 3 years, but you do need to choose your battles. It is not worth arguing over how YOU lose weight. It also sounds like he will be unconvinced of your side of the argument - and it will ALWAYS be like that. If he is that determined, he will NEVER give up his side of the argument. Hence why you should stop talking to him about that particular subject.

    Take my husband for example. He thinks that our dog digs more holes in the backyard when it's cloudy out than when it's sunny. WTF? Doesn't make a damn bit of sense, but I've let it go. If that's what he wants to think, then that's his issue.

    LOL omg that was so funny!! But so so true! You have to choose your battles, might be annoying, but let it go. relathionship 101!!
  • EvanKeel
    EvanKeel Posts: 1,904 Member
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    Take my husband for example. He thinks that our dog digs more holes in the backyard when it's cloudy out than when it's sunny. WTF? Doesn't make a damn bit of sense, but I've let it go. If that's what he wants to think, then that's his issue.

    Well. Does the dog dig more holes when it's cloudy? It seems like that's fairly easy back up or dismiss with empirical evidence. Now if the dog does dig more holes and you want to know why, good luck with that. I'd go with changes in atmospheric pressure causing mild anxiety in the animal.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    ...why don't you just show him your weight loss with minimal exercise in a few weeks?
  • lizj0nes21
    lizj0nes21 Posts: 115
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    ...why don't you just show him your weight loss with minimal exercise in a few weeks?

    Because I still want the best results for myself and I know that includes exercising, even though I know I can lose weight without exercise, I don't want to risk having my body in inadequate shape(with being right and toned).
  • mareich
    mareich Posts: 2 Member
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    Other people have already posted that cutting calories alone will not get you long term results. I'd suggest you find something less time demanding than someone's videos, something you will do regularly until it's a habit. The best exercise is the exercise you do. Walking for 20 minutes a day, stationary bike, something simple that won't itself become an obstacle. You have long, busy days, so find something that you WILL do. BTW, calorie counting alone will become a problem sooner rather than later, because your body will begin to adjust to the lower caloric intake, and store some of the fat you want to get rid of. That's where exercise can get you over the plateaus.
  • ckspores1018
    ckspores1018 Posts: 168 Member
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    I want to know why the OP doesn't have any friends.

    If I literally had no one else to talk to about anything other than my husband, we'd have some major marriage issues. It would probably devolve to homicide issues.
  • Hornsby
    Hornsby Posts: 10,322 Member
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    Just throwing it out there, but OP, you can call me if you need someone to talk too...just sayin'

    LOL - all in fun
  • sloth3toes
    sloth3toes Posts: 2,212 Member
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    Take my husband for example. He thinks that our dog digs more holes in the backyard when it's cloudy out than when it's sunny. WTF? Doesn't make a damn bit of sense, but I've let it go. If that's what he wants to think, then that's his issue.

    Well. Does the dog dig more holes when it's cloudy? It seems like that's fairly easy back up or dismiss with empirical evidence. Now if the dog does dig more holes and you want to know why, good luck with that. I'd go with changes in atmospheric pressure causing mild anxiety in the animal.

    Which part doesn't make a bit of sense.... that your husband THINKS that the dog digs more when it's cloudy.... or that the dog DOES dig more when it's cloudy. Our dog is a psychopath. Nothing she does makes ANY sense to us. Have you watched the dog on various days to determine if he / she does dig more when it's cloudy?
  • Dabank70
    Dabank70 Posts: 4 Member
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    Also, why does it really matter? Let your fiancé think what he wants. It is really not worth fighting over. Losing weight and getting healthy is for your health. It doesn't really matter what he thinks.

    This. Agree with him and tell him that you are concentrating on watching the calories that you are consuming to make sure they don't get out of hand (NOT to lose weight…) and whatever happens, happens! Just make sure not to say, "I told you so" when you do lose a couple of pounds ;) Good luck!
  • brad2021hk
    brad2021hk Posts: 46
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    But the argument was over the fact that I hadn't worked out in 3 days so he thinks I'm ruining all of my progress and that I'm giving up, which I'm not by any means.

    There is one thing in this reply that I think is concerning. The whole, you're going to "ruin all your progress" thing. If your fiance is trying to manage your daily routine or basically discouraging you by using language like "ruin", then you might have an issue you need to work through. Especially if your relationship consists of him pointing out things you are screwing up all the time. Three days without exercise doesn't ruin all your progress if your diet is good. Depending on where you are in your workouts, it might be a nice recovery period. If you're concerned because of this, you have a point. Double the concern if you're primarily doing this for him and not you.

    This may not be an issue at all. Otherwise, you guys agree on the main principle that exercise is important. Learn to not argue about things you agree on. I end up doing this with my wife. It always looks silly when you step back and look at it after the argument. You're just having a minor disagreement on the value of diet without exercise, which is totally not relevant since you are exercising. In theory, you're right that you can lose weight without exercise. In practice, he's right in that you don't seem to need to lose a lot of weight and really the goal is to change body composition. That's damn hard to do when you're close to a healthy weight without exercise. Neither of you will ever win the argument because you're both kind of right and kind of wrong.

    Figure out what the argument really is. Is it him being down on you for screwing something up or is it him trying to help you positively. If he's trying to help, set aside the minor part of the disagreement and take the encouragement to work out...which you intend to do anyway. Use this as an opportunity to tune some boundaries and work on the language you use to communicate.
  • Natmarie73
    Natmarie73 Posts: 287 Member
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    Wait until you've been married 20 years or so. Then, he just won't give a crap what you do.

    Bahahahaha! So true.

    And learn to say "yes dear" while doing what you want :wink:
  • extrafast
    extrafast Posts: 10
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    No sex until he gets it.
  • luvsherhubby
    luvsherhubby Posts: 135 Member
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    Okay I can kind of sympathize with you...my husband sounds a lot like your fiance about things.

    For example I lift weights and have learned a lot from people on this site and through reading and watching videos and programs.

    I try to explain to my husband why he an arch in his back while he is benching is a good idea...he doesn't agree.....
    or he thinks 5x5 isn't enough I should be doing 8 reps he thinks....
    he also thinks that if the last rep was "hard" but I got it stay at that weight until it is easy...

    Now we have only been married 5 years...so it's not like we are an "old" couple who have worked this crap out totally...but this is going to be my one piece of advice for you esp since the fight seems to have derailed you a bit.....

    Now pay attention here...this is ground breaking...











    you can be right....or you can be happy

    YUP! to that last part! I have also been married for 5 years, and I think that this is something that you should let go. You might explain to him how tired you have been lately and maybe suggest a workout together. (let him show you things, even if he knows nothing!) IMO a lot of men have a working out is something that they are more knowledgeable about, letting him lead you in exercise can be fun, and lead to a more exciting a nite cap ;)

    Side note I agree with some of the other posters that at your weight and height you probably want to loose fat and preserve muscle being your primary goal. Not a number on a scale, because we loose/gain water weight etc, but it is how you feel and body looks that matters. I would look into some strength training, and bring the hubs along.

    bottom line
    -love him for caring at all
    -let him lead
    -lift weights together its sexy and will take you to your goal
  • rondaj05
    rondaj05 Posts: 497 Member
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    ...really dedicated to getting into shape...keeps trying to convince me that I HAVE to exercise...I'm doing Jillian Michaels 30 day shred...my fiancé trying to drill it into my head that I absolutely have to work out...

    You're fighting about working out and how you don't have to work out but you're already working out?

    :bigsmile: HAHAHA!

    *wipes water off keyboard*

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