I don't want to be attractive.

98777 · January 2014

I am finding it easier to be overweight.... easier when I was 30 lb heavier.

The more weight I lose, as I become closer to the top range of healthy, I am getting more and more uncomfortable. Part of me wants to be thin and nice looking, but part of me is embarrassed. I have a very curvy shape that is getting revealed and I don't like that for some reason. (I am always attracting attention that I don't want, for one.) It's making my social anxiety worse and making me feel ashamed, even though I know that is irrational. This makes no sense.

I didn't want to have to confront this, but it is seriously bothering me. I think this was subconsciously why I did not want to lose weight at the start of this.

These thoughts I usually do not tell anyone. What's wrong with me? How do I stop this?

Francl27 · January 2014

I think you should see a therapist, there's more than just weight issues there.

emtbythesea · January 2014

I was intrigued by the title of this post. Do you feel like you don't deserve to be attractive? Deserve the new attention? Deserve the health and fitness advantages? Those things are for other people? Not you. I ask because I think people struggle with that mind-set but don't even realize they are doing that. I think what you are going through can be normal. At the end of the day though, it's just an excuse we make to ourselves to get out of the situation. You can do better for yourself and you deserve...no, OWE it to yourself. Now go to the gym!

JesterMFP · January 2014

I think this is actually very common, but I'd agree that seeing a therapist may be very beneficial. Also though, just take it slow. Maintain for a while at the weight you're at, if that helps. You don't have to lose it all at once. It can be a weird process even if you don't have that particular issue. I didn't/don't feel exactly like you do, but I have always struggled with self confidence and self esteem, and they are not issues that are suddenly fixed when you reach your goal weight. The mental stuff definitely needs to be worked on at the same time as the actual weight loss.

freddi11e · January 2014

I know a few females that gained a lot of weight after getting sexually abused... it was a way to "make sure that never happened again" i guess.... you're not the only one... just try and figure out what your reasons are beneath it, and work on that instead. don't stop working at becoming your best because of a psychological thing, ya know? you deserve it girlie

DeliriumCanBeFun · January 2014

I don't think anything is wrong with you. When you have social anxiety and a hard time dealing with attention (something a lot of people wouldn't understand), it is much easier to avoid it. Anything that is much different than what you have always been used to can be overwhelming. Give yourself some time, to get used to the new you. I hate to shop or go out of my comfort zone with new clothes, but some time and a little money spent on figuring out how you could make some wardrobe adjustmentst that you will look nice in and most importantly be comfortable in could do a great deal for you. I hope your struggle eases up

eml298 · January 2014

First, I think it's admirable that you are analyzing and attempting to address your feelings and fears. Since many of us put on/maintain weight for emotionally based reasons, this is a key component to successful lifestyle change. Second, as someone said upthread, it is not uncommon for women who have been sexually assaulted (either physically or emotionally - or both) to use weight as either a conscious or a subconscious "shield." Further, adding social anxiety to a naturally curvy figure might understandably lead to sensitivity. Are your friends/family members less naturally curvy than you? Food for thought...all of this. Therapy could prove beneficial. Good luck in figuring yourself out!

wendybird5 · January 2014

I am finding it easier to be overweight.... easier when I was 30 lb heavier.

The more weight I lose, as I become closer to the top range of healthy, I am getting more and more uncomfortable. Part of me wants to be thin and nice looking, but part of me is embarrassed. I have a very curvy shape that is getting revealed and I don't like that for some reason. (I am always attracting attention that I don't want, for one.) It's making my social anxiety worse and making me feel ashamed, even though I know that is irrational. This makes no sense.

I didn't want to have to confront this, but it is seriously bothering me. I think this was subconsciously why I did not want to lose weight at the start of this.

These thoughts I usually do not tell anyone. What's wrong with me? How do I stop this?

I know exactly how you feel. Those feelings were part of why I gained so much weight in the first place. For a long time I felt safe with all that extra weight like it was a shield that kept me from harm. Then someone hurt me badly and I got really depressed. Medication only made it worse. And then I discovered that exercising made me feel so much better. So when I really started to work on getting healthy, it was because I loved those good feelings I got from exercise and not about how I looked at all.

I think the first thing is definitely find someone to talk with who can help you work on your emotional issues and really help you discover where your fears are coming from and develop your self-confidence so that you can find ways to deal with any unwanted attention.

Good luck!

98777 · January 2014

Thank you guys so much. You're all very insightful.

I've got a lot of thinking to do, but this is a great start.

MercenaryNoetic26 · January 2014

I agree with the "See a therapist" advice. :drinker:

Snow3y · January 2014

Psychiatrist may be able to help you..

kristarablue2 · January 2014

I am very interested in your post, one responder said you may need to see a therapist and I agree, not only to help you feel comfortable in your own skin, but to help with your social anxiety which can be debilitating. I have talked to some people that have lost weight and ended up gaining weight because it was a way to hide. They had been raped when they were thinner and connected them being more attractive with their rapes. There could be a hundred reasons in which you feel this way, but I think introspection and therapy would help. Good luck darlin, I hope the best for you and hope you find your peace with your weight, that is a hard thing to do for all of us.

MinMin97 · January 2014

What makes you feel so vulnerable? Can you be more specific?
I tell my girls that they don't have to be social at times/with people where they don't feel comfortable. And certainly when it comes to their own bodies/sexuality that is just NOBODY'S business. They don't have to express that toward anyone, nor be harassed/unwanted attentions from anyone.

ReadyToBeMeAt160 · January 2014

Yeah I'd definitely say that there are underlying things you need to crack into or you won't ever move forward. Either an individual therapist or some sort of women's group - therapists can usually recommend those. There's lots of us out there with issues like that holding us back - its a huge step that you're even consciously seeing that so while I know its frustrating, you're moving in the right direction.

No shame in asking for help - this is all about getting it done for you, for your health, for Your life. Don't let anything stand in the way!

Metallux · January 2014

I also get somewhat tired of the male attention. SometimesI just want to grocery shop, walk the dog, or have a drink with friends without being ogled or approached.

I think your thoughts are normal and healthy.

I absolutely agree with this. Going out in public isn't an invitation for boys (or anyone) to stare, ogle, hoot, comment, or approach. sometimes women can stare in really uncomfortable ways too. You don't have to be raped or sexually abused to simply feel like your body is up for uncomfortable scrutiny- of any sort. Enough to make you want to protect yourself with extra weight. Keep up your healthy weight loss, maybe see a therapist. Its ok to realize that there is something wrong with getting attention that feels bad. you are being honest. Im right there with you

98777 · January 2014

Thanks again, everyone.

twixlepennie · January 2014

I think you should see a therapist, there's more than just weight issues there.

This.

nikibean123 · January 2014

Remember, a lot of it is about clothes as well - just because you lose weight, you don't have to wear tight clothes and you can hide anything you don't want people to see in the meantime until you get this worked out.

I think you would benefit from speaking to a therapist to work out why you feel this way but remember - it's not just your weight, it's your HEALTH you're taking care of. x

DeltaZero · January 2014

How are you going about your weight loss? Through diet alone?

If you are doing something like weight lifting, running, biking, etc. The longer you do those activities they will help you also gain self confidence. Which is key in the process to losing weight and seeing yourself differently.

Weight loss is the easy part, mental changes are the difficult things that everyone ends up having to deal with.

SamanthaD1218 · January 2014

Why don't you just dress conservatively? You don't have to show off your body if you don't want to. Remember, this is about being healthy, not just attractive. If it still bothers you, I agree that you should talk to someone about it.

I don't want to be attractive.

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