How do you tell someone they are too skinny?

Technically it isn't your business, but I've told people in similar cases. I'm a pretty silly person though, so it doesn't come off as too serious or offending. Approach the person depending on how close they are to you ?

Keep following them around and taking photos. When you score the skeletor photo, show them and see how they think they look.

It's not your business UNLESS you are a Friend/Relative of the person (Friend meaning a Confidante NOT an Acquaintance, Office Mate, Go get coffee on our break...) , and even then you need to know the person's HEALTH situation. Some people need to get even smaller than "you" think if they are having a health challenge or trying to avoid a health challenge or perhaps "family history.". So know your facts before YOU decide that the person "looks" too skinny for YOU.

I have found that overweight people not only tend to have a distorted view of portion size BUT also a distorted view of body size.

Unless it is someone I'm very close with, I'd butt out. BTW, I can see my collarbone and I still have lbs to lose. Not a good measure of someone who's too thin IMO.

is it me?

hmmm, that's a tough one. people don't like to be told nothing that they don't ask for help with. i suppose if they are not doing anything unhealthy, like vomiting or starving, just leave them be. there is nothing you can tell them. it's almost like telling someone they are too fat...they don't want to hear it .

colarbones should show. and on certain body types ribs too, though not sunken ribs. If you are close to this person mention your concern to them, but start the conversation casually by saying they have done a great job and congrats on the weight loss. Maybe ask them what their goals are. If they say another 15 lbs, tell them you really think they dont need to lose any more. If the conversation goes there naturally, tell them you are a little concerned that they are or stay healthy. Don't jump right to that point though or they will probably be defensive and just think you are jealous.

Seeing a collar bone or a rib does not automatically mean that person is underweight or "too" skinny. They could in fact be within the healthy weight designated for their height and age. What you feel is too skinny could be healthy, and telling a healthy person they are too skinny is as insulting and judgemental as telling someone they are too fat. Unless you have proof or reason to believe the person is significantly underweight and in danger from an eating disorder I wouldn't say anything.

Interesting. I think I disagree about speaking up. Perhaps it is because one of my best friends dealt with anorexia for years and I never said anything to her. I knew she was too small, but I figured it was none of my business. She ended up in rehab for her eating disorder for 2 years....a hospitalized rehab. She has asked me on many, many occasions why I did not speak up. She is hurt that I never said anything to her - to her, that meant I didn't care. She was crying out for attention with the eating disorder and I did not respond....in any fashion. A mistake I will not make again.

In my experience, I'd speak up, but in a loving way. If she truly has no eating disorder and is healthy (in all aspects...mentally, physcially, emotionally) she will not be offended by your concern.

As in the "how" to do it you should express concern about her health. Don't even mention her looks. Saying she's too skinny is rewarding to those who are trying to get "too skinny." Telling her she's lost too much weight is like winning a medal. This is what I've learned through therapy classes with my friend.

Anyways, I should clarify that I DO agree with the previous posters that if you are not close friends with her, I wouldn't say anything and I do agree that you can't base it on her collarbones and ribs.

As someone that was really thin growing up being told you are too thin and need to gain weight is just as hurtful as being told you are fat and need to lose weight. No matter who it comes from.

So during the course of my life, I've met many people who are an inspiration to me. They lost weight fast, be it they decided to get in shape or shed some baby weight or what have you. But here is what happens.

Step 1: They gain weight.
Step 2: They lose weight and they look fantastic.
Step 3: Wow, they lost more weight and I can see the collarbone, and omg is that a rib? Wow, her cheeks are sunken.

How do you kindly say to someone that perhaps they are overdoing it and now they are TOO thin?? Is it any of my business? How to you tell someone they aren't only scary looking, but unhealthy???

It's almost like people, who perhaps have been heavy for a while, always see themselves as overweight and can't stop losing it.

I lost a decent amount of weight ...like maybe 30 lbs total on a frame that wasn't that huge to begin with. I am well within the healthy range however for my height. At first my face looked a little sunken etc but I was eating enough and exercising. I was actually a daily struggle to stop losing weight People made all kind of "cute" or "funny" comments to me about wasting away etc...I found them to be horribly offensive, especially when said in front of my kids. I finally had a blow up at a lady who commented about me eating a cookie or something...she thought she was humorous. Like I said I am well within healthy for my height...My change was dramatic for a while. Over the last month or two my body has adjusted and while I have maintained the weight loss my face doesn't look as sunken etc.

Unless you are close with this person and you know the numbers etc...ie her weight and her height and whether or not she is within a healthy range then I would keep my comments to myself. She may be struggling herself emotionally with how to maintain and stop losing or she might be perfect...who knows. People are getting used to this size me...and no longer comment...you may just need an adjustment phase to her possibly healthy changes. If she is indeed unhealthy then I would approach with kid gloves.

It's SUCH an unchartered grey area. We live in a world where skinny is considered perfect and the ideals we have to live up to are usually unrealistic. We also live in a society that is plagued with eating disorders (whether they be anorexia/bulimia etc or overeating).

Would you equally approach a person that was too overweight and raise the issue despite the fact that the health ramifications are also pretty dire?

If we're going to look at BMI (which is still used, however considered a pretty inaccurate way to judge a person's weight these days), mine would say that my healthy weight range is between 131-153lbs. Now I would say that 131lbs for me would make me look odd and I can't imagine ever being that small. I don't really have any interest in it either, but there are a lot of people that take those numbers to heart.

The person you are referring to... Is she a family member or close friend? Do you know her eating plan and exercise routine well? If she's consuming (for example) 500 cal's per day and exercising for 5 hours then hey, that's not good and in the interest of her health then perhaps it is your right to speak out and voice your concerns. In this instance you must be prepared for backlash because a lot of people don't feel the need to justify their lifestyles BUT if we never said anything, there would be thousands of individuals dyin prematurely because of eating disorders, Parents send their teenage daughters for help if they "get too skinny."

If this is not the case and she eat's well and exercises properly and has just lost the weight with a lifestyle overhaul then I think that keeping this to yourself is probably the best plan. Collarbones and ribs are OK on the right physique. I'm anxiously awaiting mine to appear somewhat visable!!!

I think the message here is make sure you have all your i's dotted and your t's crossed before you try staging an intervention. It might not be well received.

I don't think we can tell others that they're too thin any more than we can tell them that they're too fat...

Charmagne

Interesting. I think I disagree about speaking up. Perhaps it is because one of my best friends dealt with anorexia for years and I never said anything to her. I knew she was too small, but I figured it was none of my business. She ended up in rehab for her eating disorder for 2 years....a hospitalized rehab. She has asked me on many, many occasions why I did not speak up. She is hurt that I never said anything to her - to her, that meant I didn't care. She was crying out for attention with the eating disorder and I did not respond....in any fashion. A mistake I will not make again.

Interesting dilemma b/c I would have expected that if you HAD said something to her you would have lost her as a friend a long time ago. The grass is always greener right? That’s not really fair of her to be hurt after the fact b/c you didn't say anything. Don't take it to heart, just move forward in your friendship and hopefully she works out her demons with food.

I personally wouldn’t say anything unless it was my immediate family member. The rest of the world can do as they wish including friends. I have multiple people telling me daily I'm skinny and I'm not (BMI of 20.5) and b/c of this pressure to eat I've probably put on 2 lbs in the past few months hindering my overall goal of loosing just 8 gained on my honeymoon. As we speak I have 4 pieces of cake in a Rubbermaid in the fridge. I bring a Rubbermaid to work now so when people force food on me I can put it aside (much easier than saying no) and either give it to my husband or save it for a cheat day.

I understand. I know a guy (as an acquaintance) who jumped on the raw vegan bandwagon and went from being trim and athletic to looking like he just stepped out of a concentration camp. He got down to 130 lbs (he's about 6' tall) I never said anything because I felt it wasn't my place but I did brooch the subject with his close friend who mentioned they already told him they were concerned. He just said that he was healthy and they just didn't understand because they were meat eaters. (?!)

Now talking to him is like talking to an elderly stroke victim and he's only in his 30's. If I had to do it again would I have said something to him? No.

Now if it was a close friend of mine and I saw them gaining or losing weight RAPIDLY you bet your butt I'd say something to them.