Not sure how to feel (LONG STORY)...

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  • MoreBean13
    MoreBean13 Posts: 8,701 Member
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    I would work really hard on yourself, figure out how to get over this. If you marry this guy, this resentment you're building is going to be a major problem.

    You can't do anything about other people, you just have to deal with it on your end.
  • ggmay50
    ggmay50 Posts: 4
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    Great Answer! Even though we wouldn't do it and it is irritating, live and let live. You are doing a great job and it is good to read real life success stories, because I am overweight and need to lose almost 100 pounds, like you I am trying to do it the healthiest way for me. I love reading about the success other people are having doing it this way also. Keep up the good work.
  • auddii
    auddii Posts: 15,357 Member
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    While I don't agree with your boyfriend's mom parking in handicap parking, I'm glad she is at least going to the gym. My mom had weight loss surgery, and she suggested that I get it too. A lot. She want us to do it together. I hadn't lost any weight, but I also hadn't tried, so I wasn't going to immediately jump to the most extreme solution without attempting it on my own. Plus, I wasn't THAT overweight. At the time, I probably had 70-100lbs to lose. A lot, but possible on my own.

    She went ahead with the surgery, but she didn't change her lifestyle. She was forced to eat smaller amounts of foods due to the smaller stomach, but she'd always try for more (and puke a lot). She wouldn't take the right supplements, and she definitely didn't go to the gym. Her hair fell out (granted, that can happen from weight loss anyways, but hers was vitamin deficiency), and she did lose weight. Then she started putting it back on, and her insulin control is as bad as ever (she's now on an insulin pump). She's gained back about 50lbs again, and instead of going to the gym, she's going to have a revision to her surgery to decrease the size of her stomach again.

    Surgery is a tool, and it can help some people to learn how to make themselves better. Others treat it as an easy way out, and they get nowhere fast.

    Congrats to you for your hard work and all that you have lost so far! 40lbs is a great accomplishment!!!!! And, you are losing it slower, which I think is a better idea. Some people need to lose the weight very quickly due to extreme health risks (this is usually when doctors insist on very low cals or surgery, and usually the person is 400-500lbs or more). However, I think overall, it's easier to maintain the loss when you lose slower. Plus, people who lose quickly seem to have more problems with lose skin. You can never avoid it entirely, especially if you are very large to start with, but losing slower does seem to help somewhat.

    Try to not begrudge their bragging; they are ecstatic about their own losses too. And they deserve to be. But don't forget that you are making wonderful progress as well, and you may (or may not) have a better chance of keeping the weight off. Definitely don't let their remarks derail you, and don't try to focus on the negative feelings (which are natural to have; just try to not dwell).
  • ShellyBell999
    ShellyBell999 Posts: 1,482 Member
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    It's easy to feel frustrated sometimes by those who we consider are taking the easy way out, when it seems we work harder while gaining smaller results.
    That being said, we are the only ones who truly know what works for us.
    Keep in your mind and heart that you and only you know what will work for and help you in your life's endeavors.
    We all have actions to account for. Be able to own yours with pride.
  • jamk1446
    jamk1446 Posts: 5,577 Member
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    I understand your irritation, I swear I do but stop giving that much energy to something / someone that make no difference in your life. Time to let it go....they are doing the best they can do for their own life and their own circumstances.

    Be happy for others people even if it is not the choice you would make for yourself.

    It is not worth the energy.

    Good luck

    This sums up how I feel about it.
  • Jezebel9
    Jezebel9 Posts: 396 Member
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    Part of my health is how I feel inside. The way I think and feel- the nature of my thoughts. When I catch myself comparing and competing with others in my mind, I know I am in trouble. It makes me miserable and bitter. There is always someone stronger, faster, prettier, more capable... someone cheating, getting over. Being miserable and bitter saps my energy and beauty, half of my goodness is sucked up in the negativity. I cannot control other people. I practice only comparing and competing with myself. In this way, I can maintain my integrity, my focus. If I am depressed, I smoke cannabis sativa- it is a great mood booster and motivator. I then practice self love and hone my personal power... and I am happy. The sun is shining and you are beautiful and strong. Peace~
  • EvgeniZyntx
    EvgeniZyntx Posts: 24,208 Member
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    I agree with you. It absolutely infuriates me when people have WLS. They tell you they need it and it is not easy.

    I ABSOLUTELY THINK IT IS A COP OUT AND CHEATING. They surgically adjust their stomach to consume less food and calories. The rest of us have to do it on our own and deal with cravings, hunger, calories, getting to the gym. Also I think the WLS procedures are dangerous and cause other health complications. It is also cheating time wise. They lose tons of weight right off and those of us that take charge of our heath have to go it slow and wait for our bodies.

    I do NOT CONDONE or SUPPORT WLS.

    That being said, I have had many friends and family members have it done. They did not change their eating or excersize habits and if they did it was short lived. I cannot tell you one true success story. They also have saggy flabby skin. HOWEVER; I do love and adore these people. I cant judge to hard, neither should you. It is OK to NOT AGREE with their weight loss methods.

    If their habits annoy you just keep on with your healthy habits. Maybe they will see you as an example and follow suit as well? Or maybe they will never change. They ARE FAMILY so just love them for who they are and try to focus on the kind things they do and say. No one is perfect and they will say and do things you hate, but try to remember that you love them and that is the most important thing.

    I just have to laugh at the "cheating" idea. And the bolded part. No, you aren't judging too hard. Noooo.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    first and foremost, you need to worry about finding happiness for yourself. Once you find your own happiness, you can be happy for other people's success.
  • tlsegar
    tlsegar Posts: 185 Member
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    Haters gon' hate. :)
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    You're falling into the "I judge myself and therefore I judge others" trap. The less you judge yourself and learn to embrace the capabilities of your body the less you'll care what others are doing, and the more successful you'll be.

    The fact that it bothers you so much indicates to me that you've considered the surgery and have decided to go a different route, but feel uncomfortable about the fact that it was a viable route for you to take.
  • SkinnyMel78
    SkinnyMel78 Posts: 434 Member
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    Congrats to you for losing 40lbs! That is amazing!

    Everyone has a story of their own to tell. You can't compare what you have gone threw to what others have. Obviously if they had surgery than it must have been a life or death decision made by not only them but their doctors. They are still going to have to find some way to maintain the weight that they will lose. A co-worker of mine had the surgery about 7 years ago and has admitted that she weighs more now than she did before her procedure. She has not changed her lifestyle and the surgery has failed her.

    Just continue to do what you are doing. It's working and you should be proud. Don't let what others are doing effect you.

    Keep up the great work!
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
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    It is also cheating time wise. They lose tons of weight right off and those of us that take charge of our heath have to go it slow and wait for our bodies.

    So it's not fair then?

    Other people's weight and health has nothing to do with you. If my doctor and I felt that I would be better off with WLS, whether that's fair to someone else isn't going to enter into the equation.

    I'd like anyone and everyone to be able to reach health goals without having to undergo surgery. It's not always possible. If I had someone I loved who continually tried and was unable to lose weight, if the medical professionals deemed the more responsible, more healthy, and less dangerous option to get the surgery over not, who cares about fair? Who cares about the moral victory?

    (I know surgeries of any kind have inherent risk and are a toll on the body. That's why it would be nice if people didn't need them. But morbid obesity carries risk, strain on the body, and impairs quality of life, too.)

    It's funny to me that people seem more indignant about things like WLS than breast implants and similar procedures (for purely cosmetic and not reconstructive purposes).
  • somefitsomefat
    somefitsomefat Posts: 445 Member
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    When you're fat people they think you're lazy and have no self control. If you get weight loss surgery they think you're lazy and are just taking the easy way out. If you lose the weight by dieting and exercising they think you're a fitness nut who works out too much and is no fun anymore. People think lots of things I guess.
  • flab2fit_30
    flab2fit_30 Posts: 66
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    You absolutely are jealous, and you need to face that. Don't ever think weight loss surgery is easy or that a person who has the surgery has no will power. After surgery, you still have to control what you eat, and that does take will power. I have a LapBand, and it's rough. I still have lots of trouble losing weight, mostly because I still have to control what goes in my mouth. When I get stressed, I eat. Weight loss surgery doesn't change that. It's a constant struggle. If you love these people, realize that they've had to deal with being fat for a long time, and they're probably finally happy to be free of that overwhelming anchor around their necks. Try to be happy for them.

    I completely disagree with this... I dont think you sound jealous at all. I think you are frustrated for a few valid reasons. first of all, if his mom is healthy and doesnt need the plakard anymore- she shouldnt be using it. now i know there are hidden reasons why some people have the plakard- like asthma, or heart condition- but you would probably know if thats why she had it. second of all, they shouldnt be overshadowing you about your natural weight loss when asking you about it because it will be easier for them to lose weight. i did a lot of research on surgeries before i decided it just wasnt for me and i needed to do it the "right" way for me- which is eating better and sweating my butt off. i know quiet a few people who have had surgeries and i do know that each surgery has different success rates. people getting ther lapband lose weight a lot slower than someone who has gastric bypass. either way- when you are celebrating your weight loss, they should respect that.

    Just keep doing what your doing.... all your hard work will pay off and you will be fit, healthy, and happy.
  • Muddy_Yogi
    Muddy_Yogi Posts: 1,459 Member
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    My feelings on this? I think you ARE jealous. Not everyone is going to go about this the same way. Focus on what you are doing and don't use all that energy on what someone else is or isn't doing.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    Well the fact of the matter is that you have a better story to tell then they do. You shouldn't let what they do bother you because its your story and you are writing it they way you want it to be. Find satisfaction in that.

    As for the loose skin, you and I have similar goals. I'm a bit further ahead. Truth is, with as much weight as we were/are looking to lose, loose skin is just a fact of life.

    Congratulations on your weight loss thus far. Know that you have worked very hard at it, and have every right to feel proud and satisfied of the way you achieve your goals. Who cares how they did it. Their story isn't yours.
  • Annie_01
    Annie_01 Posts: 3,096 Member
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    I agree with you. It absolutely infuriates me when people have WLS. They tell you they need it and it is not easy.

    I ABSOLUTELY THINK IT IS A COP OUT AND CHEATING. They surgically adjust their stomach to consume less food and calories. The rest of us have to do it on our own and deal with cravings, hunger, calories, getting to the gym. Also I think the WLS procedures are dangerous and cause other health complications. It is also cheating time wise. They lose tons of weight right off and those of us that take charge of our heath have to go it slow and wait for our bodies.

    I do NOT CONDONE or SUPPORT WLS.

    That being said, I have had many friends and family members have it done. They did not change their eating or excersize habits and if they did it was short lived. I cannot tell you one true success story. They also have saggy flabby skin. HOWEVER; I do love and adore these people. I cant judge to hard, neither should you. It is OK to NOT AGREE with their weight loss methods.

    If their habits annoy you just keep on with your healthy habits. Maybe they will see you as an example and follow suit as well? Or maybe they will never change. They ARE FAMILY so just love them for who they are and try to focus on the kind things they do and say. No one is perfect and they will say and do things you hate, but try to remember that you love them and that is the most important thing.

    You might want to reread your post...maybe see it from the eyes of another person and then ask yourself...Did you judge these people?
  • lyricsmamma6469
    lyricsmamma6469 Posts: 37 Member
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    You're falling into the "I judge myself and therefore I judge others" trap. The less you judge yourself and learn to embrace the capabilities of your body the less you'll care what others are doing, and the more successful you'll be.

    The fact that it bothers you so much indicates to me that you've considered the surgery and have decided to go a different route, but feel uncomfortable about the fact that it was a viable route for you to take.

    I totally considered having the surgery. I never denied that...but I decided for myself, the drawbacks outweighed the benefits. For everyone else, who are getting crazy defensive over my post, I do love these people. I just wish for themselves they had chosen the "right" way to lose their weight. The ones I've known who had the surgery had theirs years ago and are still as emotionally screwed up as they were before and have done nothing to change their eating habits. My best friend has even said that she thinks she's more out of shape now than she was prior to the surgery. And yes I have tried to get her to join the gym with me so that we could spend time together and motivate one another.

    I am proud of my weight loss and have learned so much already so far about calories, serving sizes, exercising, and how my own body reacts. I have learned all this on my own and know in the end, I will be smarter about my health and food choices in the future. Just wanted to vent and get others opinions on how they've felt in similar situations.

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