How do you tell someone they are too skinny?

So during the course of my life, I've met many people who are an inspiration to me. They lost weight fast, be it they decided to get in shape or shed some baby weight or what have you. But here is what happens.

Step 1: They gain weight.
Step 2: They lose weight and they look fantastic.
Step 3: Wow, they lost more weight and I can see the collarbone, and omg is that a rib? Wow, her cheeks are sunken.

How do you kindly say to someone that perhaps they are overdoing it and now they are TOO thin?? Is it any of my business? How to you tell someone they aren't only scary looking, but unhealthy???

It's almost like people, who perhaps have been heavy for a while, always see themselves as overweight and can't stop losing it.

I lost a decent amount of weight ...like maybe 30 lbs total on a frame that wasn't that huge to begin with. I am well within the healthy range however for my height. At first my face looked a little sunken etc but I was eating enough and exercising. I was actually a daily struggle to stop losing weight People made all kind of "cute" or "funny" comments to me about wasting away etc...I found them to be horribly offensive, especially when said in front of my kids. I finally had a blow up at a lady who commented about me eating a cookie or something...she thought she was humorous. Like I said I am well within healthy for my height...My change was dramatic for a while. Over the last month or two my body has adjusted and while I have maintained the weight loss my face doesn't look as sunken etc.

Unless you are close with this person and you know the numbers etc...ie her weight and her height and whether or not she is within a healthy range then I would keep my comments to myself. She may be struggling herself emotionally with how to maintain and stop losing or she might be perfect...who knows. People are getting used to this size me...and no longer comment...you may just need an adjustment phase to her possibly healthy changes. If she is indeed unhealthy then I would approach with kid gloves.

It's SUCH an unchartered grey area. We live in a world where skinny is considered perfect and the ideals we have to live up to are usually unrealistic. We also live in a society that is plagued with eating disorders (whether they be anorexia/bulimia etc or overeating).

Would you equally approach a person that was too overweight and raise the issue despite the fact that the health ramifications are also pretty dire?

If we're going to look at BMI (which is still used, however considered a pretty inaccurate way to judge a person's weight these days), mine would say that my healthy weight range is between 131-153lbs. Now I would say that 131lbs for me would make me look odd and I can't imagine ever being that small. I don't really have any interest in it either, but there are a lot of people that take those numbers to heart.

The person you are referring to... Is she a family member or close friend? Do you know her eating plan and exercise routine well? If she's consuming (for example) 500 cal's per day and exercising for 5 hours then hey, that's not good and in the interest of her health then perhaps it is your right to speak out and voice your concerns. In this instance you must be prepared for backlash because a lot of people don't feel the need to justify their lifestyles BUT if we never said anything, there would be thousands of individuals dyin prematurely because of eating disorders, Parents send their teenage daughters for help if they "get too skinny."

If this is not the case and she eat's well and exercises properly and has just lost the weight with a lifestyle overhaul then I think that keeping this to yourself is probably the best plan. Collarbones and ribs are OK on the right physique. I'm anxiously awaiting mine to appear somewhat visable!!!

I think the message here is make sure you have all your i's dotted and your t's crossed before you try staging an intervention. It might not be well received.

I don't think we can tell others that they're too thin any more than we can tell them that they're too fat...

Charmagne

Interesting. I think I disagree about speaking up. Perhaps it is because one of my best friends dealt with anorexia for years and I never said anything to her. I knew she was too small, but I figured it was none of my business. She ended up in rehab for her eating disorder for 2 years....a hospitalized rehab. She has asked me on many, many occasions why I did not speak up. She is hurt that I never said anything to her - to her, that meant I didn't care. She was crying out for attention with the eating disorder and I did not respond....in any fashion. A mistake I will not make again.

Interesting dilemma b/c I would have expected that if you HAD said something to her you would have lost her as a friend a long time ago. The grass is always greener right? That’s not really fair of her to be hurt after the fact b/c you didn't say anything. Don't take it to heart, just move forward in your friendship and hopefully she works out her demons with food.

I personally wouldn’t say anything unless it was my immediate family member. The rest of the world can do as they wish including friends. I have multiple people telling me daily I'm skinny and I'm not (BMI of 20.5) and b/c of this pressure to eat I've probably put on 2 lbs in the past few months hindering my overall goal of loosing just 8 gained on my honeymoon. As we speak I have 4 pieces of cake in a Rubbermaid in the fridge. I bring a Rubbermaid to work now so when people force food on me I can put it aside (much easier than saying no) and either give it to my husband or save it for a cheat day.

I understand. I know a guy (as an acquaintance) who jumped on the raw vegan bandwagon and went from being trim and athletic to looking like he just stepped out of a concentration camp. He got down to 130 lbs (he's about 6' tall) I never said anything because I felt it wasn't my place but I did brooch the subject with his close friend who mentioned they already told him they were concerned. He just said that he was healthy and they just didn't understand because they were meat eaters. (?!)

Now talking to him is like talking to an elderly stroke victim and he's only in his 30's. If I had to do it again would I have said something to him? No.

Now if it was a close friend of mine and I saw them gaining or losing weight RAPIDLY you bet your butt I'd say something to them.

i wouldn't want someone (even someone very close to me) to tell me i'm too fat. i mean, i have a mirror and a scale and photographic evidence. if that someone was genuinely concerned about my health and wellbeing and they noticed some things (eating habits, destructive behaviors, withdrawing emotionally, etc...) in addition to my size, i would be more open to hearing their thoughts about my body. but it would still be hurtful.

i think i would feel the same way if i were much thinner.

are you worried about her health? is she exhibiting other signs of illness? is it worth potentially hurting her feelings for the sake of her health? or do you just personally dislike her appearance? how would you feel if someone told you that you looked like a hot mess at ANY size?

Don't tell anyone they are too skinny. It would contribute to giving them an eating disorder, so it would not be at all helpful or even thoughtful. There are numerous experiments with lab mice that show being under weight lengthens the life of mice. Also many people who have been overweight or never ideally thin as mother nature made us are uncomfortable with a thin body on anyone, so it's best not to pass one one's personal thinking onto others. Let them be. If a doctor makes a comment, it should come from him/her and not anyone else.

I'd probably only mention it if I were friends with this person...if we were acquaintances, I wouldn't really say anything unless they asked me how they looked or something, I'd be honest and try to say it casually that "I actually think you looked very good when you were 10 lbs heavier".

If it were a friend, I'd also bring it up in a casual way. If we're friends, I'd rather you be angry at me for a while, and think about it than for me to ignore it and you hurt your health. We can't really make anyone do anything they don't want to, but in terms of friends, I'd say something.

My mom for example, ALWAYS brought up my weight saying she was concerned and I knew it was true but it felt annoying and condescending and I do think she could have done it in a better way, but it did get me thinking. I would be mad for a while but it didn't ruin our relationship and now, I have taken it upon myself to finally lose for good.