Some of my thoughts on emotional eating
stroutman81
Posts: 2,474 Member
Imagine going to doctor and expecting them to make a diagnosis based solely on you saying, "I feel bad." Is it a broken leg? A sore throat? A migraine?
For those of you who tend to medicate with food - eat in response to your emotions - this is how you typically diagnose your feelings.
Very rarely are you identifying whether or not you're sad, anxious, doubtful, happy, angry, lonely or whatever. You aren't conditioned to think that far.
Instead you just "feel something" and you've conditioned yourself with a knee jerk reaction to eat in response to it. If they're positive feelings, you'll feed them with food in an attempt to magnify them. If they're negative feelings, you'll feed them in an attempt to minimize them.
You're an emotional zombie - "Feel good, want more, food yum, more feel good," or "Feel bad, no like, food yum, food fix."
No matter how you're feeling, you've linked up in your mind that food will improve it. And since food does taste very good... since it does provide us with nourishment, instant gratification, and it just feels good - albeit very temporarily ... it's a self fulfilling cycle. You lose sight of the temporariness in the heat of the moment.
How do you expect to cope with your emotions if you're not really paying attention to them - if you're not actually identifying them? Instead, you're just "taste testing" them because before you can fully experience them, you've already dove right into your automatic eating. Going back to the doctor analogy, you essentially have one medication that you use for all ailments.
Our feelings are valuable sources of information. They generally tell us that something has to happen behaviorally.
When you develop a knack for identifying your emotions, for the first time you get to experience them in their raw form. This adds a layer of objectivity to how you're feeling and choosing to respond to them. Rather than making a hasty judgement that triggers your automatic "eat response," you see the emotion for what it is - you see why it's there - and now you can make more reasoned responses to it.
Good or bad, you should welcome the experience of your emotions. With more reasoned responses, you have "better control of the car." You can start living life, and definitely improving your physique, more methodically and deliberately.
By pinpointing your emotions - rather than slapping some vague label on them - you are less likely to be a slave to the emotionally reasoned and behaviorally ingrained response of eating. You become situationally aware. You can identify events, people, and thoughts that tend to elicit certain emotions that drive you toward food.
Once you increase awareness, you can start interrupting the automaticity of it all. You can start tinkering with new responses and building new habits.
Not only can this help control you're eating and thus your weight... it can also drastically improve your life. As things improve, you'll notice a shift from emotions driving eating to emotions driving living.
This is all very general. I'm talking big picture here. There are a ton of little "tricks" and exercises that I use to bolster my clients' awareness and knowledge - tools to help them identify and FEEL their emotions for what they are... and ultimately how to modify their response to them. It's definitely a learned mindset and the more experience you compile of consciously responding to your emotions, the better at it you become.
I think, at a minimum, it starts with familiarizing yourself with the spectrum of emotions you tend to feel. Write them down. Analyze them. Where did they come from? Did a thought trigger them and if so, what was it? Did a situation in your environment trigger them and if so what was it ?
Once you identify your actual emotions, You should also familiarize yourself with how you tend to respond to them.
This likely seems silly to some of you, and if so, I'm not talking to you. You likely have no sense of what it's like to lack coping strategies for your emotions.
For those of you who this does jive with... once you get better at identifying and analyzing your emotions as indicated above - beyond simply being more aware, present, and objective - you can also begin to replace your responses to various emotions with more productive behaviors.
This isn't easy. It's like building a good body. It takes time, patience, forgiveness, acceptance, lots of practice, and even more consistency.
But this is a start to the direction many emotional eaters need in my opinion.
For those of you who tend to medicate with food - eat in response to your emotions - this is how you typically diagnose your feelings.
Very rarely are you identifying whether or not you're sad, anxious, doubtful, happy, angry, lonely or whatever. You aren't conditioned to think that far.
Instead you just "feel something" and you've conditioned yourself with a knee jerk reaction to eat in response to it. If they're positive feelings, you'll feed them with food in an attempt to magnify them. If they're negative feelings, you'll feed them in an attempt to minimize them.
You're an emotional zombie - "Feel good, want more, food yum, more feel good," or "Feel bad, no like, food yum, food fix."
No matter how you're feeling, you've linked up in your mind that food will improve it. And since food does taste very good... since it does provide us with nourishment, instant gratification, and it just feels good - albeit very temporarily ... it's a self fulfilling cycle. You lose sight of the temporariness in the heat of the moment.
How do you expect to cope with your emotions if you're not really paying attention to them - if you're not actually identifying them? Instead, you're just "taste testing" them because before you can fully experience them, you've already dove right into your automatic eating. Going back to the doctor analogy, you essentially have one medication that you use for all ailments.
Our feelings are valuable sources of information. They generally tell us that something has to happen behaviorally.
When you develop a knack for identifying your emotions, for the first time you get to experience them in their raw form. This adds a layer of objectivity to how you're feeling and choosing to respond to them. Rather than making a hasty judgement that triggers your automatic "eat response," you see the emotion for what it is - you see why it's there - and now you can make more reasoned responses to it.
Good or bad, you should welcome the experience of your emotions. With more reasoned responses, you have "better control of the car." You can start living life, and definitely improving your physique, more methodically and deliberately.
By pinpointing your emotions - rather than slapping some vague label on them - you are less likely to be a slave to the emotionally reasoned and behaviorally ingrained response of eating. You become situationally aware. You can identify events, people, and thoughts that tend to elicit certain emotions that drive you toward food.
Once you increase awareness, you can start interrupting the automaticity of it all. You can start tinkering with new responses and building new habits.
Not only can this help control you're eating and thus your weight... it can also drastically improve your life. As things improve, you'll notice a shift from emotions driving eating to emotions driving living.
This is all very general. I'm talking big picture here. There are a ton of little "tricks" and exercises that I use to bolster my clients' awareness and knowledge - tools to help them identify and FEEL their emotions for what they are... and ultimately how to modify their response to them. It's definitely a learned mindset and the more experience you compile of consciously responding to your emotions, the better at it you become.
I think, at a minimum, it starts with familiarizing yourself with the spectrum of emotions you tend to feel. Write them down. Analyze them. Where did they come from? Did a thought trigger them and if so, what was it? Did a situation in your environment trigger them and if so what was it ?
Once you identify your actual emotions, You should also familiarize yourself with how you tend to respond to them.
This likely seems silly to some of you, and if so, I'm not talking to you. You likely have no sense of what it's like to lack coping strategies for your emotions.
For those of you who this does jive with... once you get better at identifying and analyzing your emotions as indicated above - beyond simply being more aware, present, and objective - you can also begin to replace your responses to various emotions with more productive behaviors.
This isn't easy. It's like building a good body. It takes time, patience, forgiveness, acceptance, lots of practice, and even more consistency.
But this is a start to the direction many emotional eaters need in my opinion.
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Replies
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Thanks Steve.0
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Bump to have in my feed, and to reread later. I am working on this kind of stuff and this is thought-provoking -- Thank you Steve.0
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Great post!0
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Thanks, Steve.
Bumping for my newsfeed.0 -
Bump-thank you for this!0
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This is great, thank you0
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Always good stuff, Steve!! Thanks for posting this!0
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As someone who has been in a deep pit of binge eating/drinking my emotions, I can tell you that I do not think your post is silly at all. I think, for me at least, the biggest problem was that just the thought of thinking about why you're doing something and what emotions it's attached to can feel very overwhelming.
It's extremely difficult for someone who suffers from multiple mental problems such as depression and anxiety to even feel like they are "worth" thinking about to get out of the cycle. In some sick ways, they believe that they don't deserve anything better. I hope your post really helps someone in need, it has taken me almost a year to get where I am now. For me, losing weight and gaining better mental health went hand in hand, I couldn't do one without the other.0 -
Great post!
Agreed!!0 -
adding to my feed to reread and reflect on later.0
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Thanks Steve excellent post - it already has me thinking of when i need to snack and what is triggering it. Any suggestions on what i should do to prevent eating doing those triggers. I thought maybe if i was home i could go on the treadmill. Just off the top of my head i thought of i snack when i am bored or when my husband aggravates me.0
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Excellent post.0
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thanks Im going to read this later when Im not at work or when I get bored at work0
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As someone who has been in a deep pit of binge eating/drinking my emotions, I can tell you that I do not think your post is silly at all. I think, for me at least, the biggest problem was that just the thought of thinking about why you're doing something and what emotions it's attached to can feel very overwhelming.
It's extremely difficult for someone who suffers from multiple mental problems such as depression and anxiety to even feel like they are "worth" thinking about to get out of the cycle. In some sick ways, they believe that they don't deserve anything better. I hope your post really helps someone in need, it has taken me almost a year to get where I am now. For me, losing weight and gaining better mental health went hand in hand, I couldn't do one without the other.
I totally get this. Everything operates on a spectrum. In terms of emotional eating:
Mild <
> Severe
For severe forms of emotional eating that are cemented with other issues such as depression... it's a whole different ballgame... much more complex. That said, the same tools are used. It's just that additional intervention is likely necessary - from professional therapy and/or pharmacological intervention.
Howeer, the even in these more aggressive cases... stuff like behavior therapy, which is essentially what I'm suggesting in the OP, is effective.
It takes a multi-pronged approach for some people and as hard as it is to have faith in there being relief, you have to. With the right tools in hand, slow positive changes can and do happen.
But hell, when perception is tinted in such dark colors due to things like depression and anxiety... again, it's such a different animal.
I'm glad to hear you've made what sounds like great progress in your life. And I've made a career out of helping people reach their weight/physique goals. They hire me thinking the magic is in the programming, but I can tell you that more than anything I'm helping them cultivate a productive mindset and thought process.0 -
It's been my experience as a former "emotional eater" that my emotions had nothing to do with my overeating. I changed my diet and in a matter of weeks I had a normal appetite -- no getting in touch with my feelings needed. So my advice for "emotional eaters" is to look at your diet for the cause. That need to stuff yourself with food is a physical problem brought on by the food you're eating; not a mental one or a poor relationship with food. Just something to consider.0
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Great thoughts!0
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In response to Alabaster above ^
That's your experience and it's valid, but that doesn't mean it's the only answer and applies to everyone. For you your emotions weren't involved, for others they are. It's not an either/or sort of thing.0 -
Great reminder to THINK before eating, especially if the urge strikes at other than mealtimes. Do I really need that cookie, or candy, or whatever? Why do I want "X" and can I make a healthier substitute if I am really hungry? Thought provoking post!0
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In response to Alabaster above ^
That's your experience and it's valid, but that doesn't mean it's the only answer and applies to everyone. For you your emotions weren't involved, for others they are. It's not an either/or sort of thing.
stroutman81 posts are always thoughtful and on point but in this case I think people would do better and have more success looking towards their diets for the cause of their "emotional" eating. Just my opinion.0 -
Bump! Excellent post!0
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Thanks Steve excellent post - it already has me thinking of when i need to snack and what is triggering it. Any suggestions on what i should do to prevent eating doing those triggers. I thought maybe if i was home i could go on the treadmill. Just off the top of my head i thought of i snack when i am bored or when my husband aggravates me.
In a case like this, you're feeling frustration. Your response to the frustration is to eat. Your mind has it linked up that eating will soothe the discomfort stemming from the frustration and I'd bet that in the heat of the moment you can't imagine any other possible responses to the emotion..
On paper it's easy to see eat is not a logical response. In the heat of the moment, though... turning to food makes all the sense in the world.
You can try and shortcut it by finding an alternate outlet, right? Maybe some other activity, besides eating, can help soothe the frustration. Going for a walk, reading a book, etc, etc... whatever jives with you.
You can also try shortcutting it by eating high volume (low energy density) food to fill you up before doing too much "damage" in the calorie department.
While these types of tweaks can certainly help (and I advocate such things), they're akin to putting a band aid on a shotgun wound.
Where I'm really going with the OP is digging deeper than finding a shortcut. Shortcuts can give you a little breathing room... they might help you feel a little better and free up some of your willpower to work towards finding more permanent solutions.
But the important thing to remember is our emotions are telling you something. If you actually accept them, feel them, and listen to them you can become much more aware and present and thus much more "pointed" in your responses to them.
In your particular case you feel frustration toward your husband. I'd spend a lot of time figuring out what that frustration means to you. Whatever you believe about frustration right now in the context of your husband, the emotion motivates you to eat. Obviously that's not very helpful or productive.
So identify those beliefs. And then work towards changing them.
This is why journaling is such a powerful tool if you do it correctly.
When a lot of people go down this path of analysis, they see quickly that they don't handle uncomfortable emotions well, which is why they're escaping them by turning to the pleasure food provides. Maybe when you're frustrated with your husband, you believe that there's no fix for the frustration... you're in a helpless situation. He is how he is and there's nothing you can do about it. So why not eat to feel good... as there are no other options.
What if you worked on that belief. Figure out some alternative ways you can think about frustration and come up with some different responses. There are likely more issues at play - maybe you feel he doesn't respect your feelings, maybe you feel he does things to spite you, maybe you have unrealistic expectations, etc, etc... I could rattle off dozens of possibilities.
But given your underlying issues, without communicating with your husband about them, you're likely to never dig deep enough to transplant that root, so to speak.
It's important to figure out why that frustration is there. Maybe you can identify the root and find a more concrete solution. Is it rooted solely in your husbands acute actions?0 -
It's been my experience as a former "emotional eater" that my emotions had nothing to do with my overeating. I changed my diet and in a matter of weeks I had a normal appetite -- no getting in touch with my feelings needed. So my advice for "emotional eaters" is to look at your diet for the cause. That need to stuff yourself with food is a physical problem brought on by the food you're eating; not a mental one or a poor relationship with food. Just something to consider.
If only it were that easy for everyone.
Of course we start with diet.
Read that twice.
But when that doesn't work, you need to dig deeper.
You were not a full fledged emotional eater. The emotional eaters I'm talking about are borderline binge eaters. They've tweaked diets and tried time and time again. They've even hired people like me or dietitians to put them on a "proper" diet and there's still no relief.
Entire books and papers are written on this subject.
I assure you, your n=1 experience is a blessing for you but a dream for others.0 -
In response to Alabaster above ^
That's your experience and it's valid, but that doesn't mean it's the only answer and applies to everyone. For you your emotions weren't involved, for others they are. It's not an either/or sort of thing.
stroutman81 posts are always thoughtful and on point but in this case I think people would do better and have more success looking towards their diets for the cause of their "emotional" eating. Just my opinion.
That was an acute response to a specific event. Tragic event, at that... sorry about your loss.
But the emotional eating I'm referring to is more general than that. It isn't necessarily fueled by a specific event as much as it is by a poor emotional coping system and/or a lack of awareness.
If it were as easy as you're making it out to be, my clients would NEVER struggle. You said you've followed me on here before... well then you know I'm like the "anti-rigid" diet guy. I bring it back to basics and fit nutrition to the person and his/her circumstances. Still though, some people struggle with compliance and these struggles typically come in the form of binges.
Some of it is definitely full fledged B.E.D.
Others, though, is simply a weak coping system and with a little education and practice... things tend to improve.
Then again, everyone's entitled to their opinion and I thank you for sharing yours. If you think much of this is bogus, I'm definitely not going to attack you for it.0 -
Good good good analysis Steve I honestly appreciate it. I am going to start a journal for sure, like today. And I hear what you are saying about I have to communicate when Joey (my husband) frustrates me or he will keep on doing it and I will keep on eating. You’re the best thank you :flowerforyou:0
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Bump to read later.0
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thanks, I think emotional eating is a lot of our problems. I know it is mine. Over Christmas, someone hit my car, I guess I need to learn to feel uncomfortable and have some patience. Problem solving has never been my best feature. I was so aggravated, before I knew it I was eating the donuts I had bought and planned to give hubby half but ate them all to of course make me feel better. I have used a pen and paper to write down and problem solve which has helped but when I had to act promptly I lost it.
I am doing better at this but it is just like an alcoholic, go to food to cope, which makes it worse of course. I tell myself I have to be uncomfortable and it will end, gosh it is patience I need to calm my fears. Had to wait 3 wks for my car to go in the shop, felt better after having set up with insurance and garage, some anxiety lessened and tell myself it is not the end of the world, have patience. Aggravation is a part of life. I can get thru stuff. I can deal. Acceptance is good to, things happen, life is hard at times. It is what it is,deal don't eat. I am taking baby steps to cope. This too shall pass especially disappointments if we can hold tight,work it out, exercise,pen and paper and good ole patience (especially when sick and people let us down)0 -
It's been my experience as a former "emotional eater" that my emotions had nothing to do with my overeating. I changed my diet and in a matter of weeks I had a normal appetite -- no getting in touch with my feelings needed. So my advice for "emotional eaters" is to look at your diet for the cause. That need to stuff yourself with food is a physical problem brought on by the food you're eating; not a mental one or a poor relationship with food. Just something to consider.
Then I question your definition of emotional eating. I'm sorry but that makes absolutley no sense.
I could binge on 5 bags of carrots. Shoving food in my mouth was the only way that I thought that I could deal with what was eating me.
Emotional eating is about soothing yourself, regardless of the food used. Granted, I personally tended towards carbs and refined sugar but I binged on healthy food too. But it's not the healthy food that got me to 300 pounds. It is never about the types of food you eat. It just isn't. It is self-medicating the same way that an alcoholic does. The addictive patterns are exactly the same.
Feeling crappy...why think about it? Eat whatever you can to fill the emotional emptiness inside.....feel like crap afterwards, guilty....why even try.....depression....I'm going to try again...healthy breakfast.....bad meeting at work....hit vendoland....i've blown my day....get junk food on the way home.....have a huge dinner, maybe 3 portions....eat 2 pints of ice cream after.....go to bed and get up at 1am to keep feeding and hating myself.
Rinse and repeat.
I finally found an amazing therapist that helped me realize it was actually OK to feel my feelings! To learn that it wasn't about the "types" of food I was eating but what was eating ME. Two years later I am finally losing weight because I had to get real and deal with signifanct truths in my life.
Everyone is different but i guarantee you that is true emotional eating in the worst possible sense of the word. And I would never, will NEVER go back to that. Every day and I mean EVERY day I am mindful of what I am eating. And I eat ice cream still and refined sugar and I am losing weight and never feel guilty about what I eat.0 -
Thanks Steve,
I am defo an emotional eater (binger rather) and I have struggled with that the last 5 years and I seem to either be on an extremely rigid 'diet' or on a binge fest.
Your post is definitely food for thought0 -
Bumping0
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Great post! I wanted to add something as a former emotional / binge eater. I OBSESSED about food constantly. It was ALWAYS on my mind - When I would eat... What I would eat... Planning menus... Buying cookbooks... Cutting coupons... Thank GOD Pinterest wasn't around back then or that would have been a pure food escape!! I wasn't overweight when this was happening in my 20's. But I was sickeningly obsessed with food and binging was terrible. I tried to be bulimic but I could never make myself throw up (thank you God).
The food obsession drove me, literally, nuts. It was the constant, obsessive hum in my mind. Then one day my therapist recommended a book called "Healing Through Dark Emotions" which I can't recommend ENOUGH to anyone who stuffs their emotions by replacing them with other things to obsess about (not just food here - cleaning, working out , OTHER people's crap, booze, drugs)...
After reading the book and deciding to heal, the next problem for me is that I literally did not even know how I felt about anything. Emotionally I was totally numbed out and shut down. It helped me to get a list of emotions, and just like a person with a brain injury having to relearn a skill, I had to relearn emotions, be able to identify them, label them and most important - FEEL them. I would literally read through the list deciding which one applied. If you are a person who has suffered severe emotional trauma (as I had, obviously) this was absolutely TERRIFYING and really should be aided by either someone you really trust to be vulnerable around, or a therapist. The vulnerability was so absolutely, utterly raw - I felt naked and exposed. I developed terrible anxiety and my therapist put my on a low dose of Xanax so I could function at work.
The fact that I can write this is a testament to what serious introspective work can do. It's not as easy for someone with a severe emotional eating disorder to "just acknowledge your real feelings and don't eat." I was on Xanax for about 6 months before I was able to not feel like such a scared freak (I felt like a freak). I felt like I was the only one with feelings lol. Hard to explain. I only saw my therapist for about a year total but I have personally never stopped being introspective and never stopped learning about the power of the mind, and how to harness it!
One day it dawned on me: I haven't thought about food! I have now been free from an eating disorder for 15 years. It still can trigger though! When something really emotional happens (usually my response to a "negative" emotion) I will immediately want something sweet! But I recognize it for what it is and I am loving to that part of myself that created the food obsession in order to cope with emotions, and then deal with the emotions accordingly.
I wanted to shere is a list of emotions that may be helpful to someone going through serious emotional identification problems. It's a journey. Emotional eating can be difficult and scary in severe cases to overcome. I hope this is helpful.
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