Feeling sad because guy cancelled date. Advice?

MayaSPapaya
MayaSPapaya Posts: 735 Member
in Chit-Chat
So I was supposed to go on a date last night with a guy I met online who I really clicked with. He asked me if I wanted to meet up sometime and get dinner. I haven't been on a date in a while so this made me really excited. On Friday, we agreed that Tuesday worked for both of us. He's going back to school on Thursday. So yesterday afternoon he texted me saying "I'm sorry I couldn't tell you this earlier but I wont be able to make it tonight". I asked if everything was ok and he said "Yes yes everything's fine I just dont know if I'll be able to make it up there before I go back to school". I said that was ok but a bummer since I had been looking foward to tonight and he replied with "Sorry :/". I said, "that's ok, another time?" to which he replied by saying "Sure we can hang out some other time".

My friends think that he probably was just busy, and that since he was the one who suggested the date, he wouldn't cancel on me for no reason. But to me, of course it's hard not to take it personally. Advice?
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Replies

  • summertime_girl
    summertime_girl Posts: 3,945 Member
    Since you never even met him, I don't think you can take it too personally. It is a bummer, but if he's leaving for school (assume somewhere not local), then IMO, easier to not meet someone you might really like that you won't see again.
  • Unknown
    Unknown
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  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
    He may or may not be interested but the ball is in his court so let it be. If he doesn't initiate any new contact then he's probably not so interested. Move on.
  • reality_girl
    reality_girl Posts: 165 Member
    barney_zps83f5bc01.png
  • bd0027
    bd0027 Posts: 1,053 Member
    Maybe he was busy or maybe he's just a nice guy who decided he wasn't that interested and couldn't break the news to ya. My advice is to just leave him alone and you'll see if he's interested or not. Don't put your life on hold for him, go on other dates if they come up.
  • ScorpionQwean
    ScorpionQwean Posts: 1,013 Member
    It always sucks being "rejected" per se` but look it like this, you never met him or had him so it's not a loss. Keep your spirits up and continue to do you. Don't fret about the "whys"... b/c if you did go out with him, then really liked him, and he never called back for some odd reason, THEN that would make you feel worse. You're beautiful so no need to worry about "finding a date"... keep smiling !
  • Carolinejayne17
    Carolinejayne17 Posts: 40
    Aww *hug*..i agree, probably busy with something, so give him another chance. If he does it again without good reason, then i think i'd be tempted to move on :)
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    barney_zps83f5bc01.png

    ^^Oh so this! LOL
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    He may or may not be interested but the ball is in his court so let it be. If he doesn't initiate any new contact then he's probably not so interested. Move on.

    ^Agree.
  • 1113cw
    1113cw Posts: 830 Member
    Dating stinks, doesn't it? I feel for ya.... trying to figure out the other person can be exhausting!

    It could just be that his schedule didn't have enough time as he thought or he could have had second thoughts. Either way, I agree with the other poster, I would let him initiate any further contact and see what happens.
    On the brighter side, I do believe everything happens for a reason so perhaps another, better dating prospect is just around the corner!

    Keep your chin up!
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    Rule 1: Never over-analyze anything a guy says.

    Rule 2: Move on and find someone else who will be interested in meeting up.
  • kdb247
    kdb247 Posts: 326 Member
    PLEASE try to not feel sad. Sadness is not a good feeling you want to have too often.

    There could be a lot of reasons why he couldn't make it. Maybe he didn't have a ride, money or his family was opposed to the travel right before school. Try to deflect from YOU being the reason for any date cancellations or such; its way too stressful. Give him the benefit of the doubt, he probably feels worse than you do right now for the cancellation.:heart:
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,275 Member
    just cyber break up.....

    honestly, he probably has other things going on, but if he really was that interested, he would have gone out of his way to see you...you're better off moving on, because it's a bit early on for bs like this \m/
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
    Yeah... I don't like flakes so if someone cancelled on me without a REALLY good reason I'd be over it. If he made the date with you he should have followed through with his schedule to see you. This seems to happen a lot with people who meet online, it's almost like they plan a date just to make conversation without ever actually following through.

    I would probably say to move on, sounds like he's not interested and that's perfectly ok. There are more guys out there.
  • trainingman123
    trainingman123 Posts: 58 Member
    Forget about him. There is always me!
  • bd0027
    bd0027 Posts: 1,053 Member
    Yeah... I don't like flakes so if someone cancelled on me without a REALLY good reason I'd be over it. If he made the date with you he should have followed through with his schedule to see you. This seems to happen a lot with people who meet online, it's almost like they plan a date just to make conversation without ever actually following through.

    I would probably say to move on, sounds like he's not interested and that's perfectly ok. There are more guys out there.

    I thought I was the only girl who refused to give a second chance to dudes with lame excuses. I guess I'm not alone lol.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    silver lining? At least he let you know in advance and didn't just not show up... Sorry hon!
  • Jerrypeoples
    Jerrypeoples Posts: 1,541 Member
    Diamonds arent a girls best friend, DD batteries are
  • fallenoaks50
    fallenoaks50 Posts: 84
    Seems like he just chickened out or decided he didn't want to meet anyone before going off to school. Time to move on to the next fish.
  • singlefemalelawyer
    singlefemalelawyer Posts: 382 Member
    I'm concerned about his "sure we can hang out another time" response. To me it sounds like he's just not that into you - whether its because he's too busy or not interested. After having my own dating horror stories, I've tried to just accept when a guy is not that into me and just move on. If he is really interested, he will make the effort and reschedule. In the meantime, save yourself some grief and just focus on yourself. Last time a guy I met online bailed on me, turns out he had a girlfriend. So he may be doing you a favor by cancelling the date.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    "Sure we can hang out some other time".

    thats not a date...
  • MyPureSteez
    MyPureSteez Posts: 265 Member
    Don't want to say it but I have to... If a guys REALLY into a chick he'll do just about ANYTHING to make that date.
    But *kitten* does happen so if he had to cancel I understand.

    Then again If I was into her and had to cancel you bet your sweet azz I reschedule another date right then and there and not leave it up in the air with an "Sure we can hang out some other time" That seems a lil weak
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    1) **** it, why does it matter? I understand that you haven't been out on a date in a while, but it's not like you're a 40 yo virgin or you're going to die before you have another date. It's one guy, it's one night, it's one date . . . go plan another one with another guy on a different night. You're wasting too much effort lamenting over a date that didn't happen with a guy you've never actually met.
    2) If it's meant to happen it will, if it isn't meant to happen it won't, if you act needy it will only happen on a cold day in hell.
    3) Looking at #2, the answer is "d@mn, that sucks, looks like I'm going to have to take this awesome outfit out on a date with one of my girlfriends instead! Have a great evening and let me know if another day works out. If not, maybe next time!" You need to stay positive.
    4) Seriously, you want to date then date, just because you click online doesn't mean you'll have anything to talk about in person, and just because you don't have anything to talk about online doesn't mean that the chemistry won't be undeniable in person.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    Don't want to say it but I have to... If a guys REALLY into a chick he'll do just about ANYTHING to make that date.
    But *kitten* does happen so if he had to cancel I understand.

    Then again If I was into her and had to cancel you bet your sweet azz I reschedule another date right then and there and not leave it up in the air with an "Sure we can hang out some other time" That seems a lil weak

    full of truth.
  • bd0027
    bd0027 Posts: 1,053 Member
    Diamonds arent a girls best friend, DD batteries are

    Double A batteries are, actually.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    If you're going to online date, you should get used to this kind of thing. I don't know why it happens, but it seems to be very, very, very common. I think a lot of them aren't actually single.

    I can't tell you, back in the days when I tried it, how many men contacted me, we had great chemistry online and through phone conversations or whatever and then they would set up a day to meet and a couple days befoe "suddenly" they met someone they want to pursue a relationship with. WTH!

    Anyway, I have not been single much in my life, but I have never had more than one date with someone I met online. I prefer the old-fashioned methods.
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
    From the way you wrote things, it seems that you are new to online dating. That sort of behavior is very normal online. When people are doing things behind a screen and keyboard, it brings out the absolute worst behaviors in people because there are no consequences for rudeness.

    My first bit of advice to you is to drop online dating and meet all prospective dates in a venue where there is in person interaction right away. It will cut down on flakiness to an extent because the other person has at least dealt with you face to face and feels slightly invested in the process. The more investment in the process someone feels, the less likelihood of flaking. However, there is flaking that occurs when you first meet people offline, so it isn't a panacea, and I would argue those flakes hurt much more.

    If you continue online, feel fortunate that you are a woman, because online dating greatly favors women. Your inbox is likely flooded with prospects, and you can just pick from the next one. It is quite probable that this guy will not re-schedule, so focus efforts elsewhere (preferably on offline meetings).

    Also, in a way, you should feel lucky that this date didn't happen. It had one-and-done written all over it. One-and-done means that you have one date, don't have sex, and never see each other again. One-and-dones are a complete waste of time for both parties, especially men.

    Why one-and-done? Dinner. Dinner is a terrible first date idea, especially from an online meeting. Dinners out are some of the worst means of escalating an early stage date. You should say no to all dinner dates, even if they are free for you. Also say no to all coffee shop dates. Drinks or some sort of activity are the better options for early stage dates (by early stage, first 5 dates or so).
  • MayaSPapaya
    MayaSPapaya Posts: 735 Member
    Thanks for all your advice guys. I agree with what you're saying about just moving on, we never met so it doesn't have to do with me. And frankly I wouldn't want to be with a flaky guy anyway. It was just hard for me to understand it because the last time we spoke about it he was very positive about it so I just didn't understand what happened. It's probably for the better too since it would have felt way worse if I went on the date and then never heard anything.
  • Unknown
    Unknown
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  • Jerrypeoples
    Jerrypeoples Posts: 1,541 Member
    Diamonds arent a girls best friend, DD batteries are

    Double A batteries are, actually.

    i am so behind the times......

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