Going on a date with someone I'm not interested in?

13

Replies

  • pawnstarNate
    pawnstarNate Posts: 1,728 Member
    That's weird. I keep asking this girl out and she keeps making up excuses. I feel like I'm a very nice guy and I'm really feeling her. I've asked multiple times and I really hope she feels bad for rejecting my offers so often. I just wish she would be nice and agree to the date. I think I will tell her that we can go dutch and then while on the date I will just tell her how much I love her. :love: :love:


    :wink:
  • AmykinsCatfood
    AmykinsCatfood Posts: 599 Member
    Why make excuses and leading the guy on to think that maybeee you really DID need to bathe your cat those 4 times, and just be real with him. Tell him straight up that he's not really someone you'd be interested in dating but you could be friends. And if you don't want to be friends, just tell him you're interested in someone else. That way he feels a bit better about it.
  • xLexa
    xLexa Posts: 482 Member
    I felt that same way about a guy i went to law school with. I knew he was SO into me and I just didn't feel like he was my type. I ended up marrying him and we have a baby on the way. I say go on that date, because you really never know!


    I like this outcome :) Congratz!
  • AmykinsCatfood
    AmykinsCatfood Posts: 599 Member
    I would break the news to him, and nip a potential problem in the bud. No point in leading him on if you are not interested. Same goes with other facts of life, like a salesman selling you stuff you don't want. Do you say "sure come in and tell me about the stuff you're selling that no one wants" or do you say "goodbye"? Same thing.

    I actually let the salesman tell me about the product and then reply with something like, "maybe next time." lol. I'm too nice I guess. Thanks for all the replies though. (:

    Having been in sales and having been on dates, that's not actually the nicest way to go about it. Being nice is helping other people avoid putting effort into something that isn't going to work. Be direct; it's much more kind.

    Except with call centre employees who get paid to be on the phone for a specific amount of time. I always let them get out their initial spiel before I hang up on them. Who am I to judge their choice of job? They do it for the paycheque just like everyone else.
  • MaritzK
    MaritzK Posts: 66 Member
    I fell in love with the guy I was rejecting for over half a year at that time ;) Now we're together for almost a year :)
  • geebusuk
    geebusuk Posts: 3,348 Member
    I was kinda about "well, you could always give it a try, making it clear that you're doing him a favour", until....
    The last time I was honest with a guy about not being interested, he called me ugly and fat lol. I'm not too good at this.
    [edit - misread - thought it was the same guy]
    Be honest with this guy. If he's rude to you like that, then it is an EXCELLENT character test.

    I'd still be tempted to say, then give it a go. You never know there might be a side to him you haven't seen, but maybe make it clear you see him as a friend and that's it first.
  • chivalryder
    chivalryder Posts: 4,391 Member
    Put him in the friend zone.

    scrubs-friend-zone-o.gif

    Because Scrubs.
  • PeaceHappinessBalance
    PeaceHappinessBalance Posts: 75 Member
    My best relationships always started out like this!
  • Slacker16
    Slacker16 Posts: 1,184 Member
    In this thread, I've learned that being attracted to someone who's not attracted to you means you're a "vile maggot" and "there's something wrong with you". Interesting.

    To the OP, if you've known this guy for awhile I doubt your feelings will change from one date. Rejecting someone is like pulling off a band-aid: you can't make it painless, but you can make it quick.
  • bearkisses
    bearkisses Posts: 1,252 Member
    show the guy this thread and let him tally the votes
  • GoreWhore72
    GoreWhore72 Posts: 190 Member
    This guy keeps asking me out and I keep making up excuses as to why I can't go on a date with him. He's a very nice guy but I'm not really feeling him like he's feeling me.

    He's asked me multiple times, and I'm starting to feel bad for rejecting his offer so often. Should I be nice and agree to a date but tell him that we'll go dutch on all expenses or just break the news to him that I'm not interested?

    I know a lot women who do go out on dates like this because they're hungry, poor, and need attention, but if you're actually friends then do it as a friend, and tell him how you feel, and you're not interested, and offer to pay half so he doesn't have expectations of the date. I don't date. When Gigolo's, Street Prostitutes, and Escorts stop calling their interactions dating, then I might actually think a 'date' is worth it. There are too many expectations involved in 'dating'.

    (Yup. dating is stupid.) I just like meeting people anyhow, and spending time with people, those type of regular common interactions sometimes turn into relationships. I refuse to meet men at bars now. That's gross, but anyhow, that's how I feel about dating in general. LOL
  • GoreWhore72
    GoreWhore72 Posts: 190 Member
    Put him in the friend zone.

    scrubs-friend-zone-o.gif

    Because Scrubs.

    LOL
  • thesupremeforce
    thesupremeforce Posts: 1,206 Member
    I wonder how many messages the OP has received since posting this topic from people trying to talk her into doing things.
  • walterm852
    walterm852 Posts: 409 Member
    Treat others like you would like to be treated

    If it was the other way around what would you want?
  • bd0027
    bd0027 Posts: 1,053 Member
    This means you're going to the date, right? :laugh: :laugh:

    I'm joking, I'm joking.
    Unless you're going to the date? :tongue:

    No, I'm not going on the date lol.

    She said he was a nice guy in the original post. That's the reason. Nice guys don't excite women from an emotional standpoint. They are the khaki pants of people.

    I like nice guys. I'm not into "bad boys". I don't like this particular nice guy, but I do appreciate the sweet guys more than I'll ever appreciate the jerks.
  • bearkisses
    bearkisses Posts: 1,252 Member
    tumblr_m4hksvqPS31r3x7i2o1_400.gif
  • bd0027
    bd0027 Posts: 1,053 Member
    I wonder how many messages the OP has received since posting this topic from people trying to talk her into doing things.

    Just 4. I'm going on a date with 1 and gonna sleep with the other 3 since I'm so nice.



    Don't be an idiot.
  • ronrstaats
    ronrstaats Posts: 294 Member
    This guy keeps asking me out and I keep making up excuses as to why I can't go on a date with him. He's a very nice guy but I'm not really feeling him like he's feeling me.

    I say don't go out with him. Find some a'hole and date them. Then come back here and ask why I can't find a nice guy so I can quote back what I have in bold.
  • bloggymomx
    bloggymomx Posts: 72
    I'm a nice person and would not want to say that I'm not interested. When that happens to me I usually say that I am seeing someone or don't have time to date because of my kids. lol I've been on a date with someone I wasn't interested in and I was bored out of my mind. Don't do that to yourself!
  • GoreWhore72
    GoreWhore72 Posts: 190 Member
    This guy keeps asking me out and I keep making up excuses as to why I can't go on a date with him. He's a very nice guy but I'm not really feeling him like he's feeling me.

    I say don't go out with him. Find some a'hole and date them. Then come back here and ask why I can't find a nice guy so I can quote back what I have in bold.

    LOL Even the a holes don't get to date me, or the nice guys or any guy because I don't date, but I do go to movies with friends who have the potential to gain an interest in me as a person and may or may not get lucky one day and become my boyfriend and will be allowed to have sex with me. If they're hell of a lot richer than me and want to pay for the movie as a great friend, then woohoo!!! Score. I think people need to be friends first before they become lovers anyhow. If you can't be a friend, then how the hell can you be a lover. I don't believe relationships are business.
  • thesupremeforce
    thesupremeforce Posts: 1,206 Member
    I wonder how many messages the OP has received since posting this topic from people trying to talk her into doing things.

    Just 4. I'm going on a date with 1 and gonna sleep with the other 3 since I'm so nice.



    Don't be an idiot.

    Rest assured that I have no interest in being the fifth.
  • bearkisses
    bearkisses Posts: 1,252 Member
    This guy keeps asking me out and I keep making up excuses as to why I can't go on a date with him. He's a very nice guy but I'm not really feeling him like he's feeling me.

    I say don't go out with him. Find some a'hole and date them. Then come back here and ask why I can't find a nice guy so I can quote back what I have in bold.

    LOL Even the a holes don't get to date me, or the nice guys or any guy because I don't date, but I do go to movies with friends who have the potential to gain an interest in me as a person and may or may not get lucky one day and become my boyfriend and will be allowed to have sex with me. If they're hell of a lot richer than me and want to pay for the movie as a great friend, then woohoo!!! Score. I think people need to be friends first before they become lovers anyhow. If you can't be a friend, then how the hell can you be a lover. I don't believe relationships are business.

    dating is fun
  • djxil
    djxil Posts: 357
    Here is the short answer, Life is too short to spend time with people that you just don't "feel".

    There is a reason you are not into him, it may be a physical thing, it could be a mental thing, it might be the universe warning you not to go, there is a reason. Guys who do not get it, may never get it so it could go on and on. They are like the ocean, smoothing out the rocks, eventually, they win. Don't lie, be kind, let him down easy to begin and if it takes harsh reality, you may need to resort to that.

    No one has the right to pester you, to make you feel like you must follow them, you have the right to be happy, who you want to be with.
  • BrotherBill913
    BrotherBill913 Posts: 662 Member
    I definitely agree about not giving him that sense of hope by saying yes.

    I would just sit him down and tell him honestly, you don't feel it, and it's never going to happen.

    If he's so nice, you want him to find someone that can actually love him, and not be stuck on you for ages.

    This^^^^^^^^^^^
  • BrotherBill913
    BrotherBill913 Posts: 662 Member
    Here is the short answer, Life is too short to spend time with people that you just don't "feel".

    There is a reason you are not into him, it may be a physical thing, it could be a mental thing, it might be the universe warning you not to go, there is a reason. Guys who do not get it, may never get it so it could go on and on. They are like the ocean, smoothing out the rocks, eventually, they win. Don't lie, be kind, let him down easy to begin and if it takes harsh reality, you may need to resort to that.

    No one has the right to pester you, to make you feel like you must follow them, you have the right to be happy, who you want to be with.

    And this^^^^^^^^
  • dbm037
    dbm037 Posts: 125 Member
    If you go dutch or even offer to pay, I don't see the harm. So long as you INSIST on at least half. I say this because I have dated some really awesome people by just giving them a shot. Maybe it will spark an interest. But if it doesn't, be straight forward afterwards.

    This...My current live in boyfriend asked me out several times before I went. I thought he was nice but felt no instant sparks. Long story short several years ago I sold my home and moved into his now we are planning on buying one together. It is a wonderful relationship that I would have never known if I didn't give him a shot
  • bd0027
    bd0027 Posts: 1,053 Member
    I wonder how many messages the OP has received since posting this topic from people trying to talk her into doing things.

    Just 4. I'm going on a date with 1 and gonna sleep with the other 3 since I'm so nice.



    Don't be an idiot.

    Rest assured that I have no interest in being the fifth.

    That's a relief.
  • bd0027
    bd0027 Posts: 1,053 Member
    Here is the short answer, Life is too short to spend time with people that you just don't "feel".

    There is a reason you are not into him, it may be a physical thing, it could be a mental thing, it might be the universe warning you not to go, there is a reason. Guys who do not get it, may never get it so it could go on and on. They are like the ocean, smoothing out the rocks, eventually, they win. Don't lie, be kind, let him down easy to begin and if it takes harsh reality, you may need to resort to that.

    No one has the right to pester you, to make you feel like you must follow them, you have the right to be happy, who you want to be with.

    This is a great reply. Thanks. (:
  • HealthyishWithMaggieG
    HealthyishWithMaggieG Posts: 397 Member
    Here is the short answer, Life is too short to spend time with people that you just don't "feel".

    There is a reason you are not into him, it may be a physical thing, it could be a mental thing, it might be the universe warning you not to go, there is a reason. Guys who do not get it, may never get it so it could go on and on. They are like the ocean, smoothing out the rocks, eventually, they win. Don't lie, be kind, let him down easy to begin and if it takes harsh reality, you may need to resort to that.

    No one has the right to pester you, to make you feel like you must follow them, you have the right to be happy, who you want to be with.

    THIS!

    If there isn't a spark, to begin with, it's not likely there ever will be a spark. They will wear you down and get what they want... and you'll be miserable. I wasn't strong enough. I caved in to one. We got married. We're now separated and getting divorced. If you're not interested, don't waste each others' time. Be honest with him and move on.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    How is it being "nice" to go out with someone in whom you are not interested when you're just going to get their hopes even further to eventually dash them? Wouldn't the "nice" things to do is just be honest with him, instead of stringing him along?

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