"you are taking this too seriously"

She is very typical and will text with how healthy she just ate, because it was a salad. Then she takes it personally when I try to give a suggestion. Her salad at the restaurant was more calories than I ate that day and I said "that's great, but it would be even better if we find a healthy recipe for that and still get the taste".

You're too old to be making rookie mistakes like that.

Take care of your own plate, let her take care of her own.

My story:

2 years ago exactly today, the day before my 37th birthday then, in a hotel room in Atlanta on a business trip and saw myself under those harsh bathroom lights and thought "ugh, I'm fat". And I was fat. I weighed 209 pounds at 5 foot 7 inches tall.

I did not like what I saw staring back at me. I barely recognized me. I decided to change. I found this app on my phone, downloaded it and started logging. I cried the first time I logged my food. I distinctly remember the meal that I logged that made me cry.

I don't think I could ever forget it.

My husband is rail thin. Has never been fat and having seen his genetics, probably never will be. He loved me when I outweighed him by 79 pounds, he loves me now and still outweigh him.

I got home from that business trip on my birthday. My husband had baked me a cake and decorated it.
He didn't know I had started this app.
I didn't tell him, I logged and ate my cake and cried afterwards. It was traumatic. I so did not want to hurt his feelings by not eating a cake he baked from scratch for me out of love. It was the first cake he had ever made and it was for me.

A couple days later I let him in on this app I was doing, he didn't say anything, just looked at me funny.
He does the cooking, but he bought a Weight Watchers cookbook and started making dinner from those recipes for me so I could calculate them.

They do not taste diet. You might give that a whirl for you and your wife. The kids even liked the stuff from that cookbook.

Tomorrow is my birthday, 2 years of logging every bite I have eaten. My husband thinks nothing of it anymore. He's branched out from that cookbook since then. He warns me if a high calorie dinner is planned, and if I say not today, he will make 2 meals or leave me some of what he plans to cook to fix it how I want it.

He writes down the ingredients for me, will even weigh it out.

Through this whole time, he has never pushed, criticized or asked me one thing about if I should or should not eat something.

His diet has improved. He is a heart patient, and his health has improved as a by-product of supporting me.

He is an absolutely awesome guy.

I think you probably are too for asking help to not hurt her feelings. And I think it is admirable.

One thing I did learn, was the less of a big deal you make it, the less of an issue it is.

But give the weightwatchers cookbook recipes a try. They don't have funky swaps like try and pass off smushed cauliflower as "mashed potatoes" in it. Which by the way fool no one not even yourself.

Its recognizable food she might enjoy. But for all that is holy, do not tell her where the recipe came from. As a woman I can tell you, it would be a bad thing if it isn't in her plan.

Good luck.

Several people have given good advice. One thing I didn't see was how not to take her eye rolling and comments too seriously, unless you think she's trying to sabotage you on purpose.

Some people don't like change, and you're changing the way you eat, which is one of the important routines of the household. The fact that it's a good change may not matter to the part of her that doesn't like change, if she does have that tendency.

Seeing you pay attention to her diet also reminds her that perhaps she should pay attention to her own. Depending on her reaction to that -- if the inner child wails "it's not fair! I want to eat whatever I want!" -- then it may be the inner child talking.

If you have to, I would draw clear boundaries about what can be said and done by each of you when it comes to sharing opinions about how much or what you're eating, and working out. For instance, no eye rolling when you get out the scale. Things like that. She should be supportive and humor your efforts to do something positive, even if it puts a crimp in her style.

Good luck!