From couch to marathon in 3 days!

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2

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  • SpeSHul_SnoflEHk
    SpeSHul_SnoflEHk Posts: 6,256 Member
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    Screw that. I stay on the couch and get one of these:

    snickers-marathon-protein-bar-42236.jpg

    Close enough. I can break a sweat tearing open the wrapper.
  • arc918
    arc918 Posts: 2,037 Member
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    Here's a classic

    http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-training-for-upcoming-sanford-and-son-mar,1786/
  • LiftAllThePizzas
    LiftAllThePizzas Posts: 17,857 Member
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    Pfft, A lot of people got progress in 5 minutes.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1084976-huge-progress-in-five-minutes

    Amateurs...
  • arc918
    arc918 Posts: 2,037 Member
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    This weekend - customized 3 day marathon prep plan for only 5 easy payments of $39.99!
  • ttippie2000
    ttippie2000 Posts: 412 Member
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    You gotta work on the modified couch as training device. What people REALLY want is never to actually get up from the couch at all.
  • Zekela
    Zekela Posts: 634 Member
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    Love this.... I guess there is hope for me after all in doing my ultra (51k) run tomorrow with just today to train for it. I was planning on doing 7 mile real easy effort today. The joke about this is, I'm actually serious. I'll update you guys on it Saturday evening since I'm planning to run it in less than 5hrs.
  • stacyhaddenham
    stacyhaddenham Posts: 211 Member
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    You forgot day 4 call paramedics. :tongue:
  • j_courter
    j_courter Posts: 999 Member
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    what? no reminder to dodge flying uteri at mile 18 on race day?
  • cms721
    cms721 Posts: 179 Member
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    Dont let DR OZ see this.
  • rybo
    rybo Posts: 5,424 Member
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    I'm putting wheels and a lawn mower engine in my couch. That way I never have to even get up to finish my marathon!
  • Zekela
    Zekela Posts: 634 Member
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    Ultra update: This plan totally works!
  • RunnerElizabeth
    RunnerElizabeth Posts: 1,091 Member
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    Wait, so why have I been training since May for my third half marathon? I'm only running half the distance! I'm guessing if I switch to your marathon plan for my half, I'll be able to beat Kim Smith. She'll still place before me in the BAA distance medley though, since I didn't discover your plan until after the 5k and 10k were done with!
  • eaglefish
    eaglefish Posts: 130 Member
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    Sigh...I didn't want to have to call folks out but here it is, the one day training plan for all serious, long distance runners.

    ( Please remember that all running other than that done on hilly, steep, trails is not really running but an invitation to injury).

    Day 1: Run as far as you can, as fast as you can until you puke and your entire body is cramping up from dehydration and lack of endurance training. If anything hurts beyond the cramping, ignore it. Don't be a p*ssy. Stop for 5 minutes when you think you can't go any further or if you're having chest pains. After 5 minutes, start the process over. Keep doing this until you've reached your desired mileage.

    It really is that simple. Training is for amateurs.

    ;-)

    Seriously laughing my a## off at this.. Thanks for starting my day off well :)
  • plateaued
    plateaued Posts: 199 Member
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    This may take too much mental toughness for me to complete.
  • arc918
    arc918 Posts: 2,037 Member
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    This may take too much mental toughness for me to complete.

    I know you can do it!
  • _Waffle_
    _Waffle_ Posts: 13,049 Member
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    Is there a plan that will let me do this in just 2 days? I don't know if I have 3 spare days in my schedule.
  • MinimalistShoeAddict
    MinimalistShoeAddict Posts: 1,946 Member
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    I am such an underachiever. It took me an entire year to accomplish this feat!
  • arc918
    arc918 Posts: 2,037 Member
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    Thinking some new runners could benefit from this classic plan...
  • Bounce2
    Bounce2 Posts: 138 Member
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    You forgot to mention running attire... Don't waste your money on expensive sneakers, running or wicking clothes (professionals know that stuff is just a gimmick to grab your cash); head on out in your sandles/heels, jeans and a flannelette shirt.

    P.s- if its a trail marathon consider heels with clogs rather than spikes for better traction. After all the hard work you have done you wouldn't want to roll an ankle ;)

    P.ps- Ladies carb loading is bad for you. You will get fat. Days 1 to 3 should be in a fasted state and on the day of your marathon take your normal daily calorie allowance and quarter it. Don't be that person who gains a pound or two after running a marathon.....
  • Zekela
    Zekela Posts: 634 Member
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    You forgot to mention running attire... Don't waste your money on expensive sneakers, running or wicking clothes (professionals know that stuff is just a gimmick to grab your cash); head on out in your sandles/heels, jeans and a flannelette shirt.

    P.s- if its a trail marathon consider heels with clogs rather than spikes for better traction. After all the hard work you have done you wouldn't want to roll an ankle ;)

    P.ps- Ladies carb loading is bad for you. You will get fat. Days 1 to 3 should be in a fasted state and on the day of your marathon take your normal daily calorie allowance and quarter it. Don't be that person who gains a pound or two after running a marathon.....

    Sadly, I've been known to run in jeans and leave a water belt and spikes off the list to run my first 50k trail race... Next time, I'll try to control my carb loading appetite though...

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