He wants gain while I lose - ideas please

I just read this and can't believe the similarities, I'm 191 and my partner 119 and we have exactly the same problem, I cook all the meals and am also struggling to find ways to bulk out his foods, I'll be watching this one with interest!

Perhaps you could suggest that he adds a couple of protein shakes a day, and that otherwise you eat the same?

My husband and I are in a similar boat. He has always been 130 to 140 pounds. When we first got together I was about 160. Before I got pregnant with my first I was 190 and after I was 210. Then I got pregnant with our second and I was 240 after. Now I am at 226.

I find it super difficult to eat healthy around my husband because he desn't care, nor does he have to, about what he eats. And he eats A LOT! But basically we all have the same meals and I just add a salad usually or have significantly smaller servings.

Beer and cheese.

Make double the recipe and he eats twice as much?

ETA: He needs to start forcing himself to eat more. My husband was a small eater, but while he was bulking, he became accustomed to eating over 4000 a day. Your body adapts.

My fiancé and I are in exactly the same situation! I want to lose those pesky last 10-15 and he overdid his weight loss and now wants to gain 10-15. It's difficult because we have to eat the same groceries and meals together.

One of the big things that's working for us is chocolate milk. I don't eat much dairy and he LOVES chocolate milk. So I pour him a large glass of full-fat chocolate milk with his dinner and I drink water. In general I will simply serve him more at dinner, healthy lean meats and veg, but he gets as much as he can eat while I try to watch my portions.

For lunch I throw leftover meat/veg over salad for me. For him I'll usually pack a full leftover plate or a sandwich which I make with extra meat, avocado, and ranch dressing (load up the healthy fats and protein). And I pack healthy snacks for me like apples or grapefruit or celery with peanut butter. His snacks usually look more like trail mix (because it's high calorie), potato chips, granola bars, or cheese.

Hope this helps! I know it's hard to watch him eat while you try not to eat. It's helpful to find things that he likes but you don't to add to his meals while not taking anything away from yours. Essentially you're eating the same foods. He just gets extra with fatty snacks and you get the regular serving with more healthful snacks.

Wow can't believe how many other people are in the same boat as me! My boyfriend is 120 lbs and I am 170 lbs. I have the same problems, OP, I cook but won't cook two separate meals. Definitely portion helps, and I always pack on the protein since I never get enough anyway! We eat a whole lot of meat and veggies and the occasional starch dinners. Wish I had more insight than that, but there are some great suggestions on here already! Definitely going to come back and see when there's more :-)

Have him drink a milkshake, malt, etc after each meal.
PS give him lots of sex as well.:flowerforyou:

My husband has been trying to gain most of the time that I've been losing and with that in mind OP I"m gonna give you the best advice I was given on the subject: Milkshakes. A nice big frothy milkshake after lunch and another after dinner and you've easily bumped his calories up 400-700 calories depending on what's in there.

other than that feed him bigger portions of what you feed yourself. Full fat cheese and milk, butter, peanut butter...stuff like that.

My husband is on a 4500 cal diet and i do it all... Im on a 2000... And yes i cook separate meals... Gotta just do it!

My husband adds to meals and has additional meals/snacks. For example, he might add an extra serving at meal time. He will also have healthy snacks: he eats a hot breakfast every morning, but enjoys milk and cereal in the evenings.

Is he exercising? Strength training will make him hungrier, while ensuring that the extra weight is healthy.

A few quick things to add...

It's important to remember the basics and always keep them in the forefront of our mind.

-On average, guys need more calories than their wives/girlfriends. It's especially true when the guy is gaining and the girl is losing. It may seem like the guy eats a lot, but it might still not be enough.

-In order to support muscle gain, there must be enough protein to synthesize muscle and enough carbs for energy. Fat is also needed in rough proportion. Low protein/low carb is the enemy of muscle gain.

-Veggies alone won't supply enough carbs in most cases to gain or even maintain weight for a man.

-Protein powders probably won't supply the missing calories needed. They're simply not calorie-rich. They can help if the person isn't getting enough protein, though.

-I believe the old adage that stomachs shrink and stretch over time. Studies have shown it's true; I've read them. Because of this, you can have a situation where the husband/boyfriend has a small stomach and the wife/girlfriend has a larger stomach. In this case, it's a self-perpetuating thing unless something is done to correct the weight loss/gain, since the woman will actually out-eat her man. In this case, assuming equal proportionate energy expenditure, she'll keep gaining and he'll keep losing, which isn't good.

-Once anyone gets below a certain bodyfat percentage (mid to high single digits for a man, probably) and below a certain weight, his lean body mass is going to be very low. OP, your husband likely has very low physical strength because of this at 5'6 and 120 lbs, assuming he's not exercising. For some people in this situation, resistance training coupled with eating enough is the ONLY way to gain weight, because the body is accustomed to being thin, and can fight weight gain by causing extra energy expenditure by non-exercise thermogenesis. That's the current theory as to why some people with low LBM are perpetually skinny even when they overeat consistently for short periods of time...the NEAT ramps up, and the body tries to burn the exrtra calories by making the person move more, making the person more physically nervous, etc. Resistance training will make sure those calories are going toward muscle repair rather than being burned off and wasted.

My husband and I weigh about the same (woohoo!), but he's 9" taller (boooo!). Bigger portions works pretty well with him, but if that's not working for you then I would increase the frequency of his food intake - I don't mean to make him sound like a domestic pet. Hubby has extra, tasty (this is key) snacks during the day. He also has a dessert after dinner, which I don't.

I too have a partner who wants to gain while I try to lose- though he weighs 170 and is 6' and I am 5'9 and 152. We used to weigh about the same thing, until I started losing. I make low calorie foods for me like vegetable soups and butternut squash mac and cheese, which is not optimal for his weight gain. He will eat what I make, but then supplement it with other food such as additional protein (chicken breasts or steaks) or many times before dinner he will snack on a whole avocado with chips. You definitely don't have to cook him something separate!