This is my story! IM SORRY IF YOUR OFFENDED READING THIS

valerie759
valerie759 Posts: 14 Member
in Introduce Yourself
Hello, my name is Valerie, i'm 20 years old and just 2 weeks ago my BMI (41) determined I was Mordidly obese, weighting in at 250 lbs at 5'5'' high. WOW, what a big slap in the face that was... All I can say is that reality set in and it finally made me realize, yes I am actually morbidly obese and I am one hamburger away from having a heart attack at 20 years old. You see the issue with me is that when I look in the mirror I don't see 250lbs, I don't see myself to be as fat as I actually am. In other words, the image I see of myself is fat, but not THAT fat. Not to be rude or anything but i've had many times in the past where I would see a really obese person and I would always ask myself "Am I THAT fat??" or i'd say " At least i'm not fat like him/her'' Until two weeks ago when i finally realized I AM THAT FAT and I am that person that I used to judge. It kills me that i was so selfish and rude into thinking I was better than any other obese person. It hurts me that I was so uncomfortable with my own weight I would compare myself to others that are also struggling just like I am to lose weight. I was ignorant and ignored what my own body was telling me, and I always convinced myself that I wasn't THAT bad when in reality, the back pain, always being out of energy ETC. was my own cry for help to myself. Two weeks ago I was judging, I was mean and I was completely oblivious to my own body and to others, that it made me gain and gain weight, as i kept lying to myself. But at some point, I have to stop lying to myself, stop making excuses for why I am fat and start changing and taking charge of my life. It was so bad, I couldn't wear jeans anymore because I found them to be so uncomfortable, I would walk in the mall and I'd be exhausted, and don't even think about going into a regular store and trying on clothes because I was terrified of ripping the clothing or trying it on and being stuck in it. Bottom line, my body has been telling me in many ways I am unhealthy for years now (before i was even morbidly obese) and I don't feel comfortable in my skin, and I need to change that and stop comparing myself to others. I kept ignoring it and it made me gain an extra 25 lbs on top of how I was already very overweight now making me morbidly obese. I was so sick of being in my skin, i'd cry randomly about how i hated my life and how any little physical effort kills me. All because I am not comfortable in my own skin. It can affect your daily life greatly and very negatively like it did mine.


This is why I am here, seeking support and looking for redemption. I want to support every other person that feels the same emotions I feel about my life, basically I want to find happiness. And most of my problems are currently caused by being morbidly obese. I want to offer support to all the people I have compared myself to in the past, and I want to encourage them and congratulate them if they are on here because until two weeks ago, they were actually doing something to change it unlike me. Three weeks ago i started my transition into this healthy lifestyle. I don't count the first week as my weight loss time because i was eating unhealthy just as much as i was eating healthy. Then last week I started to track all my food, exercise and actually following a daily calorie amount and since then, I have lost 16.3lbs. I am now with a BMI of 38.9 and I fall into the obesity Class 2 category. I look forward to the day I can go in a normal store and buy a pair of jeans that actually fit and are comfortable on my body along with a plain shirt no layers because I won't have anymore rolls of fat to cover up.

This is my story, my struggles and I hope if I have offended anyone by writing this, I would like to reassure you that I am now very much suffering for the pain I have caused myself by being in denial. At the end of the day, I want to feel comfortable in my skin, and I am sick and tired of my weight to be the source of all my problems. With that, I leave you with my weight loss goals; I wish to lose 80 pounds, to bring my bmi to slightly above overweight and afterwards depending if I am comfortable with myself or not I wish to lose another 20 to bring to a normal healthy weight.

If anyone has common goals or comments please add me as a friend or reply to this post, Let's all encourage each other to a better, healthier, happier life.
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Replies

  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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  • knra_grl
    knra_grl Posts: 1,566 Member
    You're on the right track! The more weight that drops the better you will feel and that's what it's all about right? I am not far behind you I started at 233 and am 5'7" - have to start somewhere and I find being on here lots right now helps keep me in line and I am learning a lot - Best of luck on your journey :flowerforyou:
  • pmur
    pmur Posts: 223 Member
    Acceptance is key. You have stopped denying the truth and accepted that you need to change. That's the most important part, the weight will come off with the help of diet and some exercise. In time, I hope you are able to come on here and write about how you went from an unhealthy to a very heathy BMI.
    Take things one step at a time though. Remember, all that weight didn't come on in a day and it won't go off in a hurry either. That's what I keep telling myself. I've fallen off the wagon three/four times in the last two years of trying to lose pregnancy weight. The hardest part is to continue being motivated. I don't use the scale as my motivation anymore. I'm happy with the fact that I perform better at the gym now, am able to complete an entire one hour Zumba class with no major issues. Used to cry to sit/climb up stairs, even laugh after 30mins of Zumba when I first started. That's how unfit I was. That lasted for an entire month but now I'm sometimes there for two back to back sessions and feel great! You can do it! Go for it!
  • wvtracyann
    wvtracyann Posts: 95 Member
    you can do this I have been on here for a few years but never got completely serios about this until this last year. while I don't have as much to lose as you I can still understand not feeling comfortable in your own skin and wanting to be Healthy! If you add me as a friend I will encougage you and give you advice along the way, but I will not sugarcoat anything. If you are eating under 1200 I will tell you how unhealthy it is if you fill your day is fast food just because it "fits" I will tell you. If you have an awesome day I will praise you. If this is the type of friend you are looking for feel free to add me if not I can understand.
  • kducky22
    kducky22 Posts: 276 Member
    WOO HOO!! Welcome!! the first step is knowing you want to change! Good luck!! :flowerforyou:
  • mlima14
    mlima14 Posts: 112 Member
    Best of luck! Just don't give up and you'll see the changes.:smile:
  • valerie759
    valerie759 Posts: 14 Member
    Thank you for the support everyone! I have a question... How i do i get the banner with the progress bar in the post like some of you have??
  • purplemurfy
    purplemurfy Posts: 95 Member
    Valerie - Bravo for opening your heart and sharing. I can't tell you how many similarities to my situation I found in your post. I also couldn't see how big I'd become when looking in the mirror. Deep down, I knew it, it showed on the scale and how I felt. But yeah, I was in denial.

    We are here now and it would be great to check in once in a while and motivate one another. Great for you - you're starting early in life. I'm already 45.....ugh.....but that's not excuse. It should be a reason for me to work on this all the more as it has really affected my health and I'm at a critical age to make the difference before its too late. My long term goal is 90-100lbs. I'm planning on 1lb a week so that I get this down and don't feel too deprived. Haha.

    We can do this! We will do this! One step at a time.
  • unniexoxo
    unniexoxo Posts: 7
    I'm around the same weight and height as you and I experienced the whole denial thing, myself. I honestly thought I wasn't as big as I am (btw, I do not own a full body mirror lol). I would look down and could see my feet perfectly fine, but what I honestly couldn't see is how wide I have become. Anyway, after some full body pictures surfaced of me after a party I went into recluse mode for a few weeks, and now I'm starting to deal with my problem. So I definitely can understand how you are feeling! But at least you are ready to work hard. I just rejoined the site this week so add me if you would like and we can motivate each other. If anyone else would like to add me... go right ahead. :)
  • MrsAustin1480
    MrsAustin1480 Posts: 83 Member
    Click on "Apps" at the top of your screen, then select "tickers" - MFP will help you make one. Easy as pie!
  • Sunshine2plus2
    Sunshine2plus2 Posts: 1,492 Member
    Hello and Welcome! Mind over matter and you got this!
  • purplemurfy
    purplemurfy Posts: 95 Member
    To get it in your posts click on "community" then on "settings" then check the box to add.
  • valerie759
    valerie759 Posts: 14 Member
    Click on "Apps" at the top of your screen, then select "tickers" - MFP will help you make one. Easy as pie!

    Thanks!!
  • cassielynne72
    cassielynne72 Posts: 7 Member
    Great job! I'm proud of you and you should be very proud of yourself. Keep up the great work. It's worth it! :happy:
  • purplemurfy
    purplemurfy Posts: 95 Member
    @Sunshine2plus and MrsAustin. Your ticker numbers are very motivational. Awesome job! I can't wait to see mine get there too.
  • valerie759
    valerie759 Posts: 14 Member
    I'm around the same weight and height as you and I experienced the whole denial thing, myself. I honestly thought I wasn't as big as I am (btw, I do not own a full body mirror lol). I would look down and could see my feet perfectly fine, but what I honestly couldn't see is how wide I have become. Anyway, after some full body pictures surfaced of me after a party I went into recluse mode for a few weeks, and now I'm starting to deal with my problem. So I definitely can understand how you are feeling! But at least you are ready to work hard. I just rejoined the site this week so add me if you would like and we can motivate each other. If anyone else would like to add me... go right ahead. :)

    I completely understand you, in my case, I refuse to put pictures on social media unless its only of my face... :/ And then there is this amazing guy telling me how beautiful I am and how he loves me and I always feel like he's lying to me because in my mind, i don't deserve to be loved because im obese and who would love me like this anyway?''.... I think i need to work on my confidence throughout all this but I'm pretty sure most of it will come naturally when i get comfortable with my body..
  • patriciapowerswilliamson
    patriciapowerswilliamson Posts: 109
    I am excited for you! Congratulations on your new journey! :):smile:
  • rachelg145
    rachelg145 Posts: 185 Member
    Girl, go on On Demand and watch last night's Biggest Loser - It's the only time I've seen the show and it was the makeover show. These people had lost anywhere from 75-150 pounds and you could not even recognize them. They all felt great, looked SO happy and amazing...It CAN and WILL happen. If you religiously use this tool to track your calories you won't cave to binges and do whatever you can at the gym and push yourself little by little. Don't try to become a kale addict - just use good judgement and eat as much protein in healthy forms as you can. The manager at my gym said that Casein protein shake mix (vs. regular whey or others) is a slower release version that keeps you full longer, if you end up trying to supplement meals around workouts.

    Remember all of us, not matter how much or how little we want to lose are all trying to be healthy and our best selves. I was on the treadmill next to a woman who has been at the gym constantly and she's easily got 100 pounds on me and when I finished my workout she smiled and raised the roof applauding that I kicked my own butt for an hour because she's happy and on her journey, too. It takes a village. She wasn't pissed that I was smaller than her and I think she's beautiful and awesome.

    Make this new chapter your story for the future!!
  • HomesteadHoney
    HomesteadHoney Posts: 11
    A full body mirror near the shower is helpful for denial :)
    Mine told me "it's time to get serious about this love affair with chocolate"
    You've made a good start!
    Now, I'm going to look for "the biggest loser", never seen it ;)
  • Welshfairy1
    Welshfairy1 Posts: 2
    I've read your story and well I'm the same , it is hard and it's tough but you know what,that in a years time you be slipping on those jeans. I know for me just the thought of being able to do that myself fills me with determination and drive, it'll change your life it's changed mine.

    [
  • valerie759
    valerie759 Posts: 14 Member
    Thank you to everyone who posted on my story! you are all incredibly amazing and all beautiful people!!
  • flowa79
    flowa79 Posts: 13 Member
    I totally understand the denial. But wow girl u off to a great start ???? b proud of yourself for taking charge of yr life. Im 34 and its taken me to now to realise that im killing myself, but its never 2 late is it. Im new here 2 and bein able to c how well im doing when ever i like im not anxious about failing. Im confident that im gonna reach my 100lb goal, and however much u have decided 2 lose i have faith that u will achieve it also. Feel free 2 add me as u can never have 2 much support. Keep up the good work x
  • bloggymomx
    bloggymomx Posts: 72
    I understand what you're saying. I was in denial about my weight too mostly because my friends have always said that I don't look my weight...and I don't think i do either. Even now! I guess I just carry it well but I had to come to the realization that I really am that fat. I really am at an unhealthy weight and could have a heart attack at a young age because of it. My weight already caused me to have diabetes....I don't want anything else to happen.

    Good luck! You can add me if you need any buddies or moral support. :)
  • ladybug114
    ladybug114 Posts: 39 Member
    First, congratulations for getting started. It was really cool to read such an honest story. I doubt anyone would judge you or be offended by this post. I have felt that way SO many times, where I thought there was no way I could be as big as the scale says. I was down 32 lbs last year and still felt big, and now I've gained about 26 of those pounds back. Only now I am in denial thinking there's no way I'm almost as big as when I started out. But I've had to realize is that none of that matters. It's never too late to start. You CAN and WILL do this. You are more than deserving of love and happiness and a healthy body. Keep up the hard work girl.
  • mtikky
    mtikky Posts: 53 Member
    Well done for having the guts to tell your story.

    I'm in a similar situation - started on 280+lbs for 5' 10" height.

    Been logging daily since 1st January and I'm exercising when I can now too.

    You're welcome to add me as a friend if you want to.

    Together in the fight to win :)
  • girldownsouth
    girldownsouth Posts: 920 Member
    I'm so glad you posted this because it's something I can completely relate too, and it sounds like lots of other people can too. You're doing great so far too, well done.
  • hmaddpear
    hmaddpear Posts: 610 Member
    Yup, know the denial very, very well. It's weird this mental place we can get to where we're all "it's not that bad", but at the same time somehow hating that we've let this get that bad. I started in July 2013 at a shade under morbidly obese (although I had hit that a couple of years before, but managed to lose half a stone before falling off the wagon.) I started counting my calories, at a reasonable deficit and moving a little more - walking for at least 20 minutes a day. That's it - no gimmicks, no fads. Just hitting my calorie goals and moving a little more.

    Good luck to you OP. Send me a friends request, if you wish.
  • PortiaBentley
    PortiaBentley Posts: 381 Member
    Congratulations to you - you are on the road. I too was obese and in denial this time last year - Although I haven't enjoyed the speedy weightloss you have I have changed my life in the last year - having said that, I'm not on a diet - that implies that sometime in the future I can stop and I can't do that - so my advice to you would be to keep telling yourself you are on a healthy lifestyle programme - for life.

    what I can tell you is that there is nothing more self-affirming than going into an 'ordinary' shop and being able to pick clothes off the racks that you know will fit you - even more so when they fit you well and you see a completely new you looking back. Even buying a pair of boots is OK now - I can find them with wide enough calves.

    Something else I did last year which was self-indulgent but has been a real tonic - I had a professional photo shoot done. I chose three outfits that I felt good in and had my photos taken - the results were so good - especially when I look at other photos in the same clothes from my previous days.

    The next good thing is when you can start exercising - I chose swimming as I found that relatively easy and it supports your body to avoid doing damage. Then getting about just walking in the fresh air - you'll find that you become a lot happier in yourself. what you will find is that as you go down this road and lose more weight so much more will become available to you - and you will suddenly find yourself being noticed - which can be a bit unnerving at first - for all the right reasons - instead as you put it for being judged by others and found wanting.

    Your story doesn't, and shouldn't, be offensive to anyone - its the story of so many people on this site. So good luck and keep it up - and know that when you have a tough time and you can't keep on the road its not the end of the road - just a little detour and you will find your back.

    Good luck!
    PB
  • amwood89
    amwood89 Posts: 165 Member
    As many have said, this is the first step to changing your way of life - stick at it & you'll see results.

    I started at around 210lbs in 2010 (at the age of 21) with a BMI of 34.8 & I'm now around 70lbs lighter & have a BMI of 24 which puts me in the 'healthy' range.

    I know exactly how you feel & can relate to your story. I also didn't believe I was as fat as I was. It didn't bother me for a long time, I didn't realise I had a problem. The day I realised was in NY on my 21st birthday when my picture was took with my Mum at the statue of liberty (one of those which is developed straight away). I couldn't believe how fat I was!!!!!!!!! I looked like a whale!!!!! I asked myself why I never ever saw this image when I looked in the mirror? Maybe the picture was just taken at an unflattering angle? Nope, I was just fat!

    When I got back I was determined to lose weight & I did. It took a long time but I got there. There were times when I wanted to give up & almost did - but that very picture stayed in my mind & I continued to remind myself why I wanted to do this & loose the weight! I'm so pleased I did!

    I maintained a loss of around 50-60ish lbs for about 18 months & for various reasons, I didn't loose anymore weight for a while - but I didn't gain a pound back which is one of the things I'm really proud of in this whole journey!

    I've been logging again for 152 days & lost a further 11lbs. I don't have much to go now until I get to 'goal', I'm concentrating on Body Fat percentage now as appose to a number on the scale.

    The only advice I can give you is:

    - Log every day & log EVERYTHING you put in your mouth (even the things you're ashamed of putting down because you've had a bit of a slip up!)
    - Exercise. I lost 50lbs from doing little exercise other than running a short distance in a running club twice a week. I was left with a body which I hated even more than the one I started with after losing 50lbs. It was all flabby & YUCK! I now lift/strength train & do cardio. My body shape/appearance has dramatically changed & improved a 1000000%! Do this whilst you're in the beginning of your journey & you'll get much better results towards the end.
    - DO NOT obsess over weighing yourself constantly. This is something which I got into the habit of - I was weighing myself sometimes 3-4 times a day just to see if the number had gone down. If it went up (as it naturally does fluctuate throughout the day & week through water retention etc.) I would be GUTTED & got myself really down about it. Don't get yourself into this habit - it's not healthy. Weigh yourself once a week.
    - Take measurements weekly. The scale isn't the only way to measure your success - inches are the things that make the difference!
    - Stay positive - you can do this! It might take what seems like FOREVER, but trust me, when you get there - all the sweat & tears will be so worth it.
    - Finally, continue to remind yourself why you are doing this.

    Good luck :)
  • togmo
    togmo Posts: 257
    WOO HOO!! Welcome!! the first step is knowing you want to change! Good luck!! :flowerforyou:

    Your story reminds me of a friend of mine, she has put on so much weight in the last few years and she is not happy but she refuses to do anything about it and doesn't see her weight as a part of the problem. It pains me to see her like this but I can't help her if she doesn't want to be helped. I am glad you have decided you want help! That is the first step to change!

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