Question to grieving parents...
Marcellus_08
Posts: 253
I'm not looking for a pity party or trying to be whiny, but I need some advice.
November of 2012, I lost my 2 day old little boy. After losing him I lost about 30lbs from working out and dieting.
I kept most of it off (added back about 6lbs) and now I find myself not caring at ALL what I eat!
I want to get healthy, be positive and try to get my life on track.
Is there any of you out there that found yourself doing the same thing? It's hard for me to find the drive to get back into dieting. To working out, when for some reason eating junk and crying makes me feel better. I NEED to get my life back, I so badly miss the feeling of losing weight and feeling happy about myself. But, when I get in a certain mood it's very hard for me to ignore the fact that I do turn to food for comfort...
Any advice would be great.
Thanks so much in advance.
-Donna:)
November of 2012, I lost my 2 day old little boy. After losing him I lost about 30lbs from working out and dieting.
I kept most of it off (added back about 6lbs) and now I find myself not caring at ALL what I eat!
I want to get healthy, be positive and try to get my life on track.
Is there any of you out there that found yourself doing the same thing? It's hard for me to find the drive to get back into dieting. To working out, when for some reason eating junk and crying makes me feel better. I NEED to get my life back, I so badly miss the feeling of losing weight and feeling happy about myself. But, when I get in a certain mood it's very hard for me to ignore the fact that I do turn to food for comfort...
Any advice would be great.
Thanks so much in advance.
-Donna:)
0
Replies
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Start with exercise and make sure it's outdoors. Multiple studies indicate that vitamin D and endorphins seem to have a positive impact on mood and can reduce depression. Plus getting outdoors and away from the norm helps me at least find a better head space.
Try switch just one go-to junk food for a piece of your favorite fruit or another healthy treat.0 -
So sorry for your loss
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First of all, my sympathies to you. Have you tried grief counseling? It sounds like you might benefit from talking to someone about how you're feeling and your tendancy to use food to "feel better."
Best wishes to you!0 -
I'm so sorry for your loss. I have not experienced this but I can express my condolences to you.0
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First of all, my sympathies to you. Have you tried grief counseling? It sounds like you might benefit from talking to someone about how you're feeling and your tendancy to use food to "feel better."
Best wishes to you!
I agree with this. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you.
I believe a grief counselor would be VERY helpful for your situation.0 -
i'm sorry for your loss. do you have a counselor or objective third party you can talk to so your mental health can be as radiant as your soon-to-be physical health?. 0
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I was also going to suggest counseling... a friend of mine recently had his wife commit suicide (not the same, but... ) and he says it has really helped him having an unbiased person to talk to.0
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Thanks so much for being supportive.
I think I will try getting out more and stop staying inside so much. I use the Utah winter as my excuse to stay inside. Which I clearly need to stop doing.
SuelnAz, No I haven't done any counseling, I've tossed around the idea but I get nervous about following through with it. I would feel like my family would think I was crazy and be weird around me...0 -
Marcellus_08,
First off, many condolences for your loss.
It seems as if you are dealing with the pain and sorrow in a positive fashion if there every could be a positive that could come out of a loss such as yours. Nevertheless, I encourage you to continue on the path of a healthy lifestyle. Surround yourself with family and loved ones and know that health is wealth.0 -
My sympathies for your loss. As for getting your life back, exercise helps kick in endorphins which help with depression. It sounds like to me you may have some depression issues and given what you have been thru we can all understand why. Try to stay busy and get those endorphins moving. I had a hard time kicking the "go to junk food when I felt bad" habit. I like the suggestion of reaching for fruit instead. I found I liked something crunchy like an apple or baby carrots. Good luck!!!0
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Thanks so much for being supportive.
I think I will try getting out more and stop staying inside so much. I use the Utah winter as my excuse to stay inside. Which I clearly need to stop doing.
SuelnAz, No I haven't done any counseling, I've tossed around the idea but I get nervous about following through with it. I would feel like my family would think I was crazy and be weird around me...
counseling can be very helpful and done in secret if that would make you feel better. You need to do what is best for you and not worry about what someone might think.0 -
to you and God.s guidance I hope to give you strenth further to go onwards and also my condonlence.. I also think expressing your emotions will assist you to explain "the comfort thing" .more expert is needed .which I am not.. BEST OF EVERTHING FOR YOU! 0 -
So sorry for your loss.
Me personally I would and have used running/biking to clear my fog in my brain.
Its not for everyone, but it therapeutic for me for my body and soul.
It really doesn't matter what your doing, just get out and do it.
I would agree that counseling would help you and yours through this time as well.0 -
Donna,I'm not looking for a pity party or trying to be whiny, but I need some advice.
November of 2012, I lost my 2 day old little boy. After losing him I lost about 30lbs from working out and dieting.
I kept most of it off (added back about 6lbs) and now I find myself not caring at ALL what I eat!
I want to get healthy, be positive and try to get my life on track.
Is there any of you out there that found yourself doing the same thing? It's hard for me to find the drive to get back into dieting. To working out, when for some reason eating junk and crying makes me feel better. I NEED to get my life back, I so badly miss the feeling of losing weight and feeling happy about myself. But, when I get in a certain mood it's very hard for me to ignore the fact that I do turn to food for comfort...
Any advice would be great.
Thanks so much in advance.
-Donna:)
I'm so sorry for your loss. For the grief, and I suspect depression,I urge you to speak to a counselor, or to see if your area has a grief group. Big hugs to you (and you don't sound whiny at all).
As for getting back to dieting--you said you've only gained six pounds back. That's not bad, considering the emotional turmoil you've been going through this year. Perhaps for now, set your goals to maintenance, log everything you eat, and just work on staying within your calorie allowance. Add in your exercise when you feel it's time.
Hang in there.0 -
STRENGTH!MY POOR SPELLING!0
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Thanks so much for being supportive.
I think I will try getting out more and stop staying inside so much. I use the Utah winter as my excuse to stay inside. Which I clearly need to stop doing.
SuelnAz, No I haven't done any counseling, I've tossed around the idea but I get nervous about following through with it. I would feel like my family would think I was crazy and be weird around me...
I can't imagine anybody would judge you for seeking help for such a traumatic and devastating loss. If it still makes you uneasy, nobody has to know you're doing it. Sunshine can only do so much... this goes much deeper than that. 0 -
Your family doesn't have to know about it. If you don't want to seek counseling, I would suggest joining a support group online. Knowing that you aren't alone in what you're going through will really help you a lot. You would be able to express your emotions to someone who has been through exactly what you're going through.
Seriously though, your family wouldn't judge you. You just lost a child. You are entitled to seek help if you feel like you need it.0 -
First of all, my sympathies for your loss.
I agree with those who have posted that perhaps the best place to look would be to a counselor. It could be a grief "group" of some sort if you feel that private counseling would be too difficult. I have a cousin who lost their 21-year-old "healthy" daughter after a routine surgery, and they found a lot of support from Compassionate Friends. Your doctor/local hospital should be able to tell you where you might be able to find a group. I am also fairly certain if you did a Google search, you could find online support for your grief, much in the same way we support each other here on MFP.
Blessings to you. I lost my 44-year-old husband to a brain tumor almost 14 years ago......life is certainly different than I ever expected it to be.
Kaye0 -
You might be surprised. They might be very supportive. Besides this, you are not crazy, you are human.SuelnAz, No I haven't done any counseling, I've tossed around the idea but I get nervous about following through with it. I would feel like my family would think I was crazy and be weird around me... 0 -
Thanks so much for being supportive.
I think I will try getting out more and stop staying inside so much. I use the Utah winter as my excuse to stay inside. Which I clearly need to stop doing.
SuelnAz, No I haven't done any counseling, I've tossed around the idea but I get nervous about following through with it. I would feel like my family would think I was crazy and be weird around me...
counseling can be very helpful and done in secret if that would make you feel better. You need to do what is best for you and not worry about what someone might think.
Definitely! Secret or otherwise.
And yeah, grief hurts worse than anything ever. I'm sorry for your loss and all the other feelings that you're having.0 -
im so sorry for your loss.
first the mind and body are connected. so you need to deal with your head as much as your body. are you seeing a therapist? they may help you with your grieving process. which in turn will help you take better care of yourself and realize eating does not make you feel better or make you better.
if you get "in your head" and work on that stuff first i think you will find it easier to make better food choices.
i sometimes see a direct correlation to when things are overwhelming or sad, etc. to my difficulty in maintaining a healthy diet.
good luck to you!0 -
Thanks for all the advice:) It really means alot that so many of you are supportive. I think I will have to look into some sort of therapy in hopes it will help me figure out what is going on.
I really can't say Thank You enough.0 -
My deepest sympathies for your loss. Have you read some books on grief, so you understand the grieving process?
One I can recommend is "Grief the Toothache of the Soul" by Kindah Greening.
Normal responses to grief may include shock, panic attacks, change of appetite, stress, sense of despair, disbelief/bewilderment, numbness, loss of motivation, mood swings, emotional exhaustion, preoccupation with memories, stiffness and formality, feelings of emptiness, depression, withdrawal, bitterness, hypersentsitivity, self pity.
Grief is a heavy burden to carry, and it can't be expected to conform to a time line. Please remember to be patient and kind to yourself.0 -
So sorry for your loss....as mentioned before counseling could help.
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My sympathies to you.:flowerforyou:
Basically you said that you're turning to junk food for comfort and it makes you feel better. Are there other things that make you feel better? Writing in a journal, reading a book, crafts, cleaning (okay, maybe cleaning won't make you feel better but it's a distraction and that could make you feel better), etc. I also agree with grief counseling. I can't imagine anyone thinking someone is weird for seeking therapy after a loss like that, but if it eases your anxiety, don't tell anyone you're doing it. It is private and only anyone else's business if you make it so. You could also seek out a support group in your area. Good luck!0 -
Thanks so much everyone.
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I'm so sorry for your loss. Nobody should think anyone is 'crazy' after such a loss! There's lots of individual therapist and groups that are great. Today, a friend of mine is celebrating her childs 2nd birthday, but he is in heaven. Passed suddenly at 19 months. They've been going to counseling since a couple weeks out.
Nobody can tell you how to grieve. You must go through your stages, but I do recommend help.
On the fitness side, outside workouts are great. But whatever works best for YOU is what works. Get in a fitness group. For example I run small groups on facebook. Find a few people you can connect with and feel Accountable too. That will help you with the next step of starting to be consistent. Once consistent you may start to like it.
<<hugs>>0 -
Your family doesn't need to know if you get counseling, although it may be the trigger for them admitting that they might need some too. The loss of a little one impacts everyone in the family...they may just need your validation that it's ok to get some help also. So often, particularly with this kind of loss, people have no idea what to say or how to act, because it is horrible and unnatural and wrong to loose one so young. They say "call me if you need anything" and "I'm so sorry" but they don't know how to help because they've never been through it and don't know what you need...and if you don't need help, then they feel like they shouldn't either. Do WHATEVER you need to do for yourself right now and don't be bashful about admitting if you do need help from ANY source.0
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I know that this is not the same thing at all, but I had 2 miscarriages before having my children and it really impacted my mood AND my eating. I actually went to an eating disorder counselor to focus on the binge eating, but we focused on my losses quite a bit as well. I only went for a few months and it really did help me. I agree that you only have to tell people that would be supportive of you.
I'm sorry for your loss. 0 -
My deepest sympathy for the loss of your baby.
I lost my 25 year old son in 2010. I've been dealing with depression as well. I have found that working out really helps and especially working out with others in a group setting. I have found that if I stop exercising for more than 3 or 4 days, I feel the depression coming on. I, too, have turned to food for comfort and that is something that I struggle with.
I attended a grief recovery support group called griefshare. It was at a church. Not sure where you are from but maybe this is something that is in your area. It was very helpful and comforting.
I miss my son everyday. There are so many emotions that I'm sure you are experiencing. Some say that time heals....I don't believe that. It's been almost 4 years and my heart aches everyday.0
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