Question to grieving parents...

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  • beamer0821
    beamer0821 Posts: 488 Member
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    im so sorry for your loss.
    first the mind and body are connected. so you need to deal with your head as much as your body. are you seeing a therapist? they may help you with your grieving process. which in turn will help you take better care of yourself and realize eating does not make you feel better or make you better.

    if you get "in your head" and work on that stuff first i think you will find it easier to make better food choices.

    i sometimes see a direct correlation to when things are overwhelming or sad, etc. to my difficulty in maintaining a healthy diet.

    good luck to you!
  • Marcellus_08
    Marcellus_08 Posts: 253
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    Thanks for all the advice:) It really means alot that so many of you are supportive. I think I will have to look into some sort of therapy in hopes it will help me figure out what is going on.

    I really can't say Thank You enough.
  • Dunkirk
    Dunkirk Posts: 465 Member
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    My deepest sympathies for your loss. Have you read some books on grief, so you understand the grieving process?

    One I can recommend is "Grief the Toothache of the Soul" by Kindah Greening.

    Normal responses to grief may include shock, panic attacks, change of appetite, stress, sense of despair, disbelief/bewilderment, numbness, loss of motivation, mood swings, emotional exhaustion, preoccupation with memories, stiffness and formality, feelings of emptiness, depression, withdrawal, bitterness, hypersentsitivity, self pity.

    Grief is a heavy burden to carry, and it can't be expected to conform to a time line. Please remember to be patient and kind to yourself.
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
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    So sorry for your loss....as mentioned before counseling could help.
    :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • calibriintx
    calibriintx Posts: 1,741 Member
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    My sympathies to you.:flowerforyou:

    Basically you said that you're turning to junk food for comfort and it makes you feel better. Are there other things that make you feel better? Writing in a journal, reading a book, crafts, cleaning (okay, maybe cleaning won't make you feel better but it's a distraction and that could make you feel better), etc. I also agree with grief counseling. I can't imagine anyone thinking someone is weird for seeking therapy after a loss like that, but if it eases your anxiety, don't tell anyone you're doing it. It is private and only anyone else's business if you make it so. You could also seek out a support group in your area. Good luck!
  • Marcellus_08
    Marcellus_08 Posts: 253
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    Thanks so much everyone.
    :)

    <3<3
  • nancybuss
    nancybuss Posts: 1,461 Member
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. Nobody should think anyone is 'crazy' after such a loss! There's lots of individual therapist and groups that are great. Today, a friend of mine is celebrating her childs 2nd birthday, but he is in heaven. Passed suddenly at 19 months. They've been going to counseling since a couple weeks out.

    Nobody can tell you how to grieve. You must go through your stages, but I do recommend help.

    On the fitness side, outside workouts are great. But whatever works best for YOU is what works. Get in a fitness group. For example I run small groups on facebook. Find a few people you can connect with and feel Accountable too. That will help you with the next step of starting to be consistent. Once consistent you may start to like it.

    <<hugs>>
  • lmhbuss
    lmhbuss Posts: 282 Member
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    Your family doesn't need to know if you get counseling, although it may be the trigger for them admitting that they might need some too. The loss of a little one impacts everyone in the family...they may just need your validation that it's ok to get some help also. So often, particularly with this kind of loss, people have no idea what to say or how to act, because it is horrible and unnatural and wrong to loose one so young. They say "call me if you need anything" and "I'm so sorry" but they don't know how to help because they've never been through it and don't know what you need...and if you don't need help, then they feel like they shouldn't either. Do WHATEVER you need to do for yourself right now and don't be bashful about admitting if you do need help from ANY source.
  • victoria_1024
    victoria_1024 Posts: 915 Member
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    I know that this is not the same thing at all, but I had 2 miscarriages before having my children and it really impacted my mood AND my eating. I actually went to an eating disorder counselor to focus on the binge eating, but we focused on my losses quite a bit as well. I only went for a few months and it really did help me. I agree that you only have to tell people that would be supportive of you.

    I'm sorry for your loss. :(
  • littleandysmom
    littleandysmom Posts: 173 Member
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    My deepest sympathy for the loss of your baby.

    I lost my 25 year old son in 2010. I've been dealing with depression as well. I have found that working out really helps and especially working out with others in a group setting. I have found that if I stop exercising for more than 3 or 4 days, I feel the depression coming on. I, too, have turned to food for comfort and that is something that I struggle with.

    I attended a grief recovery support group called griefshare. It was at a church. Not sure where you are from but maybe this is something that is in your area. It was very helpful and comforting.

    I miss my son everyday. There are so many emotions that I'm sure you are experiencing. Some say that time heals....I don't believe that. It's been almost 4 years and my heart aches everyday.
  • tchereej
    tchereej Posts: 18 Member
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    So sorry for your loss! I know it isn't the same as losing a child but my brother was killed on October 20. We were exactly 13 months apart in age and we were very close. I was/am devastated to say the least. It just so happens that he is my inspiration for being here and starting my diet. I never thought about death before this happened, and no one close to me has ever died. It really made me realize what a gift life is! He was my age and his was taken away. I feel like it is horrible for me to waste mine being overweight, especially knowing the weight will shorten my life. I don't want to take my life for granted because there are many deserving people who don't have the opportunity to live theirs. So, I use that as motivation. It almost feels unfair to him for me not to do this.
  • Kimmiepro6
    Kimmiepro6 Posts: 1 Member
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    I am sorry for your loss. I to loss a child. I loss 30lbs after his passing. It fell off me like butter and I was able to eat anything, nothing stayed. The weight did not start coming back for almost a year. By then I was into some very bad eating habits and the depression and crying fits were still very huge daily occurrences. I was tired all the time and had sugar cravings all day long. I started having vertigo issues. My doctor kept testing me for thyroid problems and one day my tests came back with a non-functioning thyroid. I do not know the cause of it, but have read it can happen after being pregnant. For some the thyroid reawakens after a long shutdown and for others it can never truly starts working again. Have you had your Dr check your Thyroid levels? Also I had my levels tested 3 months apart and it was on the second test that showed it was non-functioning. Once I was placed on meds, stability began and the deep depression began to lift. My Dr. Also suggested a vitamin B complex shot every 2 weeks and daily under the tongue vitamin B complex drops. It helps tremendously with my lack of energy. I hope this helps, you will find the strength to continue on your journey.
  • jellybeans37
    jellybeans37 Posts: 33 Member
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    In March I lost my baby after an hour of her birth. It was a total shock for my husband and I. After all my babies I was able to get right on track and lose my weight. After the death of baby Sienna, well. It took me so long and many fails to get back into working out and managing calories. To be honest this last week was just a breakthrough moment when I went into a dressing room. I have to let go of the grief and get my body back in shape and healthy again. I pray for comfort and for encouragement that you need.
  • meritage4
    meritage4 Posts: 1,441 Member
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    Compassionate Friends is a group of parents whose child has died. It's an american organization so there might be a chapter near you. It's NOT therapy but it is others who have been through it.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
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    Grief counseling or similar therapy. You have nothing to be ashamed of. It's not crazy to seek help after such a traumatic loss. :heart:
  • Vegan_85
    Vegan_85 Posts: 40 Member
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    I'm very sorry for your loss. That was a horrible experience and your reaction is normal. However, medication might help you cope in the meantime, until you get back into the habit of being active and eating well.

    Good luck
  • Marcellus_08
    Marcellus_08 Posts: 253
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    Thank you all so much for commeting and leaving me suggestions.
    It really was so nice to wake up and see all your sweet comments and the personal messages some of you have left me.
    I am so sorry for all the one that also said they have lost a loved one.
    I think I am going to go out and walk today and find something active to do.
    Thank you all so much.
    I was so nervous writing about it, but you all have been so incredibly sweet and understanding. I really really appreciate it. More than you know.

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