need help as husband brings alot of bad food!
Replies
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Just because you're on a calorie restricted diet for life, you can't ask your husband, who's skinny, to do the same for life.
Compensate.
Choose a day where your husband CAN bring sweets or wtv he wants. Maybe once a week. This will be your cheat day.
Eat it with your husband.
Use the other 6 days to eat clean and under maintenance.
Decreasing sweets/crap food to once a week will also benefit your 'skinny' husband's health in the long run. You can still be skinny or skinny/fat and be unhealthy and get diabetes.0 -
If my husband brings anything home I throw it out. BAM! Problem solved!
I would throw out anything you bring home......purses, clothes, shoes, etc..... BAM! Problem solved!
lol, if he threw them away, he'd just have to buy new ones. I doubt he wants to spend the money. Either way, he got the hint a long time ago and doesn't bring anything into the house that I don't okay first.0 -
If my husband brings anything home I throw it out. BAM! Problem solved!
I would throw out anything you bring home......purses, clothes, shoes, etc..... BAM! Problem solved!
lol, if he threw them away, he'd just have to buy new ones. I doubt he wants to spend the money. Either way, he got the hint a long time ago and doesn't bring anything into the house that I don't okay first.
do you keep his manhood on a bookshelf too?0 -
If my husband brings anything home I throw it out. BAM! Problem solved!
I would throw out anything you bring home......purses, clothes, shoes, etc..... BAM! Problem solved!
lol, if he threw them away, he'd just have to buy new ones. I doubt he wants to spend the money. Either way, he got the hint a long time ago and doesn't bring anything into the house that I don't okay first.
well we know who wears the pants in that family....glad i have the will power to even go so far as to buying the "wicked" food and not over indulging...
Send your husband my way he can board in our spare room my husband and man child aka son need another playmate anyway.0 -
If my husband brings anything home I throw it out. BAM! Problem solved!
I would throw out anything you bring home......purses, clothes, shoes, etc..... BAM! Problem solved!
two thumbs up.0 -
Interesting how the answers gravitate to the two extremes: "nobody makes you eat it" and "banish it from the earth" and no one suggested the adult approach - have an open, honest conversation with the person you lay your head next to every night.
Nothing extreme about just not eating it and having self control.
You're right, that makes soooo much more sense than communicating values and feelings like an adult with the person closest to you. Why bother considering whether you wish to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn't care much for his own health and may not even be aware he's not healthy because he, like so many people here, falsely assumes being "skinny" equals being healthy. That guy will be a wonderful patient to wait on after his first heart attack.
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If my husband brings anything home I throw it out. BAM! Problem solved!
I would throw out anything you bring home......purses, clothes, shoes, etc..... BAM! Problem solved!
lol, if he threw them away, he'd just have to buy new ones. I doubt he wants to spend the money. Either way, he got the hint a long time ago and doesn't bring anything into the house that I don't okay first.
do you keep his manhood on a bookshelf too?
Eh... It's the way he was raised. We're both happy with it.0 -
Interesting how the answers gravitate to the two extremes: "nobody makes you eat it" and "banish it from the earth" and no one suggested the adult approach - have an open, honest conversation with the person you lay your head next to every night.
Nothing extreme about just not eating it and having self control.
You're right, that makes soooo much more sense than communicating values and feelings like an adult with the person closest to you. Why bother considering whether you wish to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn't care much for his own health and may not even be aware he's not healthy because he, like so many people here, falsely assumes being "skinny" equals being healthy. That guy will be a wonderful patient to wait on after his first heart attack.
It is one thing to communicate about your new healthy lifestyle, that isn't necessary I am sure he sees it....but lets be frank if you are communicating to your spouse that you can't have that food in the house and they say....why not...and you explain because I can't say no to myself...why do they have to do the work for you????
If you are that open and honest with your spouse than be that open and honest with yourself...
But really why can't you have some of the treats? Just make room in your deficet to allow for it.
As well just because someone is slim and eats chips and cookies etc doesn't make them unhealthy...my husband is slim...eats everything he wants and doesn't gain...his bp is great, no cholesterol problems, no health issues what so ever...
I just don't get it....you either want to lose the weight or you don't...if you do then just do it with life the way it is...otherwise you are setting yourself up for failure anyway because when you are all done with the weight loss in such a strict environment you will go back and eat all the stuff you deprived yourself of and gain it back...0 -
so does my husband but I've learned self control!! it feels way better then eating a whole bag of chips when I stand on the scale and measure myself its really quite rewarding!!0
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Interesting how the answers gravitate to the two extremes: "nobody makes you eat it" and "banish it from the earth" and no one suggested the adult approach - have an open, honest conversation with the person you lay your head next to every night.
Nothing extreme about just not eating it and having self control.
You're right, that makes soooo much more sense than communicating values and feelings like an adult with the person closest to you. Why bother considering whether you wish to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn't care much for his own health and may not even be aware he's not healthy because he, like so many people here, falsely assumes being "skinny" equals being healthy. That guy will be a wonderful patient to wait on after his first heart attack.
Sometimes you have to accept the fact that you're not going to agree and even start to question should either party have to change or if there is a 3rd, more reasonable alternative that you can both live with.
The problem with people thinking that communicating, in and of itself, brings agreement is a problem. Communicating with your SO only illuminates where you both stand, then respect kicks in and you have to accept that the other person's position is just as valuable as your own eventhough you may not agree with it.0 -
Apparently it is easier to attempt to control others actions and punish them when they fail to comply than it is to control oneself and one's eating habits.
Carry on....0 -
Apparently it is easier to attempt to control others actions and punish them when they fail to comply than it is to control oneself and one's eating habits.
Carry on....
This X 10000 -
Interesting how the answers gravitate to the two extremes: "nobody makes you eat it" and "banish it from the earth" and no one suggested the adult approach - have an open, honest conversation with the person you lay your head next to every night.
Nothing extreme about just not eating it and having self control.
You're right, that makes soooo much more sense than communicating values and feelings like an adult with the person closest to you. Why bother considering whether you wish to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn't care much for his own health and may not even be aware he's not healthy because he, like so many people here, falsely assumes being "skinny" equals being healthy. That guy will be a wonderful patient to wait on after his first heart attack.
0 -
Interesting how the answers gravitate to the two extremes: "nobody makes you eat it" and "banish it from the earth" and no one suggested the adult approach - have an open, honest conversation with the person you lay your head next to every night.
Nothing extreme about just not eating it and having self control.
You're right, that makes soooo much more sense than communicating values and feelings like an adult with the person closest to you. Why bother considering whether you wish to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn't care much for his own health and may not even be aware he's not healthy because he, like so many people here, falsely assumes being "skinny" equals being healthy. That guy will be a wonderful patient to wait on after his first heart attack.
It is one thing to communicate about your new healthy lifestyle, that isn't necessary I am sure he sees it....but lets be frank if you are communicating to your spouse that you can't have that food in the house and they say....why not...and you explain because I can't say no to myself...why do they have to do the work for you????
If you are that open and honest with your spouse than be that open and honest with yourself...
But really why can't you have some of the treats? Just make room in your deficet to allow for it.
As well just because someone is slim and eats chips and cookies etc doesn't make them unhealthy...my husband is slim...eats everything he wants and doesn't gain...his bp is great, no cholesterol problems, no health issues what so ever...
I just don't get it....you either want to lose the weight or you don't...if you do then just do it with life the way it is...otherwise you are setting yourself up for failure anyway because when you are all done with the weight loss in such a strict environment you will go back and eat all the stuff you deprived yourself of and gain it back...
As I said, this site is skewed to people falsely equating weight and health. If this were a fitness and performance related forum, that would be less of an issue.
Just because she practices one eating behavior and he practices another does not mena that eaither is truly aware of the other's choices or values. That's why verbal communication exists. Unless he's eating junk food just to taunt her, which he probably isn't, it's entirely possible he is oblivious to the differences and might even willingly be more :::gasp::: sensitive to her struggles because ::gasp:: he loves her and wants to be supportive while she works on her health. He might even realize he wants to be a bit healthier for himself. Not communicating is foregoing better options and eliminating choices for both of you.
And, normal BP, cholesterol, and bloodwork without any medical diagnoses of disease is not affirmative proof of heart health. It may be the absence of some indicators of a lack of health, but those two are not equal. It's not at all unusual for all of those to be normal right up to an actual MI. That's actually the case pretty commonly, including for my own family member who had no health impairments, normal bloodwork, and normal EKG and stress test 6 days before his first heart attack. Your body can burn some amount of excess, but not all, and because your body doesnt store junk food as external adipose tissue doesn't mean it doesn't affect health. You just may not know for 30 or 40 years, especially if you're only physically active enough to maintain weight.0 -
It's hard to live with another person who's not trying to lose weight and who eats bad stuff but you can't control what he buys and what he eats - you can only control yourself! If you are tempted by something he brings back, maybe drink some water or other low-calorie drink, eat some of your own healthy snacks/food, even go for a walk, just do something to distract yourself and it'll pass. And as they say "out of sight - out of mind". If the unhealthy food is hidden in a cupboard or somewhere you don't normally look then you'll be much less likely to eat it.0
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Focus on yourself and develop better self control, and ask your husband if he could possibly only pick up enough for himself. Maybe he could keep some of it at work? And remember that you CAN have some of these treats as long as they fit within your calorie goal.
People are always criticizing others for not being able to say no when their favorite foods are right in front of them. True that it's a lack of self control, but it IS very hard, and sometimes it takes a while to be able to say no to it. There are foods I won't buy very often because I'm just going to eat the whole box if it enters my home.0 -
Hi OP,
I hope I can offer some assistance to you. This is not his problem, it's yours. But I know how frustrating it can be to constantly have foods in your house that you aren't easily able to fit into your goal for the day, but learning portion control can really help. My boyfriend baked a huge pan of cookies the other day, and honestly, it was easy for me to ignore them because I knew it would shoot me over the moon in calories if I ate them.
But I know some people struggle more and If you are unable to control yourself, maybe you should exercise to give yourself a larger deficit and make it fit within the day. Either that, or plan your day around things that you may end up eating when you get home.
Otherwise, you are just going to have to learn how to control yourself. I think the best way to do this is to not completely cut out what you want or crave, but just try not to eat so much of it. You don't have to go crazy.
Please do not throw out his food because you can't eat it. I encourage you to evaluate what's more important to you and your long term goals. You don't have to completely cut out all foods. I eat all kinds of crap everyday, and as long as it fits within my goal for the day, i'm cool with that. I also work out quite a bit to give myself some leeway.
Good luck!0 -
Since getting married I've put on weight as my husband is constantly bringing bad food, sweets, chochs, crisps, cakes, you name it ! I always say I wont eat them but i end up eating them! how can i stop myself eating the crap he brings. and yes i've asked him to stop but he doesnt and hes skinny as hell too!!! ufair.
I think it is going to be up to you to control yourself and work on some strategies to not go over your calories.
Yeah, sorry, but this. There's no other method of not succumbing to it other than simply not eating it. If it makes you feel any better, the longer you go avoiding junk the less you start to want it.
*Edit* This is easy for me to say because I have very strong willpower and can ignore junk food completely.0 -
I think you need to kill him.
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If my husband brings anything home I throw it out. BAM! Problem solved!
I would throw out anything you bring home......purses, clothes, shoes, etc..... BAM! Problem solved!
lol, if he threw them away, he'd just have to buy new ones. I doubt he wants to spend the money. Either way, he got the hint a long time ago and doesn't bring anything into the house that I don't okay first.
do you keep his manhood on a bookshelf too?
Eh... It's the way he was raised. We're both happy with it.
I'll bet he is. :laugh: :noway:0 -
If my husband brings anything home I throw it out. BAM! Problem solved!
I would throw out anything you bring home......purses, clothes, shoes, etc..... BAM! Problem solved!
lol, if he threw them away, he'd just have to buy new ones. I doubt he wants to spend the money. Either way, he got the hint a long time ago and doesn't bring anything into the house that I don't okay first.
Why would he have to buy new ones......If you're throwing my stuff away you set the precedent......and we're already rocking separate accounts at that point.............. Hey if it works for you great.......I don't think it's good advice as a way to handle this among most males.0 -
Interesting how the answers gravitate to the two extremes: "nobody makes you eat it" and "banish it from the earth" and no one suggested the adult approach - have an open, honest conversation with the person you lay your head next to every night.
Nothing extreme about just not eating it and having self control.
You're right, that makes soooo much more sense than communicating values and feelings like an adult with the person closest to you. Why bother considering whether you wish to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn't care much for his own health and may not even be aware he's not healthy because he, like so many people here, falsely assumes being "skinny" equals being healthy. That guy will be a wonderful patient to wait on after his first heart attack.
It is one thing to communicate about your new healthy lifestyle, that isn't necessary I am sure he sees it....but lets be frank if you are communicating to your spouse that you can't have that food in the house and they say....why not...and you explain because I can't say no to myself...why do they have to do the work for you????
If you are that open and honest with your spouse than be that open and honest with yourself...
But really why can't you have some of the treats? Just make room in your deficet to allow for it.
As well just because someone is slim and eats chips and cookies etc doesn't make them unhealthy...my husband is slim...eats everything he wants and doesn't gain...his bp is great, no cholesterol problems, no health issues what so ever...
I just don't get it....you either want to lose the weight or you don't...if you do then just do it with life the way it is...otherwise you are setting yourself up for failure anyway because when you are all done with the weight loss in such a strict environment you will go back and eat all the stuff you deprived yourself of and gain it back...
As I said, this site is skewed to people falsely equating weight and health. If this were a fitness and performance related forum, that would be less of an issue.
Just because she practices one eating behavior and he practices another does not mena that eaither is truly aware of the other's choices or values. That's why verbal communication exists. Unless he's eating junk food just to taunt her, which he probably isn't, it's entirely possible he is oblivious to the differences and might even willingly be more :::gasp::: sensitive to her struggles because ::gasp:: he loves her and wants to be supportive while she works on her health. He might even realize he wants to be a bit healthier for himself. Not communicating is foregoing better options and eliminating choices for both of you.
And, normal BP, cholesterol, and bloodwork without any medical diagnoses of disease is not affirmative proof of heart health. It may be the absence of some indicators of a lack of health, but those two are not equal. It's not at all unusual for all of those to be normal right up to an actual MI. That's actually the case pretty commonly, including for my own family member who had no health impairments, normal bloodwork, and normal EKG and stress test 6 days before his first heart attack. Your body can burn some amount of excess, but not all, and because your body doesnt store junk food as external adipose tissue doesn't mean it doesn't affect health. You just may not know for 30 or 40 years, especially if you're only physically active enough to maintain weight.
No where did I say not to communicate.I said it probably wasn't necessary. My husband and son are both quite aware of my new lifestyle and I didn't have to say a word to them...and trust me these are not special snowflake men. We don't give our spouses specifically husbands enough credit.
They see it...but again why do they have to change to be considered supportive???? Why can't there be the foods they like in the house and them not be considered jerks or sabateurs???? Please.
As for the health vs weight issue...my husband is healthy...he has a physical every year for his job...he is 32 years old and has more stamina then my teenage son...he doesn't need to lose weight he is slim and muscular while maintaining and sometimes gaining and losing the same 5lbs since we got married.
"Bad" food eating is not an indication of health either...I am healthy and still eat "bad" food.
Heart attacks are not just about "body health" either...my father had his first heart attack at 55 due to stress...no build up, no high cholesterol nothing but stress it had nothing to do with anything else...0 -
If my husband brings anything home I throw it out. BAM! Problem solved!
I would throw out anything you bring home......purses, clothes, shoes, etc..... BAM! Problem solved!
lol, if he threw them away, he'd just have to buy new ones. I doubt he wants to spend the money. Either way, he got the hint a long time ago and doesn't bring anything into the house that I don't okay first.
do you keep his manhood on a bookshelf too?
Eh... It's the way he was raised. We're both happy with it.
does he sit, speak, and roll over on command too?0 -
If my husband brings anything home I throw it out. BAM! Problem solved!
Lol! Don't forget to squirt dishwashing liquid on it so you're not tempted to dig it back out. I've been guilty of that in the past. It used to kill me to know one of the kids put a takeout container in the trash that had a perfectly good enchilada in it. I used to grab the container and go into the bathroom so she didn't know I lied when I said I didn't want her leftovers. Talk about messed up in the head! My other sneaky trick was to tell the kids to put their plates on the counter and I'd scrape the food off when I did the dishes. Then I'd tiptoe into the kitchen and scrape the food off right into my mouth. Ugh. I'm embarrassed to even admit that now.
You might want to consider talking to someone.0 -
someone professional like.If my husband brings anything home I throw it out. BAM! Problem solved!
Lol! Don't forget to squirt dishwashing liquid on it so you're not tempted to dig it back out. I've been guilty of that in the past. It used to kill me to know one of the kids put a takeout container in the trash that had a perfectly good enchilada in it. I used to grab the container and go into the bathroom so she didn't know I lied when I said I didn't want her leftovers. Talk about messed up in the head! My other sneaky trick was to tell the kids to put their plates on the counter and I'd scrape the food off when I did the dishes. Then I'd tiptoe into the kitchen and scrape the food off right into my mouth. Ugh. I'm embarrassed to even admit that now.
You might want to consider talking to someone.0 -
How bad do you want this?0
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No where did I say not to communicate.I said it probably wasn't necessary. My husband and son are both quite aware of my new lifestyle and I didn't have to say a word to them...and trust me these are not special snowflake men. We don't give our spouses specifically husbands enough credit.
They see it...but again why do they have to change to be considered supportive???? Why can't there be the foods they like in the house and them not be considered jerks or sabateurs???? Please.
As for the health vs weight issue...my husband is healthy...he has a physical every year for his job...he is 32 years old and has more stamina then my teenage son...he doesn't need to lose weight he is slim and muscular while maintaining and sometimes gaining and losing the same 5lbs since we got married.
"Bad" food eating is not an indication of health either...I am healthy and still eat "bad" food.
Heart attacks are not just about "body health" either...my father had his first heart attack at 55 due to stress...no build up, no high cholesterol nothing but stress it had nothing to do with anything else...
Even where communication isn't necessary for every detail, it's a nice bit of interaction between intellectual beings. It's also better to err on the side of communication than assumption in any relationship. Communication and sharing values doesn't mean one person has to make all the changes, but it does give people the opportunity to make those choices and compromises. It's not failing to give him credit for anything to encourage her to communicate her feelings with someone she probably has some feelings for and vice versa. He may very well see how he eats and how she eats and not understand how she feels about it. Further, he might even express that he has silently felt ashamed or judged for his junk food habit. It happens and those are his feelings. Neither is responsible for the others feelings, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't share them.
Asking someone to make small changes or accommodations isn't asking them not to be a jerk or a sabouteur, it's giving them the option to participate in your life and your journey and for you to participate in theirs. I bet there are lots of men who when they lived alone never put the toilet seat down, but do so when they live with women. They didn't used to leave the seat up to be jerks. They left the seat up because they didn't have reason to consider anything else's feelings.
As I said before, normal weight and normal range testing don't mean health. Nor does a physical. Consuming junk food is typical in the American diet and nobody said that was unequivocally bad, but you're mistaking a lack of obvious signs of impaired health for affirmative signs of health. The two are not the same.
Stress actually is about body health. Ongoing stress causes permanent damage to heart stuctures and the cardiovascular system as a whole. The poor management of stress may be mental and behavioral, but the resultant causes of MIs are very much about phsyical health.0 -
If my husband brings anything home I throw it out. BAM! Problem solved!
YEAH!
why should he be allowed to eat whatever he wants just because he isn't having weight or health issues (or maybe he is, and isn't ready to address them for himself)? he should only eat what you want him to eat forever and always because you can't control yourself.
Makes total sense.0 -
No where did I say not to communicate.I said it probably wasn't necessary. My husband and son are both quite aware of my new lifestyle and I didn't have to say a word to them...and trust me these are not special snowflake men. We don't give our spouses specifically husbands enough credit.
They see it...but again why do they have to change to be considered supportive???? Why can't there be the foods they like in the house and them not be considered jerks or sabateurs???? Please.
As for the health vs weight issue...my husband is healthy...he has a physical every year for his job...he is 32 years old and has more stamina then my teenage son...he doesn't need to lose weight he is slim and muscular while maintaining and sometimes gaining and losing the same 5lbs since we got married.
"Bad" food eating is not an indication of health either...I am healthy and still eat "bad" food.
Heart attacks are not just about "body health" either...my father had his first heart attack at 55 due to stress...no build up, no high cholesterol nothing but stress it had nothing to do with anything else...
Even where communication isn't necessary for every detail, it's a nice bit of interaction between intellectual beings. It's also better to err on the side of communication than assumption in any relationship. Communication and sharing values doesn't mean one person has to make all the changes, but it does give people the opportunity to make those choices and compromises. It's not failing to give him credit for anything to encourage her to communicate her feelings with someone she probably has some feelings for and vice versa. He may very well see how he eats and how she eats and not understand how she feels about it. Further, he might even express that he has silently felt ashamed or judged for his junk food habit. It happens and those are his feelings. Neither is responsible for the others feelings, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't share them.
Asking someone to make small changes or accommodations isn't asking them not to be a jerk or a sabouteur, it's giving them the option to participate in your life and your journey and for you to participate in theirs. I bet there are lots of men who when they lived alone never put the toilet seat down, but do so when they live with women. They didn't used to leave the seat up to be jerks. They left the seat up because they didn't have reason to consider anything else's feelings.
As I said before, normal weight and normal range testing don't mean health. Nor does a physical. Consuming junk food is typical in the American diet and nobody said that was unequivocally bad, but you're mistaking a lack of obvious signs of impaired health for affirmative signs of health. The two are not the same.
Stress actually is about body health. Ongoing stress causes permanent damage to heart stuctures and the cardiovascular system as a whole. The poor management of stress may be mental and behavioral, but the resultant causes of MIs are very much about phsyical health.
So, exactly how does one evaluate one's health?? Honestly, I want to know how, if I have no signs of impaired health, how can I determine the state of my health? What is the "affirmative" sign of good health?0 -
Everyone talks about willpower as though the only answer is to sit by and suck it up and just say no. Yeah, that sounds good...in theory...but in practice, most people need something more than will...we need STRATEGIES. Actual ways to make drawing from that will power easier. "Just Say No" isn't always enough.
(Maybe some of these have been mentioned, I didn't read every answer fully...)
*Ask him to keep the snacks somewhere out of your sight. Hell, if you need to get a lock box, do it and he gets the key/combination.
*Find activities for yourself during those times that he is snacking so you aren't sitting there watching him eat the food you want.
*Allow yourself one treat every day when he is snacking, in a portion that fits into your goals, so you don't feel deprived. You CAN have those things, you just have to pick one thing and have a small amount.
*Ask him to limit his snacking in front of you. That doesn't mean telling him he can't eat these things in front of you, but maybe a request that if he is going to really overindulge in a way that is triggering for you...is there somewhere he can do that that isn't in your face.
*Give yourself small, non-food rewards for consistency: if I can keep away from the extra snacks for 5 days, I will treat myself to a new nail polish, new music, pair of earrings...something inexpensive but that makes you feel good. Do this for SMALL successes, like a week or less because that is SO much more do-able than a month. and small successes lead to long term success.
Sometimes, just WANTING something isn't enough, you have to develop ways to make it happen.
***before someone comes in here and talks about controlling other people and taking responsibility for yourself....relationships are about compromise. and if my significant other isn't willing to do some things to help me reach my goals...then he doesn't care enough about me***
I agree that this ultimately comes down to the OP's willpower. However, we are talking about her husband. She has told him her goals (lose weight), asked him for his help (stop bringing in so much junk food), and it sounds like he's completely ignored her request. While he doesn't need to give up all treats, he should want to be supportive of his wife's goals. This might mean buying fewer treats or keeping them out of sight in the house or even keeping them at work. None of those are major sacrifices.
In my mind, her husband would want to support her because that's what spouses should do. Even if he doesn't actively help her, he should at least not make it more difficult for her. I'm not saying he's sabotaging her but I think he's being extremely inconsiderate.
However, now that he's shown the OP he doesn't care to support her, she needs to figure out how to work around him. I think elyelyse has offered some excellent tips above.0
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