Depression

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maeleemae
maeleemae Posts: 6
in Motivation and Support
Please, any help from others who have experienced weight gain from depression then the inability to lose weight or to exercise due to depression. I've never been overweight in my life until I suffered through several major life upheavals during the past 3.5 years (divorce, loss of home, money, job, death of my beloved brother). I am not comfortable in my own skin as I am 30 pounds overweight. That may not sound like a lot to some people but it has been a fairly sudden weight gain for me that I've never had due to the reasons I mentioned above. I try to get back on my feet, try to be positive, start to exercise, then the dark cloud just envelopes me and the motivation isn't there. It is a terrible, vicious cycle. I lay in bed, so sad, so frightened, hating myself, knowing that one thing I could do to feel better is to get up and exercise, something I've always enjoyed doing and I may do that for a week or two and then I just give up. Eat poorly. Eat sugar, anything that temporarily makes me feel good then hate myself afterwards. Can't stand how my body feels, can't stand looking at myself, can't stand that I can't wear any of my clothes, can't stand my weakness and my sadness, my fatigue, myself. I can't seem to pull myself out of this hole.
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Replies

  • PatheticNoetic
    PatheticNoetic Posts: 905 Member
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    I cannot tell you what you should do but for me I force myself to push past the way I feel to exercise and eat right. It really is a "just do it" thing. If I stop I have trouble starting again so I can't stop.
  • ks_mommaof5
    ks_mommaof5 Posts: 73 Member
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    First and foremost, you are not alone. Next, you are vastly more strong than you give yourself credit for being. The emotional fortitude it requires to be honest about how you feel - even in an online forum - means you have the WILL and HONESTY you need to persevere and live a life of happiness.

    I have suffered from intense depression at different times in my life and can completely relate to your situation. For me, low-dose medication has proved beneficial. It isn't a cure ... but it does help take the edge of what I call the "lows" so that I can stop the constant ticker-tape of self-hatred that seems to run through my mind during every second of every day.

    Like you, I've been at the bottom when I've lost loved ones - my father to suicide and then my mom to lung cancer. I've been through a messy divorce and custody battle.

    In the dark moments, when our hatred for everything we are makes us crawl out of our own skin, the best advice I've ever received is just to breathe. In. And out. To focus on breathing. To be aware of our own heartbeat. To know that we are alive. As someone who lost a loved one to suicide due to extreme depression, I know that there is a place of gratitude in my soul where I am, even though depressed, grateful to be breathing. To have a beating heart.

    Remember that change is lots of little decisions strung together. Everything doesn't have to magically transform. Just one thing can be different and that is forward progress.

    Please, please, keep the faith that life has so many gifts in store for you and that you CAN and WILL find your way into the light.

    ***hugs***
  • elyelyse
    elyelyse Posts: 1,454 Member
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    I'd never have been able to pull myself out of my hole by myself...find a therapist. For some of us, we can't "just do it" alone.
  • Rozzii_
    Rozzii_ Posts: 16 Member
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    I've had depression myself, and I actually found that getting out of bed and doing something even if it's a little thing will bring back the motivation. You might not believe me but if you literally force yourself to do something, you will have a sense of accomplishment. That problem where you feel frightened and loathing yourself is just the depression talking, you can get through this, you just have to believe that in yourself. You can do this and lose the weight, and feel amazing again, but you have to want it.
    The bad diet is probably comfort food, although I would suggest rather than changing everything overnight, do one thing at a time. If say tomorrow, what you achieved was for example going for a walk, then you've done something, you've achieved a goal, and you've made your first step. Then you take it from there, just baby steps.

    I'm not very sure if this is helpful, but feel free to talk or message me anytime :)
  • PatheticNoetic
    PatheticNoetic Posts: 905 Member
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    I'd never have been able to pull myself out of my hole by myself...find a therapist. For some of us, we can't "just do it" alone.

    I'm not saying that's what she should do. I was saying that's what works for me. I've been dealing with depression for years. Everyone has a different approach to getting through it. I'm not qualified to give her advice on it so I just told her what I do.
  • somethinginherair
    somethinginherair Posts: 14 Member
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    I'd never have been able to pull myself out of my hole by myself...find a therapist. For some of us, we can't "just do it" alone.

    It's totally okay to need help! Very few of us are able to find it within to be motivated 100% of the time. Just remember that you're never alone and it's okay to ask for help.
  • kerryforward
    kerryforward Posts: 64 Member
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    You're singing my song. I've been there a hundred times. I am now on medication for depression and I feel so much better. The medication, for me, was honestly the difference between getting out of bed and living my life or not getting out of bed in the morning and completely ignoring the consequences. Downward spiral, the latter. You sound like maybe you should speak to a doctor.

    I've been exercising (relatively lightly) every day Monday through Friday for the past 3 weeks or so. This is a first for me in all my life. The reason I'm able to do it is because it is now convenient for me. The office where I now work has a lovely fitness room where I spend my lunch hour like this: 5 minutes changing, 30 minutes working out, 5 minutes changing back, and 20ish minutes eating my lunch afterward, every single day. So, every day I do this, and I never regret it.

    The biggest positive change I made for myself, though, was leaving a job that was damaging to my mental health. The work was fulfilling, but the office environment required unpaid overtime and an extremely fast pace that caused me to run myself ragged, mentally. Every day when I got home, I'd sit on the couch and crash, then eat dinner, go to bed and repeat it the next day. That office churns and burns people as fast as can be. When I quit that job, I felt like I was walking on air. Now I have a MUCH easier job (I basically went from operations process improvement person, down to pretty basic admin assistant). Some days the work is boring, but I always do excellent work, I go above and beyond what's expected of me, I'm working on making good friends, and I have time to think about my hobbies and energy to do things I enjoy. 100% of my energy isn't spent at work anymore. The pay is basically the same, maybe a tiny bit less, but my well being is priceless. I feel so much better since I took control and left the place that I was letting harm me mentally and went to a place where I can be mentally free.

    Is there anything in your life that you are able to change that might make you feel better? It might not happen overnight, but maybe you can put a plan into action.
  • ambience13
    ambience13 Posts: 23 Member
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    I have Bipolar type II, which includes many cycles of deep depression that come on suddenly, out of nowhere.
    For me, the one thing that has helped me IMMENSELY is Transactional Analysis. Google it. It's a form of therapy, however I've never actually had therapy, I just research it all myself, and apply it to my own life and situation. Luckily, I have the ability of being truly honest with myself, and I love Psychiatry/Psychology/Medicine, so this works brilliantly for me.
    I hope you find something that benefits you and your situation soon though :smile:
  • littlekitty3
    littlekitty3 Posts: 265 Member
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    Hey girl you're not alone,
    Therapy is expensive and sometimes the best therapy is finding support through any website (like this one), looking at others success stories of battling this *kitten*, music, just anything. Also if there's a negative influence (like a person or a job), try your best to stay away from it as much as possible.
    Also draw, blog, make YouTube videos. Who knows where a giant support group will come from.
  • Sharon_C
    Sharon_C Posts: 2,132 Member
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    My biggest suggestion to you would be to seek help. I've lived with someone with depression and being able to talk to a professional makes all the difference in the world. Find a good therapist who you can talk candidly to. If you need to, get on medication to help you control it. There's nothing wrong with seeking help.
  • elyelyse
    elyelyse Posts: 1,454 Member
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    I'd never have been able to pull myself out of my hole by myself...find a therapist. For some of us, we can't "just do it" alone.

    I'm not saying that's what she should do. I was saying that's what works for me. I've been dealing with depression for years. Everyone has a different approach to getting through it. I'm not qualified to give her advice on it so I just told her what I do.
    my comment was not meant to contradict yours, just to offer another perspective.
    some people need to hear that its ok if they can't do it alone. It's ok to need help. for someone who has been failing to do it by themselves, sometimes hearing "just do it" makes them/us feel like a failure, because they've already tried that.
  • sbone95
    sbone95 Posts: 1
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    As you say the sudden weight gain is a bit of a surprise! I used to run 10km each day, until it hit, then i just couldn't find the motivation to do anything, and then there was the extra weight that suddenly made me feel even worse. What i found helped me (it may be different to some people) is to exercise. The endorphins generated from exercise allows our bodies to feel better and give you a little happiness boost :) though some exercise may seem like a dread to do like having to run or swim etc, I've found that Zumba has been a life saver! its so much fun! I've found my moods have become better and the weight is shifting as well (in the way i like) and you don't have to drag yourself to do it each time! But as they say, each to their own, I've just found that it helps me :):happy:
  • FaylinaMeir
    FaylinaMeir Posts: 661 Member
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    I guess I'm lucky in that my depression and self hate is what fuels my desire for change! There will come a day when you sit there and go "I'm sick and f-ing tired of feeling this way, it's gotta change" and then it just clicks. It's cliche, and I'm sorry but it happened for me and my husband. My other motivation is my desire for a baby. My weight right now is probably whats making it impossible to conceive, so I have that.
    Don't give up :) you can do it!
  • toddis
    toddis Posts: 941 Member
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    I find at least part of depression stems from habit. You get into habits that give you a feeling of comfort, but tend to be counterproductive. So, I am working on developing new habits. One of which is going to the gym. Just the very act of
    committing to going somewhere and doing something helps immensely. The actual exercise will then reinforce the
    new habit by helping your mood. Oh, and I take vitamin D now too, that seems to help.

    I think having a therapist/friend/doctor to talk to can also help immensely. It's not a route I've chosen to go myself. I find when I talked to friends about it it just became a negative feedback loop.
  • elyelyse
    elyelyse Posts: 1,454 Member
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    Hey girl you're not alone,
    Therapy is expensive and sometimes the best therapy is finding support through any website (like this one), looking at others success stories of battling this *kitten*, music, just anything. Also if there's a negative influence (like a person or a job), try your best to stay away from it as much as possible.
    Also draw, blog, make YouTube videos. Who knows where a giant support group will come from.
    it's true that therapy can be costly (though many therapists offer a sliding scale fee)...but, if someone had a physical illness that wasn't responding to over the counter remedies... would you tell them to just find support online in a community instead? Depression is a real illness that often requires attention from a specialist, and sometimes medication.
    I do agree that drawing, writing, and other forms are creative expression are very beneficial...but I can say from experience, sometimes my depression stops me from getting out of bed, let alone trying to accomplish anything.

    ETA: therapists aren't just someone you go in and spill your guts to, I got a best friend who is great for that...a good therapist is trained to help steer your thinking and actions in a positive direction.
  • alwaysdance
    alwaysdance Posts: 20 Member
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    As someone who has suffered depression and comes from a family where mental health has been an issue I highly recommend seeing a Dr. Having a safe place to heal is so important. For me low-dose medication was key. Be prepared that it will not fix everything. Contrary to public belief there is no happy pill. It will however provide an emotionally stable place for you to start putting in the work to get better. Fighting depression is just as hard as living with it, but I promise you it's worth it.

    Please feel free to friend me if you need support. Sending you love and courage.
  • RllyGudTweetr
    RllyGudTweetr Posts: 2,019 Member
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    I'd never have been able to pull myself out of my hole by myself...find a therapist. For some of us, we can't "just do it" alone.

    It's totally okay to need help! Very few of us are able to find it within to be motivated 100% of the time. Just remember that you're never alone and it's okay to ask for help.
    OP, as another with diagnosed clinical depression, please get help. We readily go to a doctor when we damage a limb; your brain deserves the same courtesy.
  • sunshine11111
    sunshine11111 Posts: 48 Member
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    It sounds like you've been through a lot. I found myself in a similar place over the last few years... that deep, dark depression. I am taking some antidepressants now and I'm getting ready to start talking with a therapist, as my doctor told me that the medication only helps so much but you have to do the work to pull yourself out. I noticed after starting the antidepressants that I had just enough energy to make some small changes (not too much to overwhelm me at first), but right now I'm starting with eating healthy. Over the last few years I have been using food as a means to comfort myself as everything around me falls apart. I want you to know that you aren't alone.
  • aleggett321
    aleggett321 Posts: 186 Member
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    You are so brave to share this with the community. Do you realize that you've just made one step towards getting where you want to be?
    It seems like you are in a place where trying to make big changes is just too overwhelming. So start small. Really small. If its just too much to tackle an exercise program, set a manageable goal every day. Maybe it's only a 10 minute walk, but its still a success. Looking at losing 30 pounds may sound insurmountable. So make one good food choice a day. Even if it's only one less cookie, or a few less bites of chocolate. Build on it from there.

    I do agree with those that have said a professional evaluation would be a good step. Depression is a physical condition and needs to be looked at as such. I wish you the very best!
  • elyelyse
    elyelyse Posts: 1,454 Member
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    So start small. Really small. If its just too much to tackle an exercise program, set a manageable goal every day. Maybe it's only a 10 minute walk, but its still a success.
    YES! this is EXACTLY what I did. We can handle pretty much anything for 10 minutes, right? The great thing about this is that if you just make it for those 10 minutes, you can feel that as a success,...but very often once we get up and moving, we realize it's not as bad as we thought it would be, and we can go for more...and that feels even better (which makes it easier the next time, because you remember that feeling)

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