ladies, late 20s childless? feelin pressured/stress?

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  • just_Jennie1
    just_Jennie1 Posts: 1,233
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    I am far from my late 20's however . . .I am childless by choice and it's a GOOD choice.

    I never (really) felt the pressure. There was a time in my late 20's, after my sister had a baby, that I thought "hmmm. Maybe. . . ." but it was a fleeting thought. For quite a few years after my sister had her baby I got the (slight) pressure from my mom which I brushed off. I'd get the 'When are you going to make me a grandma?" and I told her that she was. Except her "grand baby " was a dog. :laugh: I got the pressure from the people I worked with. I said I don't like kids and I"d get the "But it's DIFFERENT when it's YOUR OWN!" to which I"d reply: "Maybe. But I don't want to take that chance." Then I changed it and said our lifestyle doesn't support kids because we go on vacations. And yet again I'd get the "But you can go on vacation. They're just DIFFERENT!" (Nope. Sorry. Not OUR vacations!)

    The only thing I can say is that if you really and truly do NOT want to have children to make it clear to anyone who suggests that your life will be better/different/awesome with them. It's a personal decision and no one but you and your SO needs to be involved in it.

    My husband and I made the decision to not have children and I can't say that I regret it one iota. My mother has since come to terms with the fact that we aren't having children. It has nothing to do with your family, or friends, or society. It has everything to do with what you and your SO wants.

    Hope that helped!
  • redheadmommy
    redheadmommy Posts: 908 Member
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    I think it is a huge difference between not wanting kids ever or maybe not jut right now.
    If you never want children , who care shrug the comments off..
    However if you do want kids, and has been happily married for a couple of years, thabis different. After 30 fertility rates goes done steadily and after 35, it is sinking. . Yes there are lucky women who get healthy babies, easy pregnancy in their 30's , but more often than not they struggle with conception more than people know around them. Many couple hide their infertility struggle from even the most immediate family, becaue it hurts so much and people can not help them anyway, and they may say thin tha hurst even more.

    We started trying when I was 30 , had the first kid when I was 33, but already as a result of in- vitro fertilization. The very first treatment worked as I had like 60 % change for this as I was 32. We had our second when I was 37 , and it took us 4 invitro to have her an we were given like 30% chance per treatment. The pregnancy was much much harder, and the sleepless first year took a much bigger toll on me as well. Plus. Of to mention the fertility treatments 15K per in- vitro. Modern medicine can help a lot, but most couple do not have tens of thousand of dollars lying around to throw away just to have kid. Sometimes it maddens me that he money we spent on fertility treatments , could have been paid full education tuition + spending for our kids if we had put them into education funds, instead of paying medical expenses.
  • shannonalgren1
    shannonalgren1 Posts: 36 Member
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    I was 47 when I had my last baby,,,there were 25+ yrs between him and my older 2 children.
  • dbanks80
    dbanks80 Posts: 3,685 Member
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    I agree with the other poster the longer you wait the more difficult is it to get pregnant especially after 35. I am glad I had my sons at 24 and 26 because at 40 I was full on menopause.
  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
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    ETA: It does not get easier as far as the Q's about "when are you gonna have kids?" I still have people telling me it's not too late and I have plenty of time, even though I am clearly in my mid 30s and there would be risks (if I had ANY desire to have kids, which obviously I do not). Women in my demographic are popping out babies 24/7 at this age. I kind of thought once I hit my 30s it would stop but nope...

    I HAAAAATE when people tell me I still have plenty of years to have kids. I don't want to be 60 when they graduate high school.

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