I need wedding help :(

Don't worry, take a big deep breath...been there, done that. My mother-in-law wanted to take the entire thing over.

And the only real answer to this one, hun, is to put your foot down and say "I'm sorry, I really do appreciate the help you are giving me, but as this is my wedding, I will plan it the way that I want."

We got married on Halloween and held a huge costume ball...not something my mother-in-law (nor my mother for that matter) was thrilled about. She tried to stick her nose into the whole thing, stating that it would not be decent if there weren't flowers and altars and a white dress, etc...

I felt horrible doing it, but I told her that I was going to do it my way. She was a bit offstandish for a while, but she eventually came around. And as for my Halloween wedding that she was so certain was going to be a bust and totally dreadful, is still the most talked about wedding in my family. I keep getting asked when we will be holding an anniversary party. LOL

Chin up, darling, you can do this. It's your big day, do it the way that you want it done. Good luck!

Elope.

Who is paying?

I think that's what it ALL boils down to.

Period.

Even if my mother was paying I don't think she should be allowed to pick my maid of honor.

Don't do it.

This thread makes me love my mother so much more than I already did.

I wish I had some advice, but I have never had to deal with something like that and probably never will. All I can say is just put your foot down?

Elope.

^ This

elope!

In all seriousness - it's YOUR wedding. She's maybe sad to be losing her baby and this gives her a feeling of control. If that's not it and she's controlling in general, just tell her you appreciate her wanting to help, but this is YOUR special day and you need to have more say in what you want.

I probably sounded a bit too harsh when I first responded to this. Sorry if so. But I do think (as others have stated too) finances tend to play a major role in the decision making & planning process.

Are you and your fiancé on the same page about what you both really want for your wedding day (for example you mentioned an outdoor/natural setting)? Perhaps you could sit down with your mom as a UNIFIED front and discuss this with her. Not that you couldn't do it alone, but from the sound of things she's kind of steamrolling your desires. So seeing the two of you - the soon-to-be bride and groom together - discussing it, could have more impact.

I think a lot of parents have a very narrow vision of what their child's wedding should be like. Church or country club, super traditional, etc. It sounds like your mother has her own vision of it as well, like the burlap lace dress...those things are great and all, but she does need to face the fact that it is YOUR wedding, not her own. I think those same parents tend to freak if their child says they want something nontraditional and assume it wouldn't be adequately classy or whatever...try to convince her that your vision would satisfy her desires, too, if possible. If you're doing a fairly standard wedding, I assume that she'll be free to invite all of the friends & family she wishes...but help her see that you also want a "nice wedding" it just might not be to her EXACT specifications and that should be acceptable to her...if not, then yeah, I'd agree with others who say go your own way and pay for it yourselves!!

Maybe you can give her free rein on a few things that do not matter that much to you or your fiancé...perhaps the cake, food, or some of the decorations. You specifically mentioned the MOH and dress, so I'm guessing those 2 things are pretty important to you. Don't budge on those.

I think your level of action is probably going to matter a lot. I had a friend who married in her mid 20's and basically was hands off about everything. Her wealthy dad & stepmom planned her wedding and made every decision, because she was just kind of like "I don't care". They spent a lot on her day and it wasn't really what she or her husband would have chosen. I got married shortly after she did, in a smaller ceremony at a B&B that cost probably 10% of what her wedding cost. She kept saying how that's the type of wedding she would have wanted, and all I could think about was how her stepmom would have saved so much time & trouble. Although in her case, her parents didn't really care about a specific type of wedding they were just trying to do "Wedding" as they thought it had to be done, which was quite 1983 but eh, whatever.

Good luck to you!!

tom and I are seriously considering eloping.

also - as for paying for it, it can go either way. I never expected my mum to pay for it, so I have a lot of money saved up for this purpose. we can pay for it fully if that's what it comes down to.



I know it's our wedding, but I really would like to have my mum involved somehow with the planning. my dad passed away when I was 11 and I don't have any siblings. so I feel really bad butting my mom out totally, but... I really don't want to look back at our wedding and hate everything besides my fiance! lol.

Well, pay yourselves then.

It's one thing for her to be involved, another for her to make all the decisions and not consider what you want at all. You should be able to choose your MOH and you should be able to choose the venue. Even if she's paying, it should be, "You have this budget to work with." If the place you want fits the budget, that's what matters most.

I'm confused about a place serving "too much food." If it costs the same or less, who cares? But I come from Italian and Jewish people, so I may have a different idea about food. lol

"I really don't want to look back at our wedding and hate everything besides my fiance! lol."

Don't worry, that too will happen in due time...

as for not classy, I'm the TOTAL opposite of class. I work on mechanical job sites with steel toed boots all day, I race cars, I have a hell of a motorcycle, and seven tattoos. for my high school graduation, I parked my blacked out subaru with twin subs in the yard instead of getting a DJ (and it was awesome btw).


and for the food. SERIOUSLY?! I KNOW. my family is italian, tom's family is polish. is there such thing as "too much food?!" I think not. I mean if there's leftovers going to be thrown out, you can bet I will take all of them to a homeless shelter. I was APPALLED she said "too much food".

I feel like a jerk saying "sorry mom, I'm going to pay for it myself". I really do. but I'm not a fancy person. the wedding dress *I* picked out was $189. and for a dress I'm going to wear once, that's more than enough.

I love that you're not a diva wanting her princess wedding. That's cool!

You've mentioned High School twice, so I'm assuming you are young...

Depending on your mom's age, she may be accustomed to thinking "the mother plans." I know my mother had NO say in her wedding or her dress... but that was 40 years ago and she was a very young bride. Use tact. She's your mother... talk it out. Time for your big girl panties.


Weddings are very seriously overrated in my book, so I struggle with this whole concept...

Even if she's paying, it should be, "You have this budget to work with."

I am not a parent so I don't know why I even care...but no!

I guess I have strong feelings about that after seeing some of my friends when I was younger make terrible decisions with their wedding budgets LOL

oh no I FULLY agree!!!! we're starting to build a house this year, and you have NO idea how much I'd rather have a backyard wedding and have her put that money on the side for like, appliances or something we need in the future. I think weddings are absurd to be totally honest.

*highest of fives*