Annoyed Husband...
Replies
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My husband is also very naturally lean and works in construction so constantly active and doing heavy lifting so doesn't have to think twice about his diet. He did have to restrict sodium for his blood pressure, but his doctor took him off the low sodium diet because his blood pressure medication keeps his BP down.
Go figure.
Totally off topic, but that's a bit odd. Was his BP never controllable without meds? I'm just curious.
Oh, and congrats on the way you deal with the food situation with your husband. It maye not be the ideal for either of you, but I think the two are a good example of communicating on an issue where you're not on the same page.0 -
Buy a second TV, withhold the sex. He'll eventually crack, unless he's a sex camel (note how I didn't suggest divorce this time).0
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I never comment on stuff like this but that is crazy to me. If my wife wants to do anything to better herself, I am the first one to be supportive. Hmmm...my wife doesn't eat what I'm eating so she looks better naked?!? That's a hard choice there. Being a guy, I can normally understand where another guy is coming from but I can't understand that.0
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First, rolling eyes is communication.....but not the right kind. It's like being sarcastic (and it's disrespectful). So politely and sincerely ask him to not roll eyes at you, but rather to think about what he wants to say and say it without sarcasm.
Second, consider your bed time. Do you have fairly set time for going to sleep? If you do, you will be able to handle getting up early and can workout with out using what I would call "family time."0 -
go the ninja route.
dont talk about the calories
dont talk about the carbs, the fat, whatever....
dont talk about the workouts.
just DO.
DO what you need to do quietly, and watch him react positively to the great progress youre making.
and if he doesnt....then go get some strange.0 -
Another compromise might be doing the DVDs on the computer. I've done that before, or sometimes they're even on YouTube or something...0
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If I work till 5:30pm everyday, I have a 10 min drive home (from the opposite direction of the gym) I go home, cook, clean up dishes, and by that time it is usually after 7:30 already (depending what i make) and then to drive half hour to go to the gym is 8 and if i even work out for an hour i would only get home at 9:30 the EARLIEST. Thats no time to shower, get ready for bed and yet I have to be up for 6 the following morning for work again. So thats very inconvenient.
I have not had a hard time doing my fitness and stuff recently. I always run, bike, walk or anything outside or do DVDS and Zumba inside.0 -
Can you walk outside? Write down your exercises in a notebook (assuming you don't need the video for step by step instruction)? I purchased dumbbells recently because I was sick of waiting in line for some at the gym - best $30 I ever spent (Target). You could do those anywhere. Also, there are apps that can give you bodyweight, dumbbell & other exercises. Maybe just keep a notebook with some exercises in it, and go somewhere other than the TV room to work out whenever your husband needs the TV? Just a suggestion!0
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If you develop a 9:30pm bed time, you will become accustomed to rising early enough to workout while he is still asleep.If I work till 5:30pm everyday, I have a 10 min drive home (from the opposite direction of the gym) I go home, cook, clean up dishes, and by that time it is usually after 7:30 already (depending what i make) and then to drive half hour to go to the gym is 8 and if i even work out for an hour i would only get home at 9:30 the EARLIEST. Thats no time to shower, get ready for bed and yet I have to be up for 6 the following morning for work again. So thats very inconvenient.
I have not had a hard time doing my fitness and stuff recently. I always run, bike, walk or anything outside or do DVDS and Zumba inside.
The two of you will get this worked out well; it's important to not make it a dividing point.0 -
If he offers you food you don't want, just say "no thanks".
If he wants to use the TV you are using first, say "Sure, when I'm done, it'll be 20min".0 -
I never comment on stuff like this but that is crazy to me. If my wife wants to do anything to better herself, I am the first one to be supportive. Hmmm...my wife doesn't eat what I'm eating so she looks better naked?!? That's a hard choice there. Being a guy, I can normally understand where another guy is coming from but I can't understand that.
FTW0 -
This isn't about anyone else but yourself. If he is getting annoyed, respect that. Simply just don't eat whatever it is. If you really want to work out, you will find a way and if you really love your husband, you will find a way to work this out so both of you benefit and are comfortable with it.0
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My husband is TINY and he eats like CRAZY and it doesn't bother him at ALL. He says it can get very annoying when I don't eat Certain things because of Calories or anything especially if I mention it. I feel like if I can physically say, "Oh look, this has too many Calories/Carbs (or whatever) I am not going to eat that" then at least i'm telling myself I can't and I wont.
I don't want to make him upset with telling him everything I can/can't eat, but I wish he was a bit more supportive.. how can I get him to be? I've told him I really need his support and help to manage my weight and he says he's "trying" but yet he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out or he wants to use TV (if i'm using it for work out dvds/zumba etc.) and I don't know what to do.
In the nicest way I see his point. My boyfriend is also losing weight, but I'm much more subtle and don't openly complain about calories, I just inwardly eat it and fit it into my calories or leave it, opting for something else. My boyfriend used to constantly say the word calories, making me feel a bit inadequate that I wasn't openly scrutinising food or looking at labels for something I already knew the general nutritional content for. I told him how I felt and he slowed it down a bit and said he feel more relaxed and that it became a little like an obsession.0 -
It's easy for strangers on the Internet to give advice, but keep in mind that we don't know you or your husband. So you'll need to pick and choose what seems to best fit your situation.
That said, here's my 2 cents. You've got a small problem but there's an underlying bigger issue too (as a lot of people have already noted).
The small problem is his specific responses to your weight loss project. I think not mentioning why you won't eat certain things is a good idea. My wife is very supportive of me, but she would quickly get tired of me saying that I couldn't eat something because of calories, carbs, sodium, etc. I just say "no thanks, I don't feel like it."
On the other hand, insisting that you stop your workout because he wants the TV is pretty immature, especially since you have another TV. He should be willing to compromise about this.
The underlying issue is that you seem to have different expectations about what married life involves. Did you have any discussions before getting married and setting up household together about who would do what work in order to make your common life work as well as possible? My wife and I both work outside the home, so we agreed that we would both contribute to housework. That doesn't mean we share each task 50/50. I do almost all the cooking, she does the majority of the cleaning, and we both do laundry (though she does more). I clear the driveway when it snows. We don't have kids, but if we did, we'd share the responsibility of raising them.
On a deeper level, a good marriage means that each partner works for the happiness and success of the other, not for his or her own selfish interests. That doesn't mean that you lose yourself in the other: part of what makes me happy is that my wife has her own career, interests, and identity, and vice-versa. And it doesn't mean you have to like, or understand, everything that motivates your partner. But it does mean that when you get into a conflict, as we all do, the big question should not be, "How can I win this fight?" but, rather, "How can we work together to resolve this problem in the way that is the most fair to both of us?"
Again, that doesn't mean splitting things 50/50. You have to take into account how important something is to the other person, too. If something means a lot to my wife, and not a lot to me, I'll compromise in her favor, and vice-versa.0 -
Agree with the ninja comment. If you're watching what you eat, doesn't mean he has any interest in doing the same or hearing about how many calories are in what he's eating. Also, try compromising times for the TV so it doesn't turn into arguments.0
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Buy a second TV, withhold the sex. He'll eventually crack, unless he's a sex camel (note how I didn't suggest divorce this time).
sex is not a weapon to be used in a relationship.0 -
sex is not a weapon to be used in a relationship.
^^ agree 100%0 -
I am in the same boat as you. My hubby is technically underweight due to some medical issues and can eat like a horse and not gain. It sucks. Ultimately it is why I am the way I am now.
What I recommend, and this is completely up to you, is allow yourself to eat some of the same foods, just at lower portions. That way he doesn't see the huge difference and doesn't think you are starving or depriving yourself.
Once he sees how happy you are as you are losing the weight, he will become more supportive. My husband was adament on me being the same weight I was because he felt I was going to eat nothing but salads and not enjoy the foods we love together. However, now after losing 22 pounds, he is supportive and understands that I will still enjoy what I want to enjoy, it will just be measured out better.
Hope I make sense.0 -
Sounds like a jerk to me! It's not 1957. You shouldn't have to do everything while he sits on his butt. He seems immature and unsupportive and all you are doing is making excuses for him. Sounds harsh, but it's true.0
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I had a similar issue when I was using MFP last time I lost weight (2012) and my husband, who could stand to lose a few pounds himself, would say things like "I think you're taking this weight loss thing little to far" when I would say I wasn't eating what I made him and the kids for dinner, or if I didn't want fast food. It was annoying, b/c I felt like he should have been more supportive.....! This go round has been a little better, with him letting me do my thing. Hang in there, and maybe you'll need to sit him down and tell him just b/c he can eat any and every thing (jealous of those people) you can't so some support from him would help tremendously. Good luck!!!
Just curious... why are you making something different for your family from what you're making for yourself? If you're making healthy foods for yourself, wouldn't it make sense that your family should eat healthy foods, too?0 -
Wait a minute. HE get's annoyed when YOU don't eat certain things?! Maybe you should remind him that you're his wife and not his property. You can eat any thing you damn well want and refuse to eat anything you damn well want. If he's got an issue with it, it's HIS issue. You can't go through life walking on eggshells in a marriage because you don't want to 'upset' him. That's just a recipe for disaster. He needs to HTFU and quit being a little bi*ch.
(stepping off soapbox)
^^ This.
It's astounding what some women will put up with out of men. I'm married too, and I go where I want, eat what I please, exercise when I damned well feel like it, and when the bills/expenses are paid, take my share of what money is left and spend it however I like. Period.0 -
It's easy for strangers on the Internet to give advice, but keep in mind that we don't know you or your husband. So you'll need to pick and choose what seems to best fit your situation.
That said, here's my 2 cents. You've got a small problem but there's an underlying bigger issue too (as a lot of people have already noted).
The small problem is his specific responses to your weight loss project. I think not mentioning why you won't eat certain things is a good idea. My wife is very supportive of me, but she would quickly get tired of me saying that I couldn't eat something because of calories, carbs, sodium, etc. I just say "no thanks, I don't feel like it."
On the other hand, insisting that you stop your workout because he wants the TV is pretty immature, especially since you have another TV. He should be willing to compromise about this.
The underlying issue is that you seem to have different expectations about what married life involves. Did you have any discussions before getting married and setting up household together about who would do what work in order to make your common life work as well as possible? My wife and I both work outside the home, so we agreed that we would both contribute to housework. That doesn't mean we share each task 50/50. I do almost all the cooking, she does the majority of the cleaning, and we both do laundry (though she does more). I clear the driveway when it snows. We don't have kids, but if we did, we'd share the responsibility of raising them.
On a deeper level, a good marriage means that each partner works for the happiness and success of the other, not for his or her own selfish interests. That doesn't mean that you lose yourself in the other: part of what makes me happy is that my wife has her own career, interests, and identity, and vice-versa. And it doesn't mean you have to like, or understand, everything that motivates your partner. But it does mean that when you get into a conflict, as we all do, the big question should not be, "How can I win this fight?" but, rather, "How can we work together to resolve this problem in the way that is the most fair to both of us?"
Again, that doesn't mean splitting things 50/50. You have to take into account how important something is to the other person, too. If something means a lot to my wife, and not a lot to me, I'll compromise in her favor, and vice-versa.
This. Right here. Best advice so far.0 -
go the ninja route.
dont talk about the calories
dont talk about the carbs, the fat, whatever....
dont talk about the workouts.
just DO.
DO what you need to do quietly, and watch him react positively to the great progress youre making.
I've been doing this for 3 months now. If I mention losing weight my husband brings home family bars of chocolate. So here I am 3 months on 16 lbs lighter and nobody even realises they are eating healthier too!0 -
On the one hand, it does get annoying to listen to someone talk constantly about their diet and calories. My boyfriend has told me it kind of puts him off and worries him. So I eat what I want and politely turn down something if I don't want it, but keep the calorie stuff and negative self-talk to myself.
On the other hand, what:he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out
He tells YOU that YOU don't have time? That seems weird. How you spend your time is up to you.
Completely agree with this. I'm fascinated by my own protein and fibre intake, but it bores the crap out of my boyfriend – so I try to keep it to myself. Likewise I try not to obsess about calories in front of him because it makes me seem...obsessive.0 -
If I work till 5:30pm everyday, I have a 10 min drive home (from the opposite direction of the gym) I go home, cook, clean up dishes, and by that time it is usually after 7:30 already (depending what i make) and then to drive half hour to go to the gym is 8 and if i even work out for an hour i would only get home at 9:30 the EARLIEST. Thats no time to shower, get ready for bed and yet I have to be up for 6 the following morning for work again. So thats very inconvenient.
I have not had a hard time doing my fitness and stuff recently. I always run, bike, walk or anything outside or do DVDS and Zumba inside.
Why don't you both sit down and work out how to share the chores out, in a way where you both get nights off to do what you want - so on days where it's his turn to cook/clean the dishes, you'll gave some time to use the TV uninterrupted :drinker:0 -
Honestly, he obviously is insecure and doesn't want you to lose weight. He sounds like an a.s.s.hole. He also sound controlling.0
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go the ninja route.
dont talk about the calories
dont talk about the carbs, the fat, whatever....
dont talk about the workouts.
just DO.
DO what you need to do quietly, and watch him react positively to the great progress youre making.
I've been doing this for 3 months now. If I mention losing weight my husband brings home family bars of chocolate. So here I am 3 months on 16 lbs lighter and nobody even realises they are eating healthier too!
I love it. Stealth mode on.0 -
Thanks! Will talk to him!
so you missed my solid advice then.
good luck on your journey! :flowerforyou:0 -
my wife is the same way she is 5'3 and 115 lbs i am 240. since my gastric sleeve i have been trying really hard to eat clean she can eat like a horse and not gain weight. after my sleeve she would be annoyed that i counted calories but after we sat down and had a heart to heart she understoof perhaps you and your husband should have a heart to heart as well0
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My husband used to get annoyed with my workouts, too. When two people live in the same house, each notices what the other one is doing. I started asking him what his plans for the evening were, and what time would be best FOR HIM for me to workout. That way we both got what we wanted.
After awhile, we fell into a routine, and we seldom have a problem.0
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