mother in law advice

Lyadeia
Lyadeia Posts: 4,603 Member
edited November 6 in Chit-Chat
Short version of the issue: 3 years ago after I got married, I posted ALL the pictures the photographer took in an album on Facebook for all to see. Around October last year, my mother in law decided that it's time to end her marriage. This morning, I get Facebook requests from her asking me to remove pictures from my wedding album that show her and Mark (her soon to be 4th ex husband) dancing together, sitting together, or just being together period because "it makes me sad to see this picture." She also said she doesn't want other people to see the pictures either.

My gut reaction: Aw, hell naw! If you don't like it, don't look at it! It's MY wedding album and I'm NOT taking any pictures out of it!!!

What would you tell her? Or would you actually take those pictures down (and why?)

Or perhaps some Facebook guru can simply tell me how to make those specific pictures private so that she can't see them while everyone else can? I'm just not inclined to change my wedding album because she can't keep a husband...
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Replies

  • Sinisterly
    Sinisterly Posts: 10,913 Member
    She has no right.

    However.....

    Depending on how she feels, I'd edit out the face in the most important ones, unless you are close with the fella.
  • Jersey_Devil
    Jersey_Devil Posts: 4,142 Member
    keep it up. she's not a blood relative. lol
  • LishieFruit89
    LishieFruit89 Posts: 1,956 Member
    There are filter opinions.

    Or she could grow up.
  • WontShareChocolate
    WontShareChocolate Posts: 107
    How would your husband feel if you told her to politely stop going through your old wedding albums knowing he is in the photos?
  • AnnaMarieDinVa
    AnnaMarieDinVa Posts: 162 Member
    What does your husband think you should do?
  • Commander_Keen
    Commander_Keen Posts: 1,179 Member
    Short version of the issue: 3 years ago after I got married, I posted ALL the pictures the photographer took in an album on Facebook for all to see. Around October last year, my mother in law decided that it's time to end her marriage. This morning, I get Facebook requests from her asking me to remove pictures from my wedding album that show her and Mark (her soon to be 4th ex husband) dancing together, sitting together, or just being together period because "it makes me sad to see this picture." She also said she doesn't want other people to see the pictures either.

    My gut reaction: Aw, hell naw! If you don't like it, don't look at it! It's MY wedding album and I'm NOT taking any pictures out of it!!!

    What would you tell her? Or would you actually take those pictures down (and why?)

    Or perhaps some Facebook guru can simply tell me how to make those specific pictures private so that she can't see them while everyone else can? I'm just not inclined to change my wedding album because she can't keep a husband...

    You can go either way..
    but why make waves, since you will be family for the rest of her life..
    Why not pull the pictures, add them to a different album and make it private..
  • branflakes1980
    branflakes1980 Posts: 2,516 Member
    I have this problem too with my step mom. Her and my dad were together from the time I was little until about a year ago. I recently just got a facebook message from her asking her to take down all of the pictures of her and my dad from my wedding, family functions etc. My first reaction was the same as yours. Pffft, if you don't wanna see it then don't look at it. I pondered this for a while and then I realized that she was tagged in everyone of those photos. To make it simple, I told her I would remove the tags so that it would not show up on her page anymore, but I wasn't going to remove the pictures. So I guess if she is tagged in the pics you can remove the tag, but if not, I would pretty much tell her to suck it. If she is taking the time to go into your page, search through your albums and make herself sad by intentionally going out of her way to look at those pictures she is a glutten for punishment and that's her problem. Hope this helps :flowerforyou:
  • sarainiowa
    sarainiowa Posts: 287 Member
    Do not remove the pictures. She can learn to deal with life.

    You can go in and block her from viewing the pictures. You'll have to go into permissions for each picture. I'm not Facebook savvy but I've done this before.

    Then again, I wouldn't bother blocking her. If she has nothing better to do then look at pictures that hurt her feelings, she has more issues then pictures on Facebook!
  • threefancy
    threefancy Posts: 93 Member
    Honestly, my first thought was - why would you post ALL of your wedding pictures on facebook? Who wants to wade through all of that?
  • Chieflrg
    Chieflrg Posts: 9,097 Member
    Unfriend her.

    Tough situation. Perhaps talking it over with your spouse for the best plan. It's your wedding pictures, not hers.
  • frando
    frando Posts: 583 Member
    There are filter opinions.

    Or she could grow up.

    agree- not your fault that she's gotten another divorce under her belt
  • tlou5
    tlou5 Posts: 497 Member
    Short version of the issue: 3 years ago after I got married, I posted ALL the pictures the photographer took in an album on Facebook for all to see. Around October last year, my mother in law decided that it's time to end her marriage. This morning, I get Facebook requests from her asking me to remove pictures from my wedding album that show her and Mark (her soon to be 4th ex husband) dancing together, sitting together, or just being together period because "it makes me sad to see this picture." She also said she doesn't want other people to see the pictures either.

    My gut reaction: Aw, hell naw! If you don't like it, don't look at it! It's MY wedding album and I'm NOT taking any pictures out of it!!!

    What would you tell her? Or would you actually take those pictures down (and why?)

    Or perhaps some Facebook guru can simply tell me how to make those specific pictures private so that she can't see them while everyone else can? I'm just not inclined to change my wedding album because she can't keep a husband...

    You can go either way..
    but why make waves, since you will be family for the rest of her life..
    Why not pull the pictures, add them to a different album and make it private..
    Good advice
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    that's her problem. not to be harsh, but she doesn't get to alter reality just because she regrets decisions that she made in the past. i'd leave all the pics up.

    feel free to make her her own separate group that doesn't get to see ANY photos, including these, if that helps.
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,674 Member
    Short version of the issue: 3 years ago after I got married, I posted ALL the pictures the photographer took in an album on Facebook for all to see. Around October last year, my mother in law decided that it's time to end her marriage. This morning, I get Facebook requests from her asking me to remove pictures from my wedding album that show her and Mark (her soon to be 4th ex husband) dancing together, sitting together, or just being together period because "it makes me sad to see this picture." She also said she doesn't want other people to see the pictures either.

    My gut reaction: Aw, hell naw! If you don't like it, don't look at it! It's MY wedding album and I'm NOT taking any pictures out of it!!!

    What would you tell her? Or would you actually take those pictures down (and why?)

    Or perhaps some Facebook guru can simply tell me how to make those specific pictures private so that she can't see them while everyone else can? I'm just not inclined to change my wedding album because she can't keep a husband...
    If you don't mind taking them down, then do it.
    Otherwise, I would think it's her problem. And good question from AnnaMarie....what does your husband want to do?
    However, I would be careful to not let this become an issue between you and your husband. It really is her problem.
  • MorgueBabe
    MorgueBabe Posts: 1,188 Member
    I'd tell her she's too old to be acting like a 14 year old girl.
  • 19TaraLynn84
    19TaraLynn84 Posts: 739 Member
    Honestly, my first thought was - why would you post ALL of your wedding pictures on facebook? Who wants to wade through all of that?

    Some people, including me, love to look at wedding pictures. If I had a ton of wedding pictures and a facebook account, I'd post them all! Anyone who didn't want to wade through them all should feel free to not look. That goes for the your mother-in-law, too, OP. I am all for being respectful of other people's wishes and keeping the peace, but when it's as easy as not looking at some pictures.....I mean, come on!
  • Slippyslope
    Slippyslope Posts: 47 Member
    On the fence. I actually do not like people to post pictures of me on social media. On the other hand, if she wasn't upset when they were originally posted, then it's probably her issue.

    The real question is.......is the picture being there more important than your relationship with your MIL?
  • Hauntinglyfit
    Hauntinglyfit Posts: 5,537 Member
    Huh.
    I always thought you're SUPPOSED to piss your mother-in-law off. It seems to me like you're doing life right.
  • Kiyalynn
    Kiyalynn Posts: 128 Member
    I have this problem too with my step mom. Her and my dad were together from the time I was little until about a year ago. I recently just got a facebook message from her asking her to take down all of the pictures of her and my dad from my wedding, family functions etc. My first reaction was the same as yours. Pffft, if you don't wanna see it then don't look at it. I pondered this for a while and then I realized that she was tagged in everyone of those photos. To make it simple, I told her I would remove the tags so that it would not show up on her page anymore, but I wasn't going to remove the pictures. So I guess if she is tagged in the pics you can remove the tag, but if not, I would pretty much tell her to suck it. If she is taking the time to go into your page, search through your albums and make herself sad by intentionally going out of her way to look at those pictures she is a glutten for punishment and that's her problem. Hope this helps :flowerforyou:

    I liked this advice so I thought I would quote it. Removing the tags seams like a decent comprimise, it keeps people looking at HER page from seeing your wedding, and moves all of the photos from in her face to out of the way. While still letting you keep them posted.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    As a professional photographer, I am always confused when my clients upload ALL their photos to facebook -- that's a lot to put out there. But I suppose that is a matter of personal taste and an easy way to share if people are scattered.

    I wouldn't take them down. I wouldn't block or unfriend her either -- I would tell her that she doesn't need to look at them. If she has a tantrum, oh well.

    ETA: I would remove tags of her too.
  • suziepoo1984
    suziepoo1984 Posts: 915 Member
    Depends on what kind of relationship i have with her, what kind of person she is, how emotionally it is disturbing her and also how my husband would feel about it and then take my decision!
  • angel7472
    angel7472 Posts: 317 Member
    Facebook guru here:

    click on the individual picture it will come up with custom, that will bring up make this visible and you can put in individual people or groups. Below that it states make not visible or exclude and type her name here. She will no longer see the picture but everyone else can. Hope that helps if you go that route. Good luck I have a feeling this could get ugly between your MIL and FIL.
  • symplydevine
    symplydevine Posts: 11
    Ugh, dealing with the mother in law is tough business. Well, first things first, I would talk to hubby about the situation, being that it is his mother that you are dealing with. Let him know how it is you feel about the situation. Your gut reaction would be my gut reaction too. Imagine if we took those kind of requests from everyone we knew! I would talk to MIL and explain to her that you can empathize with her; divorce is a hard thing to deal with! I would not remove the pictures. It is your album on your Facebook, she can not dictate what you do with your photos. It's a hurt and pain that she will have to deal with on her on, whether or not the photos are there. Good luck to you!
  • IIIIISerenityNowIIIII
    IIIIISerenityNowIIIII Posts: 425 Member
    My advice is to take a step back and let your husband handle his mother. No matter what you would do, it would get ugly. If your husband tells her "we want our children to be able to see the whole family together in the wedding photos" or whatever, she will take it a lot better from her son than from her daughter in law.
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    Do whatever you want, but be mindful of your husband's feelings. If your actions end up pissing him off, or he thinks he should have been included in whatever decision you make, that could be a problem in your own marriage.

    But yeah, just remove her name as being tagged and make the photos not visible to her.
  • FoxBean
    FoxBean Posts: 910 Member
    I would just explain to her how you feel about the situation, and/or have your husband talk to his mom about it. If it is causing too many issues, just change the settings so she can't see, worst case scenario block her. I had to block my "sort of mother in law" from facebook. She was constantly voicing her opinions on which photos I should or should not post regarding my daughter, or I shouldn't post such personal feelings or this or that. Oh and the spying and judgments that got way out of hand. So to me, depending on the relationship of your spouses family, I treat them the same way you would treat a coworker - not add them to your personal page, causes too much conflict.
  • love2lift_85
    love2lift_85 Posts: 356 Member
    Personally, if it were me: If a picture was *just* her and the soon-to-be ex, I'd go ahead and take it down. If there are others in the pictures and you want to leave them up, then leave them up.
    There is a way to set pics to private, so she can't see them, and you can even set pics so that *only* she *can't* see them, if you wish.
  • love2lift_85
    love2lift_85 Posts: 356 Member
    Do whatever you want, but be mindful of your husband's feelings. If your actions end up pissing him off, or he thinks he should have been included in whatever decision you make, that could be a problem in your own marriage.

    But yeah, just remove her name as being tagged and make the photos not visible to her.
    ^^ This is good advice, too... definitely consider your own husband's thoughts.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    I concur with the suggestion about untagging her photos. That's a good idea. And fair.

    But even though taking down the photos isn't hard, I really feel like she's overstepping her boundaries, and by a large margin. What if you or your husband had formed a friendship with her ex? Would she tell you that you can't communicate anymore? No more Christmas cards? Can't say hi if you pass him in the mall?

    Also, I'd be inclined to ask her not to bring the next guy around if she's going to continue this scorched earth policy. I don't want to have to continue to update my social networks because of someone else's choices.
  • RockWarrior84
    RockWarrior84 Posts: 840 Member
    I thought this is the reaction you are suppose to have in your head with mother-in-law

    This+is+sparta+kick.jpg
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