Warning: This is a rant

Soufre
Soufre Posts: 236 Member
in Motivation and Support
You better sit your *kitten* down on something comfy because this is going to be a doozey.
tl;dr- Bf doesn't want me to lift. And he believes in spot reduction leeewwll


First of all, someone PLEASE send me links that proof you can't spot reduce. More on that later.

Let me start by saying my boyfriend is the worst gym buddy ever. Firstly, he goes to the gym like once a month. Secondly, he's wildly unsupportive. Today I went into the weight room and he looked at me like I was completely psycho. After doing some arm workouts I already knew how to do, I asked him to help me with my form and teach me some things. He did so by grabbing my forearm and kinda just flexing it. Real useful, sweetheart. I ended up going on the treadmill for the rest of the time there because I ran out of things to do and I wasn't about to hurt myself using improper form.

After the gym he could tell I was pissed. I told him why I was mad and he said just Google some videos for weight lifting. I asked why he couldn't just show me. Like, watching a video is totally different than having someone physically there to walk you through it. He told me I shouldn't be lifting because it's "for guys anyways" and I should look up some "female workouts"...what? I told him I don't like doing "girl" workouts and that I wanted to lift. He told me if I started lifting I would get "bulky" and my boobs would shrink. I wish you could spot reduce, buuut you can't. He didn't believe me. He likes to ignore science. Then he said something like, "Just do some crunches and you'll get a flatter stomach. The muscle burns all the fat surrounding it."

...no

But seriously, he should be happy that I want to lift considering as of right now, I can't lift more that 20lbs above my head. I'd hire a personal trainer but alas... I am broke.

Well that's my rant. If you actually read all this, holy **** I am so sorry. :flowerforyou:
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Replies

  • TX_Thundercat
    TX_Thundercat Posts: 2,437 Member
    Sounds like you have a girlfriend.

    Happy lifting!
  • Momto4minions
    Momto4minions Posts: 173 Member
    Um, is it possible he cant teach you because he really doesnt know how himself? He isnt a frequent lifter, so he may not really know. Also, he may feel threatened or feel like a gorgeous woman in the free weight room is attracting too many guy stares.

    Call the gym. Sometimes, they will do one introductory for free for safety reasons.
  • lmfbs
    lmfbs Posts: 69 Member
    I wouldn't be taking advice from someone who doens't actually exercise often, or know what they're doing. Definitely talk to the gym about an intro session like Momto4minions sugguested.

    I don't think what you want to do with your body has anything to do with him - if you want to lift, lift. If he doesn't like it, that's his problem and he should deal with that in his own time.
  • brewji
    brewji Posts: 752 Member
    He likes to ignore science.

    How do you expect him to teach you anything if he can't accept facts?
  • oddyogi
    oddyogi Posts: 1,816 Member
    Um, is it possible he cant teach you because he really doesnt know how himself? He isnt a frequent lifter, so he may not really know. Also, he may feel threatened or feel like a gorgeous woman in the free weight room is attracting too many guy stares.

    Call the gym. Sometimes, they will do one introductory for free for safety reasons.

    Yeah.. I was going to say this.

    Maybe you could go look at the instructional videos on bodybuilding.com.. I know they have a really good database of them.
  • KristinaB83
    KristinaB83 Posts: 440 Member
    Douche bag....

    My advice... don't go to the gym with him ever again.
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
    Um, is it possible he cant teach you because he really doesnt know how himself? He isnt a frequent lifter, so he may not really know. Also, he may feel threatened or feel like a gorgeous woman in the free weight room is attracting too many guy stares.

    Call the gym. Sometimes, they will do one introductory for free for safety reasons.

    This was my first reaction as well (mostly the first part).

    Look for books at your local library. If you become a regular in the weight room, you might notice who you want to ask help from.
  • navyrigger46
    navyrigger46 Posts: 1,301 Member
    Sounds like you have a girlfriend.

    Happy lifting!

    My thoughts exactly. OP, does he wear skinny-jeans and get his fitness intel from Dr. Oz and the grocery store tabloids?

    Rigger
  • alienaliens
    alienaliens Posts: 64 Member
    He doesn't know. You should not have let him discourage you and run you off to the treadmill. Use your better judgements cause even though he says its a "guy" thing, he is clueless. But you can't blame someone for not knowing, just don't depend on him for help in the gym. You got that covered!
  • Azra124
    Azra124 Posts: 39
    I'm sorry your bf is an idiot. Only you can decide if it's even worth it.
    Find someone who WILL support you and can teach you one-on-one.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    Just break up.
  • ElliottTN
    ElliottTN Posts: 1,614 Member
    I think he might just be really really funny and you are not picking up on his humor.
  • 3laine75
    3laine75 Posts: 3,069 Member
    Your boyfriend's either a **** (sorry)

    Or

    He can't do the stuff you want to do but is too embarrassed to say. I spent ages trying to get mine to help me with my squat form, got really annoyed that he wouldn't help only to realise that he just uses the machines when he goes - it also took a wee bit of his explaining to realise that when he had tried squats he was using the smith machine ( which he thought was a squat rack) think there was some embarrassment on his part when he asked the trainer how much the bar weighed (as I had told him mine was 20 k).

    We train separately now - he gets bossed enough at home without me preaching the merits of free weights while he's trying to do his workout.
  • cpusmc
    cpusmc Posts: 122
    http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/jamie-eason-livefit-trainer.html

    There are thousands of females like yourself that routinely use weight training to achieve their desired goals. Dont let criticism and the unknown derail you. Several women I know have used the livefit program and achieved great results. Heck even a home workout similar to P90X that incorporates allot of bodyweight and light dumbbell/resistance band exercises will get you headed in the right direction. And as already mentioned if you can find a gym to give you some free lessons on the equipment, all the better.

    Good luck and keep working.
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    Don't workout with that guy. You'll end up getting hurt or only knowing how to curl.

    You can learn a whole lot from Youtube videos and books. Get Starting Strength (book, I have it on my kindle). Download Stronglifts 5x5 off the internet (free). And seriously just go watch those videos.

    Then go to the gym and start light. Start overhead press with the 20 pound straight bar if that's all the strength you have. Then the next time try 25 pound.

    Try squatting with just the barbell and no weights. If you're worried you can't do that, then grab 2 20 pound dumbbells and a bosu ball and put it against the wall and start squats that way (hold the weights in your hands, down at your sides). Do plyo work and burpees. Try the leg press machine to gauge your lower body strength. It'll be a lot higher than what you can do with squats, but if you can press 120 pounds on the machine, you can squat with just the barbell.

    Just don't let this idiot boyfriend of yours discourage you from meeting your goals.
  • Soufre
    Soufre Posts: 236 Member
    See the funny thing is, he KNOWS how to lift. Early in our relationship he use to go to the gym all the time and boy was he ripped. Then he just stopped. I asked him to help me because I know he knows what he's doing. From what he said, it's like he doesn't want to help me because he's afraid I'll look like a man or something. "Girl workouts"? Please.

    Whatever, I'll just ask one of the lady lifters to help me. :grumble:
  • WheezyFbb
    WheezyFbb Posts: 41 Member
    See the funny thing is, he KNOWS how to lift. Early in our relationship he use to go to the gym all the time and boy was he ripped. Then he just stopped. I asked him to help me because I know he knows what he's doing. From what he said, it's like he doesn't want to help me because he's afraid I'll look like a man or something. "Girl workouts"? Please.

    Whatever, I'll just ask one of the lady lifters to help me. :grumble:

    Sounds like you hooked up with a bro-scientist.

    You'd be surprised how many "buffed" people I've talked to who don't know squat about exercising beyond curls and bench presses.

    He was right in one thing though, the internet is a wonderful place to get information if you go to the appropriate sources.
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member

    He was right in one thing though, the internet is a wonderful place to get information if you go to the appropriate sources.

    My husband is a lifter, but because of timing circumstances, we didn't get to work out together except maybe once a month. I learned almost everything by watching videos and just mimicking the more seasoned lifters in the gym. Most people learn it by just going and doing it.
  • dibasketcase
    dibasketcase Posts: 5
    And he is your boyfriend why?
  • Commander_Keen
    Commander_Keen Posts: 1,179 Member
    You know what..
    Instead of asking your BF for help why not ask the next guy over, I am sure he would help or ask a staff member..
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    You're not dating Nutellabrah, are you? :huh:
  • DeltaZero
    DeltaZero Posts: 1,197 Member
    You are pretty, want to be my friend?
  • Soufre
    Soufre Posts: 236 Member
    And he is your boyfriend why?

    Just because he won't help me at the gym, doesn't mean he's a terrible person. Jesus *kitten* everybody...
  • imaburnin
    imaburnin Posts: 13
    I'm alarmed at the "it's a guy thing" comment....he sounds like one of those "go make me a sandwich" kind of boyfriends. Keep working hard and don't give it up because he feels threatened you'll be a become a better lifter than him ;-)
  • Hauntinglyfit
    Hauntinglyfit Posts: 5,537 Member
    1. I would not take advice on form from someone who goes to the gym once a month.

    2. Stop going to the gym with him, go alone.

    3. You don't need to tell him what you're doing. Start squatting, get dat *kitten*, and when he cops a feel just say "yeah honey, that treadmill's doing wonders"

    4. He is kinda right about googling/youtubing. Watch tons of videos until you get the idea then go ahead and do it. Start with the bar until you're comfortable with your form, then up your weights. If really unsure, ask someone who looks like they know what they're doing for some pointers. Most people will gladly help.

    5. I recommend Starting strength or Stronglifts as a routine. They are easy to follow and effective.
  • Atishi87
    Atishi87 Posts: 51 Member
    All you need to do is ask some other guys for help whilst at the gym and while you are at it, flirt a lil! That' ll show him! Sounds like he is insecure about you looking hotter.
  • WheezyFbb
    WheezyFbb Posts: 41 Member

    He was right in one thing though, the internet is a wonderful place to get information if you go to the appropriate sources.

    My husband is a lifter, but because of timing circumstances, we didn't get to work out together except maybe once a month. I learned almost everything by watching videos and just mimicking the more seasoned lifters in the gym. Most people learn it by just going and doing it.

    That could backfire if you're a beginner without much knowledge though. For example, an experienced lifter could be doing a body-part split routine with several isolation exercises. It would be a mistake for a beginner to mimic such a routine.

    Being informed can save you a lot of trial and error.
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
    And he is your boyfriend why?

    Just because he won't help me at the gym, doesn't mean he's a terrible person. Jesus *kitten* everybody...

    Exactly what were you expecting people to say?
  • Soufre
    Soufre Posts: 236 Member
    And he is your boyfriend why?

    Just because he won't help me at the gym, doesn't mean he's a terrible person. Jesus *kitten* everybody...

    Exactly what were you expecting people to say?

    You're right. This is the internet. Silly me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
    You're not dating Nutellabrah, are you? :huh:

    Marry me

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