Hypocrisy when dating?

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AdventureVia
AdventureVia Posts: 84 Member
in Motivation and Support
So I've known for a long time that I am totally attracted to hotties and while I've dated a fatty or two like myself, I was never as sexually attracted or stimulated as when I dated someone fit. Somehow the hypocrisy of this never seemed to fully dawn on me though until the not so distant past and now a big part of why I want to be healthy is to be able to live the fit and active lifestyle with a fit and active partner.

I guess I just want to know how many of you were doing the same thing or if I am the only *kitten* out there? ;p
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Replies

  • eillamarie
    eillamarie Posts: 862 Member
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    Being 6 feet tall and a size 14/16 makes me a pretty big girl, taller and bigger than most guys! I've always been attracted to tall athletic guys, which was fine when I was training 10X a week for competitive swimming-but I was a lot leaner then. I'm still attracted to those types of guys, but they aren't usually attracted to me anymore now that I'm overweight and I get SUPER frustrated. I've been approached by guys who resemble my present physical condition and I'm rarely attracted to them. I am a hypocrite in this sense for sure, but I guess it doesn't bother me as much because I used to be in phenomenal shape? And now I sound like a horrible person haha Well, what're you gonna do? You can't help who you do and don't find attractive!

    People are strange.
  • HeatherMN
    HeatherMN Posts: 3,821 Member
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    You're not the only one. When I was in the dating world, I found most guys wanted a Barbie look-alike, but they weren't "all that" themselves. It was frustrating, but I knew someday I'd find someone who liked me for me.

    Congrats on realizing the hypocrisy. That's the first step!
  • just4peachy
    just4peachy Posts: 594 Member
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    I, too, am an *kitten*. I prefer military guys or boxers/MMA fighters.
  • PLUMSGRL
    PLUMSGRL Posts: 1,134 Member
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    -nope, it hits both genders:huh:
    I don't want to be involved with a couch potato, who dosen't understand the value of health.
    They have the ability to gufha at your progress and try to sabotage the foods you eat and the time you use to work out.
    I'd much rather be with someone like minded, and healthy-or at least serious about and actively getting there!
  • toots99
    toots99 Posts: 3,794 Member
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    I think I am (or was) the opposite. I'd prefer to date someone bigger because I thought they'd be a bit more sensitive to weight issues and less likely to be a jerk. Since starting to become healthier, I find I prefer someone at the same fitness level that I am at currently. And I learned that big guys can be jerks too. :laugh:

    I'm glad you posted this, because I had been thinking recently, wondering if as you become more fit, does what you find attractive change? In the past, I would have never seen a muscle-y guy at the gym and thought the was attractive...now I think "Wow, that built guy is sexy!" Maybe it's because I know the hard work that goes into it, maybe that's what I'm becoming attracted to?
  • bsweettt
    bsweettt Posts: 56
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    disturbing that you call those girls 'fattys'.. not so great for their self-esteem.. just saying..
  • leslielove
    leslielove Posts: 251 Member
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    I'm finding that as I lose weight/come out of my shell, more guys are attracted to what they're deeming my curves. I still think I'm fat and disgusting but most dudes that hit on me tell me that skinny girls are gross and they like my body. Maybe its my boobs? I don't know but either way I'm not complaining. I don't want to lose much more weight.. probably only about 10-15 pounds and its coming off slowly because its the last little bit but its encouraging to see that I'm being treated like a girl and not the funny fat one in the corner.

    As for dudes, I don't like my dudes too skinny or muscley because it intimidates me. I'm still not quite over the mental image of myself as a whale so I find it hard to really have the courage to get in the bedroom with someone who looks like David Beckham because I'm intimidated. I like solid, pretty boys. Active but not ripped I guess. If you're too juiced to be comfy when I try and cuddle on your shoulder, that's kind of a deal breaker.
  • just4peachy
    just4peachy Posts: 594 Member
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    disturbing that you call those girls 'fattys'.. not so great for their self-esteem.. just saying..
    Given that he calls himself the same I can't imagine he does it maliciously.
  • ChancyW
    ChancyW Posts: 437 Member
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    I think I am (or was) the opposite. I'd prefer to date someone bigger because I thought they'd be a bit more sensitive to weight issues and less likely to be a jerk. Since starting to become healthier, I find I prefer someone at the same fitness level that I am at currently. And I learned that big guys can be jerks too. :laugh:

    I'm glad you posted this, because I had been thinking recently, wondering if as you become more fit, does what you find attractive change? In the past, I would have never seen a muscle-y guy at the gym and thought the was attractive...now I think "Wow, that built guy is sexy!" Maybe it's because I know the hard work that goes into it, maybe that's what I'm becoming attracted to?

    I completely agree with you on that one. What I find attractive now has changed a lot because of how physically fit I am now. Guys that are built are definitely more attractive!
  • Michelle_J
    Michelle_J Posts: 362 Member
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    You can't help who you're physically attracted to no matter what you look like youself. You may not always get that "hottie" but sure isn't wrong to be attracted to her :tongue:
  • AdventureVia
    AdventureVia Posts: 84 Member
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    disturbing that you call those girls 'fattys'.. not so great for their self-esteem.. just saying..
    Hi, I'm Jake and I'm a fatty. I'm not ashamed of it but I have certainly never told a girl that they were a fatty, don't be a hater. Be sweet, bsweettt!
  • AdventureVia
    AdventureVia Posts: 84 Member
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    I'm glad I'm not the only one! I totally understand what you're saying about the intimidation thing as well, especially now that I am starting to realize how much time, dedication and focus is spent on looking that good. It takes serious self discipline and that totally intimidates me at times. I'm terrified of the girls at the gym and being the outgoing guy that I am, well it's definitely a weird feeling for me. I think that when I can match them physically that fear will start to diminish a bit.

    Anyway yeah, it's funny how we see what we want to see while ignoring the reality in the mirror eh?
  • roylawrence87
    roylawrence87 Posts: 970 Member
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    I'm finding that as I lose weight/come out of my shell, more guys are attracted to what they're deeming my curves. I still think I'm fat and disgusting but most dudes that hit on me tell me that skinny girls are gross and they like my body. Maybe its my boobs? I don't know but either way I'm not complaining. I don't want to lose much more weight.. probably only about 10-15 pounds and its coming off slowly because its the last little bit but its encouraging to see that I'm being treated like a girl and not the funny fat one in the corner.

    As for dudes, I don't like my dudes too skinny or muscley because it intimidates me. I'm still not quite over the mental image of myself as a whale so I find it hard to really have the courage to get in the bedroom with someone who looks like David Beckham because I'm intimidated. I like solid, pretty boys. Active but not ripped I guess. If you're too juiced to be comfy when I try and cuddle on your shoulder, that's kind of a deal breaker.

    Yep, its your boobs. Guys love boobs. What can I say? I loooove em. Though active but not ripped? You got me there. I kinda associated them together. I am active and ripped. And Ive only been active for 8 months. The way I see it, if a guy is active and healthy, he's gonna be ripped. Now depending totally what you define as "ripped". It may be something different.
  • creativefrugalmom
    creativefrugalmom Posts: 267 Member
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    I know that when my husband and I met, I was in shape, working out 4 - 6 days a week. We were both very active and fit (he didn't work out and had a little bit of a beer belly but was still fit). I was able to maintain control of my food because it was just me most of the time. Since we got married 8 1/2 yrs ago, we have both put on a significant amount of weight, hence the reason I am working on losing it. He is being supportive and has begun working out as well, but with his back and knees, he is going at a slower pace.

    I have never been attracted to the GQ type, even though I had several opportunities to date them. They seemed to be more into themselves than me. The main thing to take out of this is, would you rather have someone who is willing to take this journey with you and appreciate what you and they have done together? Someone who will understand if you put on a pound or 2 here and there and then lose it? Or go for someone who is naturally like that and has no understanding of what some of us have to go through to look like that?
  • apetty21
    apetty21 Posts: 137
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    While my body has changed over the years, my tastes in guys hasn't. If I found you attractive when I was 16 I'd still find that attractive at 26. I don't mean I still find teenagers attractive...I mean body types have stayed the same. Blue eyes and a great smile will always work. Clearly, I go for taller (I'm 5'1"). Darker hair? Rawr. No matter my body, I tend to like guys on the scrawnier side of things. Not muscular. I don't really like overweight either. So I guess it is hypocritical. I will always have a little fat. I will always have curves. Even when I weighed 118 in high school, I still was chubby (in places). You can be active and play sports. I, however, won't.
  • BellaB777
    BellaB777 Posts: 19 Member
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    I am attracted to tall athletic guys. I won't date anyone under 5'9". I am 5'4" myself but there is something about a tall fit guy that screams sexy to me. You like what you like. I know that I have to get my body in better shape because the types of guys I am attracted to are attracted to fit girls. How can I expect my guy to be what I want if I am not there myself?
  • dkrioux
    dkrioux Posts: 144
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    you are not the only *kitten*! I know what I can be and have been there before and I know the kind of person I am and the kind of people I attract when there... healthy and fit and enjoying life... so, I would rather give up dating until I get there if I have to.:)
  • princessorchid
    princessorchid Posts: 198 Member
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    I would never date a guy who was "short", and for me short is anything under 6ft. My boyfriend is 6ft3 and thin - I've always gone for the tall skinny guys! I'm about 5ft3 and chubbers - but even when I was a bit chunkier I never had any shortage of guys I found attractive chatting me up. Heh, maybe if you're tall and skinny you'll look for a short fat girl? Hm...
  • dkrioux
    dkrioux Posts: 144
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    I agree 100% with you!
  • dkrioux
    dkrioux Posts: 144
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    -nope, it hits both genders:huh:
    I don't want to be involved with a couch potato, who dosen't understand the value of health.
    They have the ability to gufha at your progress and try to sabotage the foods you eat and the time you use to work out.
    I'd much rather be with someone like minded, and healthy-or at least serious about and actively getting there!

    I so agree!

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