Lamest/funniest excuses for calling in sick

BlueBombers · February 2014

I have a co-worker that constantly calls in sick...and the reason why she calls in sick is always interesting, almost like she has a bunch of choices written down and draws them from a hat.

So I thought I'd ask you fine MFP folks what are the lamest / funniest / weirest excuses your co-workers / friends / relatives / yourself / etc. have used to call in sick / miss work?

These ones are from an old job I had but they are golden so I thought I'd share (and no, I did not use these myself):

"I stubbed my toe this morning"

"I almost hit a deer driving to work this morning and I had to turn around as I was too tramautized to work today"

"I ate a banana and forgot that I was allergic to bananas"

"My car is dead so I have to go car shopping"

Your turn!

TexasDarling09 · February 2014

I had a lady I used to work with call in sick TWICE for having her galbladder removed. She missed about a week both times, but eventually got fired because of it. She also (per my boss) lost about 8 grandparents while she worked there.

The only other memorable one I can think of is when a woman called in sick because her washing machine had been broken, they got a new one, and she called because she had 'too much laundry to catch up on'.

undertall2014 · February 2014

I had a co-worker call in today because he was up all night watching Olympic coverage and was too tired.

Reagan89 · February 2014

I hear them all the time today I got "I have to go home, I've winded myself" from the same person who called in saying "my cats has a fever I'm staying home" I worry about some people.

willrun4bagels · February 2014

These are some good ones that I've heard:

"I forgot I was supposed to work today. I'm 3 states away right now so I can't come in"

Employee: "I had to get four new tires on my car today.", Us: "Oh, did you drive over a spike strip or something on your way in?? :huh: ", Employee: "No, it was just time to replace them so I wanted to get it over with".

On a day where we had a lot of snow in the forecast, but did *not* actually get any snow/precipitation: "I can't come in due to the inclement weather". We were like "have you looked outside?", employee was like "No, but my husband did and said it looked pretty bad. I'm still in bed".

"My dog needs her nails cut so I'll be busy doing that all day"... umm WUT?

This one came from a coworker at one of our facilities in the mid-west: "My gate on the pasture where my cows graze is broken, and they all escaped. I'll be in late...". It was a legit excuse, we all just found it funny.

I'm sure I'll think of some other good ones this afternoon.

digitalbill · February 2014

When I was in the Army, I had a Private call in because he had gotten into a car accident.
Fair ebough... until we spoke a bit more.

Me: Is everyone OK?

Him: Yeah Sarge, I am fine. I hit a bus. (In Germany, the busses are MASSIVE. Twice as big as anything we have here in the states and are bright green)

Me: A bus? A city bus?

Him: Yes. I didn't see it and I hit it.

Me: OK.. Where did you hit it?

Him: I broadsided it. I drove right into it.

just_Jennie1 · February 2014

On a day where we had a lot of snow in the forecast, but did *not* actually get any snow/precipitation: "I can't come in due to the inclement weather". We were like "have you looked outside?", employee was like "No, but my husband did and said it looked pretty bad. I'm still in bed".

This could be legit. I live in an area where there could be zero precipitation in one town and a *kitten* ton where I live. When I worked for a company I called in on a few occasions because my area got hit with an ice storm but there was nothing in the town where I worked. Same with snow fall.

Firekeeper66 · February 2014

Here's a call I took (I've removed the 'ums' and awkward pauses for your benefit):

"I was on my way to work this morning and I was waiting for the bus, and there was this cat... and I went to pet it and it wasn't a cat, it was a skunk and it sprayed me and now I can't go to work."

shazbox1 · February 2014

Not an excuse really, but when we hired a new guy at my old job he then told us he had to miss the whole first week to attend a murder trial. He wanted to be sure we knew, though, that he WAS NOT the suspect.... anymore.

100toloose · February 2014

One bartender called out from our restaurant years ago...She said she was awefully sick... We went out the same night, the girl in question was one of the dancers on top of the table... Hmmm... Never seen her after...
Another one... One girl got broke into her house and was tramatized mosy about her piggy bank being stolen....ha...

mister_universe · February 2014

I had one who called in sick on July 5th because the fireworks had kept him awake the night before...like he was the only one that heard them.

MostlyWater · February 2014

I had a rash once and it was painful to wear a bra. I would love to have called in sick and said that !!!

Crimson_Fire · February 2014

This one came from a coworker at one of our facilities in the mid-west: "My gate on the pasture where my cows graze is broken, and they all escaped. I'll be in late...". It was a legit excuse, we all just found it funny.

I've used this one before. Nothing like chasing cows down the road because a tree fell on the fence... :grumble:

Shan790 · February 2014

I once had to call in because there was a murder in my apt building and we were all under house arrest until they could investigate. I called my boss, she was sceptical but when she turned on the local news and i waved at her through my window she ok with it. I moved out of the ghetto very soon after that.

jknoell · February 2014

How about:

"I'm really sick. Like, I have explosive diarrhea and can't make it to work"

I've heard the snow one too - except this guy called in for three days... when it only snowed about an inch. He was the ONLY PERSON out of 140+ employees that called out days 2 and 3. He even showed pictures of his driveway, which was almost clear.

One guy called to say he was going to be late because he spilled coffee on his uniform on his way in. When he got there about 2 hours later and I got talking with him, I guess he felt guilty because he spilled the beans (with tears), saying that he actually threw up on himself in the car because he was so hungover. *ugh*

Sinisterly · February 2014

I have explosive diarrhea.

^I've used t.

Inkratlet · February 2014

I didn't call in sick but I have worked from home once because I had a weekend away and hadn't seen my cats all weekend. :embarassed:

Similarly I've worked from home for various medical reasons that have not been full blown reasons to take off sick. Like having an allergic reaction to something and having a swollen face.

MayaSPapaya · February 2014

The best is when you work retail and on new years day, lots of people call saying they're "sick" and don't know why, but can't come in. I always feel awkward calling out so I rarely do, so it's annoying when you also feel "sick" on new years day but went into work anyway.

aerochic42 · February 2014

I had a co-worker call in today because he was up all night watching Olympic coverage and was too tired.

my hubby and I both debated calling in sick to watch US-Canada women's hockey game this morning. That and we were up later putting in new ball joints - ok he was putting them in, I was staying up helping when needed and making him feel more comfortable of someone around if things went bad.

Sinisterly · February 2014

Oh, I called to tell them "My alarm didn't ring" and got asked "So, you're still coming, right?" I was all.. "Naaaah".

Sinisterly · February 2014

Oh, I called to tell them "My alarm didn't ring" and got asked "So, you're still coming, right?" I was all.. "Naaaah".

And instead you went to the gym to workout, right... right?

Pffft, nope. I hit the snooze button on my alarm.. Got woken up like 7 minutes later, all pissed off that I had to get up yet a second time! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Lamest/funniest excuses for calling in sick

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