Hypocrisy when dating?

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  • rayfromtx
    rayfromtx Posts: 111
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    being an asswipe or a shallow *kitten* waffle will NOT. I have to say though, when I was with the skinny dude I dated for a bit, I was always fearing that I would break him.

    first, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA *kitten* waffle?!?! LOVE IT. second, yeah I've always been afraid I'd break a skinny guy. I don't want to be the tough one... and with me the guy has to be pretty freakin tough. Not saying skinny guys aren't tough but I don't want to fear snapping you in two if we get a little too frisky.

    Adding 50 or 100 pounds to a guy doesn't make him less likely to break, quite the contrary. Since I've lost the weight, I have more reserve to handle more than my own weight. If I want to handle the total of their weight and mine, it helps if mine isn't 235 to begin with.

    On the subject of attraction, I have never figured it out. On the surface, I can be attracted to millions of women but when it comes down to wanting to be involved with someone, the list gets very short and I can't for the life of me figure out what makes me attracted to one over the other. It doesn't seem to be based on a hollywood stereotype. It's more like, short curly haired and big boobs and full of life, or skinny red headed firecracker, or mysterious mentally disturbed neurotic girl with glasses. Barbie doll has never done it for me.

    In the end, you better find one that makes you smile when they are being themselves or you're in trouble later. I found that one and she's short curly haired and big boobs and booty. Isn't who I was looking for but it never is. I'm 15 inches taller than her but we work around that.
  • MzBug
    MzBug Posts: 2,173 Member
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    I seem to go for the "regular Joe" type of guy. Neither hot nor fugly. I am very strongly attracted to guys with a good sense of humor, and that can "dish it" as well as "take it". It has been my unfortunate experience that the hot guys usually have the massive ego to go with, and it is just too exhausting trying to keep stroking their ego. As far as the super "cut" guys, they can be like making love with a bag of bicycle parts... ouch. Average is just dandy for me.
  • chrisdavey
    chrisdavey Posts: 9,834 Member
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    For a girl, sexual attration does not always equal good looks. It's a plus, don't get me wrong, but sexual attraction and being physically attractive are not necessarily interchangeable. You might be hot as hell but that doesn't mean I'm sexually attracted to you. You might not feel like the most attractive guy out there but I could be sexually attracted to you.

    That is SOOOooooooooOOOOoooooo TRUE!




    ohhhhhhhhh wow!!!!!!!!! can we say "nail on the head"???????

    This reminds me of that movie "what women want" :P It's all very confusing to us guys. haha
  • Dlibo1013
    Dlibo1013 Posts: 883 Member
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    it is a tough cycle
  • jtsmou
    jtsmou Posts: 503 Member
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    I don't have a type. I have (in my previous life) dated short and round, tall and thin, short and skinny, tall and round, fit, unfit, etc..
    My problem was never weight related, (even at my peak fitness level) it's just that I'm so freaking ugly that I could make a zombie wretch in horror. I even tried shaving my butt and walking on my hands, but it didn't work like I had imagined..

    I finally realized that I was only ever meant to admire the opposite sex (or any sex for that matter) at a distance and live the rest of the time within my own world.

    You can fix fat, but you can't do much about ugly (at least not without extensive cosmetic surgery)

    In fact, I don't really have any motivation for anything, I just sort of exist and dish out my revenge on society and the women who have rejected me by destroying name brand purses with razor blades when nobody is looking.
  • dkrioux
    dkrioux Posts: 144
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    oh man. oh man
  • SuzanneBall
    SuzanneBall Posts: 71 Member
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    It's funny but I think on first glance i find heavier, tall guys sexy. I dont like muscle type guys and I LOVE a belly! I also dont like really skinny guys. The guys i dated in the past 9 years have ALL had glasses and a goettee so its safe to say I like that look.

    Funniest thing, on first glance a guy can be just so so to me - but if his personality is banging he starts looking better and better, opposite is true too.

    I am happily married to the finest guy on the planet now, both inside and out..so I no longer get an opinion in this dating convo! lol
  • Sweet13_Princess
    Sweet13_Princess Posts: 1,207 Member
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    Everyone wants someone attractive, I think it's an evolutionary thing. People with good lucks must have good genes, right? So, genetically, we're all as*holes.*LOL*

    Shannon
  • kmard81
    kmard81 Posts: 212 Member
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    nothing to add, but this is a great conversation to read!!
  • doublexhelix
    doublexhelix Posts: 199 Member
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    i've always been a larger girl, and i have been attracted to all sorts of guys. i like chubby guys :D and i never thought i would be attracted to a thin guy, but once it happened it was pretty good :D idk, i just find the human body in general attractive.
    though i will say i am a little hesitant over more universally attractive people, mostly because i think they wouldn't be attracted to me. i try to hide that though, and let my true self show out without inhibitions and sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. i just let what happens happen.
  • HazelDiva1913
    HazelDiva1913 Posts: 194 Member
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    Ive always dated people that were physically fit. I dont think Ive ever had an over weight boyfriend...But then again most guys that dated me liked a girl with a little meat on their bones. But its not bad that you feel that way. You like what you like and thats your choice. But maybe dont count too many "fattys" out...you may be able to help them and get them on the get fit/get healthy train with all of us.!!!
  • T_R_A_V
    T_R_A_V Posts: 1,629 Member
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    So much talk of too skinny of guys and whatnot

    All I know is that my beergut is a fuel tank for a love making machine....:laugh: :laugh:

    Sorry...couldnt resist
  • eillamarie
    eillamarie Posts: 862 Member
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    I would never date a guy who was "short", and for me short is anything under 6ft. My boyfriend is 6ft3 and thin - I've always gone for the tall skinny guys! I'm about 5ft3 and chubbers - but even when I was a bit chunkier I never had any shortage of guys I found attractive chatting me up. Heh, maybe if you're tall and skinny you'll look for a short fat girl? Hm...

    Hey you shorties need to leave the tall guys for girls like me! I'm 6 feet tall & there's already enough of a shortage of guys taller than me without you lot stealing them ;)
  • Bermudabarbie
    Bermudabarbie Posts: 568 Member
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    I've been both fit and fat. And find if you pick anyone because of the way they look you will be dissapointed. People change on purpose or by forces of nature.

    I have never picked a mate based just on how they look. Attraction is great, but what happens when that fades, and it will, and you have nothing to fall back on.

    that is why you see so many people who cheat on "beautiful" spouses. Maybe it's a man thing.

    You put this so well! I have never had a problem attracting nice men -- even when I was at my heaviest.

    There is just so much more to a relationship than that "initial attraction." I hardly think Oprah is thin, but I can guarantee you that most every guy out there would love to spend a few hours around her. Just saying...:smile:
  • AdventureVia
    AdventureVia Posts: 84 Member
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    I hardly think Oprah is thin, but I can guarantee you that most every guy out there would love to spend a few hours around her. Just saying...:smile:

    Aww yeah... No interest here for Oprah. A bit old.

    Anyway yeah, I am maybe tripping on painkillers a bit right now after pulling something in my back pretty major earlier but reading this thread just I realized how shallow it all sounds. And yeah I guess for that initial reaction, us guys (and the honest girls :p) are pretty shallow at first glance yeah? For a long time I've had to rely on my story telling and personality to get me anywhere with a girl and quite honestly I am super tired of that. I know what personality types I am most compatible with and it's a huge factor for me in long-term dating but let's be honest about why I started this thread. I want to walk into a place and be desired. I've only ever had that feeling once in my life and it was because I was the only white guy in a Northeastern Brazilian club. I want that feeling wherever I go, not because I'm the novelty but because I take care of myself and look damn good. Oh snap I lost my train of thought.... where was I going with this.... Ummmm..... Yes. Fit and attractive to be instantly desired by the fit and attractive, then weed through them for the special personality gem.

    It is interesting how what is deemed attractive changes over time and cycles around. I took my kid brother on a road trip a few weeks ago and it seemed like every billboard was a gastric bypass or liposuction sign. He commented on the irony of how people are starving and there are so many people paying to lose weight. It used to be that being fat was a sign of wealth, now it's a sign of what? For me personally it's a sign of sloth. I don't want to be a sloth anymore. or date them.

    Ok I'm going to stop typing now. Hopefully this will make sense even after the Vicodin has worn off. Strained muscles are majorly painful.
  • thehealthyone
    thehealthyone Posts: 50
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    Season's change, people change...its only natural..we all appeal to fitness..just how intensely?? Intensely enough to make a change for ourselves..affecting our mind/body image? Not to mention the way regular exercise intensifies positivity..from your thought patterns of yourself to your thoughts of others.. There is certainly nothing bad about your CHANGE..accept people as they are, influence the best you can, and encourage...most importantly never judge, and always be kind, and love patiently. Perhaps this is why we have all struggled with obesity and weightloss..not to get the big head when accomplishing our goals..but to be even more understanding..a fat girl sure appreciates a smile from a fit guy. If you've ever had a problem with self-esteem at all..you know I'm right. I never targeted for a fit guy being overweight..but have always wanted my closest match in ht/wt ratio. When thoughts of judgements come about, acknowledge it for yourself..look at it clearly and let it go..say a prayer for that person and a prayer for yourself...the last thing we need roaming the earth is a HOT-HEADED SEXY MAN! lol...not saying your coming off that way..just sayin' LOVE IS PATIENT, LOVE IS KIND, LOVE BEARS ALL! and when looking for a mate, you pick the one who suits your individual IDEALS, HOBBIES, INTRESTS, LIFESTYLE, HEALTH, and NEEDS. Right?:happy:
  • brittlynne3579
    brittlynne3579 Posts: 217 Member
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    So much talk of too skinny of guys and whatnot

    All I know is that my beergut is a fuel tank for a love making machine....:laugh: :laugh:

    Sorry...couldnt resist

    T_R_A_V you have nothing to worry about .... you are sexy as hell ;)
  • toots99
    toots99 Posts: 3,794 Member
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    I want to walk into a place and be desired. I've only ever had that feeling once in my life and it was because I was the only white guy in a Northeastern Brazilian club. I want that feeling wherever I go, not because I'm the novelty but because I take care of myself and look damn good. Oh snap I lost my train of thought.... where was I going with this.... Ummmm..... Yes. Fit and attractive to be instantly desired by the fit and attractive, then weed through them for the special personality gem.

    You took the words right out of my mouth.
  • peachyolives
    peachyolives Posts: 46 Member
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    I am in the same boat. I never have wanted to date people overweight like myself. I'm attracted to very thin athletic guys. I've been lucky enough to find guys like that even being overweight, but it is hypocritical.

    I have a very overweight close guy friend that only ever wants to be with fit trim women...and then wonders why it's hard for him to find a girl - he's a great guy, but looks do matter to most people, at least on some level. You need to be attracted to your partner.
  • kjensen15
    kjensen15 Posts: 398 Member
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    The two guys I seriously dated in college were complete opposites. One was a 6'5" 310lbs starting offensive line men for hte football team, the other 5'9" 160lb loser with little man's disease. Looking back both of these guys were a little too far to each extreme for me. The man I married is kind of between them 6'3" 220! I think he is the perfect size and fit for me! He likes to kid me about my "type" being all over the place. I guess it kind of is, but I always tell him that his build is my ideal type!! :happy:

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