Lamest/funniest excuses for calling in sick

BlueBombers
BlueBombers Posts: 4,064 Member
in Chit-Chat
I have a co-worker that constantly calls in sick...and the reason why she calls in sick is always interesting, almost like she has a bunch of choices written down and draws them from a hat.

So I thought I'd ask you fine MFP folks what are the lamest / funniest / weirest excuses your co-workers / friends / relatives / yourself / etc. have used to call in sick / miss work?

These ones are from an old job I had but they are golden so I thought I'd share (and no, I did not use these myself):

"I stubbed my toe this morning"

"I almost hit a deer driving to work this morning and I had to turn around as I was too tramautized to work today"

"I ate a banana and forgot that I was allergic to bananas"

"My car is dead so I have to go car shopping"

Your turn!
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Replies

  • TexasDarling09
    TexasDarling09 Posts: 210 Member
    I had a lady I used to work with call in sick TWICE for having her galbladder removed. She missed about a week both times, but eventually got fired because of it. She also (per my boss) lost about 8 grandparents while she worked there.

    The only other memorable one I can think of is when a woman called in sick because her washing machine had been broken, they got a new one, and she called because she had 'too much laundry to catch up on'.
  • undertall2014
    undertall2014 Posts: 30
    I had a co-worker call in today because he was up all night watching Olympic coverage and was too tired.
  • Reagan89
    Reagan89 Posts: 40 Member
    I hear them all the time today I got "I have to go home, I've winded myself" from the same person who called in saying "my cats has a fever I'm staying home" I worry about some people.
  • willrun4bagels
    willrun4bagels Posts: 838 Member
    These are some good ones that I've heard:

    "I forgot I was supposed to work today. I'm 3 states away right now so I can't come in"

    Employee: "I had to get four new tires on my car today.", Us: "Oh, did you drive over a spike strip or something on your way in?? :huh: ", Employee: "No, it was just time to replace them so I wanted to get it over with".

    On a day where we had a lot of snow in the forecast, but did *not* actually get any snow/precipitation: "I can't come in due to the inclement weather". We were like "have you looked outside?", employee was like "No, but my husband did and said it looked pretty bad. I'm still in bed".

    "My dog needs her nails cut so I'll be busy doing that all day"... umm WUT?

    This one came from a coworker at one of our facilities in the mid-west: "My gate on the pasture where my cows graze is broken, and they all escaped. I'll be in late...". It was a legit excuse, we all just found it funny.

    I'm sure I'll think of some other good ones this afternoon.
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
    When I was in the Army, I had a Private call in because he had gotten into a car accident.
    Fair ebough... until we spoke a bit more.

    Me: Is everyone OK?

    Him: Yeah Sarge, I am fine. I hit a bus. (In Germany, the busses are MASSIVE. Twice as big as anything we have here in the states and are bright green)

    Me: A bus? A city bus?

    Him: Yes. I didn't see it and I hit it.

    Me: OK.. Where did you hit it?

    Him: I broadsided it. I drove right into it.
  • just_Jennie1
    just_Jennie1 Posts: 1,233
    On a day where we had a lot of snow in the forecast, but did *not* actually get any snow/precipitation: "I can't come in due to the inclement weather". We were like "have you looked outside?", employee was like "No, but my husband did and said it looked pretty bad. I'm still in bed".

    This could be legit. I live in an area where there could be zero precipitation in one town and a *kitten* ton where I live. When I worked for a company I called in on a few occasions because my area got hit with an ice storm but there was nothing in the town where I worked. Same with snow fall.
  • Firekeeper66
    Firekeeper66 Posts: 116 Member
    Here's a call I took (I've removed the 'ums' and awkward pauses for your benefit):

    "I was on my way to work this morning and I was waiting for the bus, and there was this cat... and I went to pet it and it wasn't a cat, it was a skunk and it sprayed me and now I can't go to work."
  • shazbox1
    shazbox1 Posts: 175 Member
    Not an excuse really, but when we hired a new guy at my old job he then told us he had to miss the whole first week to attend a murder trial. He wanted to be sure we knew, though, that he WAS NOT the suspect.... anymore.
  • 100toloose
    100toloose Posts: 151 Member
    One bartender called out from our restaurant years ago...She said she was awefully sick... We went out the same night, the girl in question was one of the dancers on top of the table... Hmmm... Never seen her after...
    Another one... One girl got broke into her house and was tramatized mosy about her piggy bank being stolen....ha...
  • mister_universe
    mister_universe Posts: 6,664 Member
    I had one who called in sick on July 5th because the fireworks had kept him awake the night before...like he was the only one that heard them.
  • MostlyWater
    MostlyWater Posts: 4,294 Member
    I had a rash once and it was painful to wear a bra. I would love to have called in sick and said that !!!
  • Crimson_Fire
    Crimson_Fire Posts: 2,504 Member
    This one came from a coworker at one of our facilities in the mid-west: "My gate on the pasture where my cows graze is broken, and they all escaped. I'll be in late...". It was a legit excuse, we all just found it funny.
    I've used this one before. Nothing like chasing cows down the road because a tree fell on the fence... :grumble:
  • Shan790
    Shan790 Posts: 280 Member
    I once had to call in because there was a murder in my apt building and we were all under house arrest until they could investigate. I called my boss, she was sceptical but when she turned on the local news and i waved at her through my window she ok with it. I moved out of the ghetto very soon after that.
  • jknoell
    jknoell Posts: 254 Member
    How about:

    "I'm really sick. Like, I have explosive diarrhea and can't make it to work"

    I've heard the snow one too - except this guy called in for three days... when it only snowed about an inch. He was the ONLY PERSON out of 140+ employees that called out days 2 and 3. He even showed pictures of his driveway, which was almost clear.

    One guy called to say he was going to be late because he spilled coffee on his uniform on his way in. When he got there about 2 hours later and I got talking with him, I guess he felt guilty because he spilled the beans (with tears), saying that he actually threw up on himself in the car because he was so hungover. *ugh*
  • Sinisterly
    Sinisterly Posts: 10,913 Member
    I have explosive diarrhea.

    ^I've used t.
  • Inkratlet
    Inkratlet Posts: 613 Member
    I didn't call in sick but I have worked from home once because I had a weekend away and hadn't seen my cats all weekend. :embarassed:

    Similarly I've worked from home for various medical reasons that have not been full blown reasons to take off sick. Like having an allergic reaction to something and having a swollen face.
  • MayaSPapaya
    MayaSPapaya Posts: 735 Member
    The best is when you work retail and on new years day, lots of people call saying they're "sick" and don't know why, but can't come in. I always feel awkward calling out so I rarely do, so it's annoying when you also feel "sick" on new years day but went into work anyway.
  • aerochic42
    aerochic42 Posts: 843 Member
    I had a co-worker call in today because he was up all night watching Olympic coverage and was too tired.

    my hubby and I both debated calling in sick to watch US-Canada women's hockey game this morning. That and we were up later putting in new ball joints - ok he was putting them in, I was staying up helping when needed and making him feel more comfortable of someone around if things went bad.
  • Sinisterly
    Sinisterly Posts: 10,913 Member
    Oh, I called to tell them "My alarm didn't ring" and got asked "So, you're still coming, right?" I was all.. "Naaaah".
  • Sinisterly
    Sinisterly Posts: 10,913 Member
    Oh, I called to tell them "My alarm didn't ring" and got asked "So, you're still coming, right?" I was all.. "Naaaah".

    And instead you went to the gym to workout, right... right?
    Pffft, nope. I hit the snooze button on my alarm.. Got woken up like 7 minutes later, all pissed off that I had to get up yet a second time! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • notworthstalking
    notworthstalking Posts: 531 Member
    Last year we had some big rains and they predicted a higher than normal king tide. The premier even warned people who had gotten flooded in two years before to stay at home off the roads that night. So I called in work to let them know. I think about 5 backyards ended up with water and there was very little on the roads. Though when it last flooded my husband had to leave work early and had most of the week off due to water.
  • littleburgy
    littleburgy Posts: 570 Member
    This was actually true, I didn't call in sick but the brake hose in my car went out on the way to work, I took it to the shop ASAP and it was because a mouse chewed on it. It was a little funny calling into work about it and blaming a mouse.

    I had a co-worker call in with an "upset stomach" the day after England had a very important football (soccer) match. He just made it worse by saying "It's not because of any drinking or the match, honest!"
  • donnat238
    donnat238 Posts: 309 Member
    One ex co-worker multiple excuses

    The dog ate an entire roll of toilet paper.
    The dog ate an entire box of chocolate cupcakes.
    The horse ate an entire bag of sweet feed.
    I broke up a fight between two roosters and have to go to the doctor.
    I was trimming the shrubs and fell off the roof.
  • BlueAngelChar
    BlueAngelChar Posts: 1,364 Member
    True Story - my brother got caught chopping up our snowman Jamaican Bob (yes we named him) with a samurai sword and my mum's neighbour called the police, he got arrested and held overnight so missed work the next day!

    I had to phone his work and tell them...
  • Ashes_To_Beast
    Ashes_To_Beast Posts: 378 Member
    I had an employee call in sick bc the tip of her Q-tip got stuck in her ear.. To this day I'm still not sure what to think of it.. Still got a laugh out of it so I let it slide.
  • Sinisterly
    Sinisterly Posts: 10,913 Member
    I had an employee call in sick bc the tip of her Q-tip got stuck in her ear.. To this day I'm still not sure what to think of it.. Still got a laugh out of it so I let it slide.
    It can happen! I got chalk stuck up my nose as a child.
  • bperkins88
    bperkins88 Posts: 357 Member
    I haven't taken a sick day in 4 years unfortunately.. lol

    And I've been pretty sick some of those days :sick:
  • Blue801
    Blue801 Posts: 442
    My coworker called in on Thanksgiving because she dropped the turkey on her foot. She was fired, but her holiday call in excuses were the best.
  • Ashes_To_Beast
    Ashes_To_Beast Posts: 378 Member
    I had an employee call in sick bc the tip of her Q-tip got stuck in her ear.. To this day I'm still not sure what to think of it.. Still got a laugh out of it so I let it slide.
    It can happen! I got chalk stuck up my nose as a child.

    I'm sure it can, and it probably did, It was funny getting a call at 6am in a panic bc she was holding the Q-tip stick and couldnt find the end of it in her ear or on the ground, she also mentionned the next day that the Dr. told her it happens quite often. So beware...
  • DannyMussels
    DannyMussels Posts: 1,842 Member
    I manage a kitchen and have woken up to the most ridiculous texts from my staff .

    I woke up around 6am and I read one from the morning guy who couldn't make it in that day.

    I thought he said he had an accident just outside of town, but I was a little groggy and misread it ...

    Turns out the 'accident' was that he **** himself.

    Twice.

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