It took jealousy to get me here

Hi all. I am Rose Marye. My first memory of realizing I was fat was as a young child when my younger brother and sisters teased me about the size of thighs and how much food I would eat. Whenever they did this it made me not eat for that meal. Somewhere along the line I learned to eat really fast and to eat as much as I could in secret, a habit I still have to this day. As I grew up, this became normal for me, so normal that I finish my meals before anyone else.

After high school I went straight to college where I had my first bout of major depression. The "freshman 15" for me was more like the freshman 100. It took me 5 years, many doctors and a frustrated mother to finally do something about it. At the time I weighed about 300 pounds. With the help of a doctor and his "magic pill" I lost about eighty pounds. Of course, that was then. Here I am now, seven years later.

My family has suffered a lot of tragedy over the last couple of years: a beloved cousin of mine was murdered in a horrible love triangle scandal, my paternal grandmother passed away due to the neglect of her primary caregiver (her son), my uncle who was an alcoholic drove himself into a pond and drowned, and most recently, my favorite aunt was killed in a car accident along with my 10 year old cousin.

Somewhere in the middle of all this tragedy I quit smoking and I started dating for the first time in my life and he is a foodie. The tragedies sent me into yet another major depressive episode. But this time I found the help of a doctor who didn't drown me in medication like the doctor after my first time in college way back when. He gave me one drug to take and though I abhor taking medication I have to admit, I am now happier. But not as happy as I could be.

The thing that is standing in my way of complete happiness is stepping on the scale and seeing a number between 312 and 316 popping up, consistently for the last six weeks. Even though I am now hitting the gym and have been for the last nearly three weeks it is still between 312 and 316 which is frustrating me to now end.

That is why I am introducing myself. I need friends. I need people who will be my weight loss buddies. I already have one, my cousin Mandi who has gone through much the same things I have and is what brought me here as she is dropping weight hand over fist and I am still struggling to get below that damned 312 mark. So, if you are like me and need buddies and inspiration to lose weight, please request to add me as your friend. We can all do this thing if we work together. Help me for the sake of my main goal: my guy and I want to start our family, but I need to lose weight first because at this point, getting pregnant would bring me up to nearly 400 pounds and that is not a road a can take.