How much do you share with a SO?

ShibaEars
ShibaEars Posts: 3,928 Member
in Chit-Chat
I've been seeing a new guy for a couple months & things are going really well. I was talking with a friend, and she keeps asking me questions about things like did I snoop in his medicine cabinet (answer is no & I don't plan to) and if we've had the "talk" about past relationships.

But the thing is, I'm not concerned about his past relationships. Sure if there's something in his history that I need to know about for health reasons, or if there's something he wants to share that's fine. But she's making it seem like I'm the weird one for not interrogating him about his past.

How much did you share with your SO? How much would you expect them to share with you? Am I weird for not caring how many people he's been with?
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Replies

  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I like a LOT of disclosure in relationships. Maybe not 100% but darn close. I think it should unfold naturally though. I am not into pushing people to tell me more and I'd feel weird if someone was asking more than I felt comfortable with at that time. I dunno. I guess this is pretty vague...sorry!
  • The_Enginerd
    The_Enginerd Posts: 3,982 Member
    No, that's pretty normal. Some care, some don't.
  • SweetTrouble_
    SweetTrouble_ Posts: 933 Member
    No, you're not weird....well at least not for this.
  • wolfsbayne
    wolfsbayne Posts: 3,116 Member
    I like a LOT of disclosure in relationships. Maybe not 100% but darn close. I think it should unfold naturally though. I am not into pushing people to tell me more and I'd feel weird if someone was asking more than I felt comfortable with at that time. I dunno. I guess this is pretty vague...sorry!

    This..our past has kind of come out slowly and naturally. We'll be talking about something that my trigger a memory for he or I and a story gets told about it. I'm not concerned about the women he's been with and he's not concerned about the men I've been with.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    If you're weird, so am I. At least in the beginning of a relationship, a lot of that stuff isn't any of your business. If he chooses to share, that's fine but you're not obligated to know just because you're dating. I do agree however that if you plan on sleeping with him, it would be good to know something about his sexual past but still be careful and use protection because who knows if he'll be 100% honest.

    Once you get serious, then it's time for the more serious conversations. But still, I focus more on the future and don't worry to much about the past. I'm kind of a jealous person so hearing about exes isn't my favorite - I know they exist, I just don't care to hear about them. And my mindset tends to be that if I don't want to know, maybe he doesn't either. If he asks questions, I'll answer honestly but I don't usually share random stories.
  • johnsonb0921
    johnsonb0921 Posts: 35 Member
    I think it's weird that your friend would want to interrogate someone and snoop through their personal belongings after only knowing them for 2 months? Never mind the fact that it's inappropriate to snoop through someone's personal effects anyway, regardless of amount of time dated.
  • Becoming_A_Butterfly
    Becoming_A_Butterfly Posts: 2,534 Member
    I've been seeing a new guy for a couple months & things are going really well. I was talking with a friend, and she keeps asking me questions about things like did I snoop in his medicine cabinet (answer is no & I don't plan to) and if we've had the "talk" about past relationships.

    A guy I dated a long time ago went through my medicine cabinet. I value my privacy, and that relationship ended soon after. I will answer any question posed to me, but I don't like snooping behind my back or going through my things. Why start off with an attitude of distrust, suspicion, and disrespect?
  • MoreBean13
    MoreBean13 Posts: 8,701 Member
    I don't ever snoop on my bf. It's a sure sign of distrust to even want to do it.

    Leave your friend's insecurities to her. You're fine.
  • Cre8veLifeR
    Cre8veLifeR Posts: 1,062 Member
    you're fine! I think if it starts getting serious and there are issues you are currently dealing with from the past then you need to disclose it to each other, and the sooner the better - but as far as past girlfriends and such, who cares?
  • caitconquersweight
    caitconquersweight Posts: 316 Member
    Literally everything. We know everything about each other, and I prefer it this way. He knows all about my past relationships. He'd never been in one when he met me. I don't like secrets.
  • in_the_stars
    in_the_stars Posts: 1,395 Member
    I've been seeing a new guy for a couple months & things are going really well. I was talking with a friend, and she keeps asking me questions about things like did I snoop in his medicine cabinet (answer is no & I don't plan to) and if we've had the "talk" about past relationships.

    A guy I dated a long time ago went through my medicine cabinet. I value my privacy, and that relationship ended soon after. I will answer any question posed to me, but I don't like snooping behind my back or going through my things. Why start off with an attitude of distrust, suspicion, and disrespect?

    Nice reply. I haven't had that happen but the men I've dated have always respected my privacy and I've respected theirs. I don't have anything to hide and hopefully they didn't either. Trust. :)
  • SofaKingRad_II
    SofaKingRad_II Posts: 591
    We share everything. Toilet paper, toothbrush, even q-tips!
  • ShibaEars
    ShibaEars Posts: 3,928 Member
    I think it's weird that your friend would want to interrogate someone and snoop through their personal belongings after only knowing them for 2 months? Never mind the fact that it's inappropriate to snoop through someone's personal effects anyway, regardless of amount of time dated.

    Ya, she googled things if she didn't what they were. :noway: They're married now, but I didn't know she had done this until recently. It seemed a tad crazy to me.
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  • Cranquistador
    Cranquistador Posts: 39,744 Member
    We share everything. Toilet paper, toothbrush, even q-tips!
    and that's the way it SHOULD be.
  • bd0027
    bd0027 Posts: 1,053 Member
    I answer any questions they may have and if I feel like I should tell them something, I do. I don't keep secrets.
  • silver_arrow3
    silver_arrow3 Posts: 1,373 Member
    We share everything. Toilet paper, toothbrush, even q-tips!
    and that's the way it SHOULD be.
    That's true love!
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    I've been with my husband 12 years. He has no secrets from me.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    We're pretty open. I always know where he's at and what he's up to. Who he's playing Words With Friends with, and how often he calls his mother. I happen to have a GPS tracker on my BF's car and his cell is bugged. I also keep a picnic basket outside my BF's bedroom window in case I get hungry. You should really consider it. It's a huge lifesaver for those long nights.
  • suziepoo1984
    suziepoo1984 Posts: 915 Member
    Depends on how comfortable you are with him! I have no secrets from my hubby and i am sure he has none from me(at least 99%) But we never forced it out of each other. We just comfortably told each other everything over the period of time.
    I am not ashamed of my past, so i opened up about it to him and vice versa!
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    Eh. I don't know if I know everything about my wife. I don't make it a point to know EVERYTHING. But if I trust that she isn't actively keeping things from me (or I from her). So while there are things we don't know, I wouldn't call them secrets...just things that haven't come up yet.
  • Brianna716
    Brianna716 Posts: 303 Member
    We've both had unhealthy relationships in the past. While we haven't talked about all aspects of previous relationships, there has been a fair amount of talk about the past. It's helped us to understand how we act now. Snooping though? No. I go in the medicine cabinet for my toothbrush and maybe digging for bandaids, but no snooping for the sake of snooping.
  • ElyseL1
    ElyseL1 Posts: 504 Member
    everything, but then my husband and I were still pretty young when we got together and hadnt dated too many ppl between the two of us. Not to mention that we had known each other for two years before we started dating and had known each other while in other relationships. No biggie. I'm not to concerned abt peoples pasts its none of my business unless you want to tell me.
  • IPAkiller
    IPAkiller Posts: 711 Member
    Get the following:
    1240785-782862-group-of-friends-enjoying-barbeque-on-beach-together.jpg
    +
    ive-never-game.jpg
    +
    aalborg-jule-akvavit-denmark-10334281.jpg
    And let the truth set you free!
  • mrsjones2point0
    mrsjones2point0 Posts: 332 Member
    I don't care about his past, I'm his future. He doesn't want to know about my past due to his own insecurity issues (at least he recognizes he has them), lol. We're all good and share when it is necessary or wanted, or as the situation arises.
  • IPAkiller
    IPAkiller Posts: 711 Member
    We're pretty open. I always know where he's at and what he's up to. Who he's playing Words With Friends with, and how often he calls his mother. I happen to have a GPS tracker on my BF's car and his cell is bugged. I also keep a picnic basket outside my BF's bedroom window in case I get hungry. You should really consider it. It's a huge lifesaver for those long nights.
    Someone please halp me...
    42-18350115.jpg
  • tropicaltiger
    tropicaltiger Posts: 254
    He is my husband now-but when he was my bf-it didn't bother me to know about his past-I also started dating him when I was young-but I am not insecure person-and I don't want to play detective-we talked over the years but it truly was not of my business before me-we truly have no secrets but he told me on his own-I call it trusting someone-it truly depends I guess on how confortable you both are-:smile:
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    We're pretty open. I always know where he's at and what he's up to. Who he's playing Words With Friends with, and how often he calls his mother. I happen to have a GPS tracker on my BF's car and his cell is bugged. I also keep a picnic basket outside my BF's bedroom window in case I get hungry. You should really consider it. It's a huge lifesaver for those long nights.
    Someone please halp me...
    42-18350115.jpg
    crazy-eyes1.jpg
    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR94zK8CJPGn6nr1yZR6LzDjy2KlpchcuU69up6jwHj4P7M5A5j
  • lisalsd1
    lisalsd1 Posts: 1,519 Member
    Depends...if you are going to marry this guy, you DO need to know pretty much everything before you get married; just to make sure there isn't something that might become an issue later.

    I think it's a little weird that someone would snoop in a medicine cabinet though. Waiting for someone to disclose information is better than prying and interrogating. I'm pretty sure men don't appreciate snooping and spying.

    I've been with my husband for 14 years (lived together 12, married 10). He can't even get away with going out to lunch during the workday without me finding out. That's just pretty much how it is when you are married.
  • Derp_Diggler
    Derp_Diggler Posts: 1,456 Member
    This is a picture of my wife holding the birthday present she got me last year. I tell her everything.

    f2cceca6-3547-444e-90b1-7e8bc1c212fa_zps0bb7b037.jpg

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