The only thing that my Granddad left me in his will was half

Wiitabax
Wiitabax Posts: 284
edited September 22 in Chit-Chat
The only thing that my Granddad left me in his will was half a kilo of cocaine.

But I can deal with that.


:laugh:

Yep - here again with more TERRIBLE jokes, but hopefully will raise a chuckle or two, even if not a full-on 'lol'.


Join in folks!


:smile:
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Replies

  • morganadk2_deleted
    morganadk2_deleted Posts: 1,696 Member
    Lol , love it!!!
  • danmullen
    danmullen Posts: 94
    Someone threw a lump of cheese at me in the street the other day. I thought, "That's not very mature"!

    :smile:
  • Vivx
    Vivx Posts: 121
    lmaoooo !
    uv made my morning! x
  • ickybella
    ickybella Posts: 1,438 Member
    Oh dear. Hubs will love that one. I groaned. :tongue:
  • Run4iiiiiit
    Run4iiiiiit Posts: 489 Member
    How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poker face.
  • justahorsen
    justahorsen Posts: 234
    thanks I needed a chuckle this morning.....
  • monstertwelve
    monstertwelve Posts: 102
    i def had a full-on LOL!!!!! :D
  • myukniewicz
    myukniewicz Posts: 906 Member
    How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poker face.

    Bahahahahahahaha!!!! :tongue:
  • catcrazy
    catcrazy Posts: 1,740 Member
    Do keep them coming!
  • JaneZv
    JaneZv Posts: 200
    LOL! Haha! :bigsmile:
  • oEmmao
    oEmmao Posts: 466 Member
    Whats Orange and sound like a Parrot?

    A Carrot?!

    :bigsmile:
  • lenaxox
    lenaxox Posts: 27
    Someone threw a lump of cheese at me in the street the other day. I thought, "That's not very mature"!

    :smile:

    ah ha ha.....so i had to read it twice to get it...BUT it was worth it!!! ha ha ha ha
  • Wiitabax
    Wiitabax Posts: 284
    Someone threw a lump of cheese at me in the street the other day. I thought, "That's not very mature"!

    :smile:



    That's terrible!


    How DAIRY!

    (Dare he? :laugh:)
  • Wiitabax
    Wiitabax Posts: 284
    How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poker face.

    Hey don't say that... you're talking about ma' girl there... well, the 'spoof' photo I have would indicate that!

    My wife's not worried though - she's glad that I've finished my affair with Christina Aguilera you see!

    :laugh:
  • Wiitabax
    Wiitabax Posts: 284
    Whats Orange and sound like a Parrot?

    A Carrot?!

    :bigsmile:


    :laugh: good one!

    What's brown and sticky?

    A stick!

    :smile:
  • Wiitabax
    Wiitabax Posts: 284
    I did my wife some homemade soup and a bread roll with butter the other day.

    "did you like the Oasis soup?" I asked,

    "Yes..." she replied slowly in fear of an impending punchline... "but why do you call it 'Oasis Soup'?".

    Well, I began... "YOU GOTTA ROLL WITH IT!"

    :laugh:
  • hardworkinghedonist
    hardworkinghedonist Posts: 17
    HAHA!

    OK: Why are there no tablets left in the jungle?
    Because the paracetomol! (Parrots eat them all)

    And: What did the German clock maker say to his broken clock?
    Vee have vays of making you tock!
  • Wiitabax
    Wiitabax Posts: 284
    HAHA!

    OK: Why are there no tablets left in the jungle?
    Because the paracetomol! (Parrots eat them all)

    And: What did the German clock maker say to his broken clock?
    Vee have vays of making you tock!



    :terrible: Love 'em!!!

    My doctor's given me some new tablets... little pills with pictures of Mickey Mouse on them.

    I take them for Disney Spells!


    :laugh:
  • LotusF1ower
    LotusF1ower Posts: 1,259 Member
    Someone threw a lump of cheese at me in the street the other day. I thought, "That's not very mature"!

    :smile:

    LOL! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
    The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
    When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $4.95 a minute.
  • MzBug
    MzBug Posts: 2,173 Member
    When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $4.95 a minute.

    Uhhh, are you SURE its a woman?? LOL
  • Wiitabax
    Wiitabax Posts: 284
    The longest sentence known to man: "I do."

    :D I always watch my wedding vid. played backwards, so I can see myself leave the church a free man! :laugh:

    Hey... and BIGAMISTS BEWARE!!!

    You know the punishment for bigamy?

    TWO mothers-in-law!!!


    :laugh:
  • Run4iiiiiit
    Run4iiiiiit Posts: 489 Member
    what happens if you get scared half to death twice?
  • Wiitabax
    Wiitabax Posts: 284
    what happens if you get scared half to death twice?

    :laugh: I'm too scared to find out!!!


    Hey... and if a cat wanted to commit suicide - would it have to do it 9 times?
  • Wiitabax
    Wiitabax Posts: 284
    What I start to the day!

    I came home to find all my doors had been forced open and everything was gone, completely empty!!!

    What kind of sick person does that to someones advent calender?

    :laugh:
  • hardworkinghedonist
    hardworkinghedonist Posts: 17
    Festive! I like that one!

    Why is a pirate called a pirate?

    Because they ARRRRR!
  • Wiitabax
    Wiitabax Posts: 284
    Festive! I like that one!

    Why is a pirate called a pirate?

    Because they ARRRRR!

    Terrible!

    Love it!

    :laugh:

    Here... cornflakes, cheerios and oatmeal go into a bar.
    "Sorry, you'll have to leave" says the barman, "we don't serve breakfast in here"


    :laugh:
  • Wiitabax
    Wiitabax Posts: 284
    Hey... there's this chap walking with a crocodile on a leash.

    A policeman asks him what he's doing with it.

    "Don't worry" says the man, "I'm taking him to the zoo!".

    The policeman is relieved and walks away.

    The day after - the man and his croc is there again.

    "I thought you'd taken him to the zoo" said the policeman.

    "I did" said the man, "but he didn't enjoy it... so I'm taking him to the cinema today to watch the new 'Harry Potter' movie to make up for it!"

    :laugh:
  • randyv99
    randyv99 Posts: 257 Member
    :laugh: All of these jokes are terrible! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
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